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freddy-krueger-and-jason-voorhees-now-live-in-a-van-down-by-the-river

Freddy Krueger And Jason Voorhees Now Live In A Van Down By The River.

by -RoG- on 09/27/2010, 4:32 am

If Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees get you in their van, you're not gonna amount to JACK SQUAT!

We've already seen some pretty impressive automotive tributes to our horror heroes in the past, such as the Nightmare on Elm Street Camaro, but this recent eBay listing for a customized 1965 Ford Econoline "Freddy vs. Jason" van really impressed me. We're talking about a true fan of both series who really went all out on making this van the ultimate tribute to A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th. Granted, vans will always have a creepy stigma attached to them, so if you're going to be the person who drives one, you might as well drive one that proudly embraces the the world of horror. Let's take a look at some of the features of this madman machine on wheels.

No cop would dare give these guys a speeding ticket.

First off, each side of the van is dedicated to one of the psychopaths. Freddy Krueger's side has a scratch on it along with the classic "One, two, Freddy's coming for you..." playground rhyme from the films, while Jason Voorhees' side features a "Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake" sign. The entire van is obviously painted to match the killer theme, plus there are cutouts of Freddy and Jason looking out the rear door windows. My favorite part of the van, however, is definitely the roof:

You spin me right round, baby, right round.

Easily the most eye catching feature of the entire van is the fact that it's equipped with not one, but two clear roof domes containing busts of Freddy and Jason. That alone is an amazing feature, but they're also motorized, so their heads actually do a full rotation four times per minute. I love that they're not even the greatest busts of both guys, they're kind of cheap looking sculpts which only makes it all the more endearing in my book.

Step into our office, will you?

The owner spared no expenses on the inside of the van either. As you can see, he includes two 6 foot tall animatronic statues of Freddy and Jason (the same ones you may have seen for sale at the seasonal Halloween shops and K-Mart), and has also covered the side door windows with crayon artistic renditions of the two monsters, as if to suggest some kids have already been picked up in this van. You can always tell when a lot of love has gone into a project, and it's absolutely clear that this was the case with the Freddy vs. Jason van.

The van has plenty of other nice bells & whistles, new auto meter gauges, custom upholstery, bobblehead figures, 3D sculpts of the characters busting through the wall, plus a DVD player and screens so you can watch all the Elm Street and Friday the 13th flicks in the comfort of your horror chariot. In total, the seller claimed to have invested over $30,000 in the van, but it never did sell on eBay. I guess that's not surprising since it is still just a van, but if I had the means, I would be the first in line to take this wicked wagon out for a spin come Halloween. I'd even equip it with one of those ice cream delivery truck jingles that play wherever you drive it to really seal the deal. Ah well... I can dream.

(Big thanks to Brad for showing me this amazing vehicular homage to two of my favorite slashers!)

17 Comments

this-halloween-you-can-eat-the-green-lanterns-balls-finally

This Halloween, You Can Eat The Green Lantern’s Balls. Finally.

by -RoG- on 09/23/2010, 4:37 am

You too can eat Hal Jordan's green Glo Balls! Dine on Green Lantern's light!

I know superhero products don't look Halloweeny at first glance, but when you find green Hostess snack cakes in the Halloween section of your local Target store, and the box refers to them as "Individually Wrapped Scary Cakes"... they are decidedly a Halloween treat. Ok, it's actually The Flash who has cupcakes (Flash Cakes) that are referred to as "Scary Cakes", but they clearly meant to do that with the Green Lantern ones too since they came out at the same time and mention the Halloween contest. I'm guessing the package designers were probably just too distracted by the horror that is glowing green spongy cake orbs to remember to change the description. And really, what could be scarier than being offered a mouthful of the Green Lantern's glowing balls? Granted, these snack cakes don't actually glow, but "GLO" is so heavily emphasized on the packaging that they should be able to glow. Just look at 'em:

GLO BALLS!

I thought the packaging was maybe an exaggeration, but holy balls, these things are bright green! We're talking borderline neon here, folks. I just wish they weren't covered in coconut, because I hate coconut and can't give anything with coconut an unbiased review. Suffice to say, they taste exactly like every other Sno Ball I've ever tried, so if you're a fan of the original ones, you'll be a fan of these Glo Balls too.

Of course, Hostess changing the name of their Sno Balls for various promotions is nothing new. They've done official orange Halloween Glo Balls in the past, complete with "scream" filling, and even created monstrosities like blue B.O.B. Cakes. I think we can all agree that Sno Balls are one of the most unnatural food creations to ever walk the earth, and these Green Lantern Glo testicl... er... Balls are just the latest incarnation in a long lineage of taste bud terror. And yes, they can walk the earth. We haven't seen them do it, but we know they can. It's like that old adage: When the humans are away, the Sno Balls will come out and play.

Scary as these Glo Balls may be, they're still an homage to Hal Jordan and Halloween, and I feel as though I need do something to pay tribute to them. So here's a special video I made just for you:

Now then... who's hungry for some Green Lantern Glo Balls? Any takers?

22 Comments

eat-your-brains-i-will-yes

Eat Your Brains I Will, Yes.

by -RoG- on 09/21/2010, 3:32 am

Yoda is a zombie! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Ok, so this doesn't look like a Halloween product at first glance, but Target store managers realized it belonged with all the Halloween merchandise, because that's exactly where they put this Yoda bobblehead figure. What the hell happened to him? I know the guy lives in the swamps of Dagobah, not exactly the nicest place to vacation, but he's clearly seen better days than this. Let's just come right out and say it: Yoda looks like a zombie.

In a galaxy far, far away... they did the mash.

Well, it turns out this is part of a new line of Funko Star Wars "Monster Mash-Ups" bobblehead figures, and while it's funny seeing Darth Vader as Frankenstein's monster, a Stormtrooper as a Skeleton (Skeletrooper?), and Chewbacca as the Wolfman, the "bloodthirsty gargoyle" Yoda is just downright frightening.

I've always loved Yoda, what with the amusing way he communicates in reversed fragments and enjoys riding on Luke piggyback style, but this twisted rendition of his face is the last thing I want to see bobbling around on my dashboard every day. Seriously, just look at it:

Those lifeless eyes... they're piercing my soul like a hot knife through butter

Look at those eyes... bloodshot, lifeless and I'm sure they'd show absolutely no remorse over eating you and your loved ones alive. And honestly, is there a scarier thought than that of a zombie with Grand Master Jedi powers? One minute you're walking down the road, minding your own business, the next you're willfully handing over your guts on a platter because some zombie pulled the ol' Jedi mind trick on you. Sorry, but a Jedi craves not these things. Big thanks to both Ava and Brad for pointing out this disturbance in the Force to me.

SURVEY: If you were going to turn a character from the Star Wars universe into a monster, what would you turn them into and why? I'll start us off. I'd turn a Jawa into one of the dwarfs from Phantasm. Hell, they're already the same height and wearing the same outfit... all they'd need is the Tall Man to lead them. BOYYYYY! OOTINI!

OOTINI!

25 Comments

if-you-can-read-this-youre-dead

If You Can Read This, You’re Dead.

by -RoG- on 09/18/2010, 1:45 pm

Ok, not really. Truth is, we just migrated all of I-Mockery to a new server. It's a big upgrade from what we were on before with more RAM and all that jazz, so you should notice the site performing far more smoothly now with no downtime. Please drop a comment in this blog thread to let me know if you're able to see it aok and if you're encountering any errors on the site. I-Mockery is a huge site and there was a whole boatload o' content we had to move to the new server. We've already tested it thoroughly, but I want to make sure it's not giving anybody any errors because some Gremlins are still lurking around in it. After all, what could be scarier this Halloween season than a broken web site?

38 Comments

the-miami-sound-machine-and-halloween-together-at-long-last

The Miami Sound Machine And Halloween - Together At Long Last!

by -RoG- on 09/16/2010, 4:03 am

Yo go girl! Shake that bony moneymaker!

If there's one thing Halloween here in the U.S. could use more of, it's gotta be some Latin flavor, am I right? You bet your red, white and blue little jack-o-lanterns I am. Today, I discovered that the Latin invasion of Halloween 2010 has begun and I am here to welcome it with open arms and mojitos.

Over the years, I've seen my fair share of dancing animatronic skeletons, so seeing another one standing in a coffin was no big deal. Still, the little kid in me can never resist pushing the demo button, even though it probably drives the store employees batshit insane since they have to deal with customers like me who push every musical demo button in sight. If you're one of those employees, on behalf of all the children (and adults who think they're children) in the world: I'm sorry. We can't help ourselves.

You gotta understand though, this skeleton was different. This one had, dare I say it... it had SASS! It's true! Just look at it! I'm not attracted to skeletons in any way, but you can't deny that this skeleton is gesturing a bit too much, what with its hands on its hips and tilting its head ever so slightly. It's as if it's saying, "Hay baybaaaay, you like whatchoo see? I got whatchoo need!"

But nothing... NOTHING could prepare me for what was to come from pushing that little demo button:

That just happened folks. You can't unsee that. You just saw an animatronic skeleton do the conga. I repeat:

YOU JUST SAW AN ANIMATRONIC SKELETON DO THE CONGA.

Happy Halloween? Damn skippy.

25 Comments

what-jason-voorhees-was-missing-all-along-strobe-lights-time-to-dance

What Jason Voorhees Was Missing All Along: Strobe Lights. Time To Dance!

by -RoG- on 09/14/2010, 1:33 pm

Psychos and strobe lights... together at last.

So I found this "Light Up Goalie Mask" in the closeout section at one of the local seasonal Halloween shops and I just couldn't help myself from buying it. True, I'm a big fan of Jason Voorhees as you already know, but the idea of him having a mask that lights up too? This is clearly something he's needed for ages. Just imagine how his victims would react if he approached them wearing a mask that had built-in strobe light effects. They wouldn't run in terror... they'd just stand there, hypnotized like deer in headlights by the rhythmic movements of his flashy mask, and that would make his job of killing them even easier. But let's take a look at the mask itself:

If you enjoy the comfort of a plastic block wedged against your forehead, then THIS is your mask!

If you enjoy the comfort of a plastic block wedged against your forehead, then THIS is your mask! I appreciate that they tried to put foam padding in it, but the battery pack definitely gets in the way. Granted, there aren't many places to put a battery pack, but i don't see why they couldn't put the foam padding on top of it, instead of below it. The wire to activate the mask is long enough that it can fit down through the sleeve of a shirt and be concealed in the palm of your hand. Unfortunately, there's no way to keep the mask lights going nonstop. The strobes flash for about ten seconds straight, so you have to keep pushing the button if you want to keep it going. Still, these are minor complaints when you only spent a few bucks on a Jason Voorhees mask that has built in strobe lights.

Since the mask has strobe lights, I guess the real question we have to ask here is: Have you ever wanted to see Jason Voorhees dance at a rave? Well, regardless of your answer, you're about to see him do that very thing. Hope none of you are epileptic.

You know, when I wake up in the morning, I usually have some general idea of what I'm going to be working on that day. I never predicted I'd be up at 2am dancing with Re in a Jason Voorhees hockey mask with built-in strobe lights.

28 Comments

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