Modern literary genuises of our time, harken!

[Anonymous]

If you're one of the people who have clicked on meatman's signature lately (as I'm sure you ALL have), you'll end up at a yahoo page. BUT! SIGN UP, and you will have a veritable smorgasboard of delectible reading material that features characters randomly drawn from popular media, and for no adequately explored reason!

So, the purpose of this thread is two-fold: To spare any of you from actually having to join that group to laugh at the content, and to have you all participate in YOUR VERY OWN FANFIC ADVENTURE!

Sound good? Fantastic. I'll give the first few lines of the story, then you all come up with how you think it should end (Starting from the quoted material below in each post).

"You Call This Funny"

Silais handled the beaker in his hand with the utmost delicacy. [Fraukentinium. Very volatile, very explosive, very sensitive to jarring. Don't drop it, or it's all over.] He turned to Roll, who was assisting him in his work. {Roll, are you ready over there?}
"Almost. Just give me a moment." She was mixing a large container of foul-smelling liquid, which is why SHE was doing it. Silais would never be handle the stench, and she was glad to help him, seeing as how it never bothered her, what with no nose and all. She dropped in a pearl of some unidentifiable substance. "Ready here."
{I just need one more thing,} he said, and he turned to a drawer and opened it...

"Oh, this is going to be so GREAT!" Beast Boy said while laughing very hard. Raven looked up from her book to glance at him.
"Okay, what did you do THIS time?" Whatever it was, it was probably stupid.
"I sneaked down into the lab, and I booby-trapped one of the drawers. When Silais opens it, is he in for a surprise!" He gripped his sides in his mirth.
"Beast Boy, aren't you worried that your moronic pranks might hurt someone?" She said it as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was.
"Oh, come on, Raven!" he said with minor irritation. "How dangerous could a little fun be"? His statement was followed by an enormous explosion that rocked the tower.
"You had to ask," was all she could say before an even larger one came, making the very air vibrate. A loud rumble came from under them, and Silais was blasted out from under the coffee table, followed by a gout of flame. He was slammed into the ceiling, and fell on the floor with a sickening SMACK! "I told you."
"Oh, god!" Beast Boy yelled as he dashed over to the dragon. "Are you all right?"
{I'll live,} he said, before lashing out and grabbing Beast Boy by the throat. {Too bad I can't say the same for you.}

[FS]

Silais dragged Beast Boy over to the table and forced him to lean over it as he unfastened his belt. {It's party time, you animal}
Beast Boy attempted to struggle, yet a tiny voice inside him started to speak up and tell him that he liked this, he LOVED this shit, he was ready for it, he had ALWAYS been ready for it.
He gasped in feral ecstacy as Silais gradually, yet firmly, slipped into him. He was so big. So very big.

[FartinMowler]

Kid's write silly stuff :/ You like to dance in ladies underwear in the rain :/ I eat cookies :)

[MLE]

FS :lol :lol :lol

[McClain]

That's fuckin' funny shit FS...

[MEATMAN]

Ha, ha, ha. Mock me all you wish. Make fun of my hard work. Make ridiculous endings for my stories. Fine. But I'd like to see something better from YOU, Chojin. Insults do not make an impression on me. Results do. Besides, you're doing my dirty work for me: advertising my work! How does it feel to be doing this better than I could? You're free to do whatever you wish to try and undermine what was and still is a good idea, but know this: You're only making my job easier. Thanks ever so much, by the way. I can relax knowing I will get a larger exposure here than most anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

That's great, meatman, but I don't see what that has to do with the story.

[MLE]

Insults do not make an impression on me. Results do. Besides, you're doing my dirty work for me: advertising my work!

does this by any chance remind anyone else of The Artificer (http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=13372)'s comments?

[MEATMAN]

I just read that thread in Forum Backups. I sure as hell hope that I don't come on to you people like that.

For those of you who were going to point out that my previous statement could be interpreted as something else, I'm well aware of that. It sounds like a sexual innuendo. Very funny.

[Jixby Phillips]

I think every internet fag has said that at one point in their internet fag careers.

[MLE]

Meatman: just make sure people know that you don't think you're a budding shakespeare, and that you just write because you enjoy what you write, and you won't sound like the artificer.

what made you sound just like the artificer, was the "advertising" comment. it sounds like you think you can make a living as it is with your writing, but i hate to break it to you: your writing is not of publishing caliber. you probably have friends who enjoy reading it, and that's who you should write for.

[Anonymous]

I WANT STORIES, PEOPLE! :posh

[MEATMAN]

Meatman: just make sure people know that you don't think you're a budding shakespeare, and that you just write because you enjoy what you write, and you won't sound like the artificer.

what made you sound just like the artificer, was the "advertising" comment. it sounds like you think you can make a living as it is with your writing, but i hate to break it to you: your writing is not of publishing caliber. you probably have friend who enjoy reading it, and that's who you should write for.

Here's the thing:

If you people actually went there, you would see the intro:
"This is a site for budding fanfiction writers, such as myself, to place their works where everyone can see them." I do not in any way think I am Shakespeare. I know I suck. I only started writing last month. I know for a FACT that this material isn't worth publishing. I write solely to share it with others, as well as get in some writing practice for my college English course, which is a Gordon Rule course, meaning I have to write at least 6,000 words in essays with topics of the instructor's choosing. This is, besides a way to entertain others, an excellent way to learn how to captivate an audience.

As for the 'advertising' comment, it is also true that I am currently conducting a membership drive, because otherwise no one would join. Chojin, by sharing the first two paragraphs of one of my stories, is, besides giving you people another way to mock me, actually doing me a favor by getting the message out that my site exists - far better than I was able to, in fact. And so, I truely thank him for doing me a bigger favor than most anyone wouldn't do, even friends. And here's how:

Chojin, despite the fact you want to embarass me to the point where I will leave the boards forever, you are in fact doing me a service of immesurable value, and for this, I thank you.

No sarcasm, no bitterness, no cynicism. Just pure, honest gratitude.

Mock me if you wish, but this is how I feel. Besides, given my social status in middle school, as well as most of high school, I've grown used to the prodding and poking that occured on a daily basis. There is nothing that you could possibly say to me or about my work that will result in me retailiating. I'm not even going to remove you from the group. In fact, I'm considering PAYING you to do this. After all, don't most people pay to have something advertised?

[Helm]

"You Call This Funny"

Silais handled the beaker in his hand with the utmost delicacy. [Fraukentinium. Very volatile, very explosive, very sensitive to jarring. Don't drop it, or it's all over.] He turned to Roll, who was assisting him in his work. {Roll, are you ready over there?}
"Almost. Just give me a moment." She was mixing a large container of foul-smelling liquid, which is why SHE was doing it. Silais would never be handle the stench, and she was glad to help him, seeing as how it never bothered her, what with no nose and all. She dropped in a pearl of some unidentifiable substance. "Ready here."
{I just need one more thing,} he said, and he turned to a drawer and opened it...

"Oh, this is going to be so GREAT!" Beast Boy said while laughing very hard. Raven looked up from her book to glance at him.
"Okay, what did you do THIS time?" Whatever it was, it was probably stupid.
"I sneaked down into the lab, and I booby-trapped one of the drawers. When Silais opens it, is he in for a surprise!" He gripped his sides in his mirth.
"Beast Boy, aren't you worried that your moronic pranks might hurt someone?" She said it as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was.
"Oh, come on, Raven!" he said with minor irritation. "How dangerous could a little fun be"? His statement was followed by an enormous explosion that rocked the tower.
"You had to ask," was all she could say before an even larger one came, making the very air vibrate. A loud rumble came from under them, and Silais was blasted out from under the coffee table, followed by a gout of flame. He was slammed into the ceiling, and fell on the floor with a sickening SMACK! "I told you."
"Oh, god!" Beast Boy yelled as he dashed over to the dragon. "Are you all right?"
{I'll live,} he said, before lashing out and grabbing Beast Boy by the throat. {Too bad I can't say the same for you.}

Beast Boy tried to mumble something in the way of an apology, which it was, but he was quickly cut off but a series of quick but fierce blows all over his beastly head. The mightily irritable dragon wouldn't let him get away with it so easy this time. The truth of the matter was, is, that Silais has had it up to here with Breakdance Boy's crazy antics, and it was time for horrible, ritual punishment, dragonic style.

{I am going to punish you} he said, menancingly clipping the retrieved beakers with a malicious, evil, glint, sparkling, in his eyes. Bedroom Brooknob could only make muffled sounds while he slobbered on the inside of the dragon's mighty chokehold. SUBORDINATE TO THE DOMINATION the mighty, girthful, obese dragon growled mightily, and with a meaty girthy lounging darting thrusting feint, he slowly, adeptly, fiercly, mightly shoved the blunt end of the multitool, using the end, in Burnt Brocolli's left earlobe. Which it probably was.


{It parts as it is was the heart of the lemon!} the lizardoid immortal notated as he released the cat handle! ANXIETY PROVIDES THE ASPECT OF DAYS! DISLIDGE AND MAKE THE DISAPPEAR! DOMINATION IS SADISTIC WAYS! ALL YOU HEAR IS FEAR! GEAR! GUILTY! NEAR! SEAR! DEAR! CLOCK MY COLOURS, BITCH!

All Raven could do was sigh.

{sigh}

[Captain Goodtimes]

Mock him if you wish!

[Anonymous]

"Oh, god!" Beast Boy yelled as he dashed over to the dragon. "Are you all right?"
{I'll live,} he said, before lashing out and grabbing Beast Boy by the throat. {Too bad I can't say the same for you.}

Hours passed, and eventually the security bots had extinguished the flames in the base below. It was at this time that Roll crawled up out of the debris to check on her employer.

"Silais! Are you all--" Roll's eyes focused in horror at the display before her. Silais was swinging a large, dampened sack over his head that she could only assume contained Beast Boy. Then, with a slight twitch of his eyebrow, the dragon brought his weapon down on the broken pieces of Raven, which were mostly scattered under the sofa.

He had apparently been at this for quite a while.

"Cut it out! You're hurting him!" Roll cried, as she ran to clutch at Silais' leg. But he was not to be consoled.

{ORA NA PETHANIS, POUTANA} In his basest mental state, Silais had reverted to his ancient native tongue - every syllable of which shot icy daggers down Roll's spine. In one swift movement, he discarded the bloody sack formerly known as Beast Boy in the general direction of the opposite wall and grasped Roll's ankle with enough force to shatter it instantly. Her sweat sock filled with blood as her ear-piercing screams were amplified by the tiny room. Silais lifted her inverted body into the air with an uncharacterisic gentleness and peered deep into her tear-filled eyes. Roll had long since relinquished control of her bodily functions to the nightmare that was unfolding before her, but it was at this moment that her bladder elected to empty itself into her undergarments and trickle up her thighs in large, beaded strands, remeniscent of a morning's dew trickling to the roots of a tulip. Exception being, Roll would find no nourishment in this sickly substance. With a wind-up that would make even Roger Clemens feel uncomfortable, Silais reared back and released his veiny, blood-engorged fist full throttle into the girl's head, cracking it like an over-ripe egg and spilling the contents onto the floor and through the opening into the laboratory below. To the tune of the various pieces of skull and matter gradually smacking to the floor below, the one eye still connected to Roll's brain had little choice but to stare in horror as the dragon began to viscerally consume the remains of her body.

[MEATMAN]

That's pretty good, Chojin. Only one problem: you neglected to read the rest of the story first. Here's a quote from where the last one left off:

Struggle though he could, Beast Boy was unable to escape Silais' iron grip on his neck. {Your little prank destroyed my lab, you idiot.} Beast Boy shivered in fear. {But that's not why I'm angry at you.} This caught him off guard. {Tell me, do you know what THIS is?} He shoved something in front of his face, and it took a moment for Beast Boy to open his eyes to look at it. It was tan-colored, and it had a blocky white outgrowth on it. He remembered it from somewhere. In fact, it looked like...
{An arm,} Silais finished for him. {Roll's arm, to be exact.} He smacked Beast Boy in the head with it, which hurt immensely. {This is the largest remaining part of her. Do you have any idea how long it took to assemble her? I'll be lucky if I can get her back together by this time next month!} He started to squeeze, strangling the shape-shifter. {Your little stunt could have killed someone.} He threw him into the wall headfirst. {Actually, it did kill someone. You.} Beast Boy cowered in fear as Silais' eyes narrowed. {Because you aren't going to live long enough to regret it.}

Had you read further into it, you would have noticed that Roll is in fact Roll from the Megaman series, and is thus a robot, and not human. Check before you mock. It makes you much more credible.

[Anonymous]

I know Roll is from megaman. I don't actually think you're original enough to come up with these retarded cookie-cutter characters on your own mental faculties.

As for her being human, call it creative license, you huge sack of long-winded crap.

[rook]

much better than the kerry/edwards slash i've been reading lately.

[Supafly345]

"Oh, god!" Beast Boy yelled as he dashed over to the dragon. "Are you all right?"
{I'll live,} he said, before lashing out and grabbing Beast Boy by the throat. {Too bad I can't say the same for you.}
“Too bad you can’t say the same for me? That’s silly, whaddoya mean by that?” said the young beastling, “You are the one who was fatally injured from my simple prank!” the boy continues while laughing in triumph “You looked so stupid! Hahaha, all blown up and bleeding with half of your face collapsed like that! Hah hm hm maaha! I can’t believe you fell for the old ‘spring-loaded boxing glove in the dresser” gag!” he finishes as his laughter becomes too heavy to even complete 5 letter words. The disfigured, but very angry dragon was getting furious at this point, and became quite apparent as the searing flames began to pour out of the huge hole, which now exposed his nasal cavity.

{Well, let me put it another way: remember when I bought that dental equipment at a garage sale a few years back, and you couldn’t figure out why I would ever possibly want one?} He said, narrowing his brow and squeezing tighter around the now maniacally laughing beast kid’s windpipe, {now you shall prepare your mouth for the painfu-lkkuk kack--….} Silais begins to cough heavily as he realizes that too much blood has flowed into his lungs, and drops Beast boy when doubling over in hopes to expel the deposit of plasma he is currently drowning in. Though gallons of blood come pouring out of his face, very little of it was from his blood-logged lungs, and he loses balance and falls over since the blood loss prevented him from remembering if he normally stood with his feet or his elbow.

This display just makes Beast Boy laugh more than ever, and as his face became red and veins appear in his neck, he watched Silias twitch and gurgle in his bloody puddle of a good pranking.

Roll, after witnessing the entire thing, and thinking about her criminal record involved with years of illegal research, decides to cut and run before the feds show up asking her about the “lab error” that led to her mentor’s highly probable death. So, tapping on her wrist a few times, she glitchy megaman teleported the fuck outta there. As for Raven, she decided she wasn’t going to clean this up and walked to her room passing Beast Boy as he was struggling to breathe and had steady streams of tears from his eyes from his continuous laughter. She quickly turned to look at the display to say a frustrated “Boys!” and then slammed her door, snuffing out Silias’ small choking sounds as he still continued his weak struggle against passing out.

[mburbank]

Beast boy. Tee hee.

[the_dudefather]

i diddnt give a shit about that story until it featured beast-boy and Raven. then then i couldnt tell what the hell was going on.

[HickMan]

The newest registered user is Apoet4poe666
:(

[Anonymous]

I would like to remind everyone that this story is very, very stupid.

[mubert]

The thread itself is stupid, cause nobodys writing, and I cant really relate to it, since I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE HELL SILIAS AND BEAST BOY ARE!

[MLE]

you don't have to know to appreciate FS's addition :love