RETARDED PEOPLE- My visionary Darkness submission

[CynicalDave]

Well, I need to vent. First of all, this site rules all....


I CANNOT STAND PEOPLE! PERIOD!

They seem to spew shit from there mouth faster than a horse shits....and people, you know that horses shit alot. They can't seem to mind their own buisness!!! All I hear is:

"Im going out with Mr.X but i am secretly fucking Mr. Y on the side"

I could care less....

"I dont think John loves me anymore"

Get a dildo....or better yet go on a suicidal rampage...

"I think im gay."

Ok, now im gonna shoot you........

People don't get it. No one really cares what you think, or whether John doesn't love you. Wake up. All anyone ever cares about any more is themselves. Seriously. Everyone has become selfish bastards. Oh you may think your doing a good deed by donating $1 a month to some poor ass African boy, but really your doing it because you don't want feel guilty, therefore making it even more selfish......how bout instead of paying off some company so they can laugh their asses off that they're getting money from poor suckers like you, you actually go to Africa and help people if your feeling that guilty.

Well enough of that, i hate one thing even more. People who put up dumb quotes on their profiles or who attach gay signatures that contain dumb quotes such as:

"Smoke a smoke not a butt....Fuck a virgin not a slut."
Honestly, does that really matter anymore? Everyone will have AIDS by the year 2010 anyway, so get used to it.


well thats all I got....but what I hate even more is gay handles and MSN sign in names such as (Dumbass friends on my contact list):

"Rock Rock to the beat y'all"

This guy is a moron....

"Da Funk 101"

Ok that just sucks ass

"GigglyPuff03"

Ok do I even need to explain how gay that is?

"go to hell, you dumb selfish perverted asshole"

Ok thats mine, and you must admit that that one rules.....



Nuff of that......what else can I rant about........oh yes!

GEORGE "Dubhya" BUSH !

This guy is a complete moron.....i swear he must be the biggest retard on the face of the planet. He is so apt on killing one figurehead. My god, i swear he will make the human race extinct....i mean this guy controls tons of nucular missles, and hes telling a small little country to disarm because they are a potential terror threat? Comon, Dubhya, pick on someone your own size. Its like saying that Canada has the most elite Army in the world! ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.....ok that made no sense....and now im tired.......

COMMENTS? SUGGESTIONS? QUESTIONS? QUERIES? I DONT CARE

ALL MESSAGES WILL BE SCOWLED AND THEN LAUGHED AT

Take care,
CYNICALDAVE

[Pub Lover]

The above made me laugh, but I feel I must tell you that I was doing it at, not with, you. :)

[CynicalDave]

thats high marks from a person with the handel "Pub Lover"

[CynicalDave]

lol thanks

[MrAdventure]

I DON'T LIKE IT

[DonkeyMolester]

I didn´t have the time to read it, but my guess is that it sucks. >:

[CynicalDave]

thanks for the support, guys

[/img]

[DonkeyMolester]

You´re welcome :)

[Jixby Phillips]

A Review

Well, I need to vent. First of all, this site rules all....

Allready, you have won my heart! this meathod is a fantastic way to get your foot in the door! Good work, and you have only just started!

I CANNOT STAND PEOPLE! PERIOD!

Now this, I like a lot. The all-caps/exclamation points make it look like your shouting, and this must mean that you REALLY REALLY, don't like people! Now I admit, I saw your name "CynicalDave" and I thought "I bet that this guy isn't Cynical at ALL!" but now I know the truth, you are in FACT, VERY VERY cynical.

They seem to spew shit from there mouth faster than a horse shits....and people, you know that horses shit alot. They can't seem to mind their own buisness!!!

Now, I actually did NOT know how much a horse shits, so reading this actually taught me something new, and very few of the Visionary Darkness articles here on the site have done that. Also, it mentions shit, and that just tickled me the pinkest shades of pink. Shit comes out your butt!!

All I hear is:

"Im going out with Mr.X but i am secretly fucking Mr. Y on the side"

I could care less....

"I dont think John loves me anymore"

Get a dildo....or better yet go on a suicidal rampage...

"I think im gay."

Ok, now im gonna shoot you........

YOU COULD CARE LESS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S LOVE LIVES! this is wonderful, and it shows how much you REALLY can't stand people. The dildo reference had the same effect that the shit reference had on me earlier, so you just keep the laughs coming! Also, I think it's safe to say that we all absolutely can't stand gays. I mean, how fucking gross is that?? They have sex with other men! And don't you notice how they are ALWAYS trying to suck your cock? This is something we can ALL relate to (except women, but all women are secretly bisexual anyway, HOT MAMA!!! ;))

People don't get it. No one really cares what you think, or whether John doesn't love you. Wake up.

WAKE UP. I like that.

All anyone ever cares about any more is themselves. Seriously.

SERIOUSLY. Now you're moving off the laugh route that got our attention and you're REALLY driving the point home. I like that a lot... lets keep reading.

Everyone has become selfish bastards. Oh you may think your doing a good deed by donating $1 a month to some poor ass African boy, but really your doing it because you don't want feel guilty, therefore making it even more selfish......how bout instead of paying off some company so they can laugh their asses off that they're getting money from poor suckers like you, you actually go to Africa and help people if your feeling that guilty.

REALLY getting your point across here about selfish people, and I like that. But you should consider adding a reference to Sally Struthers, perhaps a calous remark about her "fat ass," just to keep the laughs coming for those who might be impatient and decide to tune out. Just something to consider!

Well enough of that, i hate one thing even more. People who put up dumb quotes on their profiles or who attach gay signatures that contain dumb quotes such as:

"Smoke a smoke not a butt....Fuck a virgin not a slut."
Honestly, does that really matter anymore? Everyone will have AIDS by the year 2010 anyway, so get used to it.

I'm sorry, but that quote made me laugh till my sides hurt, perhaps you could use another quote? :/ But I like your point about everybody having AIDS by 2010. You have a very sassy outlook on life and it makes me crack up!

well thats all I got....but what I hate even more is gay handles and MSN sign in names such as (Dumbass friends on my contact list):

"Rock Rock to the beat y'all"

This guy is a moron....

"Da Funk 101"

Ok that just sucks ass

"GigglyPuff03"

Ok do I even need to explain how gay that is?

"go to hell, you dumb selfish perverted asshole"

Ok thats mine, and you must admit that that one rules.....

Hahah, those handles ARE gay! and your handle is VERY funny. It reminds me of some other handles I've seen, such as "your stupid and I don't like your face" and "I hate you because I hate people" and "Shut up you bitch you talk too loud," too name a few. I love cynical, rude handle names like this!

Nuff of that......what else can I rant about........oh yes!

GEORGE "Dubhya" BUSH !

HAHAHA, oh man, here we go! This is the kind of thing that REALLY lets people know that they are in for a comic treat!

This guy is a complete moron.....i swear he must be the biggest retard on the face of the planet. He is so apt on killing one figurehead. My god, i swear he will make the human race extinct....i mean this guy controls tons of nucular missles, and hes telling a small little country to disarm because they are a potential terror threat? Comon, Dubhya, pick on someone your own size. Its like saying that Canada has the most elite Army in the world! ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.....ok that made no sense....and now im tired.......

Now, first you started up with the president Bush stuff, which is ALL great, you can never get enough of that (That guy REALLY is stupid!), but then you end it with a canada joke! It was almost too much for me to take! Maybe you should say something about them not having tanks, instead they have mooses? I don't know, I'm not the comedy writer here!

Now this next bit, I just gotta split up to show you what went through my head when I was reading it...

COMMENTS? SUGGESTIONS? QUESTIONS? QUERIES?

"Hmmm, I think I can help this guy out a bit..."

...I DONT CARE

ALL MESSAGES WILL BE SCOWLED AND THEN LAUGHED AT

Take care,
CYNICALDAVE

D'OH!! I guess I've written this whole post in vain! Damn! ;) At least you've proven to live up to your name, eh? :)

All in all, a great article, and it REALLY fits in with the attitude of the site! Hopefully you take some of my suggestions to heart, you could make it even better!

Cheers from your fellow Mocker,
Jixby Phillips :)

[DonkeyMolester]

Ummm

[FS]

Oh wow! Fasten your seatbelts, everyone... we're about to embark on the LOL rollercoaster!

[CynicalDave]

thanks for that Jixby.....your post was actually funnier than my actual article! Mabey we should post THAT on Visionary Darkness lol
Thanks for the constructive critizim!

Dave

[Jixby Phillips]

You know I think you're right.

Mr Mockery, expect a polished draft of this in your INTERNET EMAIL IN-BOX sometime soon. Looks like you don't have to take my name off the staff page after all!

[Ninjavenom]

Ironically, this is one of the funniest threads i've read in a long time. :/

[Anonymous]

I love you, Jixby. :(

[Cybernetico]

How ironic that a large fraction of that VD is about how you don't care what people think and that they complain too much, yet the entire thing was you complaining.

I liked it a tad, but it could have been thought up by anyone. And don't try to use style that the staff uses, try to be original.

:/

[CynicalDave]

Where did I say they complain? i just said that I hate them and that I could care less about there lives and that i just cant stand them. And most importantly, i could care less what they think because i am a selfish asshole too. And truthfully, i could care less about what you think.....but

I do appreciate constructive criticism....IE your pretty funny here, but you could improve on this.

NOT SHIT LIKE.....Your gay
or "Oh wow! Fasten your seatbelts, everyone... we're about to embark on the LOL rollercoaster!"
or "I DONT LIKE IT"
or the ever popular on this board "I didn´t have the time to read it, but my guess is that it sucks. "
AND YET YOU HAVE TIME TO WRITE A DUMBASS COMMENT?

god, see what i mean.......some people

too many people are dumbasses nowadays.....time for some more mass genocide!

[The Unseen]

I have nothing to say that hasnt been said before

[glowbelly]

this guy should be writing sitcoms

[CynicalDave]

i do, actually......i get paid well too!!

dumb fucks with gay handles such as "Glowbelly" actually believe the lies I tell them....these are the type of people who still use checks to pay for a pop and bag of chips....

[CynicalDave]

You guys are proving my theory.....







Retarded people aformentioned above responded to this thread

[Anonymous]

Shut the bloody fuck up all ready.

[FS]

Well, at least he's stopped licking everyone's balls and started barking. That's a step up.

edit:

Die all selfish cheeze loving horse riding Celeine Dion worshiping inbred fucks!

:lol I just noticed he corrected his spelling of "inbred" in his signature, but now managed to misspell "cheese", "Celine Dion" and "worshipping".

CHEESE!#$!% LOL ABSURD

[Les Waste]

Hahahahaha, Cynical Dave doesn't understand sarcasm one lick!

He's one of these people who thinks he's a fucking comic genius and a master of sarcasm because he lies.

"Hey, I do write for sitcoms, and I get paid too! . . . hahahahaha, I was lying, isn't that hysterical?!?!"

And never mind the fact that he thought Glowbelly was complimenting him. If this guy isn't a character, and I pray to god he is, he is worse than absolutely every single person who has ever posted here. Bad Mr. Frosty, Captain Robo, Fartin Mowler, they all have nothing on this mental titan.

[CynicalDave]

YES!!! I RULE!!! mental patients all the way man...


some people will never get it because they were dropped on their head as a child

[Les Waste]

You aren't funny. Not one person here thinks you're funny. Don't think that the reason nobody is laughing at your super-cool, ultra-funny jokes is because nobody gets them, and your humor is just shooting above everybodys' heads.

Just because you suck and you would like to be funny doesn't mean that you're "weird, or different, but in a good way!" You're a fucking idiot.

[Anonymous]

Why are you whispering self-help messages to yourself after every post now?

[CynicalDave]

Yes, I am a fucking Idiot, but at least i have the balls to admit it.....


and at least i dont go around fucking around with people I dont know, i take the time to get to know my victims.......

[FS]

WAAAIT A MINUTE CYNICAL DAVE, WHAT ARE THOSE LAST LINES IN YOUR POST? :lol

I CAN'T READ THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE IN ITALIC AND I DON'T SPEAK ITALIC

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE AN ITALICAN? :lol

[Les Waste]

and at least i dont go around fucking around with people I dont know, i take the time to get to know my victims.......
Judging from the only type of "humor" you seem to be capable of, your "victims" are probably 12-year-old boys on AOL Instant Messanger, who you tell them that you're a bi-curious 19-year-old hot sexy blond model who loves cyber sex, but OMG you're not! LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL

[CynicalDave]

oh shit, sorry man, i keep forgetting...its supposed to be in Boldese

[CaptainBubba]

omg! OMG YOU GUYS! I think I'm psychic!!!!!!!!!! I can READ what hes thinking!!! :eek

Les Waste: I believe theres actually a whole I-mockery feature on just that. :/

[starz]

and at least i dont go around fucking around with people I dont know, i take the time to get to know my victims.......
Judging from the only type of "humor" you seem to be capable of, your "victims" are probably 12-year-old boys on AOL Instant Messanger, who you tell them that you're a bi-curious 19-year-old hot sexy blond model who loves cyber sex, but OMG you're not! LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL

lol les :)

[glowbelly]

dumb fucks with gay handles such as "Glowbelly" actually believe the lies I tell them....these are the type of people who still use checks to pay for a pop and bag of chips....

followed by:

and at least i dont go around fucking around with people I dont know, i take the time to get to know my victims.......

does this mean that the hysterical young man "knows" me? i'm a victim? is it gay for me to have a "handle" such as "glowbelly" if i'm a girl? if i believe this guy's lies does that make me naive? what's going on here?

do i have another stalker? :(

[Protoclown]

Cynical Dave, your article sucked. It was pointless and not even remotely interesting or funny.

However, Jixby's review of it was fucking brilliant. :love

See if you can dig up any more worthless drivel to post so Jixby can review it for you.

[Anonymous]

cynicaldave must be about 13 years old.
But - shouldn't he be in school now? It's 12:30

[starz]

i post when im in school ;/

[Les Waste]

cynicaldave must be about 13 years old.
That's what I thought. His "witty observations" seem to be the exact things a 13-year-old would say. It would be even sadder if he was older than 13.

[Esuohlim]

CynicalDave: Your article was uninteresting, unfunny, and not structured at all. I bet you thought it was genius to make up your own "retarded people" quotes and put your own useless captions to them, especially since that's primarily what you're complaining about. I especially love the line "They can't seem to mind their own buisness!!!", which was then brilliantly followed by "All I here is:". Looks like someone else doesn't mind his own business, either.;)

Maybe we should make a VD (lol) about "RETARDED CYNICALDAVE"! HUH? LOL LOL! ISN'T THAT FUNNY?!>:

[mburbank]

So, have you read anything from Vissionary Darkness?




And not to be a wet blanket but if you want to see how to submit something, click on 'submissions'.


APART FROM THAT IT WAS GRRRRRR-EAT!

(The way that last line should sound is as if Tony the Tiger was telling Cynical dave how good his piece was.)

[glowbelly]

you're lying :(

[mburbank]

Am I lying....



Or is Tony the Tiger Lying?

[Helm]

OMG I think we just reached a new low.

[slavemason]

2 Hz

Oh yeah, Dave sucks...

[mburbank]

He's good for the curve, though, know what I mean, Slavemason.

[FartinMowler]

And never mind the fact that he thought Glowbelly was complimenting him. If this guy isn't a character, and I pray to god he is, he is worse than absolutely every single person who has ever posted here. Bad Mr. Frosty, Captain Robo, Fartin Mowler, they all have nothing on this mental titan.


Whoo hoooo!! I'm having backbacon and beer tonight!!

[Les Waste]

I WISH I was having back bacon and beer tonight >:

[Jixby Phillips]

And never mind the fact that he thought Glowbelly was complimenting him. If this guy isn't a character, and I pray to god he is, he is worse than absolutely every single person who has ever posted here. Bad Mr. Frosty, Captain Robo, Fartin Mowler, they all have nothing on this mental titan.


Whoo hoooo!! I'm having backbacon and beer tonight!!

[FartinMowler]

Jealous jixby I'm gonna stick a slice of back bacon on my screen over top of your lame ass avatar. Then I'm gonna drink a beer and laugh at Jixby the ham head.