THE CUNT FILES: ZekeySpaceyLizard

[Jixby Phillips]

THE CUNT FILES: Keep track of cunts.

ZekeySpaceyLizard tries very hard to be WACKY. I kinda hope he's a character, but I know there's plenty of people who are honestly like this. Originally the way we do things here at THE CUNT FILES is we submit individual posts as evidence. That would be pretty much a waste of time here, so I submit this entire thread:

http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=15628

It was originally posted in PICTURE CAPTIONS AND PHOTOSHOPS, where many people have made the mistake of posting an intentionally funny picture that requires no caption to be "funny," or they'll post photoshops that they've made for the express purpose of showing off something they made. That would be what "Art Shit" is for.

And even though I said quoting him would be a waste of time, I've decided to quote his posts anyway, splitting them up into four different catagories

#1: I'M SO CRAZY! DONT YOU THINK SO??

No.
I dont know why I made it.
:eek me neither you must me CRAZY or something :eek

You have insulted mah honor, sah!

*glove slapping*

*fish slapping*

Tommoro', we shall have a duel. At dawn.
We shall each take 10 steps, tun and fiah.
May the best elephantitis-engorged lung win.


Bring snacks for we may need them.
Dueling works upon a man's hungah, somethin' feirce.


(I am not high)
haha you sound like you're HIGH or something oh wait i just read that last part haha ps nice monty python reference

Well, be careful.

You see I have this nasty boil on the left cheek and the last fellow who kicked it.....well......he lost his arm.

It was a horrible scene to behold.
Blood and pus and weed was everywhere.
His screams.

His terrible terrible screams.

Sometimes at night I can still hear them.
Screaming.
Always screaming.
NUTS :eek

You hate me, you say? Quote message
You fool no one.

I can tell by the way you type that your love for me is like the rays of a thousand suns.

But I have sad news, little missy.
I'm already engaged.
To a tree in Springfield, Iowa.


Now now.
Dont you cry for me.
There's other fish in the sea.
One fish. Two fish. Red fish. Fuck, even blue fish!
Chin up, lil missy.



Chin up. frown.gif



*always look on the bright side of life*

*whistles off-tune*
lol monty python again

#2: TEE HEE I'M SO NAUGHTY

whoops. shameless plug.
WHOOPS!

*whips himself*
lol you must be into S&M or something lol

Let's not bring God into this, people.
The man is pissed.
We done fucked up da earth.
He will fry our asses, muddafucka!
lol: "muddafucka!"

# 3: HAHA I'M TALKING LIKE THE INTERNET IRONICALLY

SW33T MOTH3R OF G0D!!!
haha numbers for letters

So does your MOTHER!!11
liololololoroflmao.
haha: "!!11" thats so funny

#4: NOW WAIT A SECOND LET ME EXPLAIN MYSELF FELLAS

Beleive me, I hate leetspeak as much as the next person.
Simply using it to try and get a smile out of the dude with the chimp avatar up there.
He seems to be in a bad mood.
what a grump am i right

I hope this person gets sent to hell for obnoxious people.

[WTF]

:lol ROFLMAO

[Anonymous]

This thread's in mock wars now, jixby, but i still approve!!!

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Oh Huzzah!

I'm a celebrity here and I rarely ever post in this particular forum.
My infamy has grown.
What a joyous day this is. I should celebrate.


And now to snort crack off a hooker's tits.

[Anonymous]

And now to snort crack off a hooker's tits.

You don't fucking "snort" crack dipshit, you fucking smoke it, and that's no way to talk about your Mom, fucktard. :lol

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Sorry for ye olde double post, but the edit button here keeps having an error.

To the mod 2 posts above me, Chojin:

Nice sig.
My friend (yes I have them) has that game.
Its nice.
Fucking impossible to find it in the states though.
Like Klonoa.

As long as I'm here I might as well mention this:



I am proud to be a cunt.
I am a troll in many forums.
I dont know why.
I get a sick pleasure out of it. (not masturbation you deranged people)

Really my trollishness* stems from my typing. I type weirdly. Trollishness is not a word.
My vocabulary needs expansion.



But just so you guys know, feel free to make fun of me and everything I say. :)


I came here to have a good time, and hell, if that means watching you guys try and humiliate me, then fire away.

Cause I care very little.
In fact, I care none.
Mainly because I dont know any of you.

......


I think....

I will stretch out this post as long as possible to give you people more "material" to work with.
After all I dont post often. And if we are turning all my posts into a flaming comedy routine then I might as well keep these posts long and annoying and filled with corn. Right? Am I right? (say "No" for comedy)


So......

Hmmm.

Bad Jokes Time.


"A boy comes back from college. His father asks him "What dd you learn in college today, son?" and the boy replies " I learned that Pie=r squared."

Wait.
Stop.
This joke isnt funny when its typed.
I'm too lazy to go to the character map and look up the symbol for "pi" or for subscripts.


different joke?
Yes, whether you want it or not.

"What did the Mexican Fireman name his children?"

"Jose and HoseB"



Its better if you say it out loud.
But either way it still sucks.
Yeah.


I am running out of things to type.
This could be because its 2 in the morning.
So.......hmm. What to discuss.


We could always talk about the time rats infested my house because the farmer across the street unbaled all his hay.



Or....



(I love the 'enter' key)


We could talk about the time I killed a cat.
That was fun.
Peices of cat were flying out from under the truck.
Roffle on my waffle.


Sorry for you cat lovers out there.
I love pussies too, dont worry.
Score one for innuendo.


Score none for obvious innuendo.


Blah blah blah.
Anyone been to animationshow.com?
Meh.


More bad jokes time I think:


Allright, this one is kind of 'gross' in a puppet sense:




"What's long and green and smells like Miss Piggy?"

"Kermit's finger"


Yes, I could change finger to penis, but thats far too obvious dont you think? Do you think? do you even exsist? Do I exsist? Does my exsistence count on your thinking I exsist?

If I were to beleive you dont exsist, would you vanish from my world?
These are things I think about, when I think. Which is a rare occurance. Currency. Money is good.


It is 2:20 Am.
And friday night.
And I am on teh interweb.
How very sad.
I should be out.
I should be getting my funk on somewhere.
But I'm not.
I am here. Talking to you.
Why?
Because I can.
And because I have no social life tonight.
Which means I can devote all my time to you, the Mormons.


In other news: PSP and DS are competing for best new handheld.

BUT, which one will prove to be the superior system?
Why did the 32X and Master System have t die?
DAMN YOU BUDDAH!
You always steal away everything I love!
You fat green bastard.
Always sitting. Never standing.
Never wearing a proper shirt.


I should go to bed.
Not because I'm tired but because I have crap to do tommorow.
What kind of crap, you splutter?
Crappy crap.
No.
Not really.
There is a Greek Festival tommorow
And Zekey likey to eat greek food. Zekey also likey talky in 3rd person just to be aggravating.

Oh yes.
I am that cool.
Oh whats this?
I seem to have found an old 8track cassette.
It will make a lovely hat.
Or condom for an alien.
Do aliens use condoms?
Do aliens have sex?
Do aliens have genders?
Do aliens reproduce?
Do aliens even exsist?
Is this too many emoticons?:


:/ :( :) >: :( :) :/ >: :) :/ >: :(



Its an emoticon parade!

"Wheres the marching band, Mommy?"

"I cant see anything sweetie, Mommy is drunk off her ass."


Wow.
I have written a novel of bullshit above me.
Yay. Now people can read it and make nasty comments.
But thats enough for tonight.
Or is it?





*dramatic record music plays between asterisks*






Yes it is.
I bid you all adieu.
If that's how adieu is spelled.
Bon Voyage?
So long?
Chow?
Chowder!
I love clam chowder. But most places sevre so little clam in it.



Okay.
I am actually going to end this post now.
Really.
Oh lordy lordy!
It's going to end right...........about..................now.


I lied.
Some of you might think I am an attention whore.
But contrary to popular b-leaf I am not.
I am just a bored sad little man.
Watching you all.
From my sad little screen in my sad little office.
Giggling.





Always.
Always giggling.


tl;dr

[Anonymous]

Meh. You're going to have to try a lot harder fucktard. Red Leader has pretty much beaten you as "Newest annoyance" to the I-Mockery fucktards.

I suggest posting shit in General Blabber for a greater effect. Pick a topic that seems to be of great importance to the Vet fucktards. Such as one of them having a fucking brat, or a "Hello" thread from some old vet fucktard that hasn't posted in awhile and everyone sucks their dick just because they were on the Old boards.

After a few posts of inane shit, you should be well on your way to being an annoying noob fucktard!

:lol

[Jixby Phillips]

you are worthless

[Anonymous]

You're a fucktard. :lol

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Now I have 2 nicknames!


"Worthless" and "Fucktard"

That is a royal flush in my book.

Now someone move the knight to B3 and the pawn to C2 and we'll be in business.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Wow.


You took the words right out of my mouth.
Now give them back.


But seriously.
Why is Napoleon riding a urinal cake?
He can't get to heaven that way.

[GADZOOKS]

http://gallery.azburners.org/albums/radioelectra/dead_clown.jpg

[Mr. Vagiclean]

that is exactly it zeke you fuck

[sadie]

gadzooks made me lol.

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Poor fellow.


Another fat-food franchise mascot has been mudered.


Truly this is a day that shall live in infamy.

[Mr. Vagiclean]

is your dick made of medicines or something

[EisigerBiskuit]

Stop killing the funny aka clown, it's already dead! any more would be an insult

[ArrowX]

Zekes MASSIVE post didn't even warrant reading

[Terra]

Makes perfect sense.

Not a lot of people around here CAN read.

[ArrowX]

you callin me a liar

[Terra]

Not at all. Thank you for making my point for me.

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

is your dick made of medicines or something


I could make a really obvious joke right now about "injections" but I have better things to do.





No really.








Seriously, I do.

[Jixby Phillips]

:(

[Matt Harty]

Way to roll with the punches ZekeySpaceyLizard.

[MetalMilitia]

This reminds me of the time my great-aunt kicked a Bull in its testes, sans the bull or my aunt or testes.

HAHAHA thats just like the time ZekeySpaceyLizard said somethign funny sans the the funny part.

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Its not supposed to be funny.

Being kicked in the balls is never funny.
:(

[MetalMilitia]

Thats not true, i would find it highly ammusing seeing you bieng kicked in the balls.

I can see you moral is starting to crumble under the relentless fun makeing so i will take this opportuntiy to say somethign nice to you:

You suck less than Father Sp@z.

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Spazzing is like seizures.
You take it when you think.
That your glue bottle is out of glue.
Or your pen is out of ink.
Seizures are like spasms.
But they go straight to to the heart.
But if you try
And eat the sky.
Only clouds you'll fart.


Bacon is quite useful.
Chew it if you will.
For I regret
That you will bet
TO flog the chicken's bill.



Those are my particular views on the subject.
Someone.
Anyone.
Ross Perot.

[MetalMilitia]

I didn't read you post but from the formatting i can now tell you that infact, yes, you do suck as much as father sp@z.

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Yay!



And as long as I am about tonight.
Lets make this thread interesting, shall we?


Ask me a question.
ANY QUESTION AT ALL.

And I promise that I shall give you a serious non-spam answer.
Who's first?
Dont be shy.
Come on down.

[MetalMilitia]

Ok:

Which comparison operator in the C++ language is used for 'not equal to' ?

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

wow.
Its been a long time since I've coded anything.
And I only used c++ once back in elementary school.

I am probably wrong.
But is the answer:


int a;
int a = 0;


So wrong.

[MetalMilitia]

That defines an integer variable named 'a' then declares it again with an initial value of 0.
!= was the answer you where looking for.

Next question:

How many fingers am i holding up?

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Hmm.

You guys are all so sarcastic (and some of you try to be) that most people would say: 2-both of your middle fingers as you all hate my guts. :)


But that would be FAR too easy.
So judging by the windspeed in ths room, and the chances of 10/10 ratio percentage......I am going to phlegm.......



That you are holding up 3 fingers.
eh?
EH?

[MetalMilitia]

bugger... ok lucky guess.

If i drive 17 miles at 32 miles per hour what is my average MPG and how how has my position changed in relation to the neptune.

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Yes well.

That would depend on the vehicle you are driving.
But on average I would bet 20 gallons.

Neptunes current position would suggest an X,Y,and Z angle in accordance with earth being at a good atronomical coordinate of:

32, 4, 729

Thusly, if you are going 17 miles at 32mpg, then you took only about 30 minutes to do so.

Which means Neptunes coordinates are now: 32, 25, 729

So the answer would be..........21

Graphing calculators do most of the work for you.

[MetalMilitia]

Actually the answers where.

14, 7987681 and 'crepe paper'.

(probably)

[Jixby Phillips]

ugh

http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=15727

[ZekeySpaceyLizard]

Ugh is such a strong word.



I prefer HOOSEN DOUSEN BLOOT BLOOT.


Yes.

[BlueOatmeal]

Masterbation just doesn't seem fun anymore. I mean when you do it 5 times a night it kinda just feels like your going through the motions just to get it over with.

[Mr. Vagiclean]

Hey oatmeal you have spelled masturbation wrong but it's not like i know much about that





seriously







oatmeal touch me LOL :(

[Jixby Phillips]

http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=15726 :(

[Jixby Phillips]

http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=15738 :(

[Jixby Phillips]

http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=15716 :(

[Jixby Phillips]

:(

[BlueOatmeal]

Hey oatmeal you have spelled masturbation wrong but it's not like i know much about that





seriously







oatmeal touch me LOL :(



You have no idea how hard you made me right now!

[Dr. Fu]

Honestly I don't see what's wrong with teh Lizard.

But, it seems as thought it dost not bother him.

*jumps on the bandwagon*

OMFG Z3K3Y IS T3H TWUNTZ0R5!!1!!!






banana treee-eee

[Jixby Phillips]

GIANT GAPING VAGINA




That is all.




Good day.

:(

[MetalMilitia]

Honestly I don't see what's wrong with teh Lizard.

But, it seems as thought it dost not bother him.

*jumps on the bandwagon*

OMFG Z3K3Y IS T3H TWUNTZ0R5!!1!!!






banana treee-eee

- Numerous uses of 'teh'
- Use of leet speak
- Replacement of ! with 1
- Describeing an action with astrixes

Though you where attempting irony im afraid im going to have to ask you to leave.

[DeadKennedys]

Christ, get me some fucking prozac, this is depressing :(

[Dr. Fu]

Honestly I don't see what's wrong with teh Lizard.

But, it seems as thought it dost not bother him.

*jumps on the bandwagon*

OMFG Z3K3Y IS T3H TWUNTZ0R5!!1!!!






banana treee-eee

- Numerous uses of 'teh'
- Use of leet speak
- Replacement of ! with 1
- Describeing an action with astrixes

Though you where attempting irony im afraid im going to have to ask you to leave.

I'm sorry.

I will now proceed to whip myself with a potato for breaking the rules.

[Jixby Phillips]

An old pic from High School.


Ahhh.
Those were the days.
Good times we had.
Good times.

http://i.xanga.com/GigiBeMe/UGLY%20GUY%20copy.gif

"UGLY%20GUY%20copy.gif"

:(

[adept_ninja]

oatmeal I feel you It seems like after masterbaiting everyday for many years its losing its touch perhaps things such as "the stranger" or "reverse cowboy" might renew the feeling. What do you do to spice up your relationship with your hand?

[Terra]

Probably rams his finger up your fucking ass. But since your ass is the size of a fucking lunar hole, you probably wouldn't even notice it would you?

Oh well. Such is the life of a butt receptacle.

[Anonymous]

masterbaiting

Jesus fucking Christ. You'd think that a fucktard who performed this activity on Blue Oatmeal's face 5 times a day while Blue finger fucked his gaping ass, would know how to at least spell the fucking word.

Guess your parents being Father and Daughter will do that to your fucking intelligence though.

:lol

[Terra]

Mayhaps the butt receptacles have very little electrical impulses firing away. It might explain the lack of interest in higher education. :)

[Emu]

i'm bumping this thread because everyone should know what a cunt zekeyspacelizard is :posh

[Bionic Sheep]

I personally think he's a sexy bitch.

Possibly.

However, might I introduce this board to the concept of Surrealism? I suggest you take a look into this subject.

No real reason, I just thought I'd widen the intellectual boundaries here. See? I've made your life richer and more worth living. And who said the internet was such a bad thing?

[carey]

i hate myself for reading this thread. :(

[Jixby Phillips]

Acting all CRAZY and making self-aware jokes about how CRAZY you are isn't CRAZY or surrealism or whatever. It's boring, and over-done.

Your randomness is so calculated that it's the opposite of random. You use old, dumb absurdities that every internet asshole who thinks they are WACKY uses. Bionic Sheep??? haha those two words dont go together! and sheep is funny because its a barnyard animal! Oh man "sheep" are just funny when you mention them! what a revelation! You should time travel back to 1968 and pitch it to Monty Python or something :eek

Also making jokes about leetspeek or internet language is about the comedy equivilent of a Madtv sketch about ebonics.

Surreality can be acheived on a message board, and you people are not surreal. You are annoying pretentious (thanks to that last post) attention seekers whose "groundbreaking" tomfoolery is as tired as A SQUIREL EATING SLEEPY CHEESE. see there? anybody can do it, and many do. Fuck off.

[Bionic Sheep]

That's not a very nice thing to say.

I'm this close to being offended.

However, I am not. Why? Because a self righteous fool on a messageboard that has no concept of 'loosen up and enjoy yourself' is probably incapable of offencing myself.

I was trying to widen your intellectual boundaries. Looks like I'll need a crowbar for that . . . .


On a seperate note, my name is based on an anagram of my name. It isn't actually an anagram, but it's based upon it.

Children, please. This is really bad for my karma. You anal twatting cock mongrel.

[Jixby Phillips]

loosen up and enjoy yourself

I was trying to widen your intellectual boundaries.

loosening up and enjoying ourselves would require us to lower our standards when it comes to being entertained or amused. How is this widening our intellectual boundaries? :x

[MetalMilitia]

loosen up and enjoy yourself

I was trying to widen your intellectual boundaries.

loosening up and enjoying ourselves would require us to lower our standards when it comes to being entertained or amused. How is this widening our intellectual boundaries? :x

A simple 'Shut up' would have suficed.

[StonerDave]

loosen up and enjoy yourself

I was trying to widen your intellectual boundaries.

loosening up and enjoying ourselves would require us to lower our standards when it comes to being entertained or amused. How is this widening our intellectual boundaries? :x

A simple 'Shut up' would have suficed.Why lower your standards to 'Shut up' though?

[Schimid]

Thanks for quoting that.

You fucking idiot.

[GADZOOKS]

Dude, don't blame that guy, he's high WHOO :420

[StonerDave]

OMG HAFFBAKER ROXXORZ:Fuckloadofsmilies

[Shyandquietguy]

Jixby, I want to ask this since this in your question thread, but the search feature is broken.

Would it be bad if I had a cuntfile with my name on it?

[Bionic Sheep]

Hmm.

I think some people have some serious anger management issues.

I'd buy you all a punch bag, but you'd probably break it.

[Jixby Phillips]

Shut up.

[Dr. Fu]

Acting all CRAZY and making self-aware jokes about how CRAZY you are isn't CRAZY or surrealism or whatever. It's boring, and over-done.

Your randomness is so calculated that it's the opposite of random. You use old, dumb absurdities that every internet asshole who thinks they are WACKY uses. Bionic Sheep??? haha those two words dont go together! and sheep is funny because its a barnyard animal! Oh man "sheep" are just funny when you mention them! what a revelation! You should time travel back to 1968 and pitch it to Monty Python or something :eek

Also making jokes about leetspeek or internet language is about the comedy equivilent of a Madtv sketch about ebonics.

Surreality can be acheived on a message board, and you people are not surreal. You are annoying pretentious (thanks to that last post) attention seekers whose "groundbreaking" tomfoolery is as tired as A SQUIREL EATING SLEEPY CHEESE. see there? anybody can do it, and many do. Fuck off.

My god, Jixby, it seems your post content has gotten dramatically better.

I still remember the days when you said "dr fu why dont u go suk a cok".

[Bionic Sheep]

go suk a cok fu LOLOOOLLLOL

Actually, no.

[Dr. Fu]

omfg Bionic sheep when u use the initials of ur name it s "BS" roflmao

[MetalMilitia]

omfg Bionic sheep when u use the initials of ur name it s "BS" roflmao

:(

[Bionic Sheep]

liek omfg wtf lollercoaster

fu sonds a bt liek fuck lololol

:/

I weep for humanity.

[Jixby Phillips]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2149674/1

[Dr. Fu]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2149674/1

Some message pops up about access being denied.

[Jixby Phillips]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2149674/1/

[Jixby Phillips]

My god, Jixby, it seems your post content has gotten dramatically better.

I still remember the days when you said "dr fu why dont u go suk a cok".

I've been posting on this INTERNET COMMUNITY for four years. you've been here for four weeks. You don't know a fucking thing about me.

[FartinMowler]

there's four years in the toilet :)

[Matt Harty]

Along with the constant shit you post.

[Dr. Fu]

I've been posting on this INTERNET COMMUNITY for four years. you've been here for four weeks. You don't know a fucking thing about me.

You don't know a fucking thing about me either :)

[FS]

do you realize stuff actually happened on this forum before you came here? You take so much at face value, people are going to think you're schizophrenic.

[Dr. Fu]

do you realize stuff actually happened on this forum before you came here? You take so much at face value, people are going to think you're schizophrenic.
Yes, I do realize that. I can tell by your join date.