Homeless People and Silvers

[Geggy]

Yesterday in Boston, across from the North Bank Garden, a bum sitting in front of a McDonald's asked for change.

I tossed him a quarter.

"That's all?!" shouted the bum.

I reached for my pocket and scooped a handful of change. I threw the change at the defenseless homeless man and yelled "Supersize it!"

I realize I'm a bottom-dollar bastard.

[Geggy]

This was worse than the time I offered a homeless man 50 cents if he'd zip up his pants.

He said the zipper was broken.

So I walked away without giving him the change.

[AChimp]

That's worse than all the times I've never given a bum any change.

[ziggytrix]

I give em cigarettes, but never money.

I bet you guys never knew I was a Nazi. :(

[MetalMilitia]

I think that makes you are more likely to be gassed by a nazi not actually one.

:badjewjoke:

[Matt Harty]

There's a group of women who feed the homeless people in a town near mine, so they don't heckle people that often.

[mburbank]

I almost always give homeless people money on the theory that no matter what they do with it they need it more than I do and also because when I'm homeless that's what I want people to do for me.

Of course, I could save my change for when I'm homeless. But where the hell would I keep it if not at home? Change is heavy. So I guess giving it to bums, hobos and crazies is like a metaphysical a savings bank. Except uninsured. More like a karmic stock market dealing is very small amounts.

[AngPur]

I almost always give homeless people money on the theory that no matter what they do with it they need it more than I do and also because when I'm homeless that's what I want people to do for me.

You make it sound as though you're planning this. I only give change to those who are missing a limb. I feel they need it.

I've sadly read too many sociological journals to give money to the rest. I think by giving to a charity I can help them more with a dollar than by letting them spend it on Thunderbird.

[the_dudefather]

i love how homeless people are your best friend until you refuse them money.

or the ones that have an elberatly threaded story full of chills, thrils and spills.

"oi, mate giff uss 20p cos like i got to get a bus home and i just got mugged so i aint got money and if i dont get back i will miss a phonecall from my boss telling we something important so if i miss it i will be in trouble and the babysitter said...."

they can go on for a while sometimes

[mburbank]

Don't knock Thunderbird.


I'm not planning it. I just think it's a distinct possability. Of course there will be way more homeless peope then, so I have to factor in the smaller number of haves and the much greater number of have nots, so my share of the panhandling proceeds will be much smaller than what I'm passing out now. But future beggars can't be current choosers.

Charity is good too, I don't want to be exclusive. But Charity will rarely buy you Thunderbird. I'm quasi buhdist about beggars. If people beg, I give, unless I don't have anything on me in which case they're out of luck. Giving is incumbent upon me. What they do with it is incumbent upon them.

In in my potentially grim future, I may have a powerful thirst for some thunderbird.

[FS]

I generally only see homeless people at train stations, but if they ask I usually give them money and don't really care what they'll do with it. Their life can't get much worse from my buck.

Exceptions are when they use dirty tricks, like when some guy showed me his really nasty leg infection in what was either a plead for pity or an attempt to make me try and get him out of my face real quick.

[kellychaos]

I give points for originality. Once, while smoking outside the student center, I was asked a cigarette by a passerby. Being a reasonably well dressed sort, I thought him to be a student and not of the local Cass Avenue citizenry. We talked of philosophy, Cher (don't ask), diet and homeopathic medicine. A pleasant conversation indeed. He then asked for a couple of bucks to fill up his gas tank which had JUST ran out. A sham, no doubt but well worth the price of admission.

Thank you Max Burbank for putting a meager but altruistic dent in the universal account.

[Archduke Tips]

I give homeless people money because I believe they appreciate my money more than I do.

And since somebody is going to say "I appreciate your money, can I have it?" I am just going to say this right now... if you live a life of poverty and suffering without any home or source of income for the next 5 years I will give you $3 too.

[AngPur]

I'm not planning it. I just think it's a distinct possability. Of course there will be way more homeless peope then, so I have to factor in the smaller number of haves and the much greater number of have nots, so my share of the panhandling proceeds will be much smaller than what I'm passing out now. But future beggars can't be current choosers.

Logic like this can only come from a democrat. :rolleyes

I guess it comes down to that old motto though 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst'.

But Charity will rarely buy you Thunderbird.

This is soooooo siggied.

[Mike P]

Often, when you give homeless people money, they do something nice for you. One time, I gave a homeless man about fifty cents while I was looking for a place downtown. Then he told me where the place I was trying to find was.

But then again, that did only happen once.

[felix_tibs]

Don't knock Thunderbird.

.

Perosnally I am a NIghtTrain man.

[lordofd3struction]

Often, when you give homeless people money, they do something nice for you. One time, I gave a homeless man about fifty cents while I was looking for a place downtown. Then he told me where the place I was trying to find was.

But then again, that did only happen once.



I gave a homeless person a dollar and he helped me find a bathroom and try to pry the doors of the public bathroom open w/ another homeless chick. I always end up spending like twenty bucks on homeless people when I'm in Seattle or San Fransisco.

[AngPur]

If the Seattle homeless were teens, they might not have been homeless. It's big for well-off teens from the suburbs to pertend to be homeless in the city to get money and 'express themselves'. Basically a new fad. Also big in Portland.

[ImAnUglyGirl]

I think I need a new face. Can you help me out?

[Mike]

Being homeless in America when you still have some sanity, are of reasonable working age and still have limbs is pathetic. Try being even moderately poor in my home town of Oymyakon (well, moderate by East Russian standards) in Siberia and then come back to the US and tell me if you still feel like giving money to adults sitting on the street with their brains, hands and feet intact.

[ziggytrix]

http://bumwine.com/

[mburbank]

While I have no doubt that people in other countries suffer far more than people here, I'm not certain I see your point. I'm here, and if I have money in my pocket and a person in apparent need, I don't see that the greater suffering of others elsewhere should make change my behavior.

People die slowly from cancer, but a broken toe still hurts.

[Matt Harty]

There's a nice homeless guy in our mall. He stands outside of the arcade and tells jokes. Everytime I go by he comes up to me and usually tells the same jokes but on good days you get a different one. I'm not really good at fake laughing, so I just smile and give him 50 cents.

[G-Man]

I'm not real big on giving homeless people money. I just don't trust people. If I do give it to them I have them turn their back to me kneel down and put their hands on their head. If they really want the money they'll do it. If they give me attitude I back away from them.

[glowbelly]

i give 'em food and smokes and ask them how they ended up homeless. a lot of them have some pretty interesting stories to tell.

[mburbank]

This one homeless guy told me he hadn't had a bite in three days...

Then I kind of forget what happened.


The next thing I remember is getting kicked out of this Guatamalen whore house? And all I'm wearing is a washed out "Fonzy" T-shirt...

It's... like, a caricature of him? And he's got his thumb up? And underneath him it says "Aaaaaayyyyy!!!"

And I'm like, "Where the fuck is the American Consulate"?

And the guy who threw me out yells something at me, but I don't speak Spanish.

[glowbelly]

he asked if you spoke english >:

[AngPur]

This one homeless guy told me he hadn't had a bite in three days...

Then I kind of forget what happened.

If you're going to steal a joke from weird al (although he likely stole it from someone too) follow through.

SO I TOOK A BIG BITE OUT OF HIS JUGULAR AND WAS LIKE 'YOU GET IT'?

[Chojin]

the difference is that max is entertaining, whereas that was morbidly retarded.

[mburbank]

Wierd Al is referenicing the Henney Youngman joke, "So I bit him".

I am referencing the jokes structure on the assumption that the joke is so well known at this point to be public domain. The reader is encouraged to expect the punchline they know and begin to experience disapointment over a hackneyed joke being told as if it's new. As they experience peaks, they realize the expectation has been thwarted. Then the anticiapted some alternate punchline (see Wierd Al) and again, expectation is thwarted as there is no punchline, depsite the seeming structural requirement called for by the opening line.

Thwarted expcttions are one of the principle psychological pillars on which comedy rests.

[mburbank]

The way I spell you'd think I was drunk. In fact, I'm merely dyslexic and careless.

[kellychaos]

Was the whorehouse IN Guatamala or merely staffed by women of Guatamalen decent? This is important in my understanding of the joke. Thx.

[ziggytrix]

The way I spell you'd think I was drunk. In fact, I'm merely dyslexic and careless.

It has nothing to do with the Cisco I'm sure.

http://xenafan.com/zorak/sounds/bit_him.wav

[mburbank]

Oh my God, Ziggy, bless you for a saint! I think the Brak is one of the funniest voice characters ever!

[moi]

we keep our homeless well hidden, i suppose. i've never had anyone in my town ask me for charity.

[Jeanette X]

If the Seattle homeless were teens, they might not have been homeless. It's big for well-off teens from the suburbs to pertend to be homeless in the city to get money and 'express themselves'. Basically a new fad. Also big in Portland.

Anybody who is homeless by CHOICE instead of circumstances deserves a swift kick to the face.

Especially if they have the nerve to ask you for money.

[tenno]

i usually try to make some turkey sandwiches around easter, christmas n thanksgiving to share with the few homeless people i see alot, and around christmas when i'm driving i try and take around 50 bucks in 5 dollar bills and hand them to the guys on the corners on my drive home..............but alot of times i forget to do this



plus vegas has a SLEW of people that make like 200-300 dollars on the off ramps a fricking day. Damn fake bums.

Lately the best part is these two hippie GD rejects that work the corner next to my girlfriends workplace, they keep claiming that the hotel 'stole their stuff' but they still have an amp and a guitar the guy plays while the girl twirls around ala' Woodstock.

Makes me wanna crank some Nine Inch Nails.

[kellychaos]

we keep our homeless well hidden, i suppose. i've never had anyone in my town ask me for charity.

Pssst! Look in the big boxes.

Not asking for money would make the whole homeless ruse a bit of a waste of time, n'est-ce pas?

[Archduke Tips]

I think if they are homeless by choice they deserve our support even more.

But instead of money, I would give them food.

Many buddhists become wandering ascetics when they are old. In Asian countries, people don't have a problem giving them some food because they believe it is right to support others in their spiritual journey.

You don't see anything like that in America though because everybody is self centered. In the US, spirituality is at an all time low. In a way, I blame the way Christianity is taught here for that. It's more of a self-centered personal salvation kind of garbage religion.

[Helm]

I sometimes give money, sometimes not.. I can tell you I don't give money to people who push their stories too much, or are way too eager to share them for sympathy. I don't however presume to pas moral judgement on people asking for money. I don't care for their life story, and if it's 'justified' to ask for money because of it. It's frankly none of my business. Just 'cause they ask for something doesn't mean you have the right to get in their face about 'what they're going to do with it' and if they deserve it. I think that's really horrible. A buck isn't the price of admission into someone's head.

[glowbelly]

a lot of homeless people want to be heard, though...and they don't mind sharing their stories if you ask them nicely and treat them like humans and not junk on the street.

this one guy named bob used to collect all the beer cans that people threw away before baseball games. he was super nice. he didn't say much as to how he ended up homeless, but he told me that he was originally from west virginia and that he makes enough off of his cans to feed the pigeons peanuts once a week.

another guy flat out told me it was crack that made him lose everything. he was in tears and showed me his cut up feet from not having a decent pair of shoes (he sold his good pair for crack). i gave him some packages of oatmeal that i had brought with me for breakfast and a half pack of smokes.

oh and one time i was on my way to a bar and sleeping in the doorway of a storefront was this really nice homeless man who used to come into the bar and watch the news and have a glass of water in the summer (it's a bar i worked at). i had my last $10 on me and i was drunk and i gave the ten to him instead of spending it on another drink that i really didn't need. he woke up as i stuffed the bill into his hand and he called me an angel. he lost everything a long time ago and always swore that he couldn't remember what happened to him, but you could tell that he really just didn't want to talk about it.

[the_dudefather]

there are nice bums like that and there are really nasty chav* scumbags who ask you for money at the takeaway (just as they are buying something themselves) and shout obsenities at you if you refuse.

*refer to http://www.chavscum.co.uk/

[Jeanette X]

You don't see anything like that in America though because everybody is self centered. In the US, spirituality is at an all time low. In a way, I blame the way Christianity is taught here for that. It's more of a self-centered personal salvation kind of garbage religion.

Judaism teaches that begging someone else for food when you are able earn it yourself is to eat the "bread of shame". How could anyone not feel embarrased eating at a soup kitchen if they didn't really need to? Every bite that someone who is homeless by choice takes could have gone to someone who is homeless by circumstance.

Many buddhists become wandering ascetics when they are old. In Asian countries, people don't have a problem giving them some food because they believe it is right to support others in their spiritual journey.

You're actually comparing a bunch of selfish hippies to Buddhist ascetics? Please don't insult the Buddhists!

I'm more than happy to give money to someome who really needs it. But if some lazy prick is begging me for money that could be better used to help a person who really needs it, they can go fuck themselves. I don't intend to demand the life story of every person who asks, but if they clearly aren't really poor...well...
another guy flat out told me it was crack that made him lose everything. he was in tears and showed me his cut up feet from not having a decent pair of shoes (he sold his good pair for crack). i gave him some packages of oatmeal that i had brought with me for breakfast and a half pack of smokes.

Its too bad I wasn't there. I could have maybe made some tire sandals like they do in India and gave them to him.

[Evil Robot]

That was like the time we got drunk in washington square park and went down in the subway where we discovered a sleeping jamacan. We had lighter fluid (from setting signs on fire) and we doused him. He was looking for tires on the internet.

[Archduke Tips]

We are all fools who are equalized by death.

[moi]

. . . thou shalt lie down
with patriarchs of the infant world--with kings,
the powerful of the earth--the wise, the good,
fair forms, and hoary seers of ages past,
all in one mighty sepulchre.

[Rongi]

we have this town homeless guy named Kevin. He's a very odd character who always talks about government conspiracies and the like ( he once told me they put microphones in cable boxes to record what you're saying ). He became homeless because his he kept his dead father in a bathtub to collect checks from the government. Once a neighbor complained about the smell, he was sent to a mental hospital for a few months and they let him go. He had nowhere to stay, so he wondered the streets. He's a nice guy though and apparently he lives with someone on and off now.