Confidence and Self Atseem!

[maggiekarp]

Yeah... I'm completely lacking in this stuff. Even I think it's getting kind of ridiculous when I can't even form a decent sexual fantasy because of it. I thought it was a little over the top myself when my subconcious kept telling me that the only way anyone would have sex with me is if it were completely dark, I had a bag over my head, and my partner was drunk. Or if they were some sick fetishist.

It's not just my looks, though. I feel like I suck in every aspect of life. My drawings are mediocre at best and people only say they're good out of pity (I won second place in a fanart contest, but I'm pretty sure there was some sort of miscount. It's been a year now and I never claimed my prize, no one seems to mind). My writing is terrible: I only get fan mail because I throw in random references that people just eat up, or they're working up the confidence to write to good writers; and the only reason I don't get any hate mail is because my material is so bland and inoffensive. I think I have a miserable personailty, too.

But this just reminds me of something that happened on a hiking field trip...

Me: *huffpuff*
Guy: Hey Maggie, you should stop smoking cigarettes!
Me: No, I need to stop smoking the Twinkies!
Guy 2: ...God, you're pathetic.
Me: Uh, yeah. I know I am. Just look at me.
Guy 2: No, I mean you're pathetic 'cuz you put yourslf down.


So, does this mean that people would rather I be one of those arrogant people who thinks I'm the most awesome person alive, or one of those fat chicks who think they're hot shit so they were clothes that let it all hang out? I desperately need confidence, sure, but I don't want to be no OAO!

Didn't post this on a blog because I don't know the most confident of people. Stopped asking my mom because she keeps telling me she has no respect for pussies.

How can I get me some self-asteem?

[marmielake]

i have the same problem.
2nd place is good though. i dont think ive ever won 2nd place in anything.

[domoarigato]

You must know that in order to love someone you must first love yourself. So first make sure to always put all the positive things you can do and have before putting forward all the negatives. Don't put yourself down because at the end society tries to put down anybody for any reason. :)

[marmielake]

love is highly overrated.

[soundtest]

EVERYONE TELLS ME I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT I THINK I'M UGLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM THEY MUST ALL BE BLIND

I swear to god I mean it when I say there is nothing more annoying than a self-deprecating female. Reread what you wrote. It is such an insincere cry for help that it makes you come off like a complete attention whore. Nails on a fucking chalkboard.

If there is something you don't like about yourself, fix it instead of complaining about it.

[ziggytrix]

You need an excercise program, and a proper diet, including prozac.

[marmielake]

its called fishing for compliments.
girls do it all the time, but unfortunately it never works the way we want it to :(

[sadie]

i can't imagine my mom saying the "p" word.

[Helm]

strangely your post didn't JUMP OUT AND ATTACK MY FACE like it did to soundtest, and my fishing-for-complements-detector is very keen. So I guess I'll have to take you at face value:

you are, most probably, not very attractive, overweight, not particularily talented at anything, and you have self asteem issues. If these things bother you, you can fix some of them. You can devote yourself in your chosen artform so you achieve at least a respectable level of skill, you can get on a diet and shape up, and you can deal with your personal issues in a more pro-active way. Namely: by shutting up about them, keeping them in check and not letting them ruin your life. Don't think anything drastic can be done about the ugly, deal with it.

All this is what most people would tell you. Your mom is right about having no respect for pussies, even though that's not what you want to hear. You want to hear encouragment and lies over how it's ok.

My two cents: Figure out what you want to live for. Other people's idea of success shouldn't have to be your idea of success automatically. Consider life goals. Maybe it's not all about geting fucked by handsome guys and having lots of money? Then, when you figure ( or start to think about ) this stuff, live with the consequences of your actions. If you like overeating, and that makes you fat, fine. Don't cry when nobody wants to put his penis in your vagina because of it. Can't have everything. If the penis in vagina thing is more important, deprive yourself of the pleasure of overeating. Can't have everything.

If you give in and adopt the the prepackaged simple life with the handsome boyfriend, the nice job and the puppy and fence idea of success, fine. Just know that some people do not get that.

[Schimid]

I used to have low self-esteem. Now I'm an arrogant cockhead. It's much better on this side, let me tell you.

[sadie]

it's "self-esteem."

[marmielake]

i want to get fucked by handsome guys and have lots of money.

[Helm]

sorry for the spelling errors.

[maggiekarp]

You must know that in order to love someone you must first love yourself. So first make sure to always put all the positive things you can do and have before putting forward all the negatives. Don't put yourself down because at the end society tries to put down anybody for any reason. :)
I don't think you necessarily have to be able to love yourself before being able to love someone else, but I agree that I should put the positive things about me foward. Also about the society thing, even though it doesn't happen nearly as much as when I was little, I occasionally get insulted by random-ass kids at school.

EVERYONE TELLS ME I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT I THINK I'M UGLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM THEY MUST ALL BE BLIND

I swear to god I mean it when I say there is nothing more annoying than a self-deprecating female. Reread what you wrote. It is such an insincere cry for help that it makes you come off like a complete attention whore. Nails on a fucking chalkboard.

If there is something you don't like about yourself, fix it instead of complaining about it.
Well, they do say that a what a person thinks about themselves is more important that what everyone else thinks, and that can be true in many cases. I tryed not to come off as annoying, but I guess it was pretty inevitable considering the subject matter... sorry about that. Working on the stuff I don't like about myself, but I don't know if there's a diet for emotional issues.

You need an excercise program, and a proper diet, including prozac.
I don't think I need medication, I'm just... really, really sad sometimes.

its called fishing for compliments.
girls do it all the time, but unfortunately it never works the way we want it to
I wasn't trying to fish for compliments (what would you guys compliment me on? My typing?), but I'm still sorry it came off that way.

-Not gonna repost all of that-
I've been dieting and drawing to make myself better in those aspects, but I don't know about my personal issues. I've been pretty good about shutting up about it (except in this case where I think I really wanted to vent), but I'm not sure how to keep them in check and not let them ruin my life.
Your right that I don't want to hear the pussy stuff again, but I don't really know what I want to hear.
I would like to be happy in life, so I'll consider what things I want to live for. I don't really share that idea of success (it'd be nice, I'm not going to deny that), but you've definately given me things to think about.

I used to have low self-esteem. Now I'm an arrogant cockhead. It's much better on this side, let me tell you.
I don't want to be an arrogant cockhead, though. I want to like myself and for other people(not all of society here, folks) to like me in reasonable ammounts.

i want to get fucked by handsome guys and have lots of money.
Who doesn't? But y'know, I'm not all that concerned with how handsome a guy is, but that I've given myself the idea that since guys don't tend to form relationships with people that hurt their eyes to look at, and since I'm not satisfied with my looks, no one would ever like to love me.


Sorry for coming off like some attention whore, and thank you all. You've all given me good advice.

[Schimid]

Fuck you then, you ugly bitch.

[maggiekarp]

:lol
:(

[ziggytrix]

You need an excercise program, and a proper diet, including prozac.
I don't think I need medication, I'm just... really, really sad sometimes.


Well if you aren't interested in the chemical solution, might I suggest a good cult? Nothing says love yourself like a direct line to God.

[King Hadas]

Beat up someone weaker than you, thats always a self-esteem booster.

[sadie]

lol @ ziggy.

[marmielake]

no, i wasnt saying that you were, i was just saying that when a girl makes self depricating remarks, its most likely to get compliments from guys.
:)

[HickMan]

I used to be a shy and sad little boy, always wondering what the public thought about me. But then something just snapped. I decided I didn't care what the public thought of me. I'll be myself, and if the people don't like it, then, well..fuck 'em. And that's exactly what I did. I decided to sport the tuxedo shirt that was my mom's from the 1970's. I wore sunglasses when I wanted to. I stated my opinion, even if people thought I was a fucking moron. Hell, I just did whatever the hell I wanted.

Guess what? I feel like the happiest person alive. Every damn day. Sure, I've got a few troubles here and there. But that's life. I'm just glad I'm alive and being able to accomplish different things. I know that sounds a wee bit faggy, but that's just how I am. I'm one positive mofo.

[marmielake]

do you have a picture of you in the tuxedo shirt???

[MetalMilitia]

Hickmans post was made 1000 times better by his avatar :O

[marmielake]

i take that as a no

[HickMan]

http://c.myspace.com/00072/69/92/72262996_l.jpg

It's the only picture I have :(

[The One and Only...]

Maggiekarp, you remind me of the way I used to be. The answer is an active lifestyle and dieting. Losing weight will boost your self-esteem enormously. And the better you start to feel about your own image, the better you will do in all your endeavors. Even with my occasional breakdowns, my life is far more satisfying than it ever was before.

You don't have to want to be a narcissistic fuckwit to take my advice. Trust me: if anyone knows, I do.

[marmielake]

i want a tuxedo shirt

[sadie]

yah! focus on image! all the "beautiful" people in the world are completely and utterly happy! rainbow vision and shit!

sethomas' happiness thread in the philosophy forum fits here.

[maggiekarp]

Well, see, that's something I'm worried about, that I'll be a self-hating pile of sadness no matter what I look like.

Dropping a few pounds couldn't hurt, though.

[marmielake]

turn the hatred outward, towards society
:)
you can be like the unibomber

[jin]

I like you. ;o

I don't really like your comics and i don't understand them- but i read them sometimes. ;0

[Geggy]

I'm sensitive when it comes to humor. I laugh uncontrollably whenever I see anything that I find amusing. It has gotten me into trouble few times in the past, especially getting kicked out of classes for laughing at the teacher for no reason. I find people (espcially the angry people) who are being themselves without attempting to be funny a lot more amusing than those who tries to be funny. The point is that it used to make me feel bad about it and I'd go on a guilt trip for laughing at the person. I'd hate myself for it. I used to view it as a serious issue I had to deal with right away. But then I realize it's the way I am and if their feelings are hurt by the sound of my laughter, well then I don't give a fuck! :)

[The One and Only...]

yah! focus on image! all the "beautiful" people in the world are completely and utterly happy! rainbow vision and shit!

It's not just the image... being active in and of itself acts like a stress-reliever. That said, you have to be satisfied with the way you are to be happy, and your image is a big part of that.

[kellychaos]

its called fishing for compliments.
girls do it all the time, but unfortunately it never works the way we want it to :(

Actually, I think it works exactly the way they want it to at first. Most people, when meeting some self-deprecating soul will show basic human courtesy and over-compensate in the compliments department in an effort to bolster ... ummm? ... the whiner's self-esteem. After a long time is spent by the low self-esteemer in honing their skills to the point where getting the desired result is child's play, said compliments ring quite hollow.

[marmielake]

thats not necessaraly true

[kellychaos]

You're just not good enough at it.

[marmielake]

at least im trying.

[DeadKennedys]

I used to be a shy and sad little boy, always wondering what the public thought about me. But then something just snapped. I decided I didn't care what the public thought of me. I'll be myself, and if the people don't like it, then, well..fuck 'em. And that's exactly what I did. I decided to sport the tuxedo shirt that was my mom's from the 1970's. I wore sunglasses when I wanted to. I stated my opinion, even if people thought I was a fucking moron. Hell, I just did whatever the hell I wanted.

Guess what? I feel like the happiest person alive. Every damn day. Sure, I've got a few troubles here and there. But that's life. I'm just glad I'm alive and being able to accomplish different things. I know that sounds a wee bit faggy, but that's just how I am. I'm one positive mofo.

YOU'RE ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD!

But seriously, I like your outlook.

I just learned to quit whining if your life sucks. Everyone's life sucks to some degree, so very few people care that yours does too. Plenty of people are untalented and ugly in high school, sometimes you grow out of it, sometimes you don't. If you don't, well, you're out of luck. Life may be just a dream, but you have to understand it's not fair either.

Besides, if you're fat, I already don't like you. There have been some awesome fat people in history, but you're probably not going to be one of them.

We all make our tradeoffs. I'm devilishly handsome and I can cook, but I got a short temper, smoker's lungs, a complete lack of math, science, and reading comprehension skills, jealousy, a tendency to steal when I need money, and I live for nothing other than to make a quick buck and live long enough to spend it. Is it worth it? You tell me.

[Dole]

healthy eating and lots of exercise really fucking do do amazing things for your mental health.

[MetalMilitia]

Healthy body, healthy mind ;)

[ziggytrix]

I'm devilishly handsome and I can cook, but I got a short temper, smoker's lungs, a complete lack of math, science, and reading comprehension skills, jealousy, a tendency to steal when I need money, and I live for nothing other than to make a quick buck and live long enough to spend it. Is it worth it? You tell me.

I dunno, but you sound like an asshole and an idiot. Refreshingly honest though.

[kellychaos]

A slave to instant gratification, to be sure.