Best Lines in the History of Movies and Television

[James]

For my money, it doesn't get any better than Muppet Treasure Island, when the pirates are getting Cabin Fever. One of them says he's got it, and then another one says "I've got it too!"

Best delivery of a line EVER.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

In Ghost Dog when Sonny Valerio says "You know, like the rappers." I love that. :/

[whoreable]

Star Wars - "I'm just so tired of all these Star Wars"

[Zomboid]

"Fuck you granny" - The granny. Said by the grandson right before he does some kinda neck takedown move on her

[Geggy]

Trinity: Nobody has ever done anything like this before.
Neo: That's why it's going to work.

[Skulhedface]

In a Ren and Stimpy episode entitled "The Great Outdoors"

STIMPY: "Oh no, Ren, the red meat pill is for cowboys! Here, how about a nice creamed spinach pill?"

REN (eyes reddening, biting his lip, grabs a pill from Stimpy's hand):
"GIVE ME THAT MEAT PILL! I'm a cowboy."

Not a funny line, but the delivery and the facial expression was priceless.

[jailbaitmonger]

CHUT UP!

[James]

No no no. Just one line. Not two or three of eight. Just one.

I also nominate the quote in my sig.

[pjalne]

For my money, it doesn't get any better than Muppet Treasure Island, when the pirates are getting Cabin Fever. One of them says he's got it, and then another one says "I've got it too!"

Best delivery of a line EVER.

Funny you should bring that one up, I popped in my M:TA DVD the day before yesterday just to hear that line a couple of times. Well, that and the 'Ach du lieber Volkswagen car' one. And a few Tim Curry moments of course.

[Jixby Phillips]

CHUT UP!

[Spectre X]

"Swallow this." -Ash, Evil Dead 2.

[FS]

"You're laser bait, Hitler!" --Schindler's List, the Director's Cut

[Blackjack]

Ahhh, where to start?

"All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get" - Mr Blonde.
Either that or "I don't give a good fuck what you know or don't know, I'm going to torture you anyway."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?" - Jules

Right, enough Tarantino shit.

"You, who are without mercy, now plead for it?" - Optimus Prime

"Hicks, man you look just like I feel!" - Pvt. Drake

"What you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on? I bet you got, say, pitiful, portable picnic players. Come with uncle and hear all proper! Hear angels' trumpets and devils' trombones. You are invited!" - Alex from Clockwork Orange. What a pick-up line!

And finally, pretty much anything by Gunnery Sgt Hartman in Full Metal Jacket:
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around!"

Then I got bored.

[Esuohlim]

"Now I'm thinking of something orange. Orange...orange...give up? an orange! Haha, get it? Now I'm thinking of something blue. Bloooooooooooooo." --Michael Richards, UHF

[Spectre X]

actually, just like Blackjack, I have too many things to really choose from as well. there's the black knight: "Come back here! You yellow...bastards! I'll bite your legs off!" from Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. The knights who say NI: "You must cut down the mightiest tree in the woods, with... a herring!"

so much. :/

[whoreable]

And finally, pretty much anything by Gunnery Sgt Hartman in Full Metal Jacket:
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around!"


that reminds me of brain candy

"Here's the plan. You go over there and fuck them in the ass while we sit here and masturbate!" "Yes Sir!!"

[Ash37]

Hmm....way too many to list. Here are a few of my favorites.

"There is no Dana. Only Zuul." Dana, Ghostbusters

"Wise man say, 'Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.'" Mikey, TMNT

"They're all dead. They just don't know it yet." Eric Draven, The Crow

"It means buckle your seatbelt, Dorothy, cause Kansas is going bye-bye." Cipher, The Matrix

"Pack your bags. We're going to Memphis." Frylock, ATHF

Dude, Baghdad is getting lit up right now. I'm cutting this short.

[Bennett]

Bad Dudes: "The president has been captured by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue him?"

edit: I know it's not movie or television, but it's still the best damn line ever.

[Pub Lover]

Lister: Where is everybody Hol?
Holly: There dead Dave!
Lister: Who is?
Holly: Everybody Dave!
Lister: What Captain Holester?
Holly: Everybody Dave!
Lister: What Todd Hunter?
Holly: Everybody Dave!
Lister: What Selby?
Holly: There all dead, every bodies dead Dave
Lister: Peterson isn't; Is he?
Holly: Every bodies dead Dave!
Lister: Not Chen
Holly: Gordon Bennett! Yes Chen Everybody. Every bodies dead Dave!
Lister: Rimmer?
Holly: Yes Rimmer. Everybody is dead. Everybody is dead Dave!
Lister: Wait; Are you trying to tell me every bodies dead?

[Spectre X]

"I wave my gentitalia at you, you stupid English knigets! I fart in your general direction!" - the French guard, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail.

"I'm afraid I can't do that Dave." - HAL 9000, 2001, a Space Oddesey.

"Thank you" - Robocop, just before he blows that CEO or something guy into a bloody mess.

"I am now authorized to use physical force." - ED-209, Robocop.

"Hail to the king baby." - come on, you all know this one.

[Jeanette X]

"Beat him."-Lawrence of Arabia

"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is a WAR room!"-Dr. Strangelove

"Rosebud...."-Citizen Kane

"Can I call you 'mom'?"- The Return to Oz

"They call me Mister Tibbs!"- In the Heat of the Night

"Don't point that beard at me, it might go off."- Marx Brothers movie that I forgot the name of.

[punkgrrrlie10]

"don't you see the hat? I'm misses Nesmit!" - Toy Story :)

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands" - Legally Blonde

"First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?" - Donnie Darko

[Carnivore]

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega."

[ShanghaiOrange]

"Tell Hitler to slap on his drool cup." The Bad Time Travelling guy from the short lived series TimeCop. :(

"Well, whoever he was he knew a lot about the A-Team!" George, Seinfeld

"Space Ghost has mastered the five magics!" Moltar, SG:C2C

[CaptainBubba]

"I've got a fever. And the only perscription. Is more Cow-bell!"
-Walken in SNL B.O.C skit

"I have no pigment. I need sunscreen"
-Not Another Teen Movie

[Professor Cool]

This job would be great if it was'nt for the fucking customers- Randal

"I hate it when a movie kills off a beloved character...This is great,
though!" -Crow.

[Spectre X]

"Bouyancy." - Archimedes, Hysteria.


"He runs around in underwear, Freakazoid, Freakazoid." - theme song to 'Freakazoid'


"What, is the average airspeed from an unladen swallow?" - The Old Man From Scene 24, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail.


"One...Two...Five!" "Three sir." "Three!" - King Arthur and sir Galahad, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail.

[Professor Cool]

Whats Hysteria? :(

[AChimp]

"You're all astronauts on some kind of star trek."
- Star Trek: First Contact

[Spectre X]

Whats Hysteria? :(

WHAT?! :eek it's a Hilarious Hysterical laughter inducing Hustory show, with all kinds of funny interpretations of history by the WB company.

[Professor Cool]

What's WB? :(

[Zbu Manowar]

It stands for 'Why Bother.' Take the hint. ;)

[Spectre X]

:(

WB= Warner Brothers.


:( I'm sad. :(

[Maximum Blob]

"If word of this incident reaches the public, Crazy Clown Airlines will become a laughingstock." -- the Simpsons

[Generator86]

Sorry to resurrect a seemingly dead thread, but this line popped into my head while I was driving around in a parking lot and waiting for a friend of mine to get his stupid iced coffee.

"Shut that cunt's mouth before I come over there and fuck start her head".

That line dropped me when I saw it in the theatre.

[James]

It's not that you bumped the thread. This thread should always be around, as far as I'm concered.

But what irks me is you didn't even say where the fucking quote was from. >:

[Les Waste]

In Ghost Dog when Sonny Valerio says "You know, like the rappers." I love that. :/
Oh god. That's one of my favorite movies of ever. :(

There are too many good lines from that movie. I can't just pick a favorite. :(

[Cap'n Crunch]

Edited out. :( The best quote or quotes has to be from Full Metal Jacket. Any quote where they are in bootcamp is great. "Do you suck dicks? Are you a peter puffer?" :lol

[Daphne]

"Dimitry can you turn the music down?" -Dr Strangelove

"You met me at a very stange time in my life" -Fight Club

"That's a human ear all right" -Blue Velvet

"Give 'er a kick in the cunt" -Jack Black in Run Ronnie Run

"You're the doc, Doc" Back to the Future 2 (actually I fucking hate that line but in a good way)

[punkgrrrlie10]

"Just the pussy I was looking for" - Penguin to catwoman in Batman returns.

[Ninjavenom]

"...BUT WON'T IT BREAK OFF???!?!" - some comedian i forgot the name of on the USO comedy tour :(


"I think the whole tye-dye thing started from someone just spilling bong water on their shirt" - Dave Mustaine, "I Love the 80's - 1988"

[Krythor]

The last line of this little sequence from "Brain Candy" was delivered so well :-

"More Coffee please"
"Lukewarm?"
"No, Luke Skywalker ya fucking inbred!"

And...

"Wait! Wait! I can't go on any longer.... this is BULLSHIT"

The word "Bullshit" was delivered just right, I love that movie.

[Generator86]

Sorry, Jamesman. It was from "The Way of the Gun".

[The_Rorschach]

"Fuck Gaspar Gomez, and fuck the fuckin' Diaz brothers! Fuck'em all! I bury those cock-a-roaches!" Tony Montana
- Scarface

"Listen Roc, did anybody see ye?" Connor MacManus
"Fuck man, I might as well have gone around postin' flyers. Right out in public man" Rocco
"Liberatin' i'n't it?" Murphey
"LETS FUCKIN GO" Connor MacManus
-The Boondock Saints

"Johnny Fontane will never get that movie. I don't care how many dego, wop, guinea, greaseball goombas come out of the woodwork." Jack Woltz
"I'm German-Irish." Tom Hagen
"Well, let me tell you something, my kraut, mick friend. I'm gonna make so much trouble for you you won't know what hit you." Jack Woltz
-The Godfather

"The way I hear it, Soze is some kind of butcher. A peerless psycho, fucked-up butcher." Fenster
-The Usual Suspects

"I'm an angel. I kill first-borns while their mamas watch. I turn cities to salt." Angel Gabriel (CHRISTOPHER WALKEN)
-The Prophecy

edit: Nearly forgot:

"Made it, Ma! Top of the world!" Cody Jarrett
-White Heat

[HickMan]

"What if we build a large badger?" Sir Bourimere, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"Hey everybody!" "Hey Norm!" Norm and friends, Cheers.

"Hey you guys!" Sloth, The Goonies.

"Just how far does the rabbit hole go?" Morphius, The Matrix.

''I'll make you an offer you can't refuse." Vito, The Godfather.

"Take off eh?!" Bob and Doug McKenzie, Strange Brew.

[Grazzt]

"Evil will always win because good is dumb." - Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

[Jebus]

"My nipples look like milk duds!"

[CastroMotorOil]

Pub Lover, finally someone else who has seen Red Dwarf!, do you by any chance watch Lexx as well, i have yet to find a fellow Leex watcher here.

"I am your father"-If you do not know kill yourself

"Now witness the power of this fully armed and operational, battle, station- The Emperor, Return of the Jedi. the emperor is pure evil when he says those lines.

"The dead do not poo, Stanley" -Kai, Lexx

"I worship His Shadow"- Lexx movie, of the same name.

"Oh Mr. Gideon, you are not paying ATTENTION!"- The Crow

"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die" Goldfinger, Goldfinger

"There is no fighting allowed in here, this is the War Room!"- The president, Dr. Stranglelove

"LETS HIDE"- Arnold in The Sixth Day, pure hilarity

"I'll be back" again if you do not know, shoot yourself with a nerf gun.

[Grazzt]

How about the clone yourself to fuck yourself quote from Sixth Day? I forget what it exactly is.

[Spectre X]

"I'll swallow your soul!" "Come get some." - Ash and the Mallwitch from AoD.

"I'm sorry lady but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave this store." "Who the hell are you?!" "Name's Ash. Housewares." - Ash and Mallwitch from AoD.

[Spectre X]

"Why are all these people flying through the air? And where's Dogbert? And why do I have the feeling these two things are somehow related?" - Dilbert, Dilbert.

[tenno]

GAME OVER MAN!

[AChimp]

"Dammit, Jim!"
- Dr. McCoy

[Spectre X]

"Eat my justice!" - The Tick.

[Eric_Draven]

I'd say the entire Crow movie series is full of damn good quotes that can be used for every day life! :party

[FeuerAffe]

"I'm in a remedial high school art class for fuck-ups and retards." (Ghost World)

[crash0814]

Damn it, I had just started a similar thread, and now someone has to bring back an old one and ruin it. Fuck you all!

[BlueOatmeal]

"Now your gonna die in that stupid little hat!"
Defenz-Falling Down

Also in falling down in the fast food place when the lady spits up her hambuger and is all like "GAAAA" I laughed a good bit.

"I had to shake the weasel"
Delores-Who Framed Roger Rabbit

"I just can't stay mad at that monkey"
Randell- Clerks the cartoon

[KILLADEUCE]

Also in falling down in the fast food place when the lady spits up her hambuger and is all like "GAAAA" I laughed a good bit.


HAHAHAh i remember that one...

"Murdock.... MURDOCK.... I'm Coming for you!!!"

(Guess what that one is from :) )

------------

"Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion...

Ferris: ...it is his fault he didn't lock the garage"

[executioneer]

"It's like getting a scalp massage... from Lucifer."

"Would you like some of my sex... with me?"

ps shouldn't this be in the movies & tv forum :/

-willie

[Comrade Rocket]

"Your teminated, Fucker." Sarah C. Teminator

[Schimid]

"Hey, when you guys are done making out, I've got some ass-kicking for you!" (Betty, Kung Pow)

Did I butcher it?

[El Blanco]

"I killed your cat, you druggy bitch. I thought it would bring closure to our relationship."

"We're kind of like 7-11. we may not be doing bussiness, but we're always open."

"What's this 'they' shit? This isn't a movie."

"There's nine bodies, genius. What the fuck were you going to do, laught the last three to death, FUNNYMAN?!?!?!"

All from Boondock Saints

[executioneer]

"Hey, when you guys are done making out, I've got some ass-kicking for you!" (Betty, Kung Pow)

"Hey, when you girls are done kissing, I've got some ass-kicking for you!"

-willie

[Spectre X]

"One man, fate has made indestructable. His nmae: Captain Scarlet..."

from the Captain Scarlet tv show.

[timrpgland]

Butterfinger: Do you want me to rape them?

HUDSON HAWK

[Spectre X]

Butterfinger: Do you want me to rape them?

HUDSON HAWK

:love

"But how did you get out of tht car alive?" "Airbags can you FUCKING BELIEVE IT!?!?!"

[placebo009]

"WHORES DON'T GET A SECOND CHANCE!" - little kid from "Identity", the movie we paid $1.50 for and still bitch about to this day