View Full Version : TALES FROM THE LONGBOX: PART 2!
Aug 31st, 2005, 12:05 AM
Protoclown is back with his latest installment of "Tales from the Longbox!" This time he's covering the latest DC and Marvel crossovers, which you'd have to spend a small fortune on to truly keep up with. Fortunately for you, he's addicted to these comics and so he'll be giving you a full rundown on 'em. Part one covers DC, part two covers Marvel... and trust me, whether you're a fan of comic books or not, you'll have fun readin it. Check it out, cuz it's the only way you'll learn all about what's going on in these books without spending your life savings :o
"TALES FROM THE LONGBOX: PART 2" -by Protoclown
Aug 31st, 2005, 10:13 AM
Proto; I read your excellent summary of DC's big event and will read the Marvel section later. I wanted to pass on some valuable info: If mock pays you even one dollar for this material, or buys you a friggin' cookie by ways of thanks, ALL your comic book costs become tax deductable as long as you report your meager freelance earnings. I shit you not. They are "Books and other media" used ffor "research" and are a totally legitmate expense.
In addition, Wonder Woman offing maxwell Lord with no remorse or pause (and lets face it, she would have been dumb to do anything else) makes her twice the stone hotty she was before she did it, and she was kind of hot to begin with. And yes, I do understand she isn't real.
POSSIBLE LATER COP OUT! Do you think somehwere down the line some cowardly editor will reveal the Lord forced WW to kill him with his MIND POWERS?!
Plus; here's some oldster factoids you and your readers may find interesting. Brother Eye and OMAC are references/updates/homages/lifts from a Silver Age jack Kirby future scenario. OMAC stood for One man Army Corps, and he had a huge ass mowhawk.
There's also a well substantiated rumor that all thee plotlines can be explained by the current DC editiors pathalogical hatred of Keith Giffen.
Sue Dibny was brought out of compete obscurity by Giffen and made the voice of reason during his long run on JLA. Now she's raped, dead and mutilated in that order.
Max lord was a comedy relief character created by Giffen. Now he's a dead supervillian.
Blue Beetle, an obscure Charlton hero created by none other than Spiderman artist Steve Ditko was, albeit briefly, made a major DC player by Giffen. Now he's dead.
Booster Gold, a very stupid charcater was made interesting and amusing by giffen who turned him into first a greedy, idiotic foil for Blue Beetle, and most recently a gigolo. Now? He's being recast as a serious hero and little will be said of his marriage to an rich octagenarian.
Guy Gardner should watch his ass. Giffen didn't create him, but he sure invented his personality.
Aug 31st, 2005, 06:23 PM
That's DAMN nice to know about the comic book thing, but I don't know if I'd actually do that. I'd feel kind of like a skeeze or something doing that. :/
And I'm glad you enjoyed the DC part of the article--you're probably the only person who's actually read it!
I think it's great that Wonder Woman killed Max Lord, but I wouldn't be surprised at ALL if your prediciton about the mind control thing turns out to be right.
I actually discovered that fact about the OMACs during my research on the article but decided it would lengthen the article too much to throw all that stuff in there, and it wouldn't have added much to the description of this current story.
Now I didn't realize ANY of that stuff about Keith Giffen and how he had a hand in all that stuff back when. That's definitely an interesting theory!
What are your thoughts on Guy Gardner anyway? I really can't stand the guy...and 90% of that is probably because of that stupid Moe haircut and the fact that every artist draws him with the exact same self-righteous smirk on his face.
There was a scene in OMAC Project that absolutely cracked me up. I wanted to include it in the article, but I didn't think other people would find it as funny as I did, and I also figured it would require too much off-topic explanation. Wonder Woman is helping Booster Gold investigate the Blue Beetle's death while none of the other major heroes really give a shit, and while they're flying through space all of a sudden Guy Gardner comes swooping in. He and Wonder Woman have a little altercation and Guy Gardner eventually convinces Booster that WW was never part of their league of crappier characters and that HE'LL help out with the investigation instead. So they just kind of fly off together and do everything but shout out "NO GIRLS ALLOWED!" as they fly back into Earth's atmosphere and leave WW just kind of drifting by herself in orbit. The situation just struck me as so juvenile and contrived that it made me laugh out loud. If one of the biggest three heroes in the world actually WANTS to help you out with something, AND if she happens to be obscenely hot, YOU FUCKING LET HER COME ALONG.
Sep 1st, 2005, 12:11 AM
Guy probably didn't let her come because Wonder Woman won't put out for him.
Sep 1st, 2005, 01:53 PM
I don't know about Batman, but we know for a fact Superman has killed when he thought he had no choice.
Personally I think in the end everyone will discover they have good and bad in them and they need each other. They'll move forward togther, a little less friendly but wiser.
AND IT WILL BE NICE!
I feel bad for WW though. When Superman was trying his hardest to kill Dommsday, no one was all, like, that would be wrong, man!
Max Lord controlled Superman! He could have killed everyone or anyone or forced batman to get real smart and kill Superman! And now everyones being all mean to Wonder Woman? Fuck that noise man.
BECAUSE THIS IS ALL MORE REAL TO ME THAN MY REAL LIFE, OKAY?!
Sep 1st, 2005, 03:17 PM
Aaah...that felt good. I dont have the money or patience to keep up with whats happening in marvel and dc's comics these days, nice one proto! I have to try and figure whats happening by 5 minutes of the leafing through comics in the comic store when I am near it. Nice one Proto!
Keith Giffen was one of my favorite comic writers....the ambush bug mini series were amazing.
Sep 1st, 2005, 03:32 PM
Plus, Wonder Woman's trained as an amazon warrior, a soldier. Soldiers kill.
Anyway, I don't see how Max Lord could be controlling anybody, wasn't his body that actually had the ability to mind-control people destroyed? Isn't he basically a robot now?
Sep 2nd, 2005, 02:20 AM
Great article, Protoclown. I didn't get any of the DC stuff (I left when I picked up an issue of Flash and found out that Wally West is now professionally the Flash. No secret identities? What's the use?) but it seems like Marvel is still dedicated to messing stuff up.
I do agree with your major point: comics are getting too big again and more dedicated to selling issues for $3.50 instead of giving us good stories. Everything has to be so fucking big and a retread of stories twenty years old that I just collect the old TPBs or download the motherfuckers. Seriously, there's no way in hell that I'm paying four times the amount to read a glorified retread of a story just because some halfassed idiot thinks he can do a classic story one better. Nobody pays for drafts of stories already written or characterization to the point of lunacy. Invent your own damn characters and situations!!
Sorry, had to vent. Good article however. :)
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