The Newbie's Indispensible Guide to the Forums

[Anonymous]

http://www.popnko.com/imock/newguidebig.gif

In this thread I will explain a few points to people that are relatively new to these forums. I'm not trying to be humorous in this thread, so don't expect another 'Newbie Classification Guide,' replete with comical images of people carefully selected from Google.

OVERVIEW

The goal of this board is to supplement the I-Mockery.com website, and as such provide two things: Mockery by and for the public that attends the site and topic-driven discussion among registrars.

ETIQUETTE (Or, how not to be disliked)

Fighting
The first goal is often mistaken as meaning this is a 'flame board,' wherein you may (and are expected to) 'attack' other board members. While mocking other board members certainly falls under the category of 'mockery,' the unrelenting and/or humorless pursuit of individuals into seperate topics and forums does not. Learn to take a joke and leave it alone.

Content
You are not required to be funny or even interesting to post here, so please do not feel intimidated into attempting either. By the same token, don't exert yourself trying to be accepted by the community. 'Being yourself' is honestly the best way to go - you have nothing to prove and are guaranteed to fail in any attempts to shock or impress people by being an 'offbeat' individual, so just relax and don't be a jerk.

Replying to topics
Say your piece when needed and let a few people reply to a topic before you add to it again. The post count listed with your name is a good rule-of-thumb for whether or not you're being annoying; By clicking on the 'profile' button below your posts, you may access in-depth posting data: Around 10-15 posts per day are a very acceptable average for those getting used to the forum. Let other people talk too, and try to condense your thoughts into single posts.

Creating topics
Do not create a topic unless there is a good reason for it. Being new and harboring an intent to announce your arrival falls far from the bounds of 'good reason.' There are so many people here that there's no reason to introduce yourself. If someone wants to remember you, they'll do it of their own volition. Furthermore, keep topic creation to a maximum of once a week until you get to know the place better.

Not every thread goes in General Blabber - There are many other forums on this board under which your topic may belong.

RULES

You can only get unwillingly removed from the forums by breaking rules. They are as follows:

- No spamming (posts with the sole intent of 'selling' something)
- No flooding, hacking, or anything else that physically harms the forums.
- No malicious racist remarks.
- Exercise reason with images and their size, especially in signatures. (Generally speaking, with signatures, 150-200 pixels tall is 'enough.' For all other images, as the site is optimized for those running under an 800 x 600 resolution, most posts should follow suit: about 650 pixels wide and apply common sense to height. Keep in mind that many people are still using dial-up modems, so don't use many pictures, and optimize the ones you do if you can.)

Follow these basic guidelines and you may yet become a valued member of our community.
Maybe.

[Cap'n Crunch]

I think Jamesman already did one like this. :)

[ItalianStereotype]

i think you are a fucking dumbass, but that is neither here nor there.

[Jixby Phillips]

I think we should add a rule that says you should READ topics before replying to them.

If Cap 'n' Crunch is being ironic, then lets outlaw irony.

[Anonymous]

My logic is that anyone who would reply to a topic without reading it doesn't have the attention span to read my guide in the first place.

And crunch is apparently an example of this.

[Mockery]

Indeed. The main problem with so many newbies is that they come here and try to be overly "wacky", to the point that they're not just being themselves. It's not a show people, it's a discussion forum. Some people browse these boards for a long time before even posting, and those people normally do a lot better because at least they know what does and doesn't work around here.

Just be yourselves and don't make a useless 5-word post, 25 times a day.

[noob3]

don't make a useless 5-word post, 25 times a day.

Okay, I better be going now. Bye, guys!

[jin]

you wouldnt be happening to be going to the grocery store would you? Send crystal and her daughters my love, yo.

[James]

You should have tried to be funny. That way, I could understand why you put so much effort into something that would have no affect on anything. :/

Newbies can't read anyway, if you haven't noticed. :(

[Esuohlim]

If Newbies don't read topics before posting "HI, OMG I'M NEW!!!!" threads, chances are good that they won't read this one either.

And the newbies that do follow the rules are the kind that never stay long. :(

[Anonymous]

And the newbies that do follow the rules are the kind that never stay long.
Stop figuring me out.

[Jeanette X]

Good guide Chojin. Rog should place this where all newbies can see it before they post. I'm pleased that I didn't commit most of the no-no's on there, although I do one or two of them.

[Cap'n Crunch]

I read it and I remember Jamesman or someone else doing something having to do with the same topic before. How is it that I am a newbie but I signed up two or three days after the people that are posting on the board? I am not new. I have been here for a while just like all of you guys (or girls). I am just not an avid poster. Switch.

[Skulhedface]

Umm, Cap'n? It's because most of them were from the OLD boards, and a few of them have been there for a couple of years, so relatively speaking, yes you are a newbie as well. But REJOICE! for you are not a NEWERbie. Nor am I. :)

[Cap'n Crunch]

I have been on the old boards but I changed my name. I didn't like it.

[Skulhedface]

Oh ok. Sorry about that, but you came off like you were NOT part of the old boards.

[Cap'n Crunch]

What is there to say sorry about? No one liked me on the old boards and obviously no one likes me now.

[feelevil]

- No malicious racist remarks.

:rolleyes define malicious

[liquidstatik]

malicious

\Ma*li"cious\, a. [Of. malicius, F. malicieux, fr. L. malitiosus. See Malice.] 1. Indulging or exercising malice; harboring ill will or enmity.

I grant him bloody, . . . Sudden, malicious, smacking of every sin That has a name. --Shak.

2. Proceeding from hatred or ill will; dictated by malice; as, a malicious report; malicious mischief.

3. (Law)With wicked or mischievous intentions or motives; wrongful and done intentionally without just cause or excuse; as, a malicious act.

[FS]

It means don't say ****** when you mean it, ******.

[ItalianStereotype]

What is there to say sorry about? No one liked me on the old boards and obviously no one likes me now.

yet you still continue to post....astounding, absolutely astounding.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Rongi continues to post. :(

[Rongi]

Why do all the newbies hate me :/?

Oh wait...only the dumb ones do :)

[Krythor]

I read it and I remember Jamesman or someone else doing something having to do with the same topic before.

Too bad you obviously didn't read it properly, or else you would have noticed that Chojin referenced Jamesman's post and said "I'm not trying to be humerous and carefully hand-pick pictures out from Google to accompany my points" or something to that effect.

On the actual topic though, nice work Chojin, it's alot more useful than the "witty jamesman guide to not being stoopid newbie #1-10"

[Captain Robo]

That was very nice, Chojin.

[ItalianStereotype]

shut up robo.

[THE FIXER]

"whilst probing smegs and showstoppers mother's at the same time like ronjeremy notices a foul odour somewhat like a garbage can full of rotten cantelopes and proceeds to beat these disgusting ogre looking whores like rodney king whilst shooting load after load on there half baked lebanese bread looking cuntholes"

[Matt Harty]

On the actual topic though, nice work Chojin, it's alot more useful than the "witty jamesman guide to not being stoopid newbie #1-10"


I thought both we're pretty good.

[Cybernetico]

Nice guide Chojin, if I knew those rules I wouldn't have been banned from my 4,942,530,587,684,127,946,455.2 other forums!

that's a lot of forums!

[kellychaos]

Some people browse these boards for a long time before even posting, and those people normally do a lot better because at least they know what does and doesn't work around here.

Just be yourselves and don't make a useless 5-word post, 25 times a day.

I still don't know what does and doesn't work around here but I'm trying ... honest. You're right about bustin' onto the board trying be be outrageous and whacky. It doesn't work and is transparent ... Example: ME. I'm learning though ... I think :/ :)

[Skulhedface]

It seems that everyone makes that mistake.. even me, I admit, but it seems that the more I post in the Gaming and Music forums and less in General Blabber, it seems to be working itself out :lol

[Esuohlim]

I never did anything newbie-ish, but there's still a large number of people that have yet to learn to tolerate me. :/

[Rongi]

You're OK in my book, Esuohlim :(

[Cap'n Crunch]

It wasn't that Krythor, it was something different. I said Jamesman or someone else. It could be anyone on this board. I do remember somebody doing something like this before.

[LegoLars]

SHUT THE FUCK UP CHOJIN! I FUCKIN HATE YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN FUNKY SHOES! STOPSTOPSTOP OR I FUCKIN KILL YOU AND YOUR GOLDFISH! YOU'RE WRONG BITCH! I FUCKING OWNZ YOU! FUCK OFF GODAMMIT! FUCK! :) I THINK THAT YOU ARE A FUCKING RACIST FOR WRITING THIS! DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO DIE? LOL, K THANKS!
OMFG I'M SO WACKY!
LOL.

LEMONJUICE

[Cybernetico]

I know the guide says not to make fun of pople, especially when your a newbie like me

But seriously LegoLars, shut the hell up

[kellychaos]

You're OK in my book, Esuohlim :(

Now there's an endorsement. :/

[Zosimus]

I already messed up on the "do not attack" part and this is only my second post! Oops...I'll behave from now on :)

[Esuohlim]

Now there's an endorsement. :/

>:

[Rongi]

SpongeBob, in my book, I have you under worthless peice of shit :/.

[LegoLars]

thanks cybernetico. if you can't get a joke you're stupid.
I now dislike you. YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!

lol

OMFG you're so wacky cyber! i love you!

:)

[ria_uk]

Following the sage advise I shall not attempt to be funny or even mildly interesting!
Please can someone help me change my name. Why I thought ria_uk was appropriate for I-Mockery I know not what but having looked for a name in the Viz Profanisaurus (Far too lazy to think for myself at this late hour) I would much prefer to be called aeroplane blonde as I feel it suggests (to those who work it out) that I am slightly humourous which may or may not be true
In anticipation of someones help, thank you kindly x

[Godpuppet]

for shame.... :(

[kon]

I AM TESTING OUT MY NEW AVATAR :lol

edit: OMG it works :(

[Esuohlim]

BEST AVATAR EVAR. :(

[EatTheChildren]

Hmm... this seems like the perfect thread for what I want to say.

I've been a big newbie... and I'd like to explain myself. Excuses make me feel like I didn't do anything wrong in the first place!

I'm one of those people who is painfully shy. Sometimes I overcompensate for that with being a jackass. My first few posts illustrated that, I think. I would like to defend one thing I did, though. I was accused of spamming by putting a link to a site that really is pretty fun. I guess since it was one of my first few posts it seemed I was trying to 'sell' it, but i really just did it because I was trying to be friendly and give some people something to kill time with. I didn't come here with the intent to spam, I love this site. Sorry about it and I hope I won't be considered one of the retarded newbies.

[executioneer]

this thread should be in general blabber :(

-willie

[Cap'n Crunch]

I never did anything newbie-ish, but there's still a large number of people that have yet to learn to tolerate me. :/

You have been her for a little bit over a month, and you almost have a thousand posts. As everyone said before, I post too much, and I am trying to go around and read some stuff. I try not reply to every topic I see unless I have something useful to say or if it pertains to me. You, for example, are one of the people who post 5 word posts to build up how many posts you have. >:

[Esuohlim]

#1: Post counts are fucking gay, and whoever keeps track of them, tries to pass up other people, or post 40 times a day just to meet a certain quota are useless fucking faggots who have no life. I post around the same as about 20 other people. Take Skulhedface. He's been here only two weeks longer than me and he has about 250 more posts. Rongi, one month longer and 500 or so posts. Jamesman, for fuck's sake, one month longer and 800 posts more! I just spend a lot of time here, like these people, and if I feel like posting, I do. If you don't feel like posting and you feel like reading, then that's your choice.

#2: Your posts are in no way useful, Cap'n. I think I speak for a few people around here when I say that your posts do nothing but make me want to take the nearest pen, shove it in my eye, push it in until I reach my brain, and repeatedly stab it until the pain from reading your posts is gone. Your posts have the intelligence and common sense of a retarded 9-year-old deaf-mute.

Now, I'll try my hardest to not post any insults towards you from now on if you promise not to throw me so many easy opportunities. I know you can do it if you put enough effort into it...maybe.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Come on, I know you post at least 40 times some days. I can pull up anything that you post and it is utterly retarted. Most of your posts are emoticons. Plus, your website is terrible, and it has poor grammar. >:

[AChimp]

The only exception to the Fighting Rule are the lovers' spats between Chojin and I.

[Spooky]

Why do all the newbies hate me :/?

Oh wait...only the dumb ones do :)

I LOVE YOU?

[/useless post]

[the old new]

thank you for informing me dat. :)

[dj bastard]

Around 10-15 posts per day are a very acceptable average for those getting used to the forum. Let other people talk too, and try to condense your thoughts into single posts.
[/quote]
that is without doubt the gayest thing posted in the whole history of these boards, facking hilarious too.

[Evil Robot]

Around 10-15 posts per day are a very acceptable average for those getting used to the forum. Let other people talk too, and try to condense your thoughts into single posts.

that is without doubt the gayest thing posted in the whole history of these boards, facking hilarious too.[/quote]

shut up

[Derangon]

Oh, come on. Newbies never read guides like this!
...and no, I'm not a Newbie. I have been on many forums before this one.

...perhaps you should add a rule explaining that using ALL CAPS isn't particularly good ettiquette. Some of the Non-Newbies are still having difficulty with that one.

[ScruU2wice]

>: @ HYPOCRICY

[S.I.D.S.]

I read it....bitches

[liquidstatik]

Your avatar sucks. :(

[Esuohlim]

This thread contains a lot of bizarre stuff. Like me and Cap'n Crunch hating eachother, and THERE'S A KON POST ON THE SECOND PAGE :( :( :(

[Jixby Phillips]

Oh, come on. Newbies never read guides like this!
...and no, I'm not a Newbie. I have been on many forums before this one.

...perhaps you should add a rule explaining that using ALL CAPS isn't particularly good ettiquette. Some of the Non-Newbies are still having difficulty with that one.

VOMIT

[Schimid]

CYBERNETICO :lol

[SMN]

I read this when I was new, and I decided not to follow some rules to see how much trouble I'd be in, turns out I'm branded as an unoriginal, ignorant ego. I know not to do that again.

[Esuohlim]

BUT YOU REVIEW GAMES SO YOU'VE GOT THAT GOING FOR YOU

[SMN]

I take back that, and everything else i've said in my first thread.

I know that anybody can reveiw games,movies,and albums. I just meant I was doing it frequently.

Please. I wanna start from scratch with you guys. dont remember the old SMN, know the new SMN.

thanks! ^_^

P.S: Esuohlim, press the button on your keyboard that says "Caps Lock" A secret thing happens!

[Matt Harty]

P.S: Esuohlim, press the button on your keyboard that says "Caps Lock" A secret thing happens!

There goes the new SMN >:

[Cap'n Crunch]

I would like to apologize for being a complete retard in this thread. Thank you. :(

[Emu]

I'M POSTING IN AN ANNOUNCEMENT THREAD :D

[ProfessorCool]

I would like to apologize for being a complete retard in this thread. Thank you. :(

You should make another apology just in case for safe keeping ;)

Seriously mate, the soundtrack to FLCL was done by The Pillows, not the "Pancakes" Lmao, get your sources right kiddo!-Rinzen Edwin Riley

[Cap'n Crunch]

That's not even my guestbook, it's Kon's. I was seeing if the links would work. :lol

[bigtimecow]

omg scruU2wice, mr pink


anyway chojin you're a faggot.

i saw a video of a guy playing ddr with one leg.

[Anonymous]

Look, [potential philosophy board attendee], I know you thought you'd swagger in here with your pocket protector all polished and your freshly buffed bifocals glinting, ready to be crowned King of Sweaty-Palmed Intellectualism (a position you're obviously destined for) by the slack jawed, squinting, shit-wits here at the Mock, and it must be a terrible blow to find yourself instead rebuffed by razor-edged witticisms and an irreverent disregard for your paternatural powers of perception, but really you'll find few here receptive to your mewling, limp wristed little trantrums.

Allow me to explain this little disillusionment, as I'm certain sure the Fates have plenty more gnawing, gut wrenching disappointments to shovel your way (or so I sincerely hope).

You, O Rotund and Flabby One, are not quite so important as your Mommy and Daddy think you are. You are not the Mock's Sociological Saviour or Philosophical Redeemer. This board, like the world, doesn't care about you, your views, or your offense at our impious actions against the Natural Scientists of the Modern Day and Dim Past, ergo, bugger off or get with the program you greasy little quat. We've been fine for years without you, and will continue to thrive in your absence.

Some of you could learn something from this ;>

[Father §p@z]

I've only got one question. How do I do titles?

[Anonymous]

Titles on this board are done through donations to the site. Every year we all have to donate anyway to keep the forums up, and everyone who contributes to that pot gets a title.

[mubert]

Fighting
The first goal is often mistaken as meaning this is a 'flame board,' wherein you may (and are expected to) 'attack' other board members. While mocking other board members certainly falls under the category of 'mockery,' the unrelenting and/or humorless pursuit of individuals into seperate topics and forums does not. Learn to take a joke and leave it alone.

Well, Helm, I can now say this. Fuck you.

[JoppyBabbo]

Look, [potential philosophy board attendee], I know you thought you'd swagger in here with your pocket protector all polished and your freshly buffed bifocals glinting, ready to be crowned King of Sweaty-Palmed Intellectualism (a position you're obviously destined for) by the slack jawed, squinting, shit-wits here at the Mock, and it must be a terrible blow to find yourself instead rebuffed by razor-edged witticisms and an irreverent disregard for your paternatural powers of perception, but really you'll find few here receptive to your mewling, limp wristed little trantrums


This is the longest run-on sentence I've ever read..tsk, tsk.

[Anonymous]

shut up

[liquidstatik]

hey guys did i miss anything?

[Estabaum Baby]

Cool poeples :moon

[phast]

i did not read this thread but i will later maybe.

[Emu]

k

[CosmoToad]

i like soup

[Guitar Woman]

I just had a great idea: we make a list of all the emoticons that are unacceptable in any situation on the boards ever, so that we can make even more fun of people who use them because it's in the guide to the forums, which they should have read inside and out.

[Terra]

Anybody can "read."

"Understanding" is a whole different game.

[AChimp]

If an emoticon is unsuitable for the boards, it wouldn't be an emoticon that we'd have. :(

[Chojin]

i disagree :<

[AChimp]

:troutslap

OK, maybe that one sucks.

[Chojin]

:lol2 :troutslap :fu :boot :newbie :lurker :boob :) :maul :moon :fart :rock :rolleyes :wank :worship :bestthread :die

Those are all the ones i hate ;<

[AChimp]

Well, we can't get rid of these, IMO:

:) :rock :rolleyes :wank

They are pillars upon which this forum is built. I don't care about the others, though. :(

[Sam]

Everytime I see the :fu emoticon I think of Wang.

Because he put that in like every post he made. :/

[billbo]

http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/ghostbusters2/psychic3.gif[/img]

[Lenor]

I think someone has developed an OCD with emoticons...

and this thread is damn boreing, not rather worth reading ..

although I did not spend any time reading anything other then this page ..

ok thanx

[Emu]

:hypno

[Grislygus]

Thank the good Lord Jebus that Lenor was here, elsewise I'da never figgered this thread was boring.

[Lenor]

Gris: I have a couzin with the last name jebus.. its most likely not pronounced the exact way you think it is.

And when im around, nothing is boreing.. when are you going to just give in to that fact? Or must I keep speaking in Italian and german to prove my point that insults are much funnier in foreign languages?

[GADZOOKS]

the boreing 707

[Grislygus]

Well now, Miss Lenore, as you yerself pointed out, I jest be a simple country bumpkin, so I can't really speak fer how folks say the Lord's name in the Big City.

Ah certainly can't speak fer no pernunciation, but I CAN speak fer how interesting y' are, and whooeee, is you dull. If'n nobody's makin' fun of yeh, y'all jest another uninterestin' yes-man. Or yes-woman, I'm not entirely up ter date on the women's libberlingo.

[Lenor]

gris - allright thats old now. please stop.

[Grislygus]

Are you sure? You don't seem to respond well to logical arguments.

[Lenor]

Ive just been on good drugs for the past however long you've been doing that to tolerate it.

[Grislygus]

Just as well, I've pretty much run out of redneck things to say.

[kahljorn]

"I can't really speak fer how folks say the Lord's name in the Big City"

that made me laugh