Cosmo and Terra's foreplay ( and eventual coitus) thread

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Okay, Baby...let's do this

[Terra]

:lol i can't believe you did this baby. :lol

okay your nipple in my mouth or my nipple in yours?

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I think your nipple in my mouth...I have this uncontrollable oral fixation...at least I do now. :love

[Terra]

okay

my nipple in your mouth, a box of matches for the other nipple, and napalm for the bush area.

the low spark of high heel boys playing in the bacjground

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I like Traffic...

sounds like a cure for crabs...shave half of your bush, set the other half on fire, and stab the bastards with an ice pick when they run across..

[Terra]

bullets are more effective. messy but effective.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

bullets are indeed messy, and tend to leave marks. If there are makes to be made, I would prefer that they were made by my teeth.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

okay....first, I'll rub you down with either massage oil or Mazola so that when I lick your tits, my spit will bead up like raindrops on a freshly waxed Bentley. Then, I'll put down a plastic drop cloth so that the napalm doesn't stick to the hard wood floors, and melt some wax so I can affix the matches to your flesh and weave them into your bush (the half we didn't shave off). Then, as the soundtrack to "Footloose" drones in the background, we'll reenact the "fire-love" scene from Wickerman, then run burning into the hot tub, which I've filed with potato salad.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Then, after the burns have healed, we'll share a glass of Merlot, and engage in some light conversation, share some fruit and cheese, maybe take in a play.....then it's back to your place where I'll tie you up with your own stockings and re-enact yet another movie scene....this time, the "pounding Wilbur's bacon" scene from Charlottes Web.

[Terra]

then can we have cheesecake, hot dogs and melted drywall??

[Cosmo Electrolux]

then can we have cheesecake, hot dogs and melted drywall??

we can have HotDog Cheesecake smothered in drywall

[Cosmo Electrolux]

okay, I have it. The weather here is pretty stormy right now (95 MPH winds), so I'll have to make this quick.
Terra: dressed in a penguin costume covered in bleu cheese dressing
Cosmo: carrying a bucket of ice, a pair of salad tongs, and a bottle of anbesol.

the soundtrack? The Magic Flute...played entirely on a kazoo

[Cosmo Electrolux]

oh, shit..here comes the rain. The dogs are going apeshit...and I'm almost out of wine.

one more...then that's it for right now..

Me: Dressed as a conquistador , armed with a bottle of amyl nitrate and a half eaten potted meat sandwich

You: dressed seductively, in garters, stockings, a silky robe, smelling of pulled pork and rancid cole slaw.

the kid playing banjo in "deliverance" narrates the symphony of our desires...and provides the musical interlude.

[James]

adsfasdfasd

[Terra]

it'll get better once we start slinging the sour cream and hog mash

[Cosmo Electrolux]

This is the worst session of Dungeons & Dragons I've ever seen.


I will flay and stuff your fat ass if you step foot in here again. This is an uncomfortable thread (Chojin's description) that I started to relieve Terra of her underwear and to get my nostrils wrapped around her crotch, and I will thank you to keep your "poor me, I can't get a girlfriend" ass out of here, capiche?

You're gonna fucking jinx my mojo

[James]

sdafasdsasfd

[Cosmo Electrolux]

You're right, Cosmo. Congratulations on your relationship with Terra. Hopefully soon you'll be able to go where everyone else has already gone before and the two of you will live happily ever after until the attention you give her stops being enough and she leaps to the next guy who calls her a cunt.

Now make a saving throw because YOU JUST TRIGGER A SPIKE TRAP! :eek

you really need to get laid James. No, really.

This is a message board, not real life.

[James]

asdfsadfsadfasd

[James]

asdfasdfasdfsa

[Cosmo Electrolux]

you're pathetic, James. I mean that.

And, the thought of you what a woman is what educated people call a work of fiction. Grow up.

[Chojin]

Chaotic Neutral Elvish Bard, named S'laddivish Moonprowl.

I tip my jaunty hat at Barak and smile a knowing smile.

[Schimid]

Lawful Good Orc Undead Cleric, known as Horancious Tearfall.

I gaily prance towards Thuzzuul and take a most chivalrous bow!

[Chojin]

I stagger back in shock at Horancious' arrival and stammer uncontrollably:

A M-m-m-m-monster!

I then raise my enchanted flute to my lips and play the sonnet of sleep.

[Schimid]

Saving throw versus sleep!

*rolls a 20 and becomes extra awake*

I respond with laughter and more prancing. I turn my attention towards S'laddivish and humbly pronounce:

Oh, I am no monster! I be Horancious Tearfall, protector of the innocent!

I reach into my pack and retrieve a Lost Dagger of Y'ellthazor. I throw it at S'laddivish, in the hopes that he will catch it!

[Chojin]

You have to ROLL for that. :rolleyes

[James]

ASDFASFSDFSDA

[Moobs]

Tordek the dwarf fighter

I stand over Barak and raise my fist with power

[Terra]

aw you guys have been busy overnight!

i raise my third finger in derision!

[Chojin]

I once again raise the lute to my lips and play the song of morale to boost everyone's to-hit and damage by 1. With my other hand, I ready my bastard sword and twirl it about defiantly.

[Moobs]

After much dancing, I become fatigued and strength and dexterity get a -2 penalty. Damn it, damn it to hell!! I lie down for 8 hours of sleep, next to Barak (to guard him)

[noob3]

oh damn good job putting me to sleep my lvl 40 elven ranger is always tired so i fell asleep

fuck u guys :(

[adept_ninja]

graf ironheart - basket weaver

enters the deep sewers sensing peril in the deep,
in his fear he constructs a basket, it is of fine craft one
of his better works ::gains 1 lvl to basket weaving skill::

[Grislygus]

Wimpy Lockbox, human arcane archer.

Fires enchanted arrow at mud golem
*rolls* misses.

[James]

ASDFDASFSDAF

[Lenor]

Confusion, strikes me down with a massive force, drawn on by the geek-Dom.

I try to run away, yet get captured by a 9000 pound hippo, that can out-run lance Armstrong.

I finagle my way out of the beast grip, roll a 7, beat king koopa.

Save the princess, beat the game. THE END.

[Grislygus]

Wimpy Lockbox fires Seeker arrow at sleeping golem
*rolls* misses.

[Moobs]

I wake up, hey whats going on guys? Oh is that the way out, awesome stuff. Sorry I overslept ^_^;;

[Grislygus]

Wimpy Lockbox begins crafting Arrow of Death.
Wimpy Lockbox finishes crafting Arrow of Death.
Wimpy Lockbox fires Arrow of Death at sleeping golem.

*rolls* misses.

[Lenor]

I rolled a 5.

What do I get?

[Moobs]

You get dazed, usually lasts about one round

[Chojin]

I use my wilderness survival ability to try to find the source of the light!

[sspadowsky]

Did I miss the coitus? I hate to miss the coitus.

[Optimistic Socks]

Fenwidge Tatterhelm- Town Drunk

enters on scene with +20 Jigger Of Wine
Rolls for shot amount
Rolls 20
Drinks

Rolls to unleash +5 Vomit Comet on Terra
Suceeds

[Zinger]

I'm a moogle. Kupo-po-po-po-po

^_______^

[Terra]

plz get this shit back to the game. no subversives. thanks

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Did I miss the coitus? I hate to miss the coitus.

no, I wasn't sure which dice I was supposed to roll for coitus :(

[Terra]

well, at least you have dice :(

[Esuohlim]

:(

:(

This is exactly how the actual coitus would've ended too

[Terra]

mr dry hump, everybody

[Cosmo Electrolux]

This is exactly how the actual coitus would've ended too
This from someone who has not seen a vagina since he exited one

[Esuohlim]

Quick Terra this is your cue ;)

[Terra]

no need to comment. cos slapped your little fat ass so much i'm feeling the wiggle over here.

[James]

fasdfasdfdasfds

[James]

dsfasdfasd

[Cosmo Electrolux]

http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/1023/imockrpgrq9.jpg

:lol

another perpetual virgin. Good luck with life.

[James]

sdfasdfasdfasd

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I can see where someone who has no real world experience of ANYTHING would make an assumption like that, but remember what happens when we make assumptions, James.

And, I'm not INVOLVED with Terra, you moron. In case you've forgotten, this is a MESSAGE BOARD, not real life. My name isn't really Cosmo and I really don't look anything like my avatar anymore (the wonders of plastic surgery). I can never CHEAT on anyone here, since I have no real relationship with anyone on this board, except for Max and Protoclown, but I'd rather not talk about that, or the medical issues that were a result of that.

All of this is pretend...if you see it as anything other than that you need help. Seriously.

Now, take your 20 sided dice and your crayons, and go tell your mommy that the bad old man on the forums is being mean again.

[James]

fsdfasdfdsasf

[Zinger]

Can we make with the coitus already? I don't care much for waiting.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I don't care much for ass goblins, yet here you are.

[Terra]

rectal warts, preparation h, and champaign:love

[Cosmo Electrolux]

a bottle of reisling, an ounce of borax, and a penile implant gone horribly, horribly wrong.

[Terra]

a blown out boob job, expired valium, and one cup of 6 month old "piece of milk."

[Cosmo Electrolux]

a prolapsed rectum, three peyote buttons, and a moldy convience store burrito

[GADZOOKS]

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/2/21/Carnac.jpg

Three things found in Anna Nicole's hotel room when she died.

[Schimid]

SOMETHING WACKY

SOMETHING ZANY

SOMETHING CRAZY!

[GADZOOKS]

you forgot SOMETHING GROSS :x

[Schimid]

whoa, thanks GADZOOKS

SOMETHING GOOFY :troutslap

SOMETHING GROSS ;) :x:x:x

SOMETHING IRRELEVANT :eek :eek :eek

[GADZOOKS]

THREAD BACKUPS!

[Zinger]

I don't care much for ass goblins, yet here you are.


It's pedogoblin buddy.

[Terra]

It's pedogoblin buddy.

get the fuck out, pal. he was being nice. your nothing but a fucking wingnut without a purpose.

[Terra]

a prolapsed rectum, three peyote buttons, and a moldy convience store burrito

ten week old little debbies, three rocks of pop rockets, and zinger's ass to shove them in.


babe, you know how cranky i get on thursday evenings :love

[James]

fasdfasdfads

[Cosmo Electrolux]

RAAR RAAR RAAAR I AM TERRA AND I AM MENTALLY STUNTED BECAUSE WITH MY GIANT TITS I NEVER HAD TO USE MY BRAIN A DAY IN MY LIFE!

LUCKY FOR ME I FOUND SOMEONE WHO LIKES ME FOR MY TITS BECAUSE BOY HOWDY HE'D BE DISAPPOINTED IF HE LOOKED PAST THEM!

THANK YOU COSMO FOR BEING SHALLOW AND DRIVEN BY BEING A FUCKING PERVERT HUGS AND TEDDY BEAR KISSES!

-TERRA!


SAVING THROW!

whoa, James...calm down there, Buddy. I've never seen Terra's tits, and only recently saw her face, so I guess you could say I knew her personality first. As far as my being shallow, you could probably say that I am a bit narcicistic, most fitness instructors tend to be, but I'm working on it, you know? As far as being a pervert, you can believe what you want, pal. I am what I am...

[Terra]

a bushel of nutsack hair, a bottle of ultrasheen and an old caviar shake

[Cosmo Electrolux]

a bottle of jeri curl, a three pound sledge hammer, and a Krystal burger on a soggy, moldy bun.

no onions... :|

[Zinger]

*fap fap fap fap fap*

[Terra]

a bottle of jeri curl, a three pound sledge hammer, and a Krystal burger on a soggy, moldy bun.

no onions... :|

a whataburger, smashed by said three pound sledge hammer (onions obliterated!), a spatula, and three fingers of 35 year scotch

[Cosmo Electrolux]

a whataburger, smashed by said three pound sledge hammer (onions obliterated!), a spatula, and three fingers of 35 year scotch
There's a pedophile jerking off in my thread.

Anyway, an Arby's roast beef sammich, a bastard file, and a half pint of Evan Williams with a marlboro light butt floating in the bottle.

[Terra]

There's a pedophile jerking off in my thread.

Anyway, an Arby's roast beef sammich, a bastard file, and a half pint of Evan Williams with a marlboro light butt floating in the bottle.

a pedophile isn't the only one jerking off in this thread, babe.

a 10 year old used maryjane in a bottle of red-mou-tain, a nutsack bandaid, and a chicken pot pie from the kfc

[Cosmo Electrolux]

oh my goodness, Terra..you made me blush

okay, a three week old microwaved honeybun, a glass tube rammed in Chojins dickhole and then pounded with the before mentioned sledgehammer, and two fingers of Cabo Wabo tequila

[Terra]

:love :love YOU'RE HERE!!!!!! :love :love :love

[Cosmo Electrolux]

:love :love I couldn't stay away!!!

[Terra]

oh my goodness, Terra..you made me blush

okay, a three week old microwaved honeybun, a glass tube rammed in Chojins dickhole and then pounded with the before mentioned sledgehammer, and two fingers of Cabo Wabo tequila

Oh god! make mad love to me NOW! two fingers of cognac, , and ten year old girlscout shortbread, marinated in milhouse's uvula

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I would love to make mad love to you now!!!
a six pack of Mikes hard lemonade, To hell with Chojin, and a fifteen year old Zinger found under the stove.

[Terra]

done and done!

one zinger, nuked in the microwave and left outside for the birds, , and a bottle of ripple.

add, one candle for you and i, a bed of polyfoam, and the byrds playing in the background.

[Jeanette X]

Can we just go back to playing Dnd?

I've got my half-orc Chaotic Good bard already and everything...:(

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Can we just go back to playing Dnd?

I've got my half-orc Chaotic Good bard already and everything...:(


I like you Jeanette...don't make me abuse you.

[James]

dsafasdfas

[Lenor]

James thats HOT!

[Cosmo Electrolux]

So now Cosmo's admitting to being a rapist?

Makes sense, considering how sex-obsessed he is. "Mein Gott! If I don't have sex soon, my life will be meaningless! Hey, there's that 10-year-old girl next door. I bet she's still a virgin, and nailing a virgin makes me SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME! IT'S RAPING TIME!"

you don't want to do that James...take your pills and go back to surfing porn sites and jerking off to japanese cartoons. You're coming off like a jealous schoolboy...which is basically what you are.

Besides, Terra isn't 10....you may be, but she isn't.

go ahead, do your saving roll.

[James]

asdffafsf

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Do you edit your posts just so you can add in these little clever taglines? :lol

Really, I just want you to stop posting in this thread. You've already made a lot of us uncomfortable by encouraging Terra into making even more posts, and then you ruined a perfectly good game of D&D, and now you're just flat-out upsetting people with your rape fantasies. Enough is enough.

If you continue to post in this thread, I'll have to take action and put a stop to it. You have been warned.

And don't make another thread like this. Just keep your erotic adventures with Terra between yourselves in AIM, or if you must, PMs. Just please stop subjecting us all to the thought you you and Terra hooking up.

Wow...internet threats from a borderline retard that lives in his parents basement. Go ahead, James. Take action.

[Terra]

you know james, i don't care to be banned anymore since there are no cookies in ban-land!!

cos and i will be toning it down around here. we are good friends and have nothing but complete respect for each other. we have no romantic liason going on between the two of us and having said that, i'll add that cos is a really great guy that actually gets out of the house and dates. other ladies. and unlike you, he has a life outside of the internet in which he plays a vital role. he is a proactive, contributing member of society and the father of two beautiful children that he adores and whom adore him as well.

now you know me, james. i'm a trashy sleaze that will hook up with any guy that abuses me on an internet forum. i'll have phone sex with complete strangers, particularly with guys that constantly ask me what i'm wearing and i'll happily fornicate with small rodents carrying rabies. i get the shits and giggles every time a swarm of ants crawl up and down my ass. i have absolutely no redeeming value in society except to smoke cigarettes, trim my beard once every ten years, braid my pubic hair (the part that wasn't shaved on one side), collect welfare and dash off to doha to fuck a camel.

i would like to thank you for your jealous outburst.

oh. one more thing.

what are YOU wearing today?

SAVING ROLL

[Esuohlim]

I think the bottom line is that the LET'S NAME THREE OFF THE WALL OBJECTS AT A TIME thing you two have been doing nonstop spanning at least five or six threads over the course of a month is cringe-inducingly lame and is something I'd expect to see on some run-of-the-mill 15-year-old faggot's message board with his 15-year-old faggot friends.

But hey who am I here the Internet police hahaha oh man

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I think the bottom line is that the LET'S NAME THREE OFF THE WALL OBJECTS AT A TIME thing you two have been doing nonstop spanning at least five or six threads over the course of a month is cringe-inducingly lame and is something I'd expect to see on some run-of-the-mill 15-year-old faggot's message board with his 15-year-old faggot friends.

But hey who am I here the Internet police hahaha oh man
actually, this thread was created to keep you 15 year old faggots from complaining non stop and getting pussyhurt about our banter, which you chose to post in. Like I've said before, if you don't like it, use the ignore feature.

[GADZOOKS]

How about you two trade AIM screenames? Like I've said before, no one besides Terra and yourself think this is funny or entertaining. Or keep it in one fucking thread from now on and forever.

[Terra]

we attempted to do just that. now why don't you just cork your ass with a blowpop and make us all grin. >:

[Cosmo Electrolux]

How about you two trade AIM screenames? Like I've said before, no one besides Terra and yourself think this is funny or entertaining. Or keep it in one fucking thread from now on and forever.

I'm not the one following you into every thread you post in, douchbag. Use the ignore feature , stay out of threads I create...or, stop being a pussyhurt little faggot and shut up.
Judging by the amount of whining you do, I'll bet your one of the retards that kept IM'ing Terra begging for nude pictures, aren't you?
Fucking loser.

[GADZOOKS]

Judging by the amount of whining you do, I'll bet your one of the retards that kept IM'ing Terra begging for nude pictures, aren't you?Sounds like something you would do, you creep.

But please, continue your rendition of Pink Flamingos if you can keep it to this thread.

[James]

Fine, you win. :/

I'm a pathetic virgin who lives with his parents who can't get anyone to give a shit about him, and I'm better off just killing myself instead of trying to live this worthless life the best I know how. There, I said it. You're absolutely right on all fronts, Cosmo.

You're a better person than I am, and I'll never be able to change what I am, and I'll never be able to be happy with what I have. So fuck it all. You win, I'm a loser.

[Lenor]

Fine, you win. :/

I'm a pathetic virgin who lives with his parents who can't get anyone to give a shit about him, and I'm better off just killing myself instead of trying to live this worthless life the best I know how. There, I said it. You're absolutely right on all fronts, Cosmo.

You're a better person than I am, and I'll never be able to change what I am, and I'll never be able to be happy with what I have. So fuck it all. You win, I'm a loser.

>:cosmo's a fucking prick.

[Terra]

>:cosmo's a fucking prick.

uh...lenore...sweetie...you might have missed something one page back.

[Grislygus]

Trouble in paradise, eh guys?

[Terra]

not hardly, you dry humping mole. can you read, you ignorant fuck? :lol

[Lenor]

uh...lenore...sweetie...you might have missed something one page back.

OH shit, sometimes after reading so much of this board.. my attention span.. well you know:hypno

[Terra]

OH shit, sometimes after reading so much of this board.. my attention span.. well you know:hypno

no problem hon. but it was MY post that did this. so *i'm* the fucking prick.

[Lenor]

No your just a crazy biotch ;)

[Terra]

well..yeah.

[Lenor]

AND I AM TOO!!

[Terra]

WELL...YEAH!!

[Pudty]

TERRA!
I'M GUNNA DRY HUMP YA!!!

[Lenor]

Pudty, step in line buddy... ;)

[glowbelly]

i'm on the verge of ignoring all of you. seriously >:

[Lenor]

serwiously?

[Zinger]

Back after that whole microwave and birds incident. WHOO!

[Terra]

i'm on the verge of ignoring all of you. seriously >:

this hurts worse than any banning i've suffered here. i'm sorry glow. :(

[Lenor]

tara, its probally because glow hates me.

[Chojin]

James got upset as far as I can tell because I didn't lock the thread IMMEDIATELY after his last post, which was another neat DND picture.

The funny thing about it is that I didn't lock it after his post because I was busy having sex. OH THE IRONY.

[glowbelly]

yes, terra, the reason why i'm going to ignore (almost) everyone in this thread is because i hate lenor. can't you see? it makes perfect sense.

no. ok, maybe to a self-absorbed 20-something who thinks she is waaaay smarter than she really is, it makes sense, but you should know better, dearie. yes you should.

and for the record: NOBODY gets nasty with mle on my watch. >: she drew me pictures and came up for cub's birthday and SHOWED UP WHEN SHE SAID SHE WOULD and was DELIGHTFUL and makes one mean iced coffee so HUSHUP.

[Matt Harty]

whoa what a character break by james :(

[Matt Harty]

Lenor and Cosmo are seemingly dying to be Terras best friend, which results in zany lotida-style thread jacking. I doubt the three of them combined could manage making one worthwhile post.

Is there a way to make a sub forum and restrict their posting to only that one. We could call it BFFL The Series or something.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Lenor and Cosmo are seemingly dying to be Terras best friend, which results in zany lotida-style thread jacking. I doubt the three of them combined could manage making one worthwhile post.

Is there a way to make a sub forum and restrict their posting to only that one. We could call it BFFL The Series or something.

in the same vein, is there any way you can restrict idiots like gadzooks, Matt Hardy and liquidstatic to one thread? it could be called "spastic faggots", and there they could post pictures of themselves and critique each others cocksucking activites.

[Matt Harty]

I see how you took what I said and changed some words around! Good job! This is what I mean. You guys need to get on a three way call with each other and strategize better ways to shit on threads without making them into HILARIOUS instant messenger-like conversations.

I mean I love watching you struggle to make friends with one of the worst posters. It says alot about you. But give everyone else who isn't into watching you humiliate yourself a break.

[Lenor]

Matt, so what would that say about my friendships with Chuck (noob3), Sean (blackflag), or Eric (chojin).

Noob and blackflag aren't exactly idiots.

[Matt Harty]

I don't know maybe they're volunteers in one of those campaigns where you make friends with the mentally challenged

[Lenor]

OMFG HowZ DID YOU evRE N0w????!!!?!??!?!?!??!

[MarioRPG]

Hahaha, I just realized, Lenor is just lunlun but just refrains from mentioning "Germany" to piss people off.

[Lenor]

UH, nope. I am Amber.

[Terra]

I mean I love watching you struggle to make friends with one of the worst posters.

whoa i take issue with that dude. i'm like the fourth poster from the worst.>:

[Lenor]

I think I was listed as the fourth poster from the worst. :/

[Terra]

Nah...me.

[Matt Harty]

Yeah I said "one of"

[Chojin]

"one of" huh what about namedrop namedrop namedrop namedrop namedrop

[Lenor]

Namedropping is fun, I wish I had a pic of me with my good friend Charles Manson! But they denied his parole, AGAIN! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? He knew where to get all the good drugs!

[Matt Harty]

oh lenoorrrr! what will she say next! :lol

[Esuohlim]

I love talking about all my I-Mockery friends like Eric, Chuck, Sean, Matt, Sam, Jennifer, Willie, Max, Roger, Jason, Brian, Danny, Luke, Mark, Martin, Tim, Luc, Karen, Zak, Jarv, Seth, Clay, James, John, and Saad I <3 you all internet friends forever

[kahljorn]

i never get included in lists about being friends with lenor on the internet!

[Lenor]

Milhouse, I'll make a deal with you. When you post something relevant on this board to one of my post that isn't a parody of something I have already said. When you stop being a hypocrite; That's right, I'm referring to your awful website that mentions 'friends' whom I know you have never actually met in real life from this board. Yet when the ratio of whom I have is mentioned is '3 of the 300' actual posters, I start really grasping to see the problem in this; if it has been the same three people for 6 year's. And finally, when you post an actual picture of you, and not hide behind Internet anonymity. Than I shall try and abide by your 'suggestive' input you have laid out for me.

Kahl thats cause its :secret

[Matt Harty]

It's amazing how you manage to insult yourself so often