If I had a time machine…

[hating_love_loving_hate]

I’d kick my 15 year old self in the face! I googled myself the other day (which I sometimes do when I am drunk and lonely) and I ran across some really old posts on I-mockery, I would like to apologize to those of you who endured my ignorance. I always knew I made an ass of my self but holy mother of god! I didn’t relies how bad it really was. Any how I did miss your sarcasm and crazy antics even if at the time I was hated by all it was rightly so. So here I am again at I-mockery
and since I’m kind of newish now I thought I would say hi
.

[Supafly345]

Haha, hey what's up man! Oh you haven't changed a bit!

[Cosmo Electrolux]

:confused: did you post under a different screen name?

[Esuohlim]

If I had a time machine I'd go forward in time to like year 2500 and rape a bunch of women then I'd keep travelling back one day from then and do it all over again so I'd have at least 450 years of raping women without consequences. But we're not talking about me here lol

[hating_love_loving_hate]

Yes I did post under a different screen name

[Esuohlim]

If I had a time machine I'd go forward in time to like year 2500 and rape a bunch of women then I'd keep travelling back one day from then and do it all over again so I'd have at least 450 years of raping women without consequences. But we're not talking about me here lol

Although in the 2500 they probably will have rape prevention devices inserted in their vaginas so that's probably not a good idea after all :(

[MetalMilitia]

By the year 2500 they might have super advanced sex-bots which are just like women but better.

If I had a time machine I'd go forward in time to like year 2500 and rape a bunch of women then I'd keep travelling back one day from then and do it all over again so I'd have at least 450 years of raping women without consequences. But we're not talking about me here lol

That sounds like an episode of Quantum Leap I saw once :eek

[Grislygus]

Although in the 2500 they probably will have rape prevention devices inserted in their vaginas so that's probably not a good idea after all :(

We have that NOW, they're inverted needle condoms that women put into their snatch.

[Fathom Zero]

I'm waiting for that one situation with the vindictive girlfriend to happen.

[Grislygus]

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0780622

[Sethomas]

Vagina Dentata, what a wonderful phrase.
Vagina Dentata, ain't no passin' craze.

[kahljorn]

fuck now i keep singing Hakunamatata.

screw you sethomas.

[FartinMowler]

Rongi (the year 2505)

Hello

Girl from the future

Hi

Rongi

you like my time machine?

Girl

Not really

Rongi

I'm going to rape you

Girl

women of the future only have a hole filled with acid to prevent child birth

Rongi

who said I want kids? :lol

[MattJack]

We have that NOW, they're inverted needle condoms that women put into their snatch.

http://images.inmagine.com/168nwm/image100/10048/10048035.jpg

[executioneer]

if i had a time machine
i'd time machine in the morning
i'd time machine in the evening
all over this laaaaand
i'd time machine out danger
i'd time machine out waaaarning
i'd time machine out love between my brothers and my sisters
a-hall, all over this land

[MetalMilitia]

When I was young I always figured that song was about Jesus carpentering.

[DuFresne]

uh, Fartin? You do know Rongi hasn't posted at all in this thread, right?

Or did I miss a joke?

[Fathom Zero]

When will then be now?

Soon.

HOW SOON!?

[Sethomas]

When you say it's going to happen now,
when exactly do you mean?
See, I've already waited too long.
And all my hopes are gone.

[FartinMowler]

uh, Fartin? You do know Rongi hasn't posted at all in this thread, right?


I didn't even notice I did that...after a while people on this site all sound the same :\

[noob3]

if i had a time machine i'd go back in time and buy alot of apple/microsoft stock

[Fathom Zero]

if I had a time machine, I'd buy stock in LIFE.

[MattJack]

I'd go smoke a blunt and drink wine with Jesus Christ

[DuFresne]

I'd go back 1 billion years, just to prove that the universe existed back then. Not that it hasn't been proven already, but you know some people :rolleyes

[kahljorn]

wouldn't you probably die instantaneously if you went back in time 1 billion years ago? WHAT WOULD THAT PROVE?

[DuFresne]

DON'T QUESTION THE ANSWERS TO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS, YOU PARTY POOPER >: >: >: >: :EXPLODE

[kahljorn]

FUCK HYPOTHETICAL NIGGA

EVEN GOING BACK IN TIME A COUPLE OF DAYS THE EARTH WOULD PROBABLY BE SO FAR AWAY YOUD APPEAR IN THE DEADNESS OF SPACE AND FUCKING DIE UNLESS YOU HAD A SPACESUIT ON OKAY FUCK HIPPOPATOMAOUSES IN SPACE

[Grislygus]

I believe all of you are distracting from the meaningful image of thousands of South African women singing together, about their problem free philosophy, and how fucking funny Sethomas' joke is on so many levels.

Vagina Dentata!

Vagina Dentata?

Yeah, it's our motto!

What's a motto?

Nothing. What's a-motto with you?

THERE ARE NEEDLES IN MY PENIS.

[kellychaos]

I'd go back circa the early Roman Empire and become the pagan God of time.

[executioneer]

kellychaos!!!!!!!!

[executioneer]

wait a minute kellychaos are you the same person as give me the money >:

[MetalMilitia]

:eek :eek

[kahljorn]

I had hakuna mutata in my head for like two days after sethomas said that :(

[kellychaos]

Much tribute would be demanded and bestowed upon Kelly the Time God.

[Esuohlim]

Oh great >:

[noob3]

i'd go give the confederacy ak47s

[Blue Fox]

If the romans had actually met any of the gods they probably wouldn't have made them sound so great...

[kellychaos]

If time travel were possible, would we be more or less suseptible to the germs in that past that have yet to evolve?

[Grislygus]

If the romans had actually met any of the gods they probably wouldn't have made them sound so great...

Roman gods were fucking dull as hell.

[executioneer]

yeah theyre all named after planets sheesh what a bunch of astronomy nerds

[Grislygus]

astronomy is like math, right

math is stupid

[kellychaos]

If I had a time machine, I would zip back to right before Fartin Mowler's parents conception of him with a pocket full of condoms and beg that they use them during this unholy union.

[executioneer]

kellychaos will you please stick around and teach these knuckleheads a thing or two about posting on message boards :(

[MetalMilitia]

...and get your dancing Hobbes avatar back.

[Girl Drink Drunk]

You're living in a time machine
And you can choose just who you are
Someone that you've never seen
Somewhere you've never been
You're living in a time machine


And yeah, bring back the dancing Hobbes avatar.

[MockMeAmadeus]

if I had a time machine, I'd buy stock in LIFE.

Damn right!

[Part-time Ninja]

I'd hang around with Rasputin. That guy was one serious hardcore motherfucker.

Oh, and I'd visit the 60's too, to see if they really were as fun as folk make out...

Edit: I would also go back to when this forum was made, kick Roger off his stool, and make this biatch bright pink. You know it makes sense...

[MockMeAmadeus]

I'd zip back to Jun 26th, 2007, 11:15.59 AM and pray that the internet is down.

[JB_Man]

I'd go back to the future!

[GADZOOKS]

I like how everyone assumes that a time machine is also going to take you wherever you want to go so you can meet said historic figures. You fucking idiots.

The only answer is Dinosaur Time. Any other answer is completely retarded.

[executioneer]

well generally speaking if you've got the money to build a time machine it is assumed you've also got the money to have it shipped wherever

[GADZOOKS]

Yeah but we are talking about nerds on a message board, not donald trump.

[Jeanette X]

Roman gods were fucking dull as hell.

I think Priapus was pretty interesting...:wank

[Esuohlim]

How is going forward in time to rape a bunch of women not everyone's top choice here

[executioneer]

why forward i would imagine rape prevention technology only improves as time goes by

in the year 2203 ladies will have the option of having a device that makes anyone who touches them inappropriately get instantly vaporized that doesn't sound so great to me

[Esuohlim]

Well if you went back in time for mass rapings you'd be known in your own time as an infamous rapist, you couldn't really keep a low profile in any period of time after the rapes occur. So, assuming lack of rape prevention technology, going into the far future to rape and then travelling back one day prior each time you want to rape is the best way to do it.

Hey Jeanette what's your take on this? :x

[executioneer]

well thats why you go back in time to before there was language and rape all the hot cave women doi

worst thing that happens is you get some lewd cave drawings about it who listens to those :rolleyes

[executioneer]

of course i guess another problem w/ timetravel rapes is if you go backwards then its more and mroe likely you become your own great to some extent grandfather :( or uhh well i was gonna say you might rape ur own offspring in the future but come on anyone who has time travel rape fantasies sure isn't gonna be getting w/ any ladies in their own time period anytime soon

[GADZOOKS]

Man not to mention all the old age diseases they must have. Cave herpes is probably 10 times worse then your baseball and apple pie kind.

Rape is just not worth it: Past, Present, or Future

[executioneer]

hahaha cave herpes

new title time