Complicated Toilet

[Protoclown]

Why is it that my roommate cannot work a simple toilet? And then he gets all pissy with me when I confront him about the fact that he left a nice stinky present for the rest of us that live here. He claims that the toilet is not powerful enough to handle his shit, and that it takes several flushes and he doesn't have the time to stand around and flush it for twenty minutes. Despite the fact that one more flush was all it took to get rid of the surprise he left behind.

:(

[James]

My brother didn't poop for three days. Then when he did, it was this one long piece of crap that wrapped around the inside of the bowl, like soft-serve ice cream.

The thing had to have been more than a meter long. He had to poke it with a stick so that it would be in small enough pieces to flush.

Tell your roomate about that the next time he tries to act like his doodies are all buff.

[Protoclown]

No, it's not so much that he was saying his turds were royalty on Turd Mountain, he was just saying that the toilet sucks.

He gets all pissy and defensive whenever you confront him about anything, and I mean anything at all. I asked him why he had all these old fast food drink cups (with residue or in some cases an inch of warm nasty soda still inside) laying around in the living room, if he was saving them for some reason and he immediately shot back that I had some book sitting on the table. I tried to explain to him the fundamental difference between a book that one likes to keep and stinky trash that one likes to throw away, but he would have none of it.

[James]

I should have mentioned our toilet really does suck, and it could handle what has been labelled "The Serpent."

[Protoclown]

Hey, when it can handle "The Writhing Tentacle", then I'll be impressed.

[Cap'n Crunch]

If he doesn't like the toliet so much, make him go in a cup. Make sure he gets the shit all over his hands too. :)

[James]

You're missing the point. >:

I'm saying, if our crappy toilet can tame such a beast, then I'm sure yours can handle his semen-coated butt nuggets. >:

[Geggy]

If you want to teach him a lesson, scoop the poop log out of the toilet and dump it on his bed everytime he doesn't finish flushing.

[AChimp]

You should tell him to smuggle a toilet from Canada. Our conservation laws aren't as strict when it comes to water, so a single flush from a Canadian toilet sends your turds flying down the pipes on what is practically your own little white water rapids.

Plus, the hole for your shit is bigger. ;)

[soundtest]

A metre?? :puke :faint

[James]

If you want to teach him a lesson, scoop the poop log out of the toilet and dump it on his bed everytime he doesn't finish flushing.

You know, for a Janitor King, I would have figured you'd opt for cleaner methods of revenge.

[kellychaos]

You should tell him to smuggle a toilet from Canada. Our conservation laws aren't as strict when it comes to water, so a single flush from a Canadian toilet sends your turds flying down the pipes on what is practically your own little white water rapids.
;)

I think that the Gallons Per Flush (GPF) is part of your buddy's problem. If upon "leaving the kids at the pool" you only take a half-hearted stab at the flushing handle, then you're not getting the full effect per flush. Then the water needs to build up again for the next flush. If the water has NOT been given enough time to build up, then repeated half-flushes isn't going to help the situation. When he's in a better mood, tell him to hold the handle down a little longer during the first flush and, if not successful, give the water enough time to build up for the second flush. Repeat as neccessary in this fashion until such time that his "offerings" have left the premises. That is all. :)

P.S. Achimp, while we're on the topic of refuse removal, please contact your Minister of Whatever and ask him to stop sending Toronto's trash to Michigan. Please and thank you. :)

[Captain Robo]

Canada's trash only goes to Detroit :rolleyes

I'm east of Detroit, Kellychaos :(

[mburbank]

I thought this thread was going to be about Proto's new band, "Complicated Toilet"

[Protoclown]

No no Jamesman, YOU'RE missing the point. It doesn't matter how big his shit is or how weak the toilet is. The point is that my roommate is either too lazy or cannot be bothered to hang around and flush the toilet ONE MORE FUCKING TIME because it "takes too long" and he doesn't have all night. Now for me, usually? Flushing the toilet takes about one second.

[sadie]

threaten to tell his mom.

[kellychaos]

Grrrr ... don't make me turn this toilet around!

Put that seat down! >: We're not stinking the outside, you know.

My house, my toilet rules!

[Protoclown]

Oh, and Max, if I ever started a band, it would either be called "Virgin Sex Machine" or "Cholostomy Bag".

[CastroMotorOil]

Its Detroit, does it matter if Canada's trash goes there too?

[James]

Dammit, Proto. I KNOW he's just being lazy. I'm saying that you should tell him that story, and let him know that his excuses have no validity, and that he should fucking flush. >:

[sadie]

okay, then. call his mom.

[pjalne]

If you want to teach him a lesson, scoop the poop log out of the toilet and dump it on his bed everytime he doesn't finish flushing.

Nah, I tried that with a dog once, he just started shitting in his bed.

[Matt Harty]

Well if the guy starts shitting in the bed then he shouldn't be a roomate anyway. :/

[Jeanette X]

You should have rubbed his nose in it, and said,

"NO! BAD ROOMMATE! BAD! BAD!"

Then swat him with a rolled up newspaper.

[HickMan]

That's a little over the top wouldn't you say? I think you should tell his girlfriend and make her think he's a complete sick, and lazy bastard that can't flush. If all else fails... WRESTLE HIM!

[Skulhedface]

I relinquish the title of World's Laziest Man... if you can't be bothered to sit there for an extra five seconds to get rid of the evidence...

Maybe the solution is to tell him to shit outside. No flushing required, and it's good at getting back at the Joneses... assuming you need to get back at them for something.

[AChimp]

It's not our fault that the trash floats across the lake. >:

On a side note, maybe he's just waiting for the shit to dissolve. That way he can crap in it again; he's saving you money, Proto. Give the man a break. >:

[Protoclown]

We don't pay for our water here, and he's never had a girlfriend. NONE OF THESE IDEAS WILL WORK, BOO HOO :tear

[Jeanette X]

How about you decide not to flush? Maybe finding a nice suprise from proto will make him reconsider his practice.

I bet he doesn't wash his hands either.

[UnDeath]

put a deadbolt lock on the bathroom door, and have the only copy of the key in your possession at all times.

[kellychaos]

It's not our fault that the trash floats across the lake. >:

I wasn't blaming YOU Achimp ... I was merely asking if you could take a pro-active stance for your neighbors in the west ... or south ... whatever the case may be. :)

[HickMan]

Just beat the idea of flushing into him and say. "If you ever not flush again, I'll kill you!" and be really serious. Look at him like you're gonna rip off his head.

[Zosimus]

Proto, tell him to check out this place:

http://www.crappersquarterly.com/crapping101.htm

[Mister Sarcastic]

Oh yeah THAT'S a cool site. :rolleyes

[sadie]

um. maybe you should CALL HIS MOM? >:

[Zosimus]

[quote="Mister Sarcastic"]Oh yeah THAT'S a cool site. :rolleyes[/qote]

It is if you are trying to help someone out on their "shitty" roommate toilet-training situation ...I don't recall YOU saying anything that was even remotely worth SHIT ....

[sadie]

hello? he's mister sarcastic. :rolleyes

[Zosimus]

hello? he's mister sarcastic. :rolleyes

Totally true. Point taken!

[HickMan]

Seriously Protoclown just wrestle him. Beat his ass until he gets the idea.

[Perfect Suspect]

Simply next time he goes to the bathroom, lock him from the inside (door leaned on handel) and don't let him out until he flushes, do that a couple times, then he'll just do it by himself. It's like a rat with a electric cheese experiment.

[kellychaos]

1. Perform violent swirley demonstration with him as subject.

2. Yell "Who's your daddy!" loudly.

3. Repeat as necessary.

[GothNAPrepsBody]

THese ideas are good :/
but the best thing to do is just :) ...KILL HIM... :)

[Protoclown]

THIS THREAD IS TOO GAY TO CONTINUE, THANKS FOR PARTICPATING IN A HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT GONE HORRIBLY WRONG :(