Why is my life so cliched?

[LobsterMagnet]

So this is how it goes. Boy(me) falls in love with girl. 4 years later, boy tells girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Every thing works out all Dawson's Creek - ish and shit. Then boy and girl get drunk (tonight), and girl asks boy "When are we gonna have sex?" Boy stumbles on an answer, tells her whenever she's comfortable, and she tells boy to come over early tommorrow and to come prepared. She kisses him goodnight, and leaves him there with a big goofy smirk on his face scared and confused.

I don't know the first place to start. All I know is I'm not gonna be a virgin tommorrow night, neither will she, and I'm gonna go to bed with tired legs because I'm gonna be strutting. :)

Back to the point.... How do I approach this. Do I just go over there and say "Let's fuck" and take off my cloths or do I try to be all smooth about it and be a lady's man, show up with roses, pump up the Barry Manilow, and pull out the flavored body oil?

T.V.'s confused me. :(

[wreckreation]

how drunk was she?

[Anonymous]

Dress in all black and wear a ski mask. Then, show up early at her house. But not at the door. Use her room window. Proceed to rape the shit out of her. Afterwards, remove the mask with a flourish and you two can have a good nervous laugh about your prank.

Seriously, just be yourself.


Fag.

[CaptainBubba]

KILL HER :domo

[Rev. Danno]

Orange Juice... Trust me. Condoms... Always be safe. Lube... You can never go wrong with lube...
As it has been said, be yourself, but before it happens... Talk about it, make sure you both are into it. A small amount of booze to help get rid of the jitters, & a Porno is always good... espescally if is the first time for the both of you... She may not know what she's doing, & you may not have a clear idea either....
Talk about it afterwards, find out how you both did,, ask for suggestions...
Also yeah, show up with flowers, or anything else you can to let her know that she is special to you. This is the first time either of you will have sex, it suold be a good memory for the both of you.
I wish my first time didn't suck, but that's something for another post.
But trust me about the Orange juice...

[wreckreation]

it will suck. it WILL. no way around it. don't get your hopes up and don't let her get her hopes up.

[Dole]

Yep- there is absolutely no way on earth you two, who are in love with each other, could possibly get any enjoyment out of having sex for the first time together. You may as well kill yourselves, preceeded by all your friends and family, to save them the shame of knowing you have had disapointing sex.

[FS]

Great, one of you two managed to put pressure on the moment. No doubt you'll find yourself incapable of getting an erection or ejaculating the moment you take off your pants. Not that it matters, because she's probably gonna be dry as a bone down there all night long.

I don't know, but flowers seem like a laughable item to show up with. "Salutations, beatiful lady. Might it be appropriate that I probe your nethers like a raging stag?" I wouldn't bring anything unless you two like to drink together usually. And if she's usually not too concerned with you keeping up your rough tough masculine image, don't make a secret of your nervousness. It'll onl screw things up if you do. Since she's taken the first step, just go there and let her make the first move, you'll know when to tear off your shirt and growl.

[LobsterMagnet]

:rock

Wreck: Not that drunk.

Yeah, we drink together a lot, I suppose. Strangely enough, since summer started, and she learned how much I love her, we've been doing nothing but partying together. It's always her and I, and like a million different people every day. That's why I'm not that nervous about it. I figure she'll just pull me into someones room at some party and I'll be drunk enough not to be nervous. Then, when I wake up the next day, it'll be over with, and the akwardness will be gone.

It's kinda like getting a big test out of the way. A big, fun, fun test. :)

Oh well... thanks people... wish me luck.

[AChimp]

Remember to take pictures and give us a play-by-play afterwards. Do me proud. :tear

[Anonymous]

doooooooooork

not you, chimp

[sadie]

Why is my life so cliched?
your gene pool is but a puddle.

[CaptainBubba]

:domo KILL ALL THE CHILDREN :domo

[Royal Tenenbaum]

"It's always her and I, and like a million different people every day."

Why don't you take her out on a date, you idiot?

[CaptainBubba]

DID YOU KILL HER YET? :DOMO

[FartinMowler]

Do everything that Chojin said except when you go in the window don't say "Hey Sailor its rape time!"

[Helm]

Wash your dick :lol

[kellychaos]

We all RIGHT behind you ... literally ... don't take too long. I have to work in the morning.

[kahljorn]

You guys are fucking morons, what kind of virgins you msut all be, I'd hate to have sex with you. Someone asks for advice on how to go about getting laid and you say to be yourself? Bring over some booze, you'll be yourself more easier.

When I'm trying to get laid, or get head, i work in a progressional factor. First we get drunk, or stoned, or something. This I call the Suave Factor. The suave factor is not used on your body or your hair, this is the mind suave. It needs to be spikey, for more speaking spikes and quips. Upon this suaveness completed, the progression to step two should be simple. It's called the making out factor, it is important, because not long after you move to step three. This is called the putting your hand up her shirt factor and feeling her tits factor, this important because it leads to step three. Step three is sticking your hand down her pants, or up her skirt. This is important because it gets her hornier than the previous steps. If she has pants on, this helps with things that must be done after, like unbuttoning her pants. Pretty much after this you're set. Be creative, you can mix the steps up. Like make out, tit feel, make out, tit feel again. I usually do them at the same time. Don't I have skills.

That's my style, you might want to "Be yourself". When she asked you to fuck though I probably would've started making out with her(some people might've just whipped their dick out right then) :( Or touching her in various locations. It's Okay to make out when there are millions of people around at a party. It can lead to her leading you to a room so you can fuck smores.

[AChimp]

This is called the putting your hand up her shirt factor and feeling her tits factor, this important because it leads to step three.

:lol :lol

[kahljorn]

Thanks for quoting that, I forgot the word 'is'.

[Protoclown]

No more advice from you, peppy.

[Rev. Danno]

kahljorn, You must be rubbing your own tits, & sucking your own dick.
No woman I know would fall for that shit, wait... that's right you like to get them drunk or stoned first... quite the lady's man... I call this the date rape factor...

[kahljorn]

I call it step one :( Or the suave factor.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

No, it's the kahljorn is such a fucking loser he couldn't get any if the mule was sober factor.

[Rev. Danno]

So Kaj. you are only dealing with retarded women? Sober or not I think women could see right through you suave factor...
Unless the women you know are really stupid, or don't mind setteling for less...

[kahljorn]

Yea, that's why my advice when someone asks, "How do I approach this. Do I just go over there and say "Let's fuck" and take off my cloths or do I try to be all smooth about it and be a lady's man, show up with roses, pump up the Barry Manilow, and pull out the flavored body oil?" BE YOURSELF. What a good answer.

How do I drive a car? BE YOURSELF
How do I send e-mail? BE YOURSELF
What's your screen name? BE YOURSELF
Do you have a kitty? BE YOURSELF
Hey, if your mother was beating your child would you turn her in to the authorities? BE YOURSELF
My girlfriend has rabies :( BE YOURSELF

I find it especially ironic that the name of the thread is, "my life is so cliche", and every single person gave the most cliche answer ever, just because they have no way of getting laid.

[kahljorn]

No rev, it's my good looks, and my natural charm. The suave factor is just an addition. Some people get "Nervous" even if they WANT to do something. Alcohol can solve that problem. He sounded kind of nervous about it.

[Anonymous]

I'm not telling him to be himself for his sake. If being himself prevents him from getting laid, that's the gene pool sorting itself out.

The world would be a lot better if the assholes in it would 'be themselves' from the beginning. I wouldn't be left to encounter the shattered husks of people they leave behind.

[kahljorn]

Please, everybody projects a personality or something that, "Isn't themself". And who is anybody to decide who is who? Whoever a person portrays themself as is who they are. Perception majeption.
You preaching people to, "Fall inline" is something that prevents change. Growth is necessary. Discriminate personalities are bullshit. Pretentious bastard.
You are one to talk with your latest, "Hello Kitty thrill".

[AChimp]

The name is Bond. James Bond.

Now fuck me. :(

[kahljorn]

lol :(

[Rev. Danno]

There are some times being yourself isn't the best plan, for instance...
I-Mockery would be kinda dull if we all our normal selves, or didn't put up some sort of front...
But come on, in a relationship, or in times of intamacy it's best to be yourself. If your not mature enough to do that, you desirve to be alone, & should not have sex. In some instances being yourself doesn't help (AChimp), these people need to have more self confidince. Some people try too hard, & can't even make friends (James). These people need to get some off-line intrests outside of their normal social groups, & develope people skills.
If some poeple like acting like 15 year old Japanesse girls (Chojin), & are happy... More power to them. I just say, be yourself, be happy, & just don't hurt anyone along the way if you can help it...
PLUR!!! *snicker*

[kahljorn]

Being yourself is a construct of ideas and thoughts you pick to make yourself feel happy, in most cases you pick them to get attention. "YOurself" is also a construct of your enviroment and thusly what others think of you. So why not just say you can be whatever the fuck you want to be, and if I want to be a fucking asshole who just wants to stick his dick in bitches and never romanticize, and the bitches just want the cock, it seems like a healthy relationship to me. Specially when it comes down to two people who want the same thing but are too shy to take care of it.

[Helm]

Kahl is right. I've been hearing people going "I could change this or that negative thing about me, but then I wouldn't be me" which is total bulshit. If someone is asking advice towards getting laid, it's a pretty safe bet he's not getting any by "being himself" so he ought to alter himself to do so. People's personalities are dynamic. There's no set demeanor you're given when you roll your six 3D6s to which you are tied to until you die.

It may cost you some XP penalties, but you can change :(

[AChimp]

Some aspects of your personality are genetic and can't be changed, but you can learn to live with it.

Or you can get a Cloak of Charisma +6.

[Rev. Danno]

I guess my problem is my alignment... Or My Class...
Damn it when's Rog gonna make the Geek Speak Board?

[kahljorn]

For sure, people always walk around saying how people should change and the World should change and shit, and they are afraid of people developing their own set of individuality. yet at the same time they want to say, "I HATE RELIGIOUS ZEALOTS WHO HAVE NO SENSE OF INDIVIDUALITY", or, I HATE SCENES and shit. They can do that all they like, it's just hypocritical.

[Rev. Danno]

Dude, what the hell was that... I don't know if you realized it... People are starting to agree with you, no need to start posting crazy shit...
I think I'm gonna start looking for that train, you know the one that's gonna hit you...
Mnetion somthing about D&D or you will be shunned by nerds...

[kahljorn]

I know, and I re-re-agreed. To explain further my explaination.

And people agree with me because I'm crazy man. Crazy, I'm just crazy man. you never know what im gonna do.. Im crazy.

[kellychaos]

Lil' fella needs shape shifter capabilities ... turn into "The Fonz" ... and what's "The Fonz" like ... that's right! He's cool ... be cool.

[Anonymous]

Whoever a person portrays themself as is who they are. Perception majeption.

Not even. For an example, I watched my best friend at the time manipulate tons of women, calling each of them by the same pet name, "love," while saving any online conversations with them so he could laugh at them later. You could argue he was 'being himself,' but the notion that he was the sum of his portrayal is moronic.

My advice to Lobster would have been better summed up by "figure it out" than "be yourself," but the latter seemed more charitable. Anything that someone does, obviously, is 'being [themselves]'. By default, by definition.

I think HK is cute. I like pink. I dress in these things sometimes. I like being cute. I like the attention, for one thing. So am I being myself or not? By your definition, who can say?

And everyone is a hypocrite. EVERYONE.

[Protoclown]

some people are hippopatamuses instead :(

[AChimp]

Shit. Hippos only have a CHA of 6. That's a -3 penalty. :(

[Mike]

So, what happened to LobsterMagnet and that chick?

[AChimp]

They're probably still having teh seX0rs! :boob :wank :boob

[kahljorn]

"You could argue he was 'being himself,' but the notion that he was the sum of his portrayal is moronic"

That point was so moot, to the person he was talking to he was "Being Himself". I would like you to define what it is the individual is defined by? Social Class? Karma? Astrology? Dick size?

"I like the attention, for one thing"
You are doing it for attention, and thus for other people. You say doing something to get laid is "not being yourself", and it's just the "Gene pool sorting itself out". Maybe your lack of attention is there for a reason, but instead of accepting it you get pink shoes. You don't like encountering the empty shells of people, what do you do when you see yourself in the mirror? Besides put your lip gloss on.

[The One and Only...]

Shit. Hippos only have a CHA of 6. That's a -3 penalty. :(

[geek speak]That's true, but considering that they have a STR of 22, and a reasonable DEX as well, rape would be farily easy.

If you want my advice, Polymorph Self into a handsome guy with a 12 inch long penis.[/geek speak]

[AChimp]

:lol

Okay, anyways, I have to agree with Chojin. Lobster should just be himself. I mean, this is his GIRLFRIEND that we're talking about here, not someone that he needs to reel in. The girl has already been netted.

Any relationship where the two people can't like each other for who they are is flawed. I mean, there's always a little aspiring to be the ideal self, with a little bit of twisting the self-image, but a person's true self is what you have to live with everyday.

I personally wouldn't feel right about screwing anyone who I didn't like for who they were, and vice versa. :(

[Anonymous]

You are doing it for attention, and thus for other people.
No, the attention aspect of it is something that results in gain for me. But every human action is self-serving.

You say doing something to get laid is "not being yourself", and it's just the "Gene pool sorting itself out".
Eh-eh. I said that being an asshole (and not getting laid) would be the gene pool sorting itself out. Meaning that your natural charisma should decide whether or not you 'get laid' instead of a bunch of pretty words.

I don't even get where you're trying to go with this, though; I just told him to be comfortable around a girl that's already 'his' and practically said 'I AM GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU TOMORROW OMG.' I didn't contest the size of your e-penis or anything.

[AChimp]

I didn't contest the size of your e-penis or anything.
Ahh.... memories... :)

[kahljorn]

"the attention aspect of it is something that results in gain for me."

OMG, I never thought of that! ANd like, changing to do something that would get you LAID doesn't result in any gain.

[kellychaos]

I think that the hardest part for the guy is going to be afterward. I mean, it sounds like they both haven't had any yet so where's the basis of comparison (besides perhaps a sexual appliance of some sort :eek ) As long as he makes things sufficiently romantic, pulls out his best bag of tricks and rev's her up as much as possible, the "actuality" is academic. The mood afterward ... talking ... holding ... calling the next day ... ect, is the important part. You know her girlfriends are going to be asking about it .. well that and his penis size. Moral of The Story: Don't Be A Dick After You Dip Your Wick.

[CaptainBubba]

Just throwin in my two cents here, from my vast collection of knowledge regarding sex.

First put it (your penis silly-willy :rolleyes) inside the vagina. Then stab her.
Then take it (the penis) outside the vagina.
Repeat until satisfaction has been acheived.
Make it look like an accident.
Eat a sandwich (nothing with mayo! lol! ;) )

[Anonymous]

OMG, I never thought of that! ANd like, changing to do something that would get you LAID doesn't result in any gain.

Okay, I'll bite: how does what I do hurt anyone?

[Professor Cool]

I regret to inform you all that LobsterMagnet was killed by a drunk driver while on his way to his girlfriend's house to have sex. He may of died a virgin, but he died trying.

[center:1b57043fcb]http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid20/p4b0c0b37a34885e90fbd50a0ec08b65e/fdbb4596.gif[/center:1b57043fcb]

[center:1b57043fcb] In Memory of LobsterMagnet [/center:1b57043fcb]
[center:1b57043fcb] 1985-2003[/center:1b57043fcb]
[center:1b57043fcb] "In a world filled with hate, they were all filled with whole lot of LOVE!!!"[/center:1b57043fcb]

[Professor Cool]

As for the rest of you jerks, you've been wasting your time give you 2 cents about sex. This is his first time, and first times are never what you hoped for. It's the whole "riding the bike theory". You just dont get on a bike the first time and go "WHOO-WHOO!" and pop a wheelie and ride off. No, you fall down and for some of you, cried. Sex the first time is the same way, you fall down not knowing what the hell your doing and somebody probably cries. It doesnt matter if you know how to do it and have the right mechanisms, you still don't know what your doing and it just comes out either horrible or for the the lucky ones "just ok". Anyone who has said that their first time was AMAZING or FANTASTIC BEYOND BELIEF are lying and might of never had sex at all. Don't waste your time preparing for the first time, just go for it, and prepare to make the second time enjoyable and somewhat memorable.

[AChimp]

My dad put me on a bike the first time and gave me a push. :/

[Anonymous]

my first time was pretty good, captain isuckatsex :<

[Royal Tenenbaum]

yeah, same. it went really well for me too.

[Esuohlim]

I actually had a ton of problems learning to ride a bike.

Oh joy. :(

[kahljorn]

"Okay, I'll bite: how does what I do hurt anyone?"
HOW DOES HAVING SEX HURT ANYONE? YOU MEAN IN BETWEEN THE ROUNDS OF ORGASMING AND SCREAMING EACHOTHERS NAMES WHEN THEY ACCIDENTLY HIT THEIR HEAD ON THE BEDPOST? You're right, that can be painful.


I had ahard time learning to swim, I learned real good when I was five and jumped in a 8 feet deep pool without a life vest, though.

[CaptainBubba]

YOU MEAN IN BETWEEN THE ROUNDS OF ORGASMING AND SCREAMING EACHOTHERS NAMES

I'm a virgin. And just by reading that one statement combined with your previous ones, I am positive beyond a doubt that you are a virgin as well.

[kahljorn]

that or sarcastic. I'm actually homosexual now a days, I haven't had sex with a girl since my young years, and everytime I did I was spun in some shape or form, so even in my virgin birth I lasted a good hour or more, depending on how much had been snifflegated.

[Anonymous]

i really don't feel like continuing on this arguing-for-the-sake-of-arguing crap. so i'll jus say 'yes, i admit that dressing in pink is exactly proportional to destroying someone's self-esteem and making them cry.'

we're gettin more and more homoes on the boards these days.
i've lost count :<

[kahljorn]

I was gay before anyone.

[Professor Cool]

my first time was pretty good, captain isuckatsex :<

Well your prostitute knew what he/she was doing.

And if anything it's professor isuckatsex

My second time was great. :(

[kellychaos]

No more bicycle metaphors! :ihaveachopper :)

[LobsterMagnet]

Professor Cool basically summed up how I saw it.

I am still a virgin, but not much of one. And I've got a reason to strut, along with a tagged up neck. :)

See... I understand that I need to be myself, but it's hard to be yourself when you're doing something you've never done before with someone else who's never done it either. It's hard not to be anxious and cautious and unsure of what to expect.

I was just looking for some advice to put some of those questions to rest.

Oh well... she comes back on Tuesday... :)

[Ninjavenom]

How are you not terrified that you'll end up with kids?

[CaptainBubba]

Aren't the chances of having a kid without any protection like 1/100 anyway?

[Rongi]

That means all of us are accidents?

:(

[CaptainBubba]

If you time it right you can bolster the odds, but noone can predict pregnancy with certainty before the actual fetrilization.

So yes. yes we are. :( :(

[AChimp]

LobsterMagnet

Where is my play-by-play? :(