HELP! SPIDER!

[James]

OK, you all know how much I fucking hate spiders. FUCKING HATE THEM. Did I mention the time a couple weeks back, when about 10 baby spiders were crawling over my ceiling?

Well, anyway, I'm on my computer (where else?) and I see something out the corner of my eye. I look, HUGE FUCKING SPIDER. It looked really creepy. It had a reddish upper half, and a brownish back half. And huge fucking fangs.

So I grab a shoe, and I try to sneak up on it, and squash it. And, I KNOW this has happened to you: You go to kill a bug, you smoosh it, you go to see if it's dead, AND IT'S NOT THERE!

So this is when it know's you're trying to kill it, and it's mad, and you don't know where it went. So I scanned the floor around my bed, and saw nothing. I very carefully tossed aside my pillows, making sure it wasn't on there. I looked down between my mattress and my wall, and saw it wiggling around.

So I pulled back my mattresses, waited for it to move a bit away from the wall, and I squished that fucker good. Real good.

AND IT DIDN'T FUCKING MATTER! IT WOULDN'T DIE!

I ended up holding it down and flattening it's backside, and it was still alive, crawling around. I had to hold it down for about 5-10 minutes until it finally gave in.

Jeanette, help. :(

[noob3]

you're a vagina. baby.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Stab it with a pencil or put a glass on top of it.

[James]

It's dead now. But I still want to know what it is.

[The_voice_of_reason]

IT'S DEAD :lol :lol :lol

[pissed off salesman]

You could've just burnt it's face of with a candle lighter

[Carnivore]

Spiders rule all and anybody who kills a spider is helping to increase the mosquito, fly, and killer bee population!

[pissed off salesman]

As true as that is, carni it's illegal to affect the mosquito population in SC (cliche' ahead) with them being the state bird and all. PLus killer bees don't kill smokers.

[wreckreation]

http://www.bigpineapple.com.au/tours/spider.gif
:lol

[Jeanette X]

It's dead now. But I still want to know what it is.
Take a picture for me. If you don't still have it, at least give me as detailed a description as possible.
Also, what state do you live in? It will be easier to identify if I can narrow it down to a region.

And since you had baby spiders on your ceiling, I'd consider hiring an exterminator or at least bug-bombing that room. You might have an infestation on your hands. :chatter

[James]

Nah, the baby spiders were just a small handfull, and we're dealt with. Have had no problems since.

And I'm mad that you've so quickly forgotten where I'm from. Connecticut, remember? Down on the southwest area.

No pictures of the spider. But like I said, it was was reddish-orange on the front half, and brownish on the back (like a dead tree). It had big fangs, and resisted the crush of a Nike Air basketball shoe.

[OperationScuzBucket]

*shudder*...I won't get close enough to them to kill them with a shoe or anything like that...most of the time I just get a spray bottle of glass or carpet cleaner and spray it at them from a safe distance until they drown/get poisoned.

[Jeanette X]

Did it look like either of these?

http://www.ivory.org/spiders/araneus.diadematus-4.jpg

http://www.ivory.org/spiders/araneus.diadematus-5.jpg

[AChimp]

Well shit. That's one hairy motherfucker, huh? I can see how something like this could unman you like that, Jamesman... IF THE SPIDER WAS AS BIG IN REAL LIFE AS IT IS IN THAT PICTURE!!!! >:

Wimp. :P

[James]

No, that wasn't it. It was quater-sized, and not hairy. And it was redder. And no markings.

[AChimp]

Dude. I bet that spider had more pubes than you. >:

[Jeanette X]

Well I'll see what I can find for you, but it may take a while. There are dozens and dozens of species in CT, and its going to take me identify which one it is.

[James]

Nah. I have all sorts of pubes, because whenever I shave or pluck, I get ingrown hairs, which then end up red, swollen, and excrete pus. :tmi

[sadie]

i always made my students catch spiders in a jar and set them free outside. :P they loved squealing and hyperventilating and talking about how weird i am.

[FS]

They "loved" it, did they, Frankenstein? >: I bet they were "asking for it", too.

[sadie]

definitely. it was a welcome respite from the balls and chains for the chosen spider-carriers.

[kellychaos]

I can see where that would be much better them having the hairy bastards dangling in front of their restrained lil bodies on a thin strand of silk that might ... WATCH IT! :eek ... break.