Starbuck's sucks

[sakura]

I went in tonight for a turtle frappe... it's basically a mocha frappe but with caramel. I'm not too much of a coffee person, so a friend introduced me to those and I fell in love - and since the grocery store coffee shop (that sells awesome frappes) was closed, I decided to stop on my way home from Lackluster Video.

I pick up a grapefruit IZZE (I much prefer Fizzy Lizzy, but I guess it's the most natural carbonated glass-bottled soda they figured would compare) and tell the guy at the counter I want a turtle frappe.

He starts to laugh and feigns confusion and astonishment at something (who the hell knows what), stumbling over "um's..." and I just glare at him and shake my head in an effort to prompt him to spit out what the hell's wrong. Am I not doing it right? Is one who approaches the counter an alien entity if they fail to sidle in from the right instead of left? He asks the coffee preparer if she's ever heard of a turtle frappe.

???

She's looking at me and asking: "I think...no, wait, does it have caramel? I don't think we have a turtle frappe.... I don't know if it has vanilla in it. Does it have this, that, this? We don't get many orders for those. We almost never make them. Noone really asks for them. What should I make you?"

What I fuckin' ordered. What the fuck do I know what goes in it exactly? YOU make the coffee.

While the giggly gay cashier announces he's going to ask the shadowy figure from the back office what it is, I tell the maker to nevermind. She asks me what she should make me. A turtle frappe? How about a mocha frappe and she'll add some extra vanilla? In other words, they're either too damn lazy to complete an order or they honestly have no fucking clue how or what to make that's on their menu.

I remember working crappy snack, novelty beverage, and fast-food jobs and wanting to tell customers they couldn't have something cuz it was too much effort to make. I probably should've asked for the manager, or still, could call tomorrow and rip someone a new asshole. But then I remembered why I never go to Starbuck's unless a friend drags me in there.

[WhiteRat]

Was it even on the menu?

[Guitar Woman]

great

[executioneer]

sakura no offense but i don't ever want to read another of your posts or see your gross avatar again so you're going on my ignore list now

[Pub Lover]

I have similar problems getting Black Coffee. Surely coffee with nothing but coffee should be the default easiest to make drink ever, but I always get a look like I slapped them & then they ask if I want something in it.

Then they charge too much & I'd rather not take their coffee but I really need some coffee to get through the day, and then I get outside and find they did put some dam cinnamon or shit in there and I'm far too angry to trust myself to go back in and try again.

[Chojin]

oh come on willie ;<

It's kinda hard to begrudge a franchise of anything for having shitty employees, though; that's not exactly the company's fault. What geniuses should they be hiring to jerk coffee?

[Guitar Woman]

I can blame them for their prices being fucking ludicrous, though, right?

[Vanhelm13]

I feel your pain pub lover.
Try McDonalds, their coffee is a lot cheaper, and while not as delicious, they won't taint your black coffee with cinnamon or cream or milk or hot French semen.

and you can live with supporting shameless capitalism, right?

[Sethomas]

It's kinda hard to begrudge a franchise of anything for having shitty employees, though; that's not exactly the company's fault. What geniuses should they be hiring to jerk coffee?

Geniuses like WhiteRat? Certainly a good start!

[Spruce Moose]

Thank God for Dunkin' Donuts. Cheaper than Starbucks, far better tasting coffee than Starbucks, and would you look at those Donuts!

I go to Starbucks once a year for a Peppermint Mocha(the thing worth the price). I still refuse to succumb to their ludicrous sizing system. I've yet to run into someone getting huffy over me asking for a "small".

McDonald's coffee varies wildly from store to store. Conisdering the price, it's usually worth a shot.

[WhiteRat]

It's kinda hard to begrudge a franchise of anything for having shitty employees, though; that's not exactly the company's fault. What geniuses should they be hiring to jerk coffee?

Geniuses like WhiteRat? Certainly a good start!

Oopsies!

[MetalMilitia]

To be honest, if you go into a shop and order something called a "turtle frappe" you deserve everything you get.

[ZAKO the GREAT]

i think it would be easier if you just order "MOCHA FRAPPE WITH CARAMEL" instead of "TURTLE FRAPPE". it's just like going in to a KFC and ask for a McChicken sandwich.

[Geggy]

a local news reporter did an social experiment with coffee shops and their coffee. she brought 6 cups of coffee, 3 cups of dunkin donuts and 3 cups of starbucks, to a fire station in boston and set them on a dining table. she asked for 3 firemen to pick out their coffee. all three firemen picked out dunkin donuts coffee. so yeah starbucks suck, and their coffee burns my throat.

[Spruce Moose]

a local news reporter did an social experiment with coffee shops and their coffee. she brought 6 cups of coffee, 3 cups of dunkin donuts and 3 cups of starbucks, to a fire station in boston and set them on a dining table. she asked for 3 firemen to pick out their coffee. all three firemen picked out dunkin donuts coffee. so yeah starbucks suck, and their coffee burns my throat.

While it's perfectly logical to pick Dunkin' over Starbucks, isn't New England traditionally biased toward Dunkin' in the first place?

[Dr. Boogie]

Hey, it's a social experiment, not a scientific one.

[MarioRPG]

I still don't appreciate that a TALL is a SMALL.

[Tadao]

Ordering a turtle frappe should be a kin to ordering a rooty tooty fresh and fruity, which is a kin to getting your face stomped on.

[Spruce Moose]

I still don't appreciate that a TALL is a SMALL.
That's why I continue to defy their naming convention. The day they hesitate even for a second when I order a small is the day before the day you see me on national television for the ensuing outburst.

[MattJack]

4 dollar cups of coffee, god bless amuurica!

Luckily I like my coffee like I like my women.. sweetened with 2 packs of splenda and with a little bit of milk.

[Zomboid]

4 dollar cups of coffee, god bless amuurica!

Luckily I like my coffee like I like my women.. ground up and in the freezer
fixed.

[Spetsnaz]

So....umm... I take it NONE of you guys are fans of OWNING an actual COFFEE MACHINE?

[MetalMilitia]

Luckily I like my coffee like I like my women.. Full of beans!

:lol

[MattJack]

lol Zomboid

not so much lol on MM

[MetalMilitia]

Luckily I like my coffee like I like my women.. they're grrrreat!

:lol

[Zomboid]

I actually seriously loled at that full of beans one because it was so lame. Roommates look at me like I was a retard. Thanks.

[MattJack]

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattJack http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/images/mockery/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?p=520914#post520914)
Luckily I like my coffee like I like my women.. they're grrrreat!


:lol

:(

[Spruce Moose]

So....umm... I take it NONE of you guys are fans of OWNING an actual COFFEE MACHINE?
I do. Can't own one right now, but if I could, I would.

[23_]

So....umm... I take it NONE of you guys are fans of OWNING an actual COFFEE MACHINE?
I own one at my house, but there's nowhere to put one in my packed dorm room.

[ble_84]

i have never lain eyes on a starbucks shop. never ever seen one

[Sethomas]

I don't own a coffee machine because I'm better than that.

I own some number* of French presses, however.

Speaking as someone who has recently drank coffee made from beans processed out of shit coming from a small Asian mammal, I can say with authority that Starbucks coffee sucks worse than a case of monorchism rounded off by testicular cancer.

*If you need a hint at what kind of number, think integers.

[23_]

I own some number* of French presses, however.

*If you need a hint at what kind of number, think integers.
But that means the number can be negative.

[Spruce Moose]

:\But that means the number can be negative.
Gentlemen, I think we've got a situation on our hands.

And I've heard of that shit processed coffee. The fact that you drank it only makes me more worried about the "situation" I speak of...

[Sethomas]

Honestly, the kopi luwak was pretty good. All in all, it didn't have enough body or bouquet for me to think of it it as a truly great coffee, but considering that I make my coffee extremely strong it was remarkably smooth. Like, amazingly smooth.

Oh, and I guess I was being cryptic about the number of French presses I own for no real reason. The answer is: -2[e^(i*pi)].

[XMoltresX]

i like getting pretty much any tall one with foam. they are usually pretty tasty and give you energy.

[Sethomas]

Guinness? Or was that the joke? I can't tell with you people anymore. FUCK YOU GUYS.

[XMoltresX]

what did i do? im sorry i just like tasty coffees sorry if i offend you, didnt mean it :(:(:(:(

[executioneer]

i like my coffee like i like my women, COVERED IN BEES

[Esuohlim]

Oh, and I guess I was being cryptic about the number of French presses I own for no real reason. The answer is: -2[e^(i*pi)].

What a coincidence, that's the integral of (2x + 4)dx from 3 to 3.196152423 more than I own :eek

[Emu]

I've only been out of calculus class for 6 months and I've already forgotten everything :\

[23_]

I've only been out of calculus class for 6 months and I've already forgotten everything :\
The same thing happened to me.

[Tadao]

OMG me too!

[MetalMilitia]

This is uncanny.

[JediScum]

Turtle frappe? nice.

You like it. You know what's in it. Make it at home. DUH.

I like Black Coffee Iced. no cream, no sugar, no caramel, no frenchie foo-foo semen globs.... BLACK COFFEE... COLD!

And it's amazing how people will FUCK THAT UP!

I give them specific instructions. "You see that 24 ounce cup? Fill it half-full with ice. Now fill it to a 1/4 inch of the brim with Coffee!"

"Our House Blend or De-caf?"

I'm sure you can see where this is going. Presented with only 2 options, most baristas will fuck it up.

[Chojin]

that seems like a valid question to me, too

[JediScum]

I suppose it is... I forget how much crap a person who is "front of the house" has to take.

[Tadao]

I would hate to be a coffee house server. Coffee rage is dangerous. I'd rather dole out crack for money. At least they'll blow you for it. Coffee heads will stab you for your beans.

[Dr. Boogie]

That's when you throw the hot coffee at 'em.

[Spruce Moose]

Coffee house violence. It sounds like shitty video game concept in the making. Continue.

[Tadao]

Did you just give me permission to continue?

[23_]

Coffee house violence. It sounds like shitty video game concept in the making. Continue.
>>You asked for no milk and they gave you milk.
>>Your rage has gone up 10pts.

>>You drink the coffee.
>>Entering hyper mode.

[zeldasbiggestfan]

>>Milk is hot from coffee
>>Pass out from warm milk.

I might have to work at a coffee shop. :( The place is bitchin' though so it all pans out.

[executioneer]

what is this, a sequal to bureaucracy

[Spruce Moose]

Did you just give me permission to continue?
Hell yeah.

>>Mocha is diluted.
>>Rage increases 10 pts.
>>You choose: refuse to tip
>>Enemy shop employee's rage increases 20 pts.!
>>Enemy shop employee equips french press
>>Enemy shop employee uses bludgeon
>>Critical hit!
>>Enemy shop employee uses steamed milk
>>It's super effective!
>>You have fallen in battle
>>Enemy shop employee gains 200 exp
>>Enemy shop employee levels up and becomes Barista

Of course, this scenario doesn't explore hyper mode...

[Tadao]

Thanks Spruce!

[Zomboid]

Hell yeah.

>>Mocha is diluted.
>>Rage increases 10 pts.
>>You choose: refuse to tip
>>Enemy shop employee's rage increases 20 pts.!
>>Enemy shop employee equips french press
>>Enemy shop employee uses bludgeon
>>Critical hit!
>>Enemy shop employee uses steamed milk
>>It's super effective!
>>You have fallen in battle
>>Enemy shop employee gains 200 exp
>>Enemy shop employee levels up and becomes Barista

Of course, this scenario doesn't explore hyper mode...
How many games do you play where you select an attack solely to increase your opponent's attack skill? Also, I don't think I've ever seen a game where you lose and then some random enemy gains exp from your defeat and goes up a level. You suck at games.

[Pub Lover]

Or most games suck at making you feel like suck for playing them suckerly. The more you lose the harder the game? No one wants to play that game.

[Spruce Moose]

It's called innovation, people. It's all the rage these days. Different for the sake of different is how you get sales.

OR even better: I'm trying to make a game out of buying coffee, throw me a friggin' bone. And tell your friends how innovative and indie the game is. Gotta get that hipster dollar.

[23_]

OR even better: I'm trying to make a game out of buying coffee, throw me a friggin' bone. And tell your friends how innovative and indie the game is. Gotta get that hipster dollar.

>>You can't order a Venti until level 20

[Tadao]

>>You were beaten up by teenagers and they stole you laptop with 683 poems, 2 screenplays, and that book you'll never finish.

(press here to start over)

[Misdemonar]

Fuck you guys

[Spruce Moose]

Eh, so's your old man.

[Tadao]

Heh, it looks like your yelling at me. Or maybe you are...

[Girl Drink Drunk]

Hey Seth, by -2 are you implying that you smashed two Star Bucks coffee machines in an insanity-induced rage and therefore owe money for two machines? (JJ)

[ble_84]

Who the hell orders a $10 cup of coffee that takes longer to pronounce than drink? jesus, what the hell is wrong with you people. shove that frappe-decaf-latte-ventee-godaamn-bullshit up the corporate ass. it's retarded

before anybody decides to get stupid with me, i'm not insulting anybody. i just beg you not to do dumb shit

[Angryhydralisk]

AM I the only one who noticed this?

"Lackluster Video."

- Random dudor with avatar

Now that's a video chain I'd support, with some Dairy Queen moolatte or Krispy Kreme Chillers.

[Tadao]

before anybody decides to get stupid with me

Your doing well enough on you own.

[Chojin]

you're all fired