I Hate You, Pig People.

[Grislygus]

Never, ever, in my entire life, have I ever met a cluster of people who totally went above and beyond the stereotype. I loathe you all.


You, the black haired, lumpy weeble of a woman. Do not show up three hours after closing and expect to get the food scraps. We are sweeping and scrubbing the floors. They've been sitting in buckets at room temperature for ten fucking hours. It's a biohazard, we're not gonna save it for you. Ever heard of trigonosis? No, you wouldn't have, because you didn't make it past middle school.


You, the gangly retard who bragged that you all cut organs out of a still-living pig because none of you could figure out how to kill it. Or you, the fat guy who can turn his head a full twenty degrees farther than is humanly possible.

And who can forget you, the chick who stood there, near tears, hiding by the front door for an hour because you could not figure out how to grab the scrap buckets, even after the owner, the cooks, the waiters, and I gently explained how to get up a stairway.

I resent your existance.

[Mintrude]

We're sorry.

[Grislygus]

You can type. Therefore, you are not needed for an apology.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

what the hell do you do?

[MetalMilitia]

Are you talking about a gang of alley cats?

[Neen]

Pig people are an essential part of our human ecosystem.

It's not a glamorous life, I admit, but essential.

[terrva]

Soylent rinds is made of pig people!

[Grislygus]

what the hell do you do?

I'm just the dishwasher, so I'm the one who has to deal with these people coming in looking for foodscraps. The owner of the restaurant doesn't see any reason why we can't hook them up with what the customers don't eat.

We're told it's for pigslop, but I wouldn't be surprised if they ate it themselves.

[RaNkeri]

Sounds like you're in a need of a cattle prod.

[Tadao]

Owner is stupid. Hi, I'm open to being sued! I would eat a handfull of your scraps to get sick and sue you for moneys. Dumb ass owner would probably sign something ahead of time saying it was ok for me to take the scraps.

[Spruce Moose]

Soylent rinds is made of pig people!

NO WAI!!!

[Grislygus]

I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING, HOLY SHIT




Coos Bay is a boring, sluggish place to live, but it apparently has a use.

The Pig People's pigs have started finding Black Fucking Truffles all over the place and giving them to us.

[Sethomas]

Black truffles? I figured you were talking about a Pizza Hut or Quiznos franchise or something.

"Yeah, would you like grated truffle on your meatball sub? Normally a few scratches of this would be worth more than your credit card balance, but the kindly people to whom we give the food you don't eat rewarded us with it. Err, forget I said that. You just happen to deserve it!"

Seriously, what the shit.

[glowbelly]

they probably haven't heard of trigonosis because it's actually called trichinosis. i don't think it has anything to do with how far they got in school :(

[Sacks]

What is the deal with truffles? Are they delicious or what?

[Seven Force]

yeah...fat people make me sick too

[executioneer]

hasnt trichinosis been all but eliminated in the US

i'd be more worried about salmonella myself

[Grislygus]

Black truffles? I figured you were talking about a Pizza Hut or Quiznos franchise or something.

"Yeah, would you like grated truffle on your meatball sub? Normally a few scratches of this would be worth more than your credit card balance, but the kindly people to whom we give the food you don't eat rewarded us with it. Err, forget I said that. You just happen to deserve it!"

Seriously, what the shit.

Don't worry, we're all splitting up and keeping the black truffles for ourselves (which is why I give a damn). They're fucking choice, too. It actually is a 'fancy' Italian restaurant, but our customer base wouldn't know a black truffle from a shiitake mushroom.

[Seven Force]

hasnt trichinosis been all but eliminated in the US

i'd be more worried about salmonella myself

Yeah I'd think you'd have to consume raw pork intentionally or just eat a shit-ton of pork to get that nowadays

[Dr. Octogonopus]

So, what is a black truffle?

[executioneer]

an underground mushroom

[Tadao]

Thanks, it was too much of a strain for me to search for it on google.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Yeah, though of wikipedia right after i posted that.
I dunno why you'd want to eat them, they sound (and look) nasty. Apparently, the pigs are attracted to them because it smells like boar wang. Something like that.

[executioneer]

truffles are supposed to be fantastically delicious, but i've never tasted any so idk

[Sethomas]

I just realized that I don't think I've ever had a truly French "haute cuisine" experience.

Maybe I did when I went on a cruise in 1999, but I couldn't have appreciated it at the time beyond just being like, "oh, I guess this is what caviar tastes like". I mean, I lived for a month in France. I regularly drank coffee and maybe got a sandwich at two of the most famous restaurants in the world, which happen to be across the street from one another. But no, I never spent $90 on a single meal just to say I did so.

I did spend about $30 on a glass of Dom Pérignon, but some things are essential, okay?