Understanding Women

[MattJack]

This thread is for learning.

This thread is for understanding.

This thread is not for jerking it, so save it for every other Loveline thread.


Pretty simple idea here: Guys post honest questions and then the ladies answer honestly. We discuss, and then we grow as a people on the internets.

So I guess I will kick this off!

I actually read some shit on yahoo.com earlier today about chivalry and the modern woman (http://www.esquire.com/features/what-she-wants-0208), and to be honest it was a little surprising. I might be a creep by some of these ladies' standards. So I am going to repost the exact same questions and see what you women have to say!

The scenario: We are walking into a building in front of you. Do we hold the door open?


We are seated on a packed train and you're standing next to us. Do we give up our seat?


A woman is lugging a large suitcase through the airport. Do we offer to help?


(If Yes to above question)Okay, so we lug the case up a staircase for you. We would love to keep helping, but now we've got our own flight to catch.


We pass a woman walking down the street, crying. Do we do anything?


It's late at night and we see you stumbling alone out of a bar, extremely drunk.


We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?


(If No to above question)We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm...


We are at a bar when we see you being aggressively hit on by David Spade. What now?

[executioneer]

the way these questions are phrased makes me expect to be instructed to turn to a page number depending on my answer

[Asila]

Yeah, I dunno about going through and answering them one by one, as some of them aren't really phrased for answering, but I'll say:
I think the whole "you have to help her, she's a woman" thing is outmoded and outdated, not because I'm a raging feminazi, but because it makes it seem as if women don't have to be polite to men in the same way. So if you're in front of me, hold the door--because I'd hold it for you, not because I'm female. Same thing with helping with a heavy load, or being aggressively hit on by David Spade. The getting up from a seat on the bus thing is stupid, and I can't understand why a woman can't find a bathroom to have a good cry in; I would never cry in public.

[Madman914]

So is being a gentlemen on dates considered uncool with the kids now days?

[Tadao]

Is it ok if men and women argue about what we feel we should do in these situations? Or are men only allowed to ask what women want from us? (in this thread)

[Esuohlim]

Nothing is allowed in this thread, sorry

I only hold doors open for people if they're unable to open it themselves (carrying stuff, etc.) regardless of gender. Sorry ladies, but if I see you being hit on by David Spade I'd probably wouldn't do anything about it but kick myself for not having a cell phone that can record videos :(

[Tadao]

I treat women like human beings. If they can open a door or stand on the bus, than that's how it goes. I don't support women being weak for attention.

[Asila]

On dates seems to be something different from what MattJack was asking; if appeared as if he was asking what one does in a normal everyday, run into a woman kind of situation. Because we're like bears in the wild, we don't appear in public often.

[MattJack]

I am asking in general, and pick the ones you want to answer.

TOO MANY DICKS TALKING IN HERE TOO

[Supafly345]

I like adopting women, training them to be slobs, then releasing them unto the rest of the male community. As a service.

[Zomboid]

Yeah, but you only do that with the ethnic women.

[Dixie]

The scenario: We are walking into a building in front of you. Do we hold the door open?
Answer: I always thought holding the door open for anyone exiting or entering said doorway was good etiquette.


We are seated on a packed train and you're standing next to us. Do we give up our seat?
Answer: Only if she looks like she's in pain, if she's old, if she's pregnant, or if she's carrying a ton of crap. Or if you just want to be nice. It's not necessary to give up your seat, but it's a very nice thing to do.


A woman is lugging a large suitcase through the airport. Do we offer to help?
Answer: Personally, I'd rather not have anyone touching my travel bags, but again it's a nice gesture.

(If Yes to above question)Okay, so we lug the case up a staircase for you. We would love to keep helping, but now we've got our own flight to catch.
Answer: RUN

We pass a woman walking down the street, crying. Do we do anything?
Answer: It's probably best if you stayed out of it and let her be. If you make eye contact, possibly ask if she is ok, but leaving her alone is in your best interest 99% of the time.

It's late at night and we see you stumbling alone out of a bar, extremely drunk.
Answer: Make sure she gets a cab ALONE unless you want to come along to make sure she gets home ok.

We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?
Answer: No, if she's yelling with her boyfriend in public he's probably the type that would give you a black eye for intruding.

(If No to above question)We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm...
Answer: Do something then, whatever you think the appropriate thing is that won't land you in jail.

We are at a bar when we see you being aggressively hit on by David Spade. What now?
Answer: He's kinda shrimpy and not a real threat to most girls. He'll eventually get a face full of mace or something of the like if this scenario were to happen.

[MLE]

The scenario: We are walking into a building in front of you. Do we hold the door open?
I think it's always the right thing to do regardless of gender or even age. I hold the door open for belligerant teenagers as well, and most even thank me!

We are seated on a packed train and you're standing next to us. Do we give up our seat?
I agree with CiG that only if she looks like she's in pain or pregnant, otherwise do what you would do for anyone of that age or if they are carrying bags, regardless of gender. If you do, with no provocation, give up your seat and continue to try to talk to said woman, she'll try to figure out if you're a creep or not, so don't be too chivalrous.

A woman is lugging a large suitcase through the airport. Do we offer to help?
Only if it looks like she is honestly having trouble with them. If she says no thanks, don't ask again.

(If Yes to above question)Okay, so we lug the case up a staircase for you. We would love to keep helping, but now we've got our own flight to catch.
Same as CiG, run to your own flight.

We pass a woman walking down the street, crying. Do we do anything?
Most women would rather you not help. If they're crying in public where there are other places they could easily cry, she might be looking for the attention of someone they know or are there with. Otherwise, you'll just case an unwanted scene.

It's late at night and we see you stumbling alone out of a bar, extremely drunk.
Help her to a cab, but unless you have been talking with her and somewhat know her, i wouldn't recommend going with her. She might come out of the drunken stupor just enough to notice she's not in the bar anymore and in a cab going somewhere with a stranger.

We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?
No. You'll just cause it to be worse.

(If No to above question)We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm...
Yes, intervene then. There's no place that a guy should handle his girl like that, unless it's the bedroom and that's the way she wants it.

We are at a bar when we see you being aggressively hit on by David Spade. What now?
If you want to be nice, and you really think you're more attractive, you can interupt nicely to see if the girl takes the out, but again, only give it one try.

[HickMan]

Guys, just show it to her.

[Tadao]

I'm the guy that makes other guys have to make sure she gets in the cab alone.

[saizo_ogasawara]

If I pass by a woman crying, if she's my age, I'd take her someplace to cry it out.
If it's some older lady, I'd just pat her back and say "It's gonna be okay."
If it's a younger one, I'd slap them out of annoyance (prepubescent female crying triggers an automatic response in my hands.).

[HickMan]

Just show it to her, guys

[Zomboid]

I don't get why you're trying to think of all these ways to attract women. Just rape 'em :x

[MLE]

It seems like the women have answered the original questions. HOW ABOUT SOME MORE, GUYS, OR ARE YOU TOO INSENSITIVE TO CARE ;_;

[Grislygus]

Yeah, what the fuck does it mean when a girl seems really, really uninterested in being around a guy and then keeps calling him at midnight

[Zomboid]

Means she wants to use you for talking because non of her girl friends are as sensitive as you. Wuss.

[MLE]

You may have fallen into the friends territory. If you're too much of a friend, you really do go there, but if you're there long enough, there's a chance of coming back strong when they realize "OH WE'VE LOVED EACH OTHER ALL THIS TIME IT MUST BE DESTINY"

If you're not in the friends territory, you might just be being fucked with.

[Tadao]

You may have fallen into the friends territory. If you're too much of a friend, you really do go there, but if you're there long enough, there's a chance of coming back strong when they realize "OH WE'VE LOVED EACH OTHER ALL THIS TIME IT MUST BE DESTINY"

If you're not in the friends territory, you might just be being fucked with.

Please delete my female appreciation thread. :(

[Grislygus]

I think I'd prefer the "being fucked with" option better, I don't even remember anything that we've talked about

[MLE]

Well, look out in the future, because if you're in the friends territory, if you get out and back into relationship territory, that's a good spot to be in.

That is, if you like the chick.

[Tadao]

or show it to her

[Dr. Boogie]

You may have fallen into the friends territory. If you're too much of a friend, you really do go there, but if you're there long enough, there's a chance of coming back strong when they realize "OH WE'VE LOVED EACH OTHER ALL THIS TIME IT MUST BE DESTINY".

Ah yes, the "Ducky" Hypothesis.

Anyway, I'll answer the questions:


The scenario: We are walking into a building in front of you. Do we hold the door open?

Yes, but that goes for men, too.


We are seated on a packed train and you're standing next to us. Do we give up our seat?

Depends on the woman. Weak-looking old lady? Sure. Some chick yelling into a cell phone while cradling her tiny, useless dog in her other hand? Hell no.


A woman is lugging a large suitcase through the airport. Do we offer to help?

No. I don't want some weirdo walking up to me at the airport.


We pass a woman walking down the street, crying. Do we do anything?

Does walking away while wondering, "what's her problem?" count as doing something?


It's late at night and we see you stumbling alone out of a bar, extremely drunk.

A stranger walking up to a drunk chick at night? Not unless I feel compelled to get maced and have the twins crushed.


We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?

No, let them figure out what their problem is.


(If No to above question)We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm...

Yes. Call the cops, take a picture, say something, etc.


We are at a bar when we see you being aggressively hit on by David Spade. What now?

The guy got a Playboy Playmate pregnant, and then said he didn't want to have anything to do with her. If that isn't hint enough for you to avoid dating him, I don't think there's anything I can do to help you.



I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm more inclined to just leave people be. Most of the time, here in the big city, that's all people really want.

[MLE]

Boogie, you are an honorary girl. http://www.popnko.com/Emily/MLEapproved.jpg

[Guitar Woman]

I'm generally the same as Boogie, yes.

I hate it when some obnoxious jerk I've never seen before just starts TALKING to me, I wouldn't want to put someone else through that.

[Tadao]

Boogie, you are an honorary girl. http://www.popnko.com/Emily/MLEapproved.jpg

This shall be used against you.

[MLE]

honorary, not actual.

[MattJack]

I think I would offer to help a lady out in the airport if she looked like she was struggling with her luggage, but only if I'm within a reasonable distance of her and eye contact was made. Guess I'm a creep :\

Also, if I EVER saw a guy hit a woman.. I'd get in his shit quick, fast, and in a hurry. I don't think you should ever hit a woman. Defending yourself is one thing, but to hit a woman is a massive fuck up in my book. Of course diesel dykes don't count, so you can give them the elbow drop if they wish to fight you. I have never came across an angry lesbian though!

[Zomboid]

Speaking of which, a few years ago, one of my friends got into a fight with some guy and was beating the shit out of him when the guy's girlfriend came up behind him and started attacking him. He didn't see who it was, obviously, he just knew that someone was attacking him, so he whipped around and punched the girl square in the nose. I guess she hit the ground pretty hard and was bleeding pretty badly. He felt pretty bad, but what do ya do in a situation like that? I can't remember what this girl looked like, but I don't think she was too dainty.

Also, usually I pretend to care about girl problems to try to get a piece :(. Sometimes I genuinely do care, but it'd have to be a real problem and not something like "Omg my parents didn't get me the brand new car I wanted, so I'm stuck with this piece of shit from '05". A girl I know actually said that.

[Dr. Boogie]

Well if she was just slapping him on the back trying to get him to stop, laying her out with one punch might've been a little extreme.

[Zomboid]

Nah, it was a while ago, but I'm almost positive she was punching him in the back of the head and kicking his legs or something. Not all girls just slap. To illustrate my point: http://youtube.com/watch?v=3QKzFHkK6LQ

[Dixie]

Some girls exploit the "man should never hit a woman" thing. I believe some truly are asking for a black eye sometimes and rightfully deserve it.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I have no problem knocking the hell out of a woman who is asking for it.
Other than that, I am the perfect gentleman.:picklehat

[Zomboid]

Some girls exploit the "man should never hit a woman" thing. I believe some truly are asking for a black eye sometimes and rightfully deserve it.
Omg I love you :(. I hate that. Sometimes there are some pretty aggresive girls at parties, bars, etc and when they get drunk and get in a guy's face and start pushing and hitting him, they reeeeeally push the limits of that rule. I've seen some bigger girls attack guys and it's just wrong seeing the guy not fighting back in any way other than accidentally clipping the girl in the face when shielding himself.

[HickMan]

I think the immortal words of Chris Rock put it best

http://youtube.com/watch?v=S4HEjjiPWuE

[CaptainBubba]

Why do you always get wasted before saying how hot I am but then later are all "OMG I DONT RMEMEBR ANYTHING HAHA WOOPS WHAT DID I SAY?" but then also get wasted and get fingered by jurks who idolize Eminem?

This questions is to all the ladies.

[MattJack]

An ex of mine had hit me on about 3 different occasions. We would be bickering over something and she'd elevate it by closing her fists and hitting me with all her woman strength (which is the equivilant to an 8 year old). I would just turn my back and block my face, or sometimes I would grab her by the wrists and physically stop her.

When I told her, "You just hit me! You know I could call the police and say that you assaulted me?"

She simply looked at me and with a mocking voice said, "Oh, but, but officer! He was hitting me! I was just defending myself!"

So I think that was the day I stopped trusting women and living with them.

I think you should defend yourself from being beaten up, but I wouldn't do it on the same level as defending myself from a man. I think most men are strong enough to handle most women without it being a slobber-knocker. Sorry, I don't mean to sound overtly sexist or anything, but I think that's just how it is in most circumstances.

[Dixie]

Why do you always get wasted before saying how hot I am but then later are all "OMG I DONT RMEMEBR ANYTHING HAHA WOOPS WHAT DID I SAY?" but then also get wasted and get fingered by jurks who idolize Eminem?

This questions is to all the ladies.
1-Often times the "forgotten drunk moments" are a way to cover up something we meant at the time but no longer mean. Alot of the time, at least in my case, being "so wasted we can't remember" is an excuse for doing something stupid.

2-If the bitch gets poked by some Eminem worshiper, she's getting what she deserves for even talking to the little punk ass.

[executioneer]

ladies why you gotta be so scary :( signed willie

[Sam]

I got a question for the ladies

Sup ladies?

[MLE]

ladies why you gotta be so scary :( signed willie

Because usually females (until they're about 25-26) don't know what they want, and are messed up half the time from hormones and PMS, not to mention the likelihood of having depression, bi-polar, anger issues, self image issues, or anything along those lines. Even a "mentally healthy" girl is batshit nuts until about 26.

[Zomboid]

http://www.waterman75.com/Al%20Bundy/peg02.jpg

AL, HOW BOUT SOME SEX? :lol

[executioneer]

Because usually females (until they're about 25-26) don't know what they want, and are messed up half the time from hormones and PMS, not to mention the likelihood of having depression, bi-polar, anger issues, self image issues, or anything along those lines. Even a "mentally healthy" girl is batshit nuts until about 26.

so its basically the same reason i'm scary then :( except the pms

[Cosmo Electrolux]

bump that age up to about 50....

[Dixie]

MLE's pretty much dead on with that one. Though most females never outgrow their craziness, the craziness shifts. We may mellow out on one of our crazies, but another would be enhanced in it's place.

We are indecisive creatures that want to feel comfortable. If you can make us comfortable we're not so scary, unless you have a really nutso chick on your hands who would benefit more from a psych ward than a friend/lover.

I am definitely a Peg Bundy, except I work 2 days a week and my husband isn't a shoe salesman. I even wear leggings all the time.




PS-Our hormones get worse as we age, we might be more "stable" as we get older but we cry alot more and ask if you guys think we're fat (and other questions you guys hate) a whole lot more the older we get.

[MattJack]

So women are crazy!

ALL THOSE MEN THAT HAVE BEEN TELLING ME THAT MY WHOLE LIFE WERE RIGHT!

So basically, you have to find a woman that you can tolerate the best? Is marriage really like Married With Children? :(

[Dixie]

Yes women are crazy.


So basically, you have to find a woman that you can tolerate the best?
That's what I would recommend.

And no marriage isn't like Married With Children. I don't know about the kids part though. I'm not that brave. It's just like living together but it's more expensive to get out of. Most housewives aren't like Peg either, some of us clean!

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I'll give you some serious advice...find a woman you can be friends with first. If you can't be friends, you'll be a miserable married couple.

[Dr. Boogie]

Also, don't marry your high school sweetheart unless you want your life to be like Married with Children.

[Tadao]

Married people sitcoms and real life marriages only have one difference.
Sitcoms are funny.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Damned Skippy.
Don't marry anyone unless you want you life to be a living hell.

[Tadao]

Except when Mods do it. Then it's magical forever.

[MattJack]

Don't marry anyone unless you want you life to be a living hell.


That is what every older man has told me :lol

[Dr. Boogie]

Yeah, every older guy in my family has given me that message, too. Often in front of their significant other.

[Tadao]

I've been married since 1995. Seperated for 3 years. We were living together for 2-3 years before we got married. So.. living with one of these creatures and studying them in their own habitat has left me no closer to understanding them.

I don't try to understand them antmore, I just let them get pissed of at me for not trying anymore and let them leave me.

[MLE]

Women at least start to know themselves by age 25ish, which is why I quoted that age, but CiG is totally right that the problems will be reeplaced by other problems. Most females do have some other mental illness as well.

For the record, I have bi-polar, ADD, seasonal depression, self-image issues, and more as well as being under 25. Imagine what Chojin has to go through on a daily basis!

[MattJack]

thank God for Ninetendo games, huh Chojin

[JakeOfAllTrades]

I should be graduated from High School, but I'm on the "Pathways" program where I do a number of subjects over a number of years. So far none of the girls at school have taken any romantic interest in me. I've had some really terrible experiences with girls standing me up on dates they never intended to go on, because I was that "retard kid", when I actually just have high functioning Asperger's. The only really honest response a girl gave me for rejection was when this one girl rejected me because she already has a girlfriend and is quite happy.

I also have an irrational fear of popular blonde girls because usually they want to hurt my feelings. Considering what they put me through you'd understand why.

[Esuohlim]

I actually just have high functioning Asperger's.

You and Jonathan Clement should be the best of friends. He has low functioning Asperger's.

[Guitar Woman]

I've always seen people who date in high school as going out just for the sake of going out which is idiotic and something I settled on not involving myself with

I think I made the correct decision, you should do it too!

[Esuohlim]

I didn't date in high school because I was considered undesirable by the opposite gender!

[Sam]

At least you can be honest about it and not make up a reason!

[Guitar Woman]

what are you implying

I'm a handsome young stud, mister

[executioneer]

there's nothing wrong wtih being gross when you're a teenager, teenagers are SUPPOSED to be gross

[saizo_ogasawara]

Hey, I'm a teenager, darn it. Some are supposed to be gross, some are just plain gross, while the rest of us, the fighters, (from which I belong) fight to survive.

[Guitar Woman]

Wait, what?

[executioneer]

filipinos :rolleyes

[Tadao]

Hey, I'm a teenager, darn it. Some are supposed to be gross, some are just plain gross, while the rest of us, the fighters, (from which I belong) fight to survive.

You are not a teen ager until you hit 13.

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Maybe I should reconsider my choices. I might not be ready for dating yet. Especially when most rejections from girls fail to put me in tears, (except for the really cruel ones) but the most emotional piece about love I've ever written is a Fantasy subplot where an old man of royal blood gets his heart broken by a gold-digging Elf. And the very notion of this makes me blubber when I think about it. Seriously, if I'm more emotionally concerned for this poor guy who isn't even real than for girls at school who definitely are real (but hey, they have no emotional interest in me either).

Pros: I can write about the pitfalls of romance in a way that even makes me cry.

Cons: Somehow to me, all the girls at school are either good friends or bitter enemies. And yet I don't know what to do when a real girl starts crying or needs help to feel better. Mostly I deal with this with hugs, but what do I do if the girl doesn't want to be hugged? Then I listen to what their problem is. Trouble with that is, usually they're sobbing about how some guy/girl was really horrible to them, for reasons she explains but I still don't understand.

As an Asperger's kid sometimes I feel like I'm not even thinking like a real human would use logic. I understand what's going on inside Superman's head perfectly when he starts doubting his own abilities, and Doctor Who seems to me like he needs a hug, but it turns out that real Humans who don't operate on the same logic as I do are baffling to me. I can understand why people might not have empathy with me, but why some people don't have empathy for anybody, human, fictional, or whatever, just irritates me.

Should I be happy that I understand somebody's pain, even if they're not a real person, and accept that an understanding of Humanity will come with much life experience and wine drinking? If I can't figure Humans out, how can I figure out Women, who are part of the same species?

[Esuohlim]

So did you actually get diagnosed with Asperger's by someone that wasn't yourself because I've found out that a lot of people who claim to have Asperger's just say they do as an excuse for their social problems.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

learn to live alone...best advice I could possible ever give. If you rely on someone else to make you happy, you're going to be miserable for a long, long time.
Enjoy your solitude.....stop being such needy pussies.

[Tadao]

learn to live alone...best advice I could possible ever give. If you rely on someone else to make you happy, you're going to be miserable for a long, long time.
Enjoy your solitude.....stop being such needy pussies.

I like half and half. Living in separate places with lots of sleep overs.

[MattJack]

When you meet a woman at the bar on a Saturday night and she tells you that you are missing your chance to go home with her, all while Your Love by The Outfield is playing out of the jukebox. Does that mean that she is probably just as fucked up as you?

Basically, you should probably avoid women at the bar, huh?

[Dr. Boogie]

Just make sure you've got both kidneys in the morning.

[MetalMilitia]

Or additional kidneys you can sell to a Chinese business man.

[Dr. Boogie]

Okay, I figured it out: Before you go out, put a couple latex scars right about where your kidneys should be, and act like you have renal failure.

[JakeOfAllTrades]

So did you actually get diagnosed with Asperger's by someone that wasn't yourself because I've found out that a lot of people who claim to have Asperger's just say they do as an excuse for their social problems.

Actually I was diagnosed with it. But I bet there's other reasons than that that I have social problems I bet. I've personally never heard of such a thing as claiming to have it as an excuse for social problems. But something tells me that some people are just crazy enough to do that.

I don't often use my condition as an excuse. And when I do, it doesn't end well. Maybe I should stop using it as a bail-out for other weirdness that's unrelated.

[Sethomas]

More like Jake of all TIRADES, amiright??

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Maybe I should just shut up on this thread. It's clear that I've already displayed too much of myself too soon. I will stop the ranting... NOW.

[Tadao]

Let's see you moms tits.

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Oh come now, that was uncalled for!

[Guitar Woman]

I got diagnosed with that too, but I decided that it's nothing but a bunch of bullshit and that my problem was that I just really, really hated people.

I would assert to the powers that be that I don't have it if I weren't getting a free ride from the education board :picklehat

[Emu]

People who talk about having Asperger's syndrome probably don't have it. To wit: 98% of Wikipedia users.

[executioneer]

i thought i was a aspie but now i am indecisive between that and avoidant personality disorder + ocd

idk it's not important enough to see if i can get a doctors note saying "please excuse this dude from doing shit, his brain is weird", unless i lose my current job, then i might be in some shit lol

[Chojin]

I bet jack of all trades looks JUST like his avatar.

[Chojin]

Also a note to you since I know you're not really gone-

No one cares about your problems, least of all us. You don't have to apologize to us because you were never part of this community and - stay with me here - we still wouldn't care even if you were.

Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to take a joke. That's all we've got here. Jokes. Such as yourself.

*ps not willie, everyone cares about him

[Tadao]

I accept your apology jokeofallthreads

[Guitar Woman]

Chojin what happened to your open minded attitude towards wonderful new posters

[Guitar Woman]

rog will be heartbroken

[Dr. Boogie]

Rog has explained to all the moderators that tolerance of new posters extends only to those who aren't colossal Livejournal fags.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

thanks for passing that along, Boogie....

[Vanhelm13]

I was diagnosed with kick-assberger's.

[HickMan]

This guy needs to STOP being such a pussy!

http://www.rockcandyrecords.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/Nugent%20Weekend%20Warriors%20%281%29.jpg

[Dixie]

Guys that whine as much as chicks are far from attractive to most girls. Jake, if you're lucky you might find a girl who'd rather date a gay guy but settles for you. Other than that, man up Nancy Boy.

[Dr. Boogie]

And quit blaming assburgers for people not laughing at your jokes/enjoying your stories about elves.

[MattJack]

But I thought chicks liked sensitive guys :rolleyes

MAKE UP YER MINDS

P.S. Hickman that is one of the most bassaddest pictures I have ever seen boy.

[Dixie]

Sensitive to OUR NEEDS and being a whiny bitch are two very different things.

[MattJack]

I think I know what women need

[Zomboid]

YEAH ME TOO :highfive

[Madman914]

I have a question, why is it impossible to argue with women?

[MattJack]

because we use things like facts and sequence of events

[King Hadas]

A lot of women treat their boyfriends like their little kids that to need to be taught lessons and such. In this mentality naturally you can't concede a point to someone, when you deal with toddlers it's essential they know your the boss.

[Dixie]

It's impossible to argue with us because we will never let you win. Facts do not matter in an argument with a female because emotional memories can be twisted into anything in the course of an argument. Half of us would rather not argue so we manipulate you into feeling guilty so it will just be over. The other half LIVES for confrontation, those are the ones to avoid at all costs.

[MattJack]

:(

WHY DO CHOOSE THE WRONG ONES

WHY

[Dixie]

I dunno, high school psychology class only taught me so much....and that wasn't a whole lot.

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Hey guys. I'm back. And I'm sorry. I solved my problem, and I'm now working on how to better approach talking to girls.

Turns out, if you don't bitch at them for not liking you, they'll want to talk to you if you're a nice person.

And I guess I am a nice person. And that is why I am going to forgive you. Even if you do not forgive me.

But what I really want to know from this thread is when it comes to understanding women, for Feb 14th should I go with the mass "everybody wins a prize" approach where I gave Valentine's cards to all the girls who didn't get cards, or should I give a rose to that girl I like in my Society and Culture class?

[MetalMilitia]

Hi thanks for the questions. I think you should take the "scatter gun" approach to card/gift giving. This involves distributing cards and gifts in such quantity that you almost guarantee yourself some pity replies. As we all know, pity replies can lead to pity dates which if all goes to plan may lead to our ultimate goal; pity sex.
If, as I suspect, you are so unrelentingly un-attractive to woman that you cannot even muster any pity, you wish to take the alternative "scatter gun" approach. The main idea behind this is to make your class mates pay for not appreciating your charms by way of a scatter gun and a rucksack stocked full of home made pipe bombs.

Hope all goes well and good luck!

[Dixie]

Why not do both, give cards to the girls who are ignored on such a day and give a rose to the girl you like? Cover all your bases.

EDIT:Oops, wrong thread. Sorry!

[Dr. Boogie]

Turns out, if you don't bitch at them for not liking you, they'll want to talk to you if you're a nice person.

That's so profound. Have your ever thought of writing a book on relationships?

[JakeOfAllTrades]

I have decided not to. Better to withhold unproven wisdom than to dispense it to people who may well discredit you. If I was going to do one, I'd wait until I was at least fifty years old. Because that's round about the age when you either have grown into a philosopher that people will take seriously, or a nutcase like Ultimate Warrior was when it comes to wisdom. If I did do one I would have to do some serious research for it, if you know what I mean ;)

[Tadao]

And that is why I am going to forgive you. Even if you do not forgive me.


I accept your apology.

[Fat_Hippo]

Hi thanks for the questions. I think you should take the "scatter gun" approach to card/gift giving. This involves distributing cards and gifts in such quantity that you almost guarantee yourself some pity replies. As we all know, pity replies can lead to pity dates which if all goes to plan may lead to our ultimate goal; pity sex.
If, as I suspect, you are so unrelentingly un-attractive to woman that you cannot even muster any pity, you wish to take the alternative "scatter gun" approach. The main idea behind this is to make your class mates pay for not appreciating your charms by way of a scatter gun and a rucksack stocked full of home made pipe bombs.

Hope all goes well and good luck!

I nearly :lol my ass off at that. Good job!

[ElPila666]

Is Pub Lover a woman?

[executioneer]

no

[ElPila666]

shit! then i got lost in translation

Pub Lover talks about GAY people so much, you'd think she was a Kevin Smith fan.


I tought he called him she

[executioneer]

dont tell jediscum lets let him be the fool for a little while longer

[Tadao]

Fun Fact : Girl's do not have prostate glands. So when you fuck them in the asshole and they say they like it, they are just telling you what you want to hear or they get off on pain.

[Pub Lover]

I once came to that conclusion, but when I asked a girl if I was right she gave me a long lecture about nerve clusters, so I jokingly (not so jokingly ;) ) made a suggestion but she said 'no'.

[MattJack]

Thaths nasthty

[Tadao]

I just had a woman tell me that sometimes she likes anal and if I had a problem with that, Gah, I don't understand.

[Dixie]

Fun Fact : Girl's do not have prostate glands. So when you fuck them in the asshole and they say they like it, they are just telling you what you want to hear or they get off on pain.
While it's true we don't have prostate glands we can still enjoy it. And it doesn't hurt unless the guy is a real jerk.

[MattJack]

I think I am the only guy that doesn't like to give it to a girl in the b*tt

Sorry Willie :(

When you ignore me, just know that I will always be reading your messages :tear

[Esuohlim]

It doesn't sound particularly appealing to me either

This reminds me of a post OAO once made where he said "I no longer at this stage of my life fear the thought of the process of anal sex where I am at the receiving end" or something.

[HickMan]

I really miss that guy. Anybody still have those pictures of him flexing in his mirror?

[MLE]

Eric does. They show up on his google desktop. Too frequently.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I always hoped that he was someones retarded character. OAO...not Eric...

[WhiteRat]

I think I am the only guy that doesn't like to give it to a girl in the b*tt

Same here. The pooper just isn't that appealing. I guess it's something i'd like to do before I die. Maybe I'll add it to my bucket list or something.

[Emu]

I'm scatophobic so that counts me too.

[Zomboid]

I tested it on a girl with my finger just to see if I'd wanna put my penis in there afterwards. It felt like I was reaching into the throat of a mid sized rodent :x

PS I THINK I WASHED MY HANDS IN ICY KEG TUB WATER

[Cosmo Electrolux]

don't knock it until you've tried it.....it's especially cool if the girl cries while you're hammering her back door.....

[Emu]

That just made me sad

[Grislygus]

Hey, I've got an actual question. What are some good tests to tell if you're all clingy and obsessive?

[Tadao]

A test for yourself or the other person?

[Grislygus]

TALKING TO THE LADIES HERE, KILLJOY



And by "you", yes, I mean you womens

[MetalMilitia]

Hey, I've got an actual question. What are some good tests to tell if you're all clingy and obsessive?

I have one. Just complete the following questionnaire:

Do you consider yourself clingy at all?
Do you obsess over things (particularly women)?

If you answered yes to EITHER of these questions you may be clingy and obsessive.

[Tadao]

See, even MM thought you were talking about yourself. Now get off my ass you clingy bastard.

[Grislygus]

Back onto the shortbus, people.



For anyone else, let me rephrase this.

"Hello all of you women, what is a good test that I can surreptiously use to definitively figure out if an individual is a clingy and obsessive example of the female gender"

You can tell that's specific because it overuses words.

[Tadao]

Edit: You're probably serious, good luck with that.

[Tadao]

:p

[Grislygus]

A recent conversation involved her briefly mentioning words such as "bible", "anime", "home-school", and "so, if you have time after work, maybe you'd like to see my comics".

She's absolutely adorable, but this did nothing to assuage the mental CODE RED, DANGER, CODE RED that fired up immediately.

[Dr. Boogie]

Ask an ex of hers?

[executioneer]

ask her if she knows jonathan clement

EDIT: WHOPPS I AM NO LADY :embarrassed

[Emu]

I think you may have found Chris-chan's Boyfriend-Free Girl. She's white, right?

This may end up being a faux pas, but try this: Buy her some stupid little trinket and see how often she wears it. If she never, ever takes it off, even in the shower (and makes sure you're aware of this) then GTFO

[Tadao]

Funny thing is, I know the answer, but when you test someone it usually backfires. Just take a chance like everyone else does.

[Dr. Boogie]

No, don't buy her a gift! If she's clingy and you buy her a gift, you've fallen into her trap!

[MacLeon]

Live with a woman, then you will come to understand them. Shut your mouth and listen to what they say. Do not try to dominate them.

[Tadao]

I don't understand.

[MacLeon]

I don't understand.
Few men do. Cute avy.:)

[Tadao]

Few men do. Cute avy.:)

Yay! Can I fuck your titties?

[HickMan]

Stop writing in red thanks

[Fathom Zero]

THAT'S NOT RED IT'S BLOOD

[Fat_Hippo]

THAT'S NOT BLOOD IT'S RED SHIT

[HickMan]

http://photos-g.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v195/208/98/614802673/n614802673_1025206_3038.jpg
I understand women guys

[Sam]

Hickman is always with THE LADIES.

[HickMan]

Everywhere I go!

[Chojin]

hickman's got his 'jock mug' down PAT

[MattJack]

my motto for makin' luv is written on yer shirt HickMan

[HickMan]

I had to pose shirtless next to Ronnie Coleman to get that shirt!

And I got that look from Brady Quinn when I met him this weekend! Along with Lou Ferrigno and Triple H!

[Sam]

Did HHH check your PEDIGREE???

[HickMan]

No he was trying to be discreet. He actually was rather unimpressive in real life. Kind of a bummer :<

[MattJack]

Why don't you women ever say what you mean?

Guys, any success for getting the answers you want to hear out of women without using ghb?

Discuss.

[Dr. Boogie]

Women are conditioned not to say what they mean because if they did, they'd wind up beating the shit out of each other. Didn't you see Mean Girls?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I hate it when you ask them where they want to go out to dinner and they say they don't care. That just means you better remember all the other places you've went and which ones she liked and what she didn't. Then order her the food she wants because she's "Not going to care" about that one either.

:x

[Dixie]

We don't say what we mean because you're supposed to read our minds.
But you should have known that already.

[Dr. Boogie]

That part I did know, but only because as a lad, I would often hear my frustrated father saying that to himself.

[MattJack]

My dad always said, "Son, women.. Can't live with em, can't kill em. Now go get me a beer."

[Grislygus]

Was your dad Tom Arnold :x

[MattJack]

no :(

[Sam]

But you wish he was. :(

[pac-man]

Tom Arnold would've wanted cocaine, not beer.

[glowbelly]

i tell dudes exactly what i want and they usually run away

[Tadao]

You should stop sying the word baby then!

[MetalMilitia]

If you understand women, you don't understand women.

[Dr. Boogie]

Knowing is none of the battle.

[Dixie]

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51WJMD01D6L._SS500_.jpg

[Zhukov]

During sex she tells me that she likes it when I do exactly what I want and when I take an assertive tone, but through trial and error I have worked out that this means that what I want should be exactly what she wants, and I have to pretend that I am being assertive when I'm really not.

[Dixie]

You're learning.
The next step is to know what she wants before she has to ask you.
When you start hearing "How many times do I have to tell you", work on your telepathy hardcore.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

During sex she tells me that she likes it when I do exactly what I want and when I take an assertive tone, but through trial and error I have worked out that this means that what I want should be exactly what she wants, and I have to pretend that I am being assertive when I'm really not.


That's why you need the "Cone of Silence". Turns out you can still hear each other with the lights out.


I've found out that whatever you think a girl doesn't want is what she needs.

[Trash]

You've found out all women need to be murdered? :o

[LordSappington]

What's it mean when a girl is obviously hitting on you, then right when you start to ask her out she talks about how excited she is the boy she likes asked for her number?
>:(

[DevilWearsPrada]

http://spamusement.com/gfx/330.gif

[DevilWearsPrada]

Impress the Females

[Dixie]

If you HAVE to keep posting on I-mockery, please stay out of Loveline.
You're unfunnier than me, and that's so not cool.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

What's it mean when a girl is obviously hitting on you, then right when you start to ask her out she talks about how excited she is the boy she likes asked for her number?
>:(


That's when you say: "And why don't 'I' have your number?" If you already have her number just offhandedly mention "Oh, that guy? He's a wiener."

Make it very suggestible

[Tadao]

Well played sir!

[Asila]

You should stop sying the word baby then!

BABY ;)

[Zomboid]

Luc says:
There's this one ginger girl at school that keeps saying we should PARTY TOGETHER and shit like that
Luc says:
and I'm always kinda laughing and turning away
Luc says:
and then I call her a ginger in the hopes that it'll piss her off, but it never does
Heather says:
just start being creepy. call her a ginger and then say "mmm i love gingerbread cookies!"
Heather says:
then tell her what you told me when we were sitting alone in your basement one day.... "i like my women like my coffee... ground up and in the freezer!"
Luc says:
hahahahahaha
Luc says:
I forgot about that
Luc says:
that was a fun day
Heather says:
what day
Luc says:
when I said that
Luc says:
I think that was the same day we watched the shining
Heather says:
lol ya. i dont rememeber finishing that
Luc says:
me neither actually
Heather says:
haha i wonder what could have happened then
Luc says:
I AM NOT SURE
Heather says:
i wonder what *should* have happened then!!>!>!>!
Luc says:
hahahaha yeah really
Luc says:
god damn
Heather says:
that could have been great. if i wasnt such a prude and virgin then im sure we would have done nothing but fuck
Heather says:
too bad
Luc says:
haha yeeeeeah. I remember being extremely horny that entire time
Heather says:
well you should have just been like " baby... just let me put it in... for a quick second"
Heather says:
or "baby just let me put it in your butt.. youll still be a virgin. come on... ill be gentle"
Heather says:
hahah
Luc says:
hahahahaha
Luc says:
you would've let me?
Heather says:
lol i dunno.. you never tried


---------
:(

EDIT: But hey---- Casual sex! Yay for high school relationships turning into fucking in college.

[Tadao]

It's better if I imagine Luc to be a girl.

[Chojin]

Or heather to be zomboid.

[Zomboid]

TO BE FAIR, I NEVER SPECIFIED WHICH I AM, OR THAT I'M INVOLVED IN THAT AT ALL. THEY CAN BE WHOEVER YOU WANT.

[MetalMilitia]

Indeed this is prime material for the erotic Zomboid fanfictions I've been working on.

[MattJack]

Today was a monumental day. I actually pissed off a woman for considering her feelings!

This girl and I had been texting each other back and forth rapid-fire style all morning. Check this out and tell me that it isn't crazy woman speak.

(I was giving her a hard time about eating sushi with me tomorrow evening, just playing with her)
Dont act like that i just dont know when they close or when ill get otta hurr. If i get there in time ill tots get sushi wit u

d: aight. I have to cook tomorrow night too. So sushi may not work, but I'll cross my fingers all today.

Youre acting like you miss me or something...

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss having you around. Nobody likes a liar. It isn't like I all of a sudden stopped thinkin you were cute and fun to be around.

Then nothing. The txting completely stopped. Maybe she went to do something, had class, or had to work? Oh well. An hour passed and I just thought that maybe she had been tied up by something.

A few hours pass and I just kind of think maybe I had over-stepped my bounds by complimenting her or maybe she didn't like it.

So I send this to make sure I didn't make her feel uncomfortable:
I hope that last text didn't bend you out of shape. I was just paying you a compliment.

You need to get over yourself Mr. Matt...

hahaha what?

Mmkay. I'll work on that. In the mean time don't insult me again.

I just dont get why you think im so sensative.... You always talk to me like im being a woman when i haven't even said anything. It just seems kinda rude to me.

Sorry? I was just making sure that I didn't make you feel uncomfortable :( Always talking to you like you're being a woman? Huh?

So I did what every guy has to do at that moment which is to break it down for 'em.

Well in my experience I am use to women being a little sensitive. So I was just making sure you didnt get upset. Sorry. Then you insult me by telling me to get over myself? Good job. I apologize for trying to make sure that you didnt take me wrong. How silly of me.

Looks like I'm eating sushi by myself tomorrow :(

MAKE SENSE OF THAT

[Zomboid]

SLOW YOUR ROLL, PLAYA! SHE DON' WAN' NONE O' DAT!

[MattJack]

i've already had demz

[Sam]

I'll go to sushi with you MattJack. :(

[Zomboid]

As will I. Just us three girls. We can gaaaaab and stuff our faces with all sorts of raw fish and... I don't know what ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

[Sam]

That sounds like the most perfect day. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

[Zhukov]

I think you just got unlucky there Matt. She probably DID just have to go and do something else, and when you asked if she was ok, she obviously sees it as you being patronising. Maybe becuase she is sensitive ("like a woman") and doesn't want to be, or maybe because she is crazy. Like a woman.

That kind of misunderstanding probably wouldn't have happened if you weren't texting, since she could see how sincere you were, and if you were further into a relationship or whatever she probably would have found it easier to accept that she made an assumption!

Maybe she didn't mean the "get over yourself" line in the way that you thought it, either. Althought I don't see how you could read that as anything other than a slap in the face.

Or maybe you were being condescending, and you're just trying to convince yourself otherwise.

[Zomboid]

I fucked a girl from school that I'd wanted to bone since the beginning of classes in September, and it was great fun, but now I'm wondering HOW TO HANDLE SEEING HER AT SCHOOL TWICE A WEEK. I think everything will be just fine, but I'm thinking maybe I should set up a game plan that'll both keep things nice and loose but keep her close enough to fuck again later on.

It's not like I'm being an asshole here; we were just both down for fucking so we did it and I think she's cool with that. IT IS THE NEXT STEP THAT SETS THE PACE FOR FUTURE ENCOUNTERS!

[Tadao]

Give her flowers

[Sam]

Tell her you love her Zomboid.

[MattJack]

Well the girl I was talking about last post ended up calling me and said, "Hey I'm sorry. I was being really rude."

Women are f'n crazy.

Zomboid: I'd just play it cool. You know, be nice, but don't kiss ass. You should feel her out before you start going at it with her.

Believe it or not women go crazy once they start having sex with you. It's a fact. Look it up.

[MattJack]

:lol nvm

Sam's idea is spot on!

[Sam]

;)

[Zomboid]

It's too late for that. I already shouted that out during sex, right before I started crying and told her all of my fears. PS - It's a good thing she has a sense of humour, cause I'm pretty sure most girls wouldn't take kindly to hearing "hey, some of your juice dried on my piercing."

[Sam]

That is still unsettling to read. :(

[Zomboid]

DUDE NEXT TIME I WILL TAKE HIGH-RES PICS FOR YOU. FOR A SECOND I WAS LIKE "wtf is that?" THEN I REMEMBERED HER JUICING LIKE CRAZY.

[MattJack]

That comment made me think of me being at the bank yesterday and accidentally smelling my hand after handling salmon, which in turn made me think of my first girlfriend.

[MattJack]

i luv salmon so much though :(

[Sam]

Did you go to the bank after eating sushi?

[MattJack]

Yes. By myself ;_;

Then I listened to the cure all the way home ;_;

[Sam]

We had the same day. ;__;

[Zomboid]

FELLAS, WHAT WE NEED IS A BIG ROAD TRIP WHERE THE THREE OF US GO AROUND DOGGING AS MANY GIRLS AS WE CAN!

[Zomboid]

MO' BITCHES MO' PROBLEMS

[Sam]

It would be like a National Lampoons movie. :(

[MattJack]

can ICP come too?

[Sam]

do they have to? :(

[Tadao]

I'll take care of your pets while you're away and not have sex with them.

[Asila]

TADAO THE PETSITTER

HE'LL PAY YOU

[Tadao]

:highfive