The Ten Gayest Masters of the Universe

[MockBot]

Automatically generated comment thread for The Ten Gayest Masters of the Universe (http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/gayest-motu/default.php).

[Oska_Go_Wilde]

First comment cheer! Hoo-rah.

How on Earth do people in Eternia reproduce if most of them ride the rainbow? Srsly.

PS: Check the username. I know my gay.

[Purple Man]

In hindsight, the whole thing is seriously messed up. Who was making these things? The real giveaway is how the character names sound like pornos. "Fisto"? "Ram-Man"?

You have now planted the horrific and unnatural image of He-Man totally doing his Prince Adam self in my mind, and it will never leave.

The horror...the horror...

[stevetothepast]

"yet he proudly wears a skirt because he doesn't give a fuck what you think."
Genius

"Ram Man". Sure, I suppose he could "ram" the ladies, but not like this. Not like this."
Pure Genius

[Jonny#5]

Funny article. The only thing I disagree with is Orko, since flamboyant homosexuals like to show off their appearance while Orko seems to go out of his way to hide as much of his body as possible. Considering how bony his arms are, nobody can blame him.

[Angryhydralisk]

This is the single funniest thing I've read in weeks. And isn't like, everything in the 80s homo-erotic in some sense? Like action movies?

[mburbank]

I laughed continuosly from #3 on down. Good Lord! I was in college when these came out and missed the whole He-Man scene entirely. Too funny.

[hobbsend]

Nicely done proto! That's one hell of a task trying to pick the gayest of cast who apparently were all sailing the anal seas. I agree with Teela, if you ever watch the episode where she and Evil-Lyn team up? Notice how much Evil-Lyn looked like Anne Heche?

[incognit000]

A show filled with large, muscled male characters who do not wear pants?

No, not gay at all...

I think that the number of parody songs/cartoons/animations that make Eternia out to be very gay shows that all of us are in on the joke.

[GRUMPYNZ]

Good work. I can imagine there was a whole lot of other characters that could have been on the list! Mossman or Stinkor, perhaps?

[BakaGaijin]

I had boxes of Masters of the Universe toys and used to make them all simulate sex with the Teela and Evil-Lyn toys. It's not gay to touch wieners with another dude if it's in a female's mouth, is it?

[Tadao]

Having a box full pantless male dolls is pretty gay.

[greenimp]

ram-man looks like he just wants to be a pretty little princess

[Qwarx]

Stratos looks like a chicken of some sort.

[Nktalloth]

@GRUMPYNZ

Stinkor is disqualified by virtue of the fact that homosexuals tend to take good care of their bodies. Stinkor's power is overpowering B.O., so...

[Colonel Flagg]

Good gravy! I never realized that Saturday morning cartoons were pay-per-view!

[Protoclown]

@GRUMPYNZ

Stinkor is disqualified by virtue of the fact that homosexuals tend to take good care of their bodies. Stinkor's power is overpowering B.O., so...

That is PRECISELY why I left him off the list, actually.

And thanks, guys. Glad you enjoyed the piece!

[Albino Bat]

I totally agree on that gimp suit >< talk about ruining innocence.

[Nick]

Well this changes everything...

[Pentegarn]

I thought roughly the same thing about the show when I watched it again as an adult. I watched He-Man religiously as a kid, and my mom took a pretty active interest in what I was doing as a kid as well. How she did not ban me from watching this is beyond my skills to surmise.

[Sleazeappeal]

Oh, come ON! Skeletor was the Godmother of Eternia and don't try to tell me different!

Why do you think they had him talk like Charles Nelson Reilley?

[Dungeonbrownies]

the pure amount of perversion made the show practically unwatchable for me.
IM sure as hell glad this never made it to live action film...

[Autrach Sejanoz]

Personally, I would have swapped Ram Man and Fisto's positions on the list.

Man that just sounds wrong...

[Ruinne]

'the pure amount of perversion made the show practically unwatchable for me.
IM sure as hell glad this never made it to live action film... '

"Hehehe...That's because the live action movie has been put off until 2009..."

[Desert_Screams]

Sleazeappeal is absolutely right about this: Skeletor was the ruler of Eternia's velvet underground. He sounded more jacked-up than Cobra Commander...that had to be some kind of a clue....

[Colonel Flagg]

On a second reading, I noticed 2 things:

Ram Man is definitely gayest - he even has a flat head that you can rest your beer on.

You put a reference to "wide stances" in Fisto's bio. Excellent!

[Tetsu Deinonychus]

the pure amount of perversion made the show practically unwatchable for me.
IM sure as hell glad this never made it to live action film...

Actually it did. The live action film came out back in the 80s.

[JakeOfAllTrades]

I was way too young (not even born yet) to experience He-Man and the Masters of the Universe when it was popular, but ever since I got cable I wondered whether He-Man might be worth a gander (no, not like that! A gander at the SHOW!). So I watched one episode, and I couldn't stop laughing. There's no way that sort of unintentional humor would go on in today's cartoons. But then again, I remember Dragonball Z having certain connotations that could not be overlooked unless you were blind.

When I was a kid we had Transformers: Beast Wars and Pokemon to be raised on. I was too poor to have cable (but not too poor to be eating koalas in desperation), and my parents decided that it was too expensive. But really, by the time I was older and wealthy enough to get cable I knew I would appreciate these cartoons more, because I was wised up enough to join the dots. Seriously, watching Spongebob Squarepants as a young adult makes a whole lot more sense to me than it did as a kid.

Still, as a He-Man n00b, all I remember of it when I saw it were the outrageously camp voices. I agree, Skeletor is such a sugar daddy!

[Count Mek]

Aw man that was hilarious, I've never really seen He-Man myself, although I've known of it for many years, awesome piece Protoguy!

[Flashman]

really funny should of had Snout spout or Two bad in the list

[Protoclown]

I know that Skeletor is totally gay, and there are definitely some others that could have made the list, but I had to limit myself to ten, and the choices of who to pick weren't exactly easy...

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Yeah, Skeletor has the attitude to be gay, but judging from the fact he's a skeleton, I think he lacks the parts required for such a lifestyle. Still, he might be one of those gay men who isn't all that focused on sex in the least. Kind of like Dumbledore. Or not.

[Badgers ate my FaCe]

I have to say, I like the inclusion of Zodac on the list. He was always a little fruity to me, being the "cosmic enforcer" and all, and the S&M mask comparison is also spot-on.

I guess I never saw the gay in the figures, as I had the entire lot of them as a kid, but now I will always think of He-Man in that pink shirt dancing like Hasslehoff.

[r_phillip]

that is great. 1 and 3 are my favorites.

[strangejosh]

yeah there were some pretty wrong moments, but still loved this one as a kid.

[Dr. Boogie]

Yeah, Skeletor has the attitude to be gay, but judging from the fact he's a skeleton, I think he lacks the parts required for such a lifestyle.

So you've never actually seen Skeletor, eh?

[Action Ham]

This leads me to wonder who the ten straightest MOTU are.

[Moss Man]

I'm honestly rather surprised that Skeletor didn't make it onto the list..Although I'm glad Beastman made it. Maybe you should've extended it to 20 characters, hah.

Here, I'm pretty sure this would make you reconsider putting Skeletor on the list:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FZ1u2_PopPk

I'm surprised nobody brought this up (Or maybe someone did...I just glided through the comments). Now, I strongly suggest that the younger readers don't watch the link. It's from CKY, the earlier Jackass, starring Brandon DiCamillo. Bam makes a few appearances here. Just listen to the lyrics, and you'll see.

[Scorpio1976]

Thank you for ruining my childhood memories. I'll never be able to look at He-Man the same way ever again... :(

[Scorpio1976]

Here's the full version of "Beastman vs. Skeletor"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=JYx5L_-i7gg

[resident-adam]

Ah damn.. there went my childhood..
Although in retrospect, yeah the Masters of the Sodomverse were total ghey! :(

[NurmaKhan]

You go Ram Man wear that skirt with PRIDE!

[Zbu Manowar]

Speaking of handlebar mustaches, you should add Rio Blasto to that list. The cowboy outfit only adds to the ghey and considering that his special 'power' is to pull a magical gun out of his torso and 'blast' people...well, it writes itself. Him and Extendar probably go out clubbing on their nights off from the S&M scene and have mescaline with Singapore Slings on the side.

[ssosmcin]

Fisto! Ram Man! Holy crap, I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Nearly soiled myself. Thanks, man.

[choHIlqoq]

Well Orko was Trollan from another Dimension,and he had a "girlfriend"
unless she was just some manned of beard? Hmmmm :confused:
Gotta disagree with the bit about Teela,some episodes are just
laced with sexual tension between not only her and He-Man.
It was with Prince Adam too. Maybe a ***-hag,but none too
Sapphic by my estimation.:\

[the Platinum Poppy]

In my obviously confused childhood me and my sister had both He-man and c:o and some my little ponies. Actually they were perfectly fitted to each other. All the He-man action figures were bow-legged and just the right size to ride my little ponies. We used to play that both He-man and my little ponies came from an alien planet and were to conquer earth where the barbie dolls lived.

[FantasyWhoreDork]

HA HA of course I never caught these when I was a kid in my Transformer's PJs eating Ghostbuster's cereal on Saturday morning but man He Man was really purple! I had every one of the He Man figurines, my mom threw one out though, I think the character's name was Stink-or and he actually smelled like a skunk. I looked all over for it and gave up it for lost, until my mom told me two years ago she tossed it because it smelled so bad. I think the 1980's subconsciously messed me up some how (judging from this site and board I am not the only one), I look at myself now in my 30's and I am pop culturally retarded. I am actually proud of it but my parents aren't, they regret plopping me down in front of the TV and giving me cheap comics, I thank them.

[Shadowdancer21b]

Prince Adam was also a bit overbearing when others were in the kitchen. He was VERY proud of his cooking.