Soli
May 28th, 2008, 02:41 AM
I wrote this on a random inspiration one day and I would like to know what others think about it. I was thinking of extending the story although it already feels complete. Any critique is welcome:
The dead bolt settling in sounded like a gunshot. I heard her voice rise up in a scream of terror but it quickly perished inside of her throat before ever reaching her full, pink lips. The lingering taste of my gun no doubt reminded her of the threats I made to her, of the people I promised would suffer should I ever find out what wimper from her sounded like. I turned to her and my eyes hungrily devoured the image she shot back at me. Even in the poor lighting, her pale skin seemed to glow. Her black skirt was bunched up and hugging around her hips as if even it feared my presence., I could see her tone, smooth, white thighs and the bottom half of her perky yet petite ass. Her long red hair danced like flames to the beat of her erratic heart as she fought to tear her gaze away from mine. I could see her breasts rise and fall with every shallow breath she stole from the small room. She inhaled so much in every short breath it was as it was her plan to steal the oxygen from my lungs to watch me suffocate and fall dead. Conviced of this, I cracked the window slightly and could have sworn I saw the fire in her eyes dim at the foiling of her desperate plot. I removed my long coat and tossed it over the big leather recliner, confident in my victory.
Watching her beautiful figure squirm awkwardly to sit up straight against the wall was enchanting. With every strained wiggle, another toned muscle flexed and showed itself from underneath her skin as if they were trying to escape her body, escape from me. Her muffled sounds of struggle seemed to reach out and stroke my entire body, their delicate finger nails sending small tickles up my spine. I watched patiently as exhaustion started to settle in. Her will for survival began to fail and slowly the pretty red head slumped down. She looked like a Rose that has been starved of water, drooping and dying yet still sweet smelling and beautiful. The pure helplessness of the situation was all too apparent to her now as she looked up at me but her gaze never ventured toward my own, never dared to lock into mine for fear she would lose all hope. How much time had passed while I stood statuesque, staring at the teary eyed Rose in my shadow? What could have gone through her head? What I wouldn't give to read her desperately crazed mind. I awoke from my trance seamlessly as if just coming to a conclusion on what to do next. She seemed to have calmed down but her mind was obviously racing behind her bloodshot eyes. It excited me to think that she had a hope to escape, that there was a way out of what was going to happen. The thought of her hope being snuffed out long ago without her knowledge got me off. The feeling was exhilarating as I knelt down next to her. When that little body of hers cowered away from me and shivered in the eighty-seven degree room, she ignited such a passion inside that I nearly got dizzy from the feeling. I inched closer to her while I squatted down like a primate investigating a curious sight, poking and prodding to test the results. "Honey," I whispered, "I want a divorce."
The dead bolt settling in sounded like a gunshot. I heard her voice rise up in a scream of terror but it quickly perished inside of her throat before ever reaching her full, pink lips. The lingering taste of my gun no doubt reminded her of the threats I made to her, of the people I promised would suffer should I ever find out what wimper from her sounded like. I turned to her and my eyes hungrily devoured the image she shot back at me. Even in the poor lighting, her pale skin seemed to glow. Her black skirt was bunched up and hugging around her hips as if even it feared my presence., I could see her tone, smooth, white thighs and the bottom half of her perky yet petite ass. Her long red hair danced like flames to the beat of her erratic heart as she fought to tear her gaze away from mine. I could see her breasts rise and fall with every shallow breath she stole from the small room. She inhaled so much in every short breath it was as it was her plan to steal the oxygen from my lungs to watch me suffocate and fall dead. Conviced of this, I cracked the window slightly and could have sworn I saw the fire in her eyes dim at the foiling of her desperate plot. I removed my long coat and tossed it over the big leather recliner, confident in my victory.
Watching her beautiful figure squirm awkwardly to sit up straight against the wall was enchanting. With every strained wiggle, another toned muscle flexed and showed itself from underneath her skin as if they were trying to escape her body, escape from me. Her muffled sounds of struggle seemed to reach out and stroke my entire body, their delicate finger nails sending small tickles up my spine. I watched patiently as exhaustion started to settle in. Her will for survival began to fail and slowly the pretty red head slumped down. She looked like a Rose that has been starved of water, drooping and dying yet still sweet smelling and beautiful. The pure helplessness of the situation was all too apparent to her now as she looked up at me but her gaze never ventured toward my own, never dared to lock into mine for fear she would lose all hope. How much time had passed while I stood statuesque, staring at the teary eyed Rose in my shadow? What could have gone through her head? What I wouldn't give to read her desperately crazed mind. I awoke from my trance seamlessly as if just coming to a conclusion on what to do next. She seemed to have calmed down but her mind was obviously racing behind her bloodshot eyes. It excited me to think that she had a hope to escape, that there was a way out of what was going to happen. The thought of her hope being snuffed out long ago without her knowledge got me off. The feeling was exhilarating as I knelt down next to her. When that little body of hers cowered away from me and shivered in the eighty-seven degree room, she ignited such a passion inside that I nearly got dizzy from the feeling. I inched closer to her while I squatted down like a primate investigating a curious sight, poking and prodding to test the results. "Honey," I whispered, "I want a divorce."