So You Got Laid Off

[MockBot]

Automatically generated comment thread for So You Got Laid Off (http://www.i-mockery.com/visionary/so-you-got-laid-off.php).

[Fathom Zero]

I want to give you a hug, Max. You're fantastic.

[Miroslav208]

I always feel that I get the best advice from Max Burbank. Now I feel I can take on being terminated from my job with style.

[Dimnos]

You should just start being a motivational speaker Max. Travel the country, tell people how to live there lives because you know how to better than they do even though you know nothing about them.

[Colonel Flagg]

When our division was "right-sized" out of existence, we had "transition counsellors" which is a fancy way of saying shrinks who gauge how likely we were to go to the roof with a high-powered rifle. I was in one "small group" meeting (no joke) where we were throwing around a "koosh" ball and asked about how we felt being laid-off. Yeah, that helped me find a new job. Your literary piece is about a billion times more helpful than that tripe.

The great thing about it is, though, they got paid for providing this service. I smell a career change in the future .....

[RadioNinja]

Having gone through all of these steps recently, I applaud your honesty and candor sir! I was expecting a comedy piece but this seems as though you were following me, writing down my life, and leaving Werther's Original wrappers in flower pots as you strolled by! The one thing you forgot to mention is how much fun it is when you get to have TWO jobs to make the same income as the one that laid you off! It is certainly more fun than trying to fill all that "time off"! Keep up the good work!

[Icculus]

I'm glad that you wrote this, very informative. I'll have to email it to myself because there is a good chance I'm gonna get booted for ph*cking around on the internet all day and not paying enough attention to peoples expense reports.

[Terrible-D]

If only you had shared these bits of wisdom with us 3 years ago Max. It might have made being laid off at 22 a bit easier to handle(I forgot to copy and paste my name into the sample resume, resulting in some very unconvincing "Mrs. Doubtfire" moments).

[Jaimas]

The sad part is that this is a joke article, it's 100% accurate as far as the bridge-burning is concerned. The bridges behind you aren't burnt by you, they're burnt by the dickheads you used to work for. The least you can do in return is set fire to the woods, building and surrounding environment.

I don't mean literally. I mean, if you're going out, and you know it, make it a show. If you can damage their business afterwards, so much the better.

[greenimp]

"SPOILER ALERT, your unemployment check is going to be SMALLER than your paycheck was"
fantastic :D another masterpiece from max

[resident-adam]

Pretty funny article. Keep up the good work, Max.

[Dungeonbrownies]

Im still itching to know what it is you do/did.

[mburbank]

I worked in the exhibits department at a large metropolitan the Museum of Science.

[Protoclown]

Now he collects and eats spiders

[Mockery]

What's really odd is that now Max makes more money collecting and eating spiders than he ever did at the Museum of Science.

[testtube]

The last job I was canned from I told the manager I was going to slit his fat guts open and I hoped his fatass died of a heart attack. That was being fired from a dangerous chemical factory, I hated that job so much I just started showing up late on purpose usually drunk. I couldn't get unemployment. Go play in a punk band and hang around train hoppers, they come in all ages and sizes, living with unemployment is actually pretty cool if you're not a complete square-ball.

[mburbank]

Tried it, my kids are still too short to hop into a moving box car.

[Jigby Huggletinks]

That's why you throw them, my Lord.

[mburbank]

Hey, Jig's, am I the beneficiary on your life insurance policy yet?

[0dd1]

I'm gonna show this to my sister, who, ahem, has been stuck in the relaxation phase for years...

[Jigby Huggletinks]

You are, my Lord.

By the way, I can't help but read your custom title every time as "The Movie Nerd Food Toxic".

[al_frank2000]

Good lord, I've had 35 jobs in my life, and this sounds like the drill. Unfortunately I don't think some people are cut out for the workaday world. To crazy for work and too sane for disability.

[Desert_Screams]

Ph*cking brilliant!

Going through the I-M archives to get my hands on all things Burbank. Awesome stuff. Take Mark Twain, Christopher Hitchens, Lewis Black's right eyeball, and the stomach lining of Ogden Nash, put them all in a blender, get really pissed off when you realize they won't fit in a blender, but then imagine really, really hard that they would....and you would have the essence of Max Burbank. Only, y'know, a whole lot less messy than all that stuff blended together would be.

[Graystreet]

Lewis Black's eyeball? That's kind of offensive, how about we take body parts from someone funny? Take Robert Klein's leg, that'll work.