Dating halp

[LordSappington]

Okay, here goes the standard 'wtf do I do?'
Basically, I've never asked a girl out. Never even kissed one. And I've grown attracted to one of my friends. What's a good way to ask her out, and where to go?

[Pub Lover]

Pull your dick out and ask her to touch it.

[Jeanette X]

Okay, here goes the standard 'wtf do I do?'
Basically, I've never asked a girl out. Never even kissed one. And I've grown attracted to one of my friends. What's a good way to ask her out, and where to go?

Ask her out to the movies. And if she says yes, make damn sure you've dressed nicely, combed your hair, and groomed yourself. If you show that you've put effort into your appearance, she will realize that you have romantic intentions.

Aw, what the fuck do I know? I've been dateless for years. :(

[LordSappington]

BESIDES that.
Uh, that was meant for Pub.

[Esuohlim]

STAND BACK WHILE THE EXPERT GIVES ADVICE:

Stop being a coward :(

[Madonna]

Dont go for second best baby
Put your love to the test

[Dixie]

1-Don't smell bad.
2-If you've already farted in front of her you have no chance.
3-Trim your pubic area, no need to shave it, just trim the manbush back a little.

Jeanette's right though. Movies are always good, a single flower or token (read gift) of affection is a nice touch as well.
I'd say you should both get drunk and then tell her you like her but it sounds like you're kinda young for that.

And don't be a pussy about it, the worst that could happen is that she's not interested and there's always someone out there who might be. So get crackin!

[Madonna]

Jeanette's right though. Movies are always good, a single flower or token (read gift) of affection is a nice touch as well.


That'll make her Crazy for You, and you'll both get Into the Groove. :)

Just don't go see my new movie, Body of Evidence, with her. Its a little too raunchy for a first date and it might scare her off.

[LordSappington]

Duly noted. I figure something like The Day the Earth Stood Still; when's that coming out?

[Pub Lover]

1951?

[Jeanette X]

Duly noted. I figure something like The Day the Earth Stood Still; when's that coming out?

I didn't know they were remaking it. I suppose you should check your local listings. Don't go on the first night its out though, the place will be packed.

Now that I think of it, don't wait around. Find a good movie that's playing near you and take her to it.

[Tadao]

When you give her a hug, make sure you have a boner.

[Zhukov]

"Hi, I think you look/sound/are really interesting, and I was wondering if you would like to have lunch/see a movie/dinner/etc with me sometime?"

If you get a polite knockback then smile and say "ok, no problem" or something. You're a cool guy and that doesn't faze you! Wait until she's not looking to break down. If you play it cool she might change her mind.

If she says yes, and she doesn't suggest anything, then ask for her phone number (NOT email) and tell her you will call her soon.

Before you call her think up something to do.

[MetalMilitia]

If you were in England you would do the following:
1. Ask her if she wants to go to the pub for a drink.
2. Drink.
3. Eventually pluck up the courage to talk about your feelings.
4. Feel really awkward the following day because you were both too drunk to accurately gauge how well the night went.
5. Repeat.

Eventually everything will either fall into place or go "tits up" in spectacular fashion when your frustrations at her seeming lack of interest get the better of you.

Failing this I'm inclined to agree with Tadao.

[MattJack]

You needa have some background music before you ask that broad out imo.

Just make sure Lolipop by Lil Wayne is playing when you ask her out. Bit*hes love stupid rap songs, trust me on this one.

And when kissing make sure youre staring them in the face, it makes them feel uncomfortable, which in turn gets them hot.

[Madonna]

I think the ultimate challenge is to have some kind of style and grace, even though you haven't got money, or standing in society, or formal education. I had a very middle, lower-middle class sort of upbringing, but I identify with people who've had, at some point in their lives to struggle to survive. It adds another color to your character.

[Tadao]

Sap, how old are you guys? Be honest so I can give you some real help here.

[Jeanette X]

Jeanette's right though. Movies are always good, a single flower or token (read gift) of affection is a nice touch as well.

Eh, I would save that for maybe the second or third date. Its a little much for the first one. :\

Anyway, dress in a way that's causal, but a little nicer than usual. Don't go overboard and dress too formal, be a little subtle. Wash your hair, comb it neatly, but don't put on a load of gel, that looks awful. Shave your face, assuming you're old enough. Don't wear a baseball hat. Make sure your hands are clean and your fingernails are clipped and clean, squeeze any blackheads on your face, wear deoderant. Don't wear cologne though, most men go overboard with it and it tends to put women off.
If you sit across from her, try to mirror her posture and gestures. If she rests her hand on her chin, you do it too. People unconciously find themselves liking you more if you do that.

[Fathom Zero]

I'd say he's sixteen.

Buddy, the worst thing you could ever feel is regret, not rejection. Keep that in mind. And yeah, keep the first date kinda casual and fun; get both of your feet in the door.

[Tadao]

They are already friends guys, just lean over and kiss her.

[Pub Lover]

...with your dick.

[executioneer]

catch on fire first girls love fire

[DevilWearsPrada]

girl like dead caribou?

[Madonna]

They are already friends guys, just lean over and kiss her.
Ask her to play Truth or Dare. :orgasm

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I'd say try a dinner with her. Don't go to a Chinese or Spanish restaurant though. Get some cologne. Spray it twice in the air, walk through it. DO NOT spray it directly on you. If you guys are around 15-18 range get Curve cologne. It comes with good pheremones and its not too expensive.

2nd, and this goes for anytime you hand out with her. Watch for signals!!!

1. If you tell a joke or say something funny...and even you know it's not REALLY funny, but she laughs anyway. It's a +

2. If you notice she's repeatedly fixing her hair or moving it while you're conversing that's a +.

3. If you look into her eyes when the sunset is behind you and say "Hey, have you seen the James Bond movie where James Bond looks into the girls eye, sees a killer in the reflection?" and then she says "Are you going to kiss me or what? That's a +.

If you two are already hanging out regulary, ask her out on a date. just remember: no spanish, no chinese.

[Tadao]

Ask her to play Truth or Dare. :orgasm

This is actually some good advice.

[Madonna]

This is actually some good advice.
I'd like to think I am taking people on a journey; I am not just entertaining people, but giving them something to think about when they leave. :)

[Tadao]

Shut up

[Madonna]

Shut up
People think they will wake up one day and I'll be gone. But I'm never going away.

[Tadao]

That is why I'll never fuck you.

[Madonna]

That is why I'll never fuck you.
:rolleyes

Everyone thinks that I'm a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite, when the truth is I'd rather read a book.

[Fathom Zero]

Like The Canadian Mounted?

[executioneer]

why are people giving actual help in this thread >:

[Tadao]

Because if he gets the girl he might post less.

[Jeanette X]

I'd say try a dinner with her. Don't go to a Chinese or Spanish restaurant though. Get some cologne. Spray it twice in the air, walk through it. DO NOT spray it directly on you. If you guys are around 15-18 range get Curve cologne. It comes with good pheremones and its not too expensive.

If you do get cologne, try to get one that you personally think smells good, not what someone else thinks smells good. I read that people tend to choose perfumes based on what amplifies their own personal pheromones.

[Pub Lover]

why are people giving actual help in this thread >:

Because we care about LordSappington's penis. :yum

[Chojin]

invite her to a furry convention

[DevilWearsPrada]

Do what chojin says. he seems to have a decent head on his shoulders

[Guitar Woman]

Isn't a movie a bad choice for a first date as you should be trying to get to know each other

[Jeanette X]

Isn't a movie a bad choice for a first date as you should be trying to get to know each other
Nah. That's just the warm-up. Second date, lunch.

[pac-man]

If she's your friend, there's no need to ruin the friendship with awkward dating bullshit. Jokingly ask her if she wants to fuck, and if she seems receptive to the idea, pull your penis out. If not, go back to being friends. The attraction will pass after you rub one out.

[Pub Lover]

Pac-Man is learning the way of the creep well.
Pull your dick out and ask her to touch it.

[Dixie]

He's got some awesome teachers here man.

[pac-man]

He's got some awesome teachers here man.

Well, that and I've been through the friends to lovers transition. But yeah, Pub, you fuckers have jaded me. :suicide

[Pub Lover]

SHOW US YER DICK!

[pac-man]

http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/dick.jpg

And in all of my weeks of forum posting, I have never posted, never posted something worthwhile. I've earned every infraction. And in all of my weeks of forum posting, I have never obstructed mockery. And I think too, that I could say, that in my weeks of forum posting that I welcome this kind of examination because people have got to know if their whipping-boy is a dick. Well, I am not a dick. I've earned everything I've got.

[Fathom Zero]

Dude, she'll totally dig Depeche Mode

[Fathom Zero]

Can I have her number?

[LordSappington]

Sap, how old are you guys? Be honest so I can give you some real help here.
If you ever read the birthdays, I just turned 17. She's 16. She's also a good six inches taller than me, WAY stronger without being muscular, and dominates most every girls' sport in the school. Yet, she's still somehow frickin' adorable and girly.
Also, Tadao, thank you for making me choke on my Rice Krispie with your boner hug comment.

[LordSappington]

Oh, update, I took her to see Tropic Thunder, and it went well. I think I like my chances.

[Tadao]

When you say it went well, do you mean you got a hand job?

[LordSappington]

Lay off the HBO, Tadao. :lol

[Tadao]

That's a no then :(

[LordSappington]

Gotta give her a break, it was her first date.
And mine too at that.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Tropic Thunder is a bad movie for the popcorn trick. You..did use the popcorn trick right?

[Tadao]

That would have led to the handjob that he didn't get.

[LordSappington]

Yeah, probably. :(

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

You'll get it! :domo:love

[LordSappington]

All I have to do is believe, right?!

[pac-man]

Believe and spike her beverage with roofies.

[LordSappington]

'Oh shit here comes Bubba!'

[LordSappington]

Well, I just got dumped. Her reasoning was that, when I told her about how I have a pretty good chance of getting cancer when I'm older, she said she didn't want to have to deal with that.
Women are very good at making me feel like a worthless sack of crap.

[Esuohlim]

You must really suck if she was reaching that far for an out.

You'll never find anyone.

[Tadao]

Suicide still loves you.

[Dixie]

Hahah what a cop out!
Lower your standards dude.

[MetalMilitia]

You should've told her that statistically speaking one in three people get cancer so it would be in her best interests to stick around you so you take the fall. That's how statistics work right?

[wobzire]

Find a girl with a cancer fetish.

[Tadao]

Here's what happened, I can be wrong on this though. She wanted a kiss and a feel up but instead you gave her a commitment. You can fix this.

[LordSappington]

Craaaawling iiiin my skiiiiiiin

[Tadao]

Yes, I know touching a girl makes you feel ill, but don't be gay. K?

[Sam]

HA.

All I read was the part about being dumped for cancer and I had a good laugh.

[LordSappington]

Yes, I know touching a girl makes you feel ill, but don't be gay. K?
MAYBE
Also, you get nut cancer, see how much you laugh THEN. My hospital is sponsored by some guy named Gaylord! THAT'S funny.

[Tadao]

NVM

[Grislygus]

LordSappington: "Damnit! DAMMIT!"
DevilWearsPrada: "What is it?"

LordSappington: "Marla dumped me, Nearl!"
DevilWearsPrada: "I thought you were just going to see a movie."

LordSappington: "She couldn't handle it! When I told her about how I have a pretty good chance of getting cancer when I'm older, she said she didn't want to have to deal with that. I'm such a failure."
DevilWearsPrada: "You told her that?"

LordSappington: "Dammit!"
DevilWearsPrada: "You never told that to me, Toby."

LordSappington: "Women are very good at making me feel like a worthless sack of crap."
DevilWearsPrada: "Hey, hey, don't talk like that." (inches closer) "who needs women anyway, huh? I'm sure you'll find someone who likes you for who you are."



LordSappington: "Someone who likes nut cancer."

[wobzire]

Hahaha! Best fan-fic I have ever read.

[Dixie]

LordSappington: "Damnit! DAMMIT!"
DevilWearsPrada: "What is it?"

LordSappington: "Marla dumped me, Nearl!"
DevilWearsPrada: "I thought you were just going to see a movie."

LordSappington: "She couldn't handle it! When I told her about how I have a pretty good chance of getting cancer when I'm older, she said she didn't want to have to deal with that. I'm such a failure."
DevilWearsPrada: "You told her that?"

LordSappington: "Dammit!"
DevilWearsPrada: "You never told that to me, Toby."

LordSappington: "Women are very good at making me feel like a worthless sack of crap."
DevilWearsPrada: "Hey, hey, don't talk like that." (inches closer) "who needs women anyway, huh? I'm sure you'll find someone who likes you for who you are."



LordSappington: "Someone who likes nut cancer."

For some reason I'm picturing those two as Nermal and Odie.

[DevilWearsPrada]

Well jeez gus no need to look at my message archives

-DevilWearsPrada

[LordSappington]

LordSappington: "Damnit! DAMMIT!"
DevilWearsPrada: "What is it?"

LordSappington: "Marla dumped me, Nearl!"
DevilWearsPrada: "I thought you were just going to see a movie."

LordSappington: "She couldn't handle it! When I told her about how I have a pretty good chance of getting cancer when I'm older, she said she didn't want to have to deal with that. I'm such a failure."
DevilWearsPrada: "You told her that?"

LordSappington: "Dammit!"
DevilWearsPrada: "You never told that to me, Toby."

LordSappington: "Women are very good at making me feel like a worthless sack of crap."
DevilWearsPrada: "Hey, hey, don't talk like that." (inches closer) "who needs women anyway, huh? I'm sure you'll find someone who likes you for who you are."



LordSappington: "Someone who likes nut cancer."

*facepalm* I didn't just say 'Oh hey, I have cancer', she brought up how bad it must suck having cancer when we saw some poor kid who'd had chemo, and I said 'Yeah, yeah it does' and it went downhill from her.
What a bitch.

[Tadao]

Ah, the old sympathy play. I am not against this move, I just wouldn't try doing it with cancer. Next time try a broken arm or get you bike stolen.

[LordSappington]

Ha, I doubt anyone CAN steal my bike. It's made out of old Soviet war tanks, and weighs about 500 pounds, maybe.
Either way it's a shitty bike.
Also, I DO have nut cancer, it is currently in remission, and yes, it did suck terribly.

[Dixie]

Tell a story where you got in a fight defending a girl's "honor" and you have a bad knee from it. Works alot better.

[Grislygus]

Well jeez gus no need to look at my message archives

-DevilWearsPrada

Thanks for the last minute reaffirm of your name there, wouldn't have gotten it without ya!

So, you've gone from 'probably going to' get cancer to 'having nut cancer in remission' (both loose paraphrases, for the humorless and overly literal). Well, it's simple, kid, that kind of progression in a few days is pretty intense. You need to latch those festering, cancerous hooks into a girl before the inward rot affects those dashing good looks of yours.

Only one way to handle that. Get a leather jacket, ray bans sunglasses, start smoking (what to you have to lose, right? [and smake a damn cigar, nancy faggot]), and roar through your town with Shadow of Knight's I am the Hunter blasting at full volume in a 1968 Charger (or, that being an impossibility, a car more suited to your personality, such as an AMC Gremlin). Don't forget to avoid condoms, you're dying here, get that genetically deficient seed out there, man!

[Chojin]

that sounds like a terrific plan for anyone who's short on time, really.

[badzy]

dress properly crack an intellectual joke hehe.
but you dont actuallh need to impress her,what you must do is to show how serious you are even i simplest ways!

[Tadao]

Why do spam bots have to talk?

[DevilWearsPrada]

dont need to actuallh impress her, just buy cleaning maid cheap online now ForEx buy sell made easy

[MarioRPG]

...an AMC Gremlin). Don't forget to avoid condoms, you're dying here, get that genetically deficient seed out there, man!

This is why I love you.

[LordSappington]

Actually I'm sterile.
Awkward....

[Tadao]

OH THANK GOD!

[pac-man]

Actually I'm sterile.
Awkward....

You should be having sex with reckless abandon.

[wobzire]

Actually I'm sterile.
Awkward....
You will have to lie about this, girls only put up with sex because it MIGHT result in a baby for them.

[LordSappington]

None of the girls I could ever like. I even have shirt that says 'I hate babies'.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

None of the girls I could ever like. I even have shirt that says 'I hate babies'.


You should try guys then. Being sterile makes felching that much easier :orgasm.

[Dixie]

http://www.blogography.com/photos11/DaveCuriousGeorge.gif
?

[LordSappington]

You should try guys then. Being sterile makes felching that much easier :orgasm.
Admittedly, he DOES have a valid point.