FORUM EVENT: "I-MOCKERY'S 2008 SECRET SANTA EVENT!" [Archive] - Page 2

MarioRPG

Dec 18th, 2008, 05:36 PM

I've spoilered my story, because it takes up a lot of space, and it makes some blue text easier to read. Enjoy.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/001.jpg
No doubt it's a box of festive cheer. Who could it possibly be from?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/002.jpg
Golly gee, it's packed to the brim! I guess I'm supposed to read this note.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/003.jpg
Dear MarioRPG,
Happy Holidays.
Enclosed are a few tokens for the Season.
The Red package is a familiar size and shape I'm sure. I'm no great collector. I read and pass along with no idea of their collectible value. It may be crap or it may be a goldmine.
The green box is not for you.
It is a gift for your wife, girlfriend or mother and for you a gift of time. Trust me it's lovely. Now you don't have to stress about that.
Felicitations, Stonewar. So... Stonewar is to thank for this bounty of booty? Thanks much! Let's open this "red package" that is allegedly "familiar".

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/008.jpg
Oh yes. Quite familiar. This shall be good reading, and perhaps spark intense intellectual thought and discussion on the matters of present-day "heroes". Or maybe it will just be entertaining. Who knows.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/005.jpg
I move on to the next package, filled with anticipation. It was light... What could it be? Paper? Tissue? Bubble wrap? The possibilities wracked my brain. It nearly drove me to madness, Stonewar had even packed scissors to open it with.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/010.jpg
I let my friend open it for me, lest my sanity wane further. The box was unwrapped and opened in an instant. It was...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/006.jpg
:eek:eek:eek YES. None other than Dewey and Vanessa made by Meatwad himself. I was a little skeptical.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/007.jpg
I quickly ran a quick comparison, and the it was spot on. Truly, Stonewar had stolen (kidnapped?) Meatwad's only friends.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/009.jpg
I moved on to a rather unremarkable box. My gift-(un)wrapping childhood instinct kicked in, and suddenly...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/011.jpg
A BATMAN BOP BAG. Why someone would bop batman, I'll never know.
Note: The receipt/ticket on the box had this listed as "blowup doll" and I was rather nervous to open it in mixed company - or at all.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/012.jpg
I had my photo-shy assistant open the gift that was allegedy not for me.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/013.jpg
Actual Dialouge:
Me: Well?
Her: There's nothing here, it's just a bunch of sticky shiny stuff.
Me: That's what she said!
Her: death glare
-silence-
Her: Oh wait, it's at the bottom of this really small box. Huh.
-silence-

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/014.jpg
A beautiful and I'm assuming original bracelet! And it's blue (which means magic, for those not aware). But will it work?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/015.jpg
:love :love Obvs.
I guess that about wraps it up! I'll just be---

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/016.jpg
(indecipherable voice) YOU ARE GOING TO ENTER A WORLD OF PAIN.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/017.jpg
Wha? Batman? How'd you? I mean? Wh---

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/016.jpg
(indecipherable voice)I don't take kindly to rapists.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/018.jpg
Oh, heh. It's not like that. I mean we're---

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/019.jpg
(indecipherable voice)Shut up, scumbag, you're going away for a long time.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/020.jpg
Come on Dewey, back me up here! You too, Vanessa!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/021.jpg
V: ...
D: ...
Nuts to you guys! I'm telling the tru---

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/019.jpg
(indecipherable voice)Won't come quietly, eh? *throws bat boomerang*

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/IMG_0516.jpg
*gurgle* Scissors... My one weakness... *blug*

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/019.jpg
(indecipherable voice)Oh shit, this is the wrong utility belt. And now I've broken my rule not to kill people, regardless that I did I the end of that movie. crapcrapcrap.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/021.jpg
V: Ssst. Hey, check this out. Follow us.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/022.jpg
D: Problem solved.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/Soda_Popskinski/Secret%20Santa/2008/023.jpg
Merry Christmas!
P.S That batman thing is damn impossible to blow up.

Protoclown

Dec 18th, 2008, 07:07 PM

I've really enjoyed these last couple of stories.

Zomboid

Dec 18th, 2008, 07:24 PM

I'VE REALLY ENJOYED SENDING MY MOM OUT TO THE MAILBOX DAY AFTER DAY AND SEEING HER RETURN EMPTY-HANDED EVERY TIME, PROTOCLOWN >:

BE PREPARED TO BAN YOURSELF

Protoclown

Dec 18th, 2008, 08:39 PM

Maybe the mail man froze to death or something

Sam

Dec 18th, 2008, 09:22 PM

If Mattjack doesn't post the pictures of what I got him I am going to be ONE THOUSAND TIMES more pissed then when ItalianStereotype didn't post pictures of what I got for him. :tear

Because he should have amazing pictures if he uses all of the items properly.

Tadao

Dec 18th, 2008, 09:29 PM

I KNOW! I got CIG a dildo, and she refuses to send me pics of her using it.

MattJack

Dec 18th, 2008, 09:53 PM

I WOULD LUV TO POST PICTURES BUT MY CAMERA APPARENTLY CAN ONLY TAKE SEVEN PICTURES BEFORE RUNNING COMPLETELY OUT OF BATTERY LIFE

FUCK YOU ENERGIZER BUNNY

Sam

Dec 18th, 2008, 10:03 PM

I have that camera. :(

MattJack

Dec 18th, 2008, 10:10 PM

7.2 mega pixels are worthless if you can only take seven pictures at a time. I just wasted a pack o' batteries.

All good though, the wait makes it that much better.

That's what Elvis said to his wife before he could fuc* her, must be true

executioneer

Dec 19th, 2008, 12:32 AM

you need to get som NiMh rechargambles yall they last for ever and plus they are rechargable

MattJack

Dec 19th, 2008, 01:09 AM

unbanned willie is like an i-mockery god

Asila

Dec 19th, 2008, 03:08 AM

I fecking have like 100 pics but i have run out of funny

Zomboid

Dec 19th, 2008, 12:16 PM

My cell phone has a 5.0 megapixel camera. I AM COOLER THAN YOU, MATTJACK.

bigtimecow

Dec 19th, 2008, 02:37 PM

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING PRESENT YOU GAY ASS MOTHERFUCKERS GODDAMIT YOU RUINED FUCKING CHRISTMAS FUCK FUCK UFCK UFASJKDCA89J9DHUCX X>::<.; >;>; >: .:> ; >; >:> ; >:

Harry Lime

Dec 19th, 2008, 03:41 PM

Got my package today! Pics soon!!!

Zomboid

Dec 19th, 2008, 06:51 PM

I got my package from Protoclown today :O. I just took some pics, but I won't have em uploaded until tomorrow.

Proto, YA DONE GOOD. I am finding one of the items especially useful and will surely assist in getting me some vagina tonight.

Protoclown

Dec 20th, 2008, 02:55 AM

Yay, I don't have to ban myself

Zomboid

Dec 20th, 2008, 05:33 AM

Hey, proto. GUESS WHO'S DRUNK?

THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH, SO I USED THE 'STACHE COMB LIKE 20 TIMES TONIGHT, AND GOT YELLED AT FOR PRODUCING "WHAT LOOKS LIKE A KNIFE."

SRSLY THO, I COMBED MY BEARD ' N LOVED IT!!!!!!!!

Protoclown

Dec 20th, 2008, 10:53 AM

OH FUCK YES YOU HAVE FACIAL HAIR

lumpisan

Dec 20th, 2008, 05:34 PM

hey everybody i got my package awhile ago but my camera is refusing to cooperate.... i am trying to get it to work so bear with me but I got my package from Kevashim and it is full of wonders far beyond your mere mortal comprehension

Kevashim

Dec 21st, 2008, 06:39 PM

Glad to hear you liked the gifts, I put my heart and soul into picking them... well kind of!

On another note I have finally stopped visiting family members, at least until the 24th, and have taken the oppportunity to take a few snaps of my gifts from Embee90. Unfortunately they are not conducive to a story so much, but damn I really like them both.

First up we have a Freddy Krueger action figure from A Nightmare on Elm Street 5.
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g282/Kevashim/DSC00280.jpg
This bad boy is far too good to remove from the packaging and has taken up residence in a prestigious position alongisde my favourite "Army of Darkness: Ash vs Evil Ash" set.

Now really, the pièce de résistance is the second gift.
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g282/Kevashim/DSC00279.jpg
Can you believe a 'John McCain, a call to "action" figure'? His wise and steely gaze shall ever watch over my internet usage, guiding me to eternal vigilance!
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g282/Kevashim/DSC00283.jpg
Seriously though, this has to be the least poseable action figure ever. Rotatable head? Check! Leg joints? Denied! Movable arms? Check, but only if you like arms to be able to windmill! There is absolutely no chance of recreating the bad-ass pose depicted on the back of the box, which of course I immediately tried to do.
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g282/Kevashim/DSC00284.jpg
Despite all this I still think it is brilliant and heartily thank Embee90 for both of my gifts.

Microshock

Dec 21st, 2008, 08:46 PM

Fucking USPS fucked me over, not getting there till after christmas. Eh, at least its getting there.....: (

Sam

Dec 21st, 2008, 09:18 PM

Dr. Boogie gave me my gifts.

I had an idea for a really dumb, convoluted story where all my gifts were alive and talked and did stuff. :(

I thought it would be too pretentious. :rolleyes

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v47/electric_shellfish/legs.jpg

This is a cool little Lego set. I fucking love Legos and this was probably my favorite gift. :(

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v47/electric_shellfish/oldmanmoonsand.jpg

This is some weird moon sand stuff. I wish I had some Hello Kitty Fruit Snacks to put in it. :rolleyes
In my story he was going to be an old man for some reason. :/

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v47/electric_shellfish/peepsytree.jpg

Some Peeps Christmas trees. I took them to work and someone ate all of them.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v47/electric_shellfish/pings.jpg

The only thing I could think of when I saw ping pong balls was putting them in an Asian girl's vagina and watching them shoot out. :(

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v47/electric_shellfish/toots.jpg

WHO THE HELL BUYS TOOTSIE ROLLS THAT ARE NOT REGULAR FLAVORED. >:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v47/electric_shellfish/pixos.jpg

The Pixos is funny, because it reminds me of the AquaDots. Basically they are the same product, but a while back AquaDots got banned because the beads had GHB in them, and kids were eating them and getting all high and fucked up. There were also reports of people buying them by the case loads. :lol
Sadly, these would not get my fucked up if I ate them. :(

In my story the ping pong balls were going to get jealous of the legos and eat some of the pixos beads and then kill the legos with a gun. I was going to take a picture of the legos box with legos pieces sprayed out of it like guts. :( For some reason it reminded me of Wacky Deli, especially the Peeps.

That was the only part of the story I had so I gave up. :tear

THANKS DR. BOOGIE FOR SECRET SANTA 2009!

Zomboid

Dec 21st, 2008, 09:29 PM

Fucking USPS fucked me over, not getting there till after christmas. Eh, at least its getting there.....: (
IF YOU HAD FOLLOWED THE RULES AND SENT IT ON TIME, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

Microshock

Dec 21st, 2008, 10:33 PM

IF YOU HAD FOLLOWED THE RULES AND SENT IT ON TIME, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

AAAAAh, dont make me feel worse about it!

bigtimecow

Dec 22nd, 2008, 01:15 PM

who's left to post pics? (OTHER THAN ME >:)

i more or less just want to scale how dead this thread is gonna be until i get my gift :(

[/whiny bitching]

sjmck

Dec 22nd, 2008, 04:23 PM

So let's see what mistermoron managed to squeeze into the bottom of his box:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3244/3129271206_ebb1b1d5a7.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3129271206/)
"Here's green facepaint and a TMNT mask in there I expect you know what to do.--mushyboner"

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3231/3128442817_319a95183a.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3128442817/in/photostream)
Yeah, I expect I do.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3113/3129272250_c462d87f05.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3129272250/)
Classic cinema.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3215/3128443765_0490e4298f.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3128443765/)
Of course, it'll be a Christmas miracle if I can get it to play.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3223/3129273146_5390099ef0.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3129273146/)
Two bars of Dial soap. I'm more of an Irish Spring man, myself.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3114/3128444789_5744a4e369.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3128444789/)
Vroom, vroom!

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3285/3128445387_56b880f5f9.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3128445387/)
A Wacky Packages plush toy. Cute.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3078/3128445897_cb59eb1ef2.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3128445897/)
A PC port of a console game that does not support mouse input. I've already flipped that puppy on Goozex.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3233/3128446275_8a7be18f3b.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3128446275/)
A homemade comic strip.

And that's it. Thanks, mustybooger. You've made this holiday truly special.

Sacks

Dec 22nd, 2008, 06:09 PM

I was hoping that trash was part of the gift.

Zomboid

Dec 22nd, 2008, 07:02 PM

Alright, so here's what I got:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/069.jpg
I was impressed by what looked like a very nice assortment of cool items.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/071.jpg
A letter written by Protoclown! :swoon. He even addressed me as "Bub," because Wolverine is Canadian and we all talk like that, apparently.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/072.jpg
A mustache comb that looks like a switch-blade. Very nice.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/073.jpg
I don't have pictures of me using it because quite honestly, I forgot, but it does indeed work. I use it as a beard comb and not a mustache comb, though :(
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/077.jpg
This thing is really cool. It's a wind-up Nunzilla toy that walks around shooting flames (sparks) out of its mouth. I'll try to get a video of it in action one of these days because it really is pretty cool and pictures don't do it justice.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/078.jpg
The dog was not impressed with the high-pitched roar that the nun emits as it roams around.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/079.jpg
A yodelling pickle. This is one of the weirdest toys that I've ever seen.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/080.jpg
BOX-ART!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/Lucifer40/083.jpg
Again, another fun toy to torment my dog with. A pickle that yodels is bizarre, but fun.

Thanks Proto :O. I really enjoy all of these items, and you saved Christmas for me because it was recently outlawed in Canada.

Mockery

Dec 22nd, 2008, 08:53 PM

Kevashim, damn I never knew they made an Elm Street 5 "Chef Freddy" figure. A fine gift indeed!

Sam, Moon Sand is actually pretty awesome. I used to have that stuff as a kid. Try it out :O

sjmck, nice haul. TMNT is a damned fine movie and I hope you can get it to play. If not, it's been on sale at Target lately for 5 bux... picked up a copy for myself a few weeks back. Now put on that facepaint and show us your T.U.R.T.L.E. POWER.

Zomboid, I too own the Yodelling Pickle and it is a modern marvel that everyone should experience.

sjmck

Dec 22nd, 2008, 09:48 PM

sjmck, nice haul. TMNT is a damned fine movie and I hope you can get it to play. If not, it's been on sale at Target lately for 5 bux... picked up a copy for myself a few weeks back. Now put on that facepaint and show us your T.U.R.T.L.E. POWER.

Oh, fine.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3229/3129941554_c222bf40ea.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/grumpypants/3129941554/)

Zomboid

Dec 22nd, 2008, 10:12 PM

So, who hasn't gotten their gifts yet? I know Micro kind of fucked over their person by not sending it on time (MAYBE WE SHOULD IMPOSE A MINIMUM AGE NEXT TIME), but I think there's a couple others that haven't said if they've gotten anything yet.

Mockery

Dec 22nd, 2008, 10:17 PM

sjmck, haha that works... for now :O

Zomboid, since you have the master list of who was sending what 'n all, you should post a list of the people who have yet to post photos so we know who else we're waiting for.

stonewar

Dec 23rd, 2008, 11:38 AM

I wondered where those scissors went to.

Sam

Dec 23rd, 2008, 02:51 PM

HEY ZOMBOID, NICE ICE SKATES. WHERE IS YOUR HOCKEY STICK? :rolleyes

Protoclown

Dec 23rd, 2008, 06:13 PM

Zomboid, glad you enjoyed the items! I love that one pic where the yodelling pickle looks like a green turd sitting next to your dog's ass. :lol

I still have not received anything. Hence, no pics.

Microshock

Dec 23rd, 2008, 06:14 PM

The package was already shipped out and it'll get there tomorrow most likely.
Picture's will be later today

Zomboid

Dec 24th, 2008, 03:12 PM

The following either haven't received their gifts and/or haven't posted pics:

Max Burbank
Protoclown
Bigtimecow
HarryLime

And special recognition goes to Microshock, who sent his gift late and hasn't posted pics on time >:

bigtimecow

Dec 24th, 2008, 03:54 PM

YEAH I LIKE THIS MINIMUM AGE IDEA >:

LittleDollClaudia

Dec 24th, 2008, 04:34 PM

All these pics are great. I especially love the one of the comb that shows the guy smoking. So, apparently all you need to be cool is a sweet mustache and a cigarette hanging from your teeth. Love it!

(oh and Zomboid, I noticed the soda/beer can with ash on it. So do you fit that profile??)

Zomboid

Dec 24th, 2008, 04:50 PM

Yep, I do.

Protoclown

Dec 25th, 2008, 10:09 AM

I received my package from Microshock yesterday. I will post pictures as soon as I can, probably tomorrow.

Zomboid, I'd love to see video of that Nunzilla in action and I'd love to hear the yodelling pickle if possible!

Zomboid

Dec 25th, 2008, 11:06 AM

Yeah, I can do both of those. Unfortunately, I was getting the Nunzilla to chase my cat, and he smacked the shit out of it. She still roars and blasts fire, but she is now a cripple :(. I'll still get a video of her spittin' fire and the pickle yodelling though. Might take me a few days though as I just got a shitload of awesome Christmas presents that I have to play with.

I got a complete set of star wars keychains :O

Microshock

Dec 26th, 2008, 01:26 AM

Secret Santa 2008 Picture Time
I got my gifts from 10,000 Volt Ghost and here they are!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3131/3137715448_50006210a0_o.jpg
Oh thanks :(
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3093/3136888497_e948df30ef.jpg
MOVIE OPENING TIME
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3183/3136903967_05d7781c61_o.gif
MOVIE MENU!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3217/3137715490_ce08565177.jpg
Fucking Roger...
http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/4725/rogerdamnyouod9.gif (http://img211.imageshack.us/my.php?image=rogerdamnyouod9.gif)

Thanks for adding to my collection!
http://flickr.com/photos/microshock/3137715608/
http://flickr.com/photos/microshock/3137715608/http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3075/3137715608_868a32d67a_o.jpg
By the way, the movie is pretty enjoyable but over the top with so many things. That alligator vehicle...wow and he dressed up as a fucking APE and a clown within 20 minutes. Definitely not Bond at his finest moment.

Fathom Zero

Dec 26th, 2008, 08:10 PM

Imma be real upset if Max Burbank gets banned. I assume he's busy with IRL business, though.

The hauls look great, but it kinda feels underwhelming in comparison to last year. It's probably because I didn't participate.

Protoclown

Dec 27th, 2008, 02:04 AM

Nah, we staffers are totally immune to being banned. We can get away with murder round these here parts :maul

AlliSabbah

Dec 27th, 2008, 10:21 AM

Man I've been so busy with everything around here I totally forgot to get online for the secret santa event. :(

mburbank

Dec 27th, 2008, 10:39 PM

Okay, mea maxima culpa, I suck huge bigtime. I got overwhelmed by holiday responsabilities, new job duties, commitments to my CHILDREN, and yes, booze and pills and forgetting to take the medication that keeps me from seeing the spectral anti-pope. Oh, and my porn addiction, also my porn addiction. Zomboid, I will contact you shortly and find some way to make up for this excrable (sp?) behavior

Protoclown

Dec 29th, 2008, 12:25 AM

Here are my pictures. I would have posted them sooner, but I didn't receive my package until December 24th and I was busy with holiday stuff after that.

So here they are:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-1.jpg

Oh boy! A package from Microshock! Can't wait to see what's inside!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-2.jpg

Wait...I don't understand. It's as if a Goodwill truck vomited its terrible contents into a box...this can't be right...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-3.jpg

Here's a comic about a mother who jumps off a building because I guess she should have had an abortion or something. It's all downhill from here, folks.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-4.jpg

Oh, look! A DVD about pregnant pilates and a pacifier! How strange! Oh wait, I get it! This is hilarious, because I am not a woman, nor am I pregnant! Thus, receiving such things is absurd! How delightfully ironic! Comedy! Oh ho ho! I don't know what I was supposed to do with these. Stuff a pillow in my shirt and take a photo of myself practicing pilates along with the DVD? Go to a rave while wearing the pacifier? Perhaps we'll never know.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-5.jpg

Some latex gloves (for cleaning, not "up the butt" stuff, you pervy pervs!) and a "Fashion Girl" doll. Again, hilarious because I am not a girl! I am an adult male! How wonderfully "off the wall" this is! But the gloves will be useful, as I am in the process of moving and have to clean the kitchen and bathroom before I leave my current apartment.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-6.jpg

A Santa Claus hat and some kind of foot scrubber thing.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-7.jpg

Some kind of Shrek shower scrubber thing, which I have to admit, looks pretty funny. And some doggy chew toys. Always funny. Or so I've heard. They squeak, and squeaking is funny, am I right guys?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protoxmas2008-8.jpg

And finally a purple mirror, some teeny little dinosaur thing, and a gay pirate with some bizarre skin disease.

I would have liked to have come up with some kind of photo story for this shit, but I've got nothing, as these are some of the crappiest Secret Santa items I could imagine. I also seem to recall that we were supposed to spend between $15 and $25 on this. There are about ten items here that almost certainly came from the Dollar Store, so being extremely generous we could say they have a net worth of $10. However, a couple items like the little green dinosaur and the pacifier were almost certainly less than that.

So not only was my package sent late, but it appears to have been sent "on the cheap" as they say. And normally one could say "oh, but it's the thought that counts". To which I will point out that obviously no thought whatsoever went into these items. I don't mean to be a party pooper here, but since my Secret Santa was already "on notice" for being the last person to send their package, I guess I'm extra annoyed. Am I being too harsh here? I'm not trying to get the guy banned or anything. Just trying to make a point, I guess.

Fortunately as I mentioned before, I am in the process of moving to a new house, and I've been making plenty of trips to the Goodwill truck, so I don't exactly have to go out of my way to drop these off where they belong.

That's two years in a row I've gotten screwed by the I-Mockery Secret Santa event (last year by Noob not taking pictures of the stuff I sent, and never responding to any messages about it). This will be the last year I waste my time and money participating in this event. Ho ho ho.

Sam

Dec 29th, 2008, 02:12 AM

I guess that is what happens when the person sending you stuff is 15 years old. :\

Microshock

Dec 29th, 2008, 02:30 AM

This is kind of like me being the new ZBF. You know, I just picked out the stuff I thought you would create an interesting story with.

But I don't want you feeling fucked over even if you think I did, sorry for sending it late by the way. You will get a correct present within...( today is monday...so....by this friday or saturday?)
Hopefully this will make you change your mind about not participating in future Secret Santa's....

Agh, what have i done?!?!

Sam

Dec 29th, 2008, 02:50 AM

I think the thing to do was look at all of that stuff before you sent it and say to yourself, "Would I be stoked to get this crap?"

Zomboid

Dec 29th, 2008, 03:35 AM

Microshock is definitely the new zbf. Proto, I'm deeply sorry that you got fucked over. I did the random draw thing, but maybe that was a mistake.

Protoclown

Dec 29th, 2008, 07:10 AM

Microshock, you don't need to send me anything else, man. Seriously, don't worry about it. I don't mean to make you feel bad...I just didn't know what I could do with those items.

Microshock

Dec 29th, 2008, 08:08 AM

Oh, well it's already bought and shipped so you should be seeing it on wednesday or thursday. Just take a picture of it or something?

I'm pretty sure you'll like this. Just treat those "presents" I sent you as null and as if you never saw them

Update: Ok, now it's shipped. By the way, I didn't fuck him over, I did ship the stuff, it's not like i left him empty handed

Mockery

Dec 29th, 2008, 01:27 PM

Honestly, I don't think you fucked him over and no, you're not ZBF. The gifts may have not been the greatest thing on earth, but you sent him a bunch o' stuff and I'm guessing your intention was to have him put together an amusing photo story with all of it. A few years back, I was sent a bunch o' crap for the Secret Santa event and I actually had a really fun time putting a photo story together with it. After that, I threw out most of the stuff. But I'm really not into doing this event for getting amazing gifts... I just like sending people cool stuff and seeing what they do with it. If I get to make a fun photo story as well, then all the better. :O

MarioRPG

Dec 29th, 2008, 03:51 PM

Go to a rave while wearing the pacifier?
...Um... Do this please?

Fathom Zero

Dec 29th, 2008, 04:00 PM

I can't quite say that I'm tired of it buuuuuut... a lot of people seem to think it's about going to the Dollar Tree on a spending spree and giving kazoos and action figures. There's a lot of that. I dunno. The bar should be set a little bit higher with some truly wickid stuffs.

Zomboid

Dec 29th, 2008, 04:52 PM

The stories are never funny. I hope that everyone got a gift, or gifts, that they can keep and enjoy, even if they couldn't produce a shitty picture-story out of it.

MattJack

Dec 29th, 2008, 05:00 PM

Sorry for the delay. If anyone must know why I'm late, well, It's cuz I got caught up in sum pooonnannnniii

Since I'm so late I didn't really have time for a story, but I did get Arnold Schwarzenegger to help me out! You can add captions of your own for comic relief. Then share with your friends and family!

Sam was my SS and boy was I lucky!

Here we goooo

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/6404/boxyc9.jpg

BOX IT CAME IN

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/7507/lovenote2hm6.jpg

LOVE NOTE THAT WAS INSIDE

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/6253/shockcl4.jpg

OH SHI* THIS IS NO VIRGI*S ALLOWED STUFF (RIP JP)

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/8962/heartvg6.jpg

BETTER HURRY UP BEFORE THIS STUFF GOES BAD

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/2509/knobyv9.jpg

THNX MAN THAT SHI* *UCKED ME UP

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/4738/shotglassesdx4.jpg

DRANK AND THEN REALIZED I GOT SHOT GLASSES TOO ): THEY WILL BE USED DNT CRY

I COULD TELL ARNOLD APPROVED BY THE LOOK ON HIS FACE:

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/6624/arnoldshotszm0.jpg

SEE

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/8663/shots2yb2.jpg

IN ALL THEIR GLORY. POP QUIZ: WHICH ONE WAS ACTUALLY USED?

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/5428/popcornxb1.jpg

SAM'S MOM MADE THIS S*IT IT WAS GOOD AND STUCK TO MY TEETH

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/9537/arnoldcornec6.jpg
PREDATOR LINE]

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/8015/vangoddamme2eg2.jpg

VAN MOTHER FUCKIN* DAM*E

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/5006/arnolddammech4.jpg

JINGLE ALL THE WAY LINE]

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/843/reachmm4.jpg

DIGGGGGG

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/4489/ironmanbb1.jpg

SOMEWHERE THERE IS A PROTOCLOWN CRYING RIGHT NOW

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/4996/arnoldmanph7.jpg

[YOUR FAVORITE TWINS LINE]

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/9788/gars3rx8.jpg

DNT WORRY INTERNET BOYS N GRLS I DNT SMOKE THAT WHACKY TOBACKY IN THESE

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/4893/arnoldgarsrj0.jpg

JAH CAUSE WE SMOKE BLUNTZ, KLAUSE

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/2746/cumrf4.jpg

IF YOU LOOK CLOSE ENOUGH AT MY FACE YOU CAN SEE MY LOVE EXPLOSION FACE DUE TO THE SHEER BAD ASSE*Y OF GETTING A DINOROBOT

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/5792/dinobotol5.jpg

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/4829/arnoldbotam2.jpg

JAH VHERE IS YOUR NEURO-NET PROCESSOR, KLAUSE :LOL

And that was my X-mas. THNX SAM

PS
http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/2792/ahnuld2ul4.jpg

Protoclown

Dec 29th, 2008, 06:23 PM

Microshock, I appreciate you sending something else, but now I feel like a real penis because of that. :\

Roger pointed out that you probably did spend the proper amount and everything, cuz some of that dollar store stuff is more expensive than you'd expect. Hell, I could only get three things for Zomboid and I just left the price tags on them because they were so damned overpriced.

Anyway, the point is, sorry if I overreacted dude. I had a NEGATIVE REACTION to Christmas and your gift arrived right on Christmas Eve, so it was CURTAINS for your gift right off the bat.

And contrary to what I said last night, I will participate next year.

Fathom Zero

Dec 29th, 2008, 06:54 PM

S'aright. We know talking pickles are worth their weight in gold/platinum/stem cells.

Sam

Dec 29th, 2008, 08:26 PM

THAT IS SOME GOOD SHIIIIIIIIT. ;)

Microshock

Dec 29th, 2008, 08:46 PM

Alright, well thanks for the good words Rog and Proto. A bit of a mishap with the shipping though, I printed the label on the usps website, the thing is, after you print it, you have to confirm that it printed properly and then it charges to your credit card.

I stupidly forgot this step, sent it off anyway, and now it's probably going to get sent back to me. I contacted their support and maybe they'll let me pay for it...i don't know.

bigtimecow

Dec 29th, 2008, 10:34 PM

ever since zomboid said the whole thing about "blah blah blah actually get people gifts of stuff they want" i've started to think that this whole this is crap. but rog is right, too; it's supposed to be fun. SO I DUNNO WHO TO SIDE WITH :( :( :(

anyway, i usually send people some dollar tree crap, but i try to keep a theme rather than a bunch of stupid shit. such as rog's bling bling and grisly's gay biker gear. :D see? see? i'm the best secret santa ever [/conceited]

SO YEAH HERE'S ME BITCHING AGAIN ABOUT THE FACT TAHT I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING GIFTSTSFDSSDASDFSGDFAGSE BRTSDG TCFHGVDFC SDGSRESZEFGAHEFVC

Microshock

Dec 29th, 2008, 10:38 PM

Yeah, I sent BigTimeCow a bunch of dollar store stuff and hey, he enjoyed himself, or at least he said he did and i laughed for a good 20 minutes at that.

bigtimecow

Dec 29th, 2008, 10:46 PM

but needless to say, all that stuff is in the same box it was shipped in burried in a closet somewhere :(

Microshock

Dec 29th, 2008, 11:06 PM

That will be a great memory when you open it up in a decade or so

Embee90

Dec 30th, 2008, 05:39 AM

I thought my Legos and Playdoh were badass. And I made a story with them. I guess that's win-win.

Zomboid

Dec 30th, 2008, 06:45 AM

but needless to say, all that stuff is in the same box it was shipped in burried in a closet somewhere :(
That's pretty much what I mean. I really like the stuff that Proto sent me, and it's not just shit that I'll toss in the closet because there's nothing I can do with it; I have a shitload of little toys and things like that around my place and they're fun to keep out and play with when I'm kinda just sitting around and notice them sitting there.

The pickle in particular will be fun to keep lying around, because no one will know what the fuck it is at first.

Tadao

Dec 30th, 2008, 03:10 PM

You spoiled little fucks. Do you see RoG complaining? What's good for one person is crap for another. Now quit making everything worse by complaining about the gifts you got :rolleyes

Sacks

Dec 30th, 2008, 04:55 PM

I think Sam just decided he was going to shit on everyone and send the best gifts ever.

Edit: Adding on... The Zomboid/Rog debacle has always prevented me from participating in these things. The thought of receiving something glorious is always tempting, but the threat of getting a box full of loofahs and a turkey baster and being expected to create a hilarious story about them always drives me away. I'm fairly sure I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

Zomboid

Dec 31st, 2008, 10:01 AM

Yeah, I didn't participate one year because it looked like there'd be a whole lot of LOL STORY TIME shit going on. Well, unless we can figure something out for next year, maybe those of us who aren't into the whole story thing, but ARE into cool gifts can just do our own thing.

I more or less liked how this year turned out, but yeah, we'll see what happens, I guess.

Microshock

Dec 31st, 2008, 11:34 AM

This is one of the weaker years in term of participation. Seems like the first secret santa :(

Zomboid

Dec 31st, 2008, 11:38 AM

Well, it's a damn good thing that you're setting the bar high for next year's participants.

LittleDollClaudia

Dec 31st, 2008, 03:50 PM

I'm just depressed because I felt my gifts were pretty good but no pics were posted yet.

Did he hate them that bad or did my gifts break his camera??

I'm just thinking out loud here..

(dangerous thing to do on this board, I know)

Mockery

Dec 31st, 2008, 03:52 PM

Wait, who did you send gifts to? I'll find out what the hold up is.

Protoclown

Dec 31st, 2008, 04:30 PM

Microshock, I got your other package today and it was AWESOME. I laughed and laughed when I saw how ridiculous the one thing is. Well, they're both ridiculous, but the ONE thing just had me cracking up. (I'm avoiding spoilers until I post the pics).

I'm about to head out of town for a New Year's party, but I will post pics of the stuff ASAP.

Anyway, you did NOT have to do that, man, but the new stuff was EXTREMELY worthy and I will be sure to take some good pics of them soon!

Fathom Zero

Dec 31st, 2008, 04:54 PM

I applaud Microshock for going above and beyond the call of duty.

Misdemonar

Dec 31st, 2008, 05:41 PM

DONT WORRY MOTHERFUCKERS I WILL POST REAL PICGURES SOON

Microshock

Dec 31st, 2008, 06:19 PM

Hey, thanks for saying my gift was good. Hopefully you enjoy it, I have 2 of those

Tadao

Dec 31st, 2008, 06:22 PM

Stop saying things Microsoft, it only makes it worse.

MarioRPG

Jan 1st, 2009, 02:33 PM

Tadao, stop going in threads you have no reason to be in, it only makes me see more bunnies. ;)

Harry Lime

Jan 2nd, 2009, 08:11 PM

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for my delay in posting these secret santa pics. I got caught up in holiday travel and when I returned home I found that my family had been...infected.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3122/3161747834_91b13a56f3.jpg
After much grieving, I finally sent out for ...
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3092/3160913529_ea05a0ee23.jpg
A FUCKING ZOMBIE SURVIVAL KIT!!!!!!!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3012/3160913721_345dd67ba3.jpg
There were many helpful diagrams and instructions on the outside of the kit
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3101/3160913313_ca06c6f8f3.jpg
An official government document lay inside
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3096/3161748904_1f530a08a3.jpg
Seems it was from someone very high up
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3103/3161749196_6b56c8683b.jpg
Let's see what this kit contains
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3087/3161749572_77f313a1a8.jpg
Hmm...training films
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3079/3161749890_ae68738c59.jpg
Excellent research material...
apparently you need to remove the head or destroy the brain
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3118/3160915271_41295a2ea7.jpg
In addition to the films there is a marvelous hygiene and energy pack:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3075/3160915555_1b39f73c2e.jpg
Coffee, creamer, toothbrush, toothpaste, handiwipes, soap, plastic bags, shaving cream, safe-razor, and a cup (to use as a makeshift toilet)
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3104/3160915801_649824813a.jpg
Not to mention an energy booster and this little gem
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3085/3160916049_35cd26274a.jpg
Simply just too wonderful for words
Hygiene is all well and good but I need some serious weaponry
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3112/3160916361_b12f615524.jpg
That's what i'm talking about!! Superior Ballistic Fire Power!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3265/3160917013_906f3129f5.jpg
So there you have it a complete survival kit.

Oh and there is a flashlight and battries as well...but I don't see why I'd need...

OH SHIT THE LIGHTS WENT OUT!!

i HEAR SOMETHING!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3255/3161752422_5188421e6c.jpg
Alright then....GOD MODE!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3099/3160917099_ab204e79a1.jpg

I think it's coming from in here!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3094/3160917321_6fde8ccf08.jpg
Nope just the shitter!

Wait....I think it's outside the door.

The back-up generators are warming up

Ready...

Aim...
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3124/3160917691_c5725e3927.jpg
The lights are back on! It's just the damn dog.

Guess I should still kill it though...just to be safe.

Thank you so so much LittleDollClaudia...this present kicked so much ass.
I sincerely apologize for posting my pics late.

thanks,
Harry Lime

Microshock

Jan 2nd, 2009, 09:14 PM

That's a great pile of gifts. LittleDollClaudia looks like she put a lot of work into it.

LordSappington

Jan 3rd, 2009, 01:07 PM

That's the most adorable dog I've ever seen.

bigtimecow

Jan 3rd, 2009, 01:34 PM

AHSD80ASHD80ASD8ASD0S80DHAS80HDAS8DA0HD0ASD

can someone just tell me who sent my gifts so i can rape them

Microshock

Jan 3rd, 2009, 01:55 PM

AHSD80ASHD80ASD8ASD0S80DHAS80HDAS8DA0HD0ASD

can someone just tell me who sent my gifts so i can rape them

Oh man that sucks, hey if the guy screwed you over, Protoclown will just send you the shit i sent him! Right? RIGHT?

Zomboid

Jan 3rd, 2009, 03:00 PM

AHSD80ASHD80ASD8ASD0S80DHAS80HDAS8DA0HD0ASD

can someone just tell me who sent my gifts so i can rape them
HEY, YOU CALM THE FUCK DOWN! Your secret santa is a cherished member of this community and pretty much has immunity, so ... :/

Yeah, your gift will arrive right away though. OF THIS, I AM CERTAIN!

bigtimecow

Jan 3rd, 2009, 06:29 PM

I AM CALM >:

i know, you've told me before that i got someone trustworthy, and i do trust them! i'm just kinda upset because we did it so early and i figured i'd have them by now

I'M SORRY Z PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND BE MY BROTHER IN I-C*CKERY 4EVA :love

Tadao

Jan 3rd, 2009, 07:55 PM

I got a bunny movie!

bigtimecow

Jan 3rd, 2009, 10:37 PM

from who?

Tadao

Jan 3rd, 2009, 10:54 PM

Rog, but it wasn't for Christmas :(
But seriously, we all know who owes BTC and hopefully he isn't in a bind and can resolve this issue soon.

bigtimecow

Jan 4th, 2009, 01:05 AM

i wanted to do some deduction from the list of participants, but 14 pages is a lottt :/

but... i don't remember someone saying they got gifts from burbank? is that who i got? :D :D :D if so, :D :D :D

LittleDollClaudia

Jan 4th, 2009, 04:57 PM

Wow HarryLime, that made me laugh so hard my neighbors knocked on my door to make sure I was okay.

I'm so glad you enjoyed your present. I really wanted to include a body for target practice, but we had already burned all the zombies in our area.

Maybe next year's theme will involve a corpse to shoot at for my lucky Secret Santa!

Or just for some weird experimentations...

P.S. your dog is very cute!

Grislygus

Jan 5th, 2009, 11:32 AM

I didn't get a note but did some sleuthing for mine.

TIME'S UP, SLEUTHING FAILED, I SENT IT

Fathom Zero

Jan 5th, 2009, 04:41 PM

Microshock

Jan 5th, 2009, 08:17 PM

Come on, post the pictures already!

Protoclown

Jan 6th, 2009, 06:23 PM

I will have my new pics up soon! I'm in the middle of a move right now so everything is really chaotic. But I will try to have them up in the next couple days.

Grislygus

Jan 9th, 2009, 01:05 PM

HAI AHM 10,000 VOLT GHOST

THIS IS WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISSMUS

http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n157/grislygus/250px-Dumbland-1.jpg

BY THIS POINT I HAVE WATCHED IT AND AM STUNNED INTO SILENCE. EITHER I'M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES WORSHIPING DAVID LYNCH, LAUGHING BOUT ANTS AND ONE-ARMED DUCK FUCKERS, OR WONDERING WHAT THE @#$! I DID TO THIS "RHYS" PERSON TO DESERVE THIS CONFUSING, UGLY, AND HORRIBLE VIEW OF SUBURBAN LIFE

10,000 Volt Ghost

Jan 9th, 2009, 10:32 PM

My camera phone stopped working on me a few weeks back. I came home last night and found a webcam attached to my computer though. So I'll be able to take some better pictures than the one I put up. The package didn't have any detailed information about who sent it. Just from Philly. I'm getting some wine tonight and hanging out with my fake-sister. I'll have her take pictures of it. I like David Lynch, I was kind of underwhelmed while watching this though.

10,000 Volt Ghost

Jan 11th, 2009, 01:36 AM

Okay, borrowed my sisters camera.....

Hmm? What have we here?
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2699.jpg

A DVD I got for Christmas. I'll put it in and see what the fuck it is.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2691.jpg

Well, this looks weird.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2681.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2682.jpg

He looks like he's about the say something....

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2684.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2684.jpg

Or eat someone's fucking head. What is he looking at?

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2684.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2688.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2689.jpg

She really pissed him off. Thank you for the DVD GUS. It was out there

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c375/Locke9999/IMG_2698.jpg

Protoclown

Jan 13th, 2009, 12:12 AM

Microshock, I apologize again for the delay. Tonight things were finally calm enough that I had a chance to take some photos, but I discovered that my roommate has already moved his camera over to the new house. My other roommate (whose camera is still here, somewhere) is out of town and won't be back until late tomorrow night. Hopefully I'll have pictures for you by Wednesday night.

bigtimecow

Jan 15th, 2009, 06:54 PM

alright i'm fucking sick of this. where the fuck is my fucking gift >: >: >: >: >:

Zomboid

Jan 15th, 2009, 07:05 PM

ASK MAX DIRECTLY >:

Microshock

Jan 15th, 2009, 07:35 PM

AND YOU GOT MAD AT ME ZOMBOID! HOW DARE YOU!

Zomboid

Jan 15th, 2009, 09:43 PM

Fuck off. You fucked up and only redeemed yourself by sending proper gifts. Aside from your redemption for your terrible act, what have you ever contributed either to the site or forum?

Max, on the other hand, has been writing for the site and being JUST PLAIN WONDERFUL on these forums since before you hit puberty. I think a bit of understanding for his extenuating circumstances isn't a whole fuck of a lot to ask.

Protoclown

Jan 15th, 2009, 11:18 PM

Alright, I know I've taken my sweet time getting these pictures up, but I'm right in the middle of moving right now so my life is fairly hectic at the moment, and it took some time before my roommate (camera man) and I were both free. But AT LONG LAST--NOT A DREAM, NOT A HOAX! HERE ARE THE PICS YOU CAME TO SEE!!!

First off, I have to tip my hat to Microshock in a BIG way. I wasn't that thrilled with the initial gifts he sent, but they were by no means the worst I have seen on here. They just struck me as boring, but they in NO way demanded that he send more stuff. But send more stuff he did anyway, because he's a stand up kind of guy.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-1.jpg

So let's see what we have here. I didn't hear any ticking so I deemed it safe to open--AND INSIDE I FOUND:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-2.jpg

HOLY SHIT DID THIS THING CRACK ME UP. I laughed and laughed and couldn't stop laughing when I opened it up. It just looks so ridiculous. It's AWESOME! Now THIS is something I will display on my desk until I'm well into my eighties and it's just gotten kind of weird and creepy. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-3.jpg

Also inside was a pretty funny C-3PO keychain. You can't see why it's so damned funny here, but when I zoom in, you will:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-4.jpg

He is in the GAYEST pose he could possibly be in. They took a gay robot and made him about ten times gayer. He's halfway in between "Oh my, I'm going to faint!" and doing the princess wave. I don't know what I'm going to do with this thing yet, but I will find SOME use for it, don't you worry. Something this funny has got to be put on display. But now it was time to take Wolvie out of the box.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-5.jpg

And that's when I noticed that this box (and toy, perhaps?) was made from 100% recycled awesome. Because there's just not that much new awesome to go around.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-6.jpg

Here's a close-up of the ol' Canucklehead. Every time I look at that gargantuan round dome sitting on top of his neck, I can't help but laugh. Suddenly I felt inspired by Wolverine:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-7.jpg

The pretzel is supposed to be a cigar. Look, if you can believe that three butter knives are claws, you can believe that the pretzel is a cigar, okay?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-8.jpg

RAAARRRRGH!!! BERZERKER RAGE TIME!!! (MY CLAWS ARE CROOKED!)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/protoclown/mockxmas08/protosanta08-9.jpg

WAIT TILL HUGH JACKMAN GETS A LOAD OF ME
(the pretzel kind of makes me look like Hitler here)

And there we have it. These gifts provided me with much amusement and will only continue to do so. So let no one say anything bad about Microshock. He really went out of his way on this one when he totally didn't have to. So I thank you, sir! I have a little something special coming your way soon as well (it's not sex).

Microshock

Jan 16th, 2009, 12:00 AM

Nice pictures ha ha! Yeah, i love those mighty muggs, im interested in what non-sex thing you have to send me :)

Zomboid, seriously, cut the shit. What the hell am i supposed to contribute to this site? I go on the forums, i read some of the reviews and blog posts you guys make and i participated in 3 events so far.
I have not fucked anyone over on the site and didn't fuck up. Yes the gifts were late and pretty lame now that i see them but its the same stuff i've been sending for the past 2!

It's great you think Max is WONDERFUL but that doesnt mean i fucked up, its really nice you have to mention it in every other post about me when you're not off being a ps3 hater on the gaming forums

Zomboid

Jan 16th, 2009, 12:07 AM

I hope your mom knows that you're swearing on the internet. I haven't harped on you fucking up anywhere but in this thread, and you bring it on yourself in here.

Go to bed now. You've got school tomorrow, young man!

bigtimecow

Jan 16th, 2009, 12:20 AM

Z I :LOVE YOU

bigtimecow

Jan 16th, 2009, 12:21 AM

so emoticons don't work in capitals? :love

Zomboid

Jan 16th, 2009, 01:01 AM

I :love you too, babycakes. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and be a ps3 hater in the gaming forum now.

As an aside for micro - I realize you sent the same shit that you've sent for the past two years, but if you look at some of the comments in this thread, you'll see that other people agree that HILARIOUSLY ZANY gifts like the ones you keep sending aren't exactly ideal.

I know that sending pregnancy stuff must be hilarious for 16 year olds, but most grown men aren't going to clutch their stomachs from laughing too hard at such a wacky gift. Good on you for making up for that. I mean it. Don't expect any kind of pat on the back though, considering you sent out your original shit late, and it was just that - shit.

You ask what you can contribute? I dunno. Posts that are worth reading in some way? Offer insight on topics, be funny, do something other than be an annoying little twat.

and now... I WASH MY HANDS OF THEE.

Btc, if Max ends up not being able to send ya something right away, I'll send ya something. I'm not sure how busy he's been lately, but we'll see.