Santa's Slay

[MockBot]

Automatically generated comment thread for Santa's Slay (http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/santas-slay/slay5.php).

[greenimp]

"a legendary figure that brings toys, rather than violence, to the children." see, thats why im not asked to dress up as santa anymore :( im so easily confused...

[Lothalis]

Where as this is [U]WHY[U]i dress up as Santa all the time

[Julio]

Actually, I do believe that Santa has a deep liking for killing. I'll make sure to block all the entrances to my house tomorrow.

[MrWarranty]

This was fantastic. Is there really a sequel on the way?

[Kitsunexus]

The kids' heads getting blown off looks so fucking retarded, that I hope immediately after leaving the studio, the director was struck in a 4-car pileup and lived in agonizing dismembered pain until he died 2 hours later at the hospital.

I'm not really religious but if it would make that scenario happen, I'd pray for it.

Seriously, that is the shittiest special effect ever.

[rizzo]

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.

[Angryhydralisk]

Never mind that Goldberg is Jewish or anything...but still, killer review!

[El Sammo]

I really did like this movie. Not for the acting, though Goldberg's performance as a Nordic demon Santa was absolutely top-notch (for the genre, anyway), well I guess I'd have to admit that the cast wasn't bad except for that fucking infant Nick. I love the story! It's like the pseudo-myth linking the spelling of Satan and Santa, and you can't deny the fun of it all. The meta was good, despite the black hole Nick, and some budgetary constraints.

And whatever happened to the little tags you'd put on the pictures? Those were really funny! They increased the humor index by 33%

[Dr. Boogie]

Those things took forever to write, and after spending hours upon hours just getting the pictures ready to go for articles like this, I would run out of steam for making them up.

[JMFabianoRPL]

AWESOME. This was a great B-movie. And hey, I wrote a recap on it too...you'd probably have to do a bit of searching as it was on a defunct site (estragand.com)

[JMFabianoRPL]

"Toby Caulk?" In the (edited) Spike version, he was "Dick Zucker" I thought...

[ozzyrulz777]

I have this on dvd. It is a great b-movie.

[Nick]

This Santa reminds me of Tim Allen's Santa.

[El Sammo]

Well, fuck 'em then!

[Primortal]

The most scary (or at least disturbing) Santa movie is that one mexican santa movie where he has to match wits with one of satan's minions.

[HowardC]

I loved this movie, because it is so dumb! I mean you have goldberg as santa and that is bad enough. (Although he does a suprisingly good job as santa and it actually took me a few minutes to realize it was him). But they actually let him do a spear in the movie! I mean that's awesome! It'd be like letting the rock play jesus and then have him raise his eyebrow on satan, knock him down, and do the elbow drop on him, only to have him say "do you smell what the christ is cookin?"!!!

I didn't realize they made a sequel, I'll have to check that out.

[ProfHologram]

Finally, a movie where the real Santa is the crazy killer and not just some whacked out nutjob dressed as him. I always thought the concept of a fat man breaking into peoples homes with strange magical powers would be B movie gold. I gotta see this movie.

[pac-man]

GOOOOOOLLLLLLLDBEEEEEEERGGGG! GOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLDBEEEERRRRRG!

[Dungeonbrownies]

im sorry, but i love breasts. but yes, i was wondering when youd get to this film. fantastic.

[nirvana_infinity]

Thank you eternally for this! I was just thinking about this movie a few days ago, wondering if anyone was going to run it this year. This is one of the things that makes Christmas bearable for me- a dash of Halloween! ;)

[JMFabianoRPL]

The most scary (or at least disturbing) Santa movie is that one mexican santa movie where he has to match wits with one of satan's minions.

As Mike and the Bots would say, "Good old fashioned nightmare fuel!"

/BTW, which MST3K episode did you guys like more, "Santa Claus" or "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"?

[Geminate]

Yeah I watched this through once...what a bunch of crap. Didn't see the sequel, wonder if it is just more crap or better.

[Rufus the Perturbed]

My god, I have to find this movie.

[Rufus the Perturbed]

P.S. - who here thinks I-mockery needs to review Jesus Christ: Vampire Slayer?

[executioneer]

um, they did? unless it's a different movie from Jesus Christ: Vampire HUNTER (http://www.i-mockery.com/weeklies/weekly.php?type=movies&id=63) that is

[Vault Master]

I remember when I first saw this movie, and would you believe I didn't recognize Goldberg?

I didn't know it was him until the credits. And I was a huge wrasslin' fan at the time.

Best. Santa. EVER.

And great review. ;)

[lil'ms'krueger]

Santa is a annogramm of SATAN!!
It all seems so clear now :)

[That Other Guy]

I recently saw this movie availible as a free movie on my cable's VoD, and I had to watch it! The pole-zap kill is great; those stills don't do it justice. It's one of those things that's really quick, but still very cool. Dare I say it's original? I haven't seen a similar kill before...