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Kitsa
Jul 25th, 2009, 11:40 AM
Dear Prudence,
I've been happily married for more than 30 years, and I thought my husband and I had a truly loving relationship. My husband was recently hospitalized, and his boss asked me to carry my husband's cell phone so he could easily reach me for updates. My husband received a text message from a man saying that he was going to use him as a cover so he could visit another man in a neighboring town. This made me suspicious, so I looked in his wallet and found a visitor's pass to a gay men's health club. Then I found a gay porn DVD and Viagra in his gym bag. On his computer were gay Web sites. My husband had an excuse for everything. He said a man he works out with had given him the DVDs and the pass, and he didn't even know what they were. The Viagra was so he could be "ready" for me. He didn't know how the gay Web site cookies got on his computer. He said it was ridiculous that I could think he was gay after 30 great years together. I wanted to believe him. Last weekend, I came home unexpectedly and found him masturbating to gay porn. He said he wanted to see some porn, and this was the only thing he had because he didn't know where to get anything else. He thinks it's all no big deal. I'm devastated. I feel as if my whole marriage has been a sham, and I don't know what to do.
—Who Is He?






Dear Who,
Number one, go to your gynecologist and get a complete screening for sexually transmitted diseases. You have to assume, given all the evidence, that your husband has done more than indulge in gay fantasies. Then you need to sit down with him and tell him it's time to stop the ridiculous excuses. Say you've had 30 years together, and while it turns out you may not know each other as well as you thought, he knows he's not married to a fool. If he can't talk about what's going on, tell him you're going to a counselor—you hope he will join you, but you'll go alone if he won't—to help you figure out your next steps. Of course you're devastated. It's crushing to think the life you had was a cover story and to know the future you imagined is not going to be. However, this discovery does not mean your marriage was a sham. It's possible your husband has always struggled with homosexual impulses, but that he also truly loves you and treasures your years together and the family you've made. It doesn't even necessarily mean your marriage is over. But your marriage will never be the same, and it has to be remade—or ended—with more honesty than your husband has been willing to bring to it all these decades. You don't have to make any hasty decisions. But you do have to impress upon your husband that from now on you won't settle for less than the truth.
—Prudie






:lol

10,000 Volt Ghost
Jul 25th, 2009, 12:11 PM
:lol

Why are they always impulses? I loved the excuse for watching the dvd though.

Colonel Flagg
Jul 25th, 2009, 05:12 PM
I usually like Prudence, but really, WORK IT OUT??? How about "GET A LAWYER!!!"

Kitsa
Jul 25th, 2009, 07:50 PM
A pass to a bath house? Gay porn? HOW DID THAT GET HERE?!?

kahljorn
Jul 26th, 2009, 05:45 PM
:lol
I like how the thought never occurred to either of them that he might be bisexual. I mean shit she could've pointed out all the props like the possibility of having a threesome with two guys.

horrible advice.

Kitsa
Jul 26th, 2009, 05:58 PM
you're right; bisexuality (or even a gender identity issue) weren't even thought of.

I bet she'll get some hatemail.

Edit: he does need to work on his lying technique, though.

Colonel Flagg
Jul 26th, 2009, 10:16 PM
Lots of straight guys masturbate to gay porn.


Don't they?

Tadao
Jul 26th, 2009, 10:23 PM
I do, just to make sure I'm still not gay.

10,000 Volt Ghost
Jul 27th, 2009, 12:10 AM
Especially when its THAT TIME of the month. Am I right??

Zhukov
Jul 29th, 2009, 12:40 PM
Well, people (not me) don't seem to mind watching a penis ejaculate, as long as it's on a woman, so maybe, just maybe his lies are TRUTH. Maybe he was looking for some porn and thought, "eh, what the hell, might just see what the fuss is about..."

I feel sorry for him.


Ok, he's obviously telling fibs, but I still feel sorry for him. He probably loves his wife.

Dimnos
Jul 29th, 2009, 01:01 PM
She should just buy a strap on and quit crying. :\

Kitsa
Jul 29th, 2009, 02:05 PM
http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/gayhub.jpg

Colonel Flagg
Jul 29th, 2009, 10:17 PM
If you have to ask .....

Kitsa
Jul 30th, 2009, 10:56 AM
if it's popping up this often, I'm guessing a lot of women must wonder.

10,000 Volt Ghost
Jul 30th, 2009, 12:31 PM
A lot of people are insecure.

Colonel Flagg
Jul 30th, 2009, 04:58 PM
A lot of women are married to poofters.

Dimnos
Jul 30th, 2009, 05:07 PM
I dont get that. If you like the cock why get married to a woman?

executioneer
Jul 30th, 2009, 05:20 PM
because of the negative connotations that society still associates with homosexuality?

Dimnos
Jul 30th, 2009, 05:53 PM
Bah... Grow a pair.

10,000 Volt Ghost
Jul 30th, 2009, 05:56 PM
Could all be solved with a MMF.

Colonel Flagg
Jul 31st, 2009, 09:57 AM
I wish Pub would comment .... :(

Zhukov
Aug 5th, 2009, 06:38 AM
Surely there is only one innescapable homosexual tendency?

Kitsa
Aug 6th, 2009, 04:13 AM
I guess that depends on how many attributes you're assigning to "homosexual".

Zhukov
Aug 6th, 2009, 02:30 PM
Well, just one also.

Kitsa
Aug 14th, 2009, 02:45 PM
Dear Prudence,
I have done something so vile that I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I have a younger sister who is stunningly beautiful, while I'm rather plain by comparison. Growing up, my boyfriends all lost interest in me once they set eyes on her. When I was dating the man who is now my husband, I was afraid that the same thing would happen. As a preventative measure, before he even met her, I told him that she slept around a lot and as a consequence had contracted HIV. Needless to say, he never showed any interest in her. Several years and two kids later, my husband is always asking about her health. She's even asked me why my husband always seems so concerned about how she's doing. He's the sensitive type, and I know that he worries about her. I want to come clean, but how can I explain such a horrible lie?
—Sister Is Healthy As a Horse








Dear Sister,
Shades of Rachel and Leah (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/biography/Leah.html) crossed with the daughters of King Lear (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Lear). I understand your self-loathing because not only is your original lie chilling, but you have let this tale fester for so long. It's a miracle you weren't found out by your husband expressing his concern to other family members. However, the good news is that you recognize how sad and ugly your actions were, and you want to make amends. Although your sister was the subject of your lie, your husband is the object of your deceit. Go someplace private and tell your husband there is a part of your life that you never fully discussed with him. Say that when you were growing up, your sister's beauty was a kind of torture for you. Whenever a boy showed any interest in you, as soon as he gazed upon her, he couldn't even remember your name. Explain that you know jealousy is a terrible, destructive emotion and you hate how you let it scar your youth. Then say that when you met him, you were so immediately happy with him that you were tormented by the thought that he might be attracted to your sister. (By this point, he should be starting to get your drift.) Confess that you told the terrible lie about her being HIV-positive just so it wouldn't happen. Add that what you did is not a comment on his character but on your insecurity. Say your sister is in perfect health, but your lie has made you sick at heart, and all you can do is beg his forgiveness.
—Prudie

Dixie
Aug 14th, 2009, 03:26 PM
You make me feel warm and fuzzy inside like a cinnamon bun, Kitsa.

Colonel Flagg
Aug 14th, 2009, 03:32 PM
:lol

Kitsa
Aug 14th, 2009, 03:38 PM
It's alllll Prudie.

Kitsa
Aug 20th, 2009, 03:25 PM
From this week's...a screencap of Prudie's "video version".

(in Chris Rock voice) "I think Kevin Smith gonna sue somebody!"

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/um.jpg

10,000 Volt Ghost
Aug 20th, 2009, 04:53 PM
I think the only way to make up for the lie she told her husband is for her to contract HIV and then let the husband marry the sister and adopt the kids...

Is that mean of me?

Kitsa
Aug 20th, 2009, 06:00 PM
I'm always amazed to read how selfish people can be.

MajorScales
Sep 3rd, 2009, 09:43 PM
I have a customer that acts very gay and his wife looks like she is bulimic...she is always surrounded by people fixing her home.

Kitsa
Sep 17th, 2009, 01:25 PM
Dear Prudie,
My kids accidentally crushed their hamster, but at 5 and 6 years old, they're too young to know. (I just told them she'd bitten into her lip.) To further protect them, I told them the veterinarian said she was fine but that she was not allowed to leave the hospital and was happy to be with her friends. I may be projecting—the sight of the hamster dying was awful to me, and it took two days to get over the depression. Some people think I should not "lie and pretend," as they put it, by not allowing the children to "deal with the death." I find it absolutely abhorrent to think of my children discovering that they were responsible for their pet's death, when I, their father, could not go to sleep due to grief.
—Crushed


Dear Crushed,
I can almost promise you that after your kids were finished squeezing, sitting on, or hugging really, really hard their darling hamster, and it just lay there looking like a bloodied, dying hamster, even at 5 and 6, they pretty much knew, "Uh-oh, I think we killed the hamster." Your reassurance that the hamster had a lip boo-boo and is now recovering at an extended-care facility has probably only imparted the confusing lesson that their hamster has Wolverine-like healing powers. (Your story must be the rodent equivalent of telling the kids the dog has gone to "live with people in the country" when it's actually just gotten a shot of Fatal-Plus.) I understand that you're stuck on an emotional hamster wheel, but you've got to get off and tell the truth. When you explain to your kids what really happened, you don't want to be either punitive or despondent. You need to tell them that small, furry creatures require gentle handling. Sadly, their hamster died because they were accidentally too rough with it. If they cry, comfort them, and if they're shockingly blasé, accept it. Answer simply but honestly any questions they have. If they want to know where the hamster is now, tell them the vet takes away the bodies of the dead animals. If they ask whether the hamster was in pain, you can explain that it was but the pain didn't last long. And if they say they want another hamster—well, Dad, see if you can cross that Rainbow Bridge when you come to it.

Wiffles
Sep 17th, 2009, 03:29 PM
awww poor hamham ;__;

captain516
Sep 17th, 2009, 03:52 PM
What kind of careless fuck of a father didn't bother telling his kids that they need to be gentle with small animals?

Wiffles
Sep 17th, 2009, 04:21 PM
I think accidents happen sometimes. Its like overfeeding the pet fish. Better yet, is why would the dad not be cunning enough to buy a replacement hammy ^^;

Kitsa
Sep 17th, 2009, 04:28 PM
captain516: that's what I was thinking, he should have told the kids to be careful with the hamster in the first place, and not left them unsupervised. Since most people are too stupid and selfish to feel real sorrow about anything that's not them, I'm guessing his prolonged guilt had something to do with that.

Colonel Flagg
Sep 17th, 2009, 05:06 PM
I shouldn't think that was funny, but I do. Is that wrong?

Colonel Flagg
Sep 22nd, 2009, 01:17 PM
Ok, this had me ROFL. From the archives of "Ask Amy":

Dear Amy: I am a very undersexed single woman. A female coworker and I became very close friends this year, and I am steadily becoming close friends with her husband as well. I'm interested in pursuing a threesome with this couple, but I don't know how to ask. Certainly, directly asking seems to be the best way, but I'm worried that I might ruin this relationship. They are a very liberal couple, but how do I bring this up without offending anyone or losing my friends? - Undersexed

Dear Undersexed: If you need a stapler, look for it at the office. A threesome? Not so much. Intimately engaging with this couple would interfere not only with your friendships and your professional life, but also with their marriage. I believe the protocol here is for you to wait for them to invite you. You are an adult and can make your own choices with other consenting adults, but people don't invite themselves into another couple's relationship. Be forewarned - even if they do invite this entanglement and it does happen, your relationship with both parties will change and (I believe) eventually suffer. - Amy

Kitsa
Sep 22nd, 2009, 09:31 PM
Maybe it's just me being boring and puritanical, but I've never looked at anyone and thought "oo, threesome".

Colonel Flagg
Sep 22nd, 2009, 09:32 PM
I wonder how many guys are thinking "Man! Why doesn't she work in my building!" :lol

Kitsa
Sep 25th, 2009, 08:13 AM
Dear Prudence,
Recently my mother, who was my best friend, passed away suddenly at a fairly young age. A few weeks later, my fiance abandoned me a month prior to our wedding because he couldn't handle my grief. He belittled my mother's death, called my father a drama queen for his despair, and accused me of not paying attention to his needs. During the final stages, he depicted me as irrational and needy to our mutual friends. By looking through his e-mails, I have discovered some things about him that I have kept silent about. Most important was my discovery of a sex-doll perversion. He is part of a group that learns how to make dolls at home. (There are also videos of men doing questionable deeds with Barbies.) In addition, he communicated with escort services and through online personal ads for bondage enthusiasts. My problem is that in my anger about his behavior and timing, I feel a strong compulsion to send this information to almost everyone in his contact list. Could you please talk me out of it, since I would very much like justice to be served?
—Steamed





Dear Steamed,
You were just rescued from a future in which you come home to find your husband violating your daughter's American Girl doll collection! Stop being angry and start being grateful. Consider that in the great cosmic scheme of things, this was your mother's final gift to you. Her loss made it possible for you to find out what a thoroughgoing creep you almost ended up with. Don't worry about what your friends might think. If they took the side of a man who said he dumped his fiancee a month before the wedding because her grief over her mother's unexpected death was bumming him out, then you need a new group of friends. You don't want to wallow in his gutter by sending out a mass e-mail telling them that if he ever gives a homemade doll to any of their children, they should make sure to wipe it down with Germ-X first. Stop looking for retribution, and sing "Hallelujah" that you made it out before you set up a new household with him, only to find out he preferred playing house.
—Prudie

Fathom Zero
Sep 25th, 2009, 08:33 AM
I think it's strange how people keep such awful secrets, even into a marriage.

I have no fucking secrets. People can ask me anything.

Kitsa
Sep 25th, 2009, 08:40 AM
"Pfft, so what, your mom died. Your dad's such a fucking drama queen, god. Now excuse me while I go fuck this doll."

Fathom Zero
Sep 25th, 2009, 08:42 AM
Though, maybe I'm not such a closeted pervert anymore, so I can't relate to that asshole.

Kitsa
Sep 25th, 2009, 08:50 AM
The way I interpreted it was that his main problem wasn't fucking dolls, it was being an asshole on top of it.

Fathom Zero
Sep 25th, 2009, 09:08 AM
Oh, I know all that. He sounds like a right bastard to me. It was just a little musing I had, only semi-related to the column.

Kitsa
Nov 5th, 2009, 07:35 PM
Greenwich, Conn.: My husband and I went on a long weekend vacation to celebrate our anniversary.
Trying to relive our honeymoon, we ordered an in-room couples massage from a reputable establishment in the area. When our masseuse showed up, she was a—to put it lightly, a working girl and proceeded to lay across our hotel bed offering her services. This took us by surprise and we immediately ran into the bathroom to discuss how to kindly ask this woman to leave.
My husband went out to the room and asked her to leave but she wouldn't without $300 in cash for her time—which he gave.
Was this the right thing for us to do? Should we have given her money or forced her to leave?
We were also a little traumatized by the event and have had some trouble "getting over it."
Any advice?
Thanks, Prudish But Progressive
Emily Yoffe: Maybe this "reputable establishment" is used to getting calls from politicians, and so it had a different idea of what's involved in releasing stress than you and your husband had in mind. No, you should not have had to pay for the young lady's services—unless she developed a sudden expertise in shiatsu. You should have called the place that sent her, explained you didn't know it was an escort service, and told them unless they gave young lady orders to leave immediately, you would have her escorted out by hotel security and/or the police. Then you should have reported the incident to the hotel management, especially if they're the ones suggesting the establishment. You could have said that on no list of gifts for significant anniversaries does "prostitute" appear.
As for your trauma—I can understand you were shaken, but look at it another way. When you tell your friends the story of this memorable anniversary, they will be shaking with laughter.

george
Nov 5th, 2009, 10:08 PM
in vegas if you let a "working girl" a legal one that is, there is a standard fee you have to pay wether you have sex or not.

i learned this from a very nice hooker that i and a friend ended up with in our room after calling to see how much a "legal" working girl cost. we were seriously just trolling for the fun of it. about an hour after our crank calling had ended she turned up, un requested. she hung out with us for like an hour, and about every five minutes there would be a knock at the door, and that was when our new friend informed us of the policy stated above.

she also informed us that for 1200.00 we could take turns banging her in the ass all night long.

i was too poor.

instead we rented a movie and drank beer until her pager went of and she hurried off to work. she was really cool.

Zhukov
Nov 5th, 2009, 10:09 PM
I don't think being prudish is the problem here, I think it's being too fucking weak to tell someone to get out before you throw them out.

Dear Kitsa

When I was involved in a happy relationship, there was another woman that continualy tried to push herself on me. In round about ways she offered me sex, and always told me how attractive I was and how good we would be together. She was a friend, and I guess I took all of that in my stride because I never really thought twice about it. Now that I am single, I have started to see her differently, but she recently got herself a boyfriend (a nut case by the way. Too old for her, two failed marriages and way too jealous) and I was wondering if I should let things go or actively try to break them up for my own gains.

I could easily do it I think; they are always fighting, and he always asks me if I am trying to cause problems for them. I'm not, but if I did then he would probably make a fool of himself and try to hit me or something.

10,000 Volt Ghost
Nov 6th, 2009, 10:40 AM
I don't think girls like guys that aren't in relationships already. It's a womens code. From my experience at least.

Kitsa
Nov 9th, 2009, 12:28 PM
I don't want to usurp Willie's advice column thing. I'm not sure what you should do, actually, but I'm generally against manipulation :(

executioneer
Nov 9th, 2009, 07:43 PM
I don't want to usurp Willie's advice column thing
man go ahead i am severely underqualified to give any kind of relationship advice :x

kahljorn
Nov 9th, 2009, 09:49 PM
MY ADVICE TO ZHUKOV:
DONT BE A BITCH.

Kitsa
Jan 13th, 2011, 08:45 PM
Dear Prudence,
I began dating a man last summer, and it has slowly turned into something serious. He is a great person, I am head over heels for him,
and he indicates he feels the same way about me. We recently said, "I love you." We have excellent chemistry in the bedroom as well,
but recently he brought up that he loves anal sex and that it's a fetish of his. We have tried a couple of times, but I often shy away and
feel uncomfortable. He even told me that it's a make-or-break for him in a relationship. I'm a pretty open person, but I'm afraid that I'll
never be as into anal sex as he is, if at all. Should I bite the bullet and just go for it or let him know that I'll probably never enjoy it to the
extent he does and let this "break" our relationship?
—Make or Break


Dear Make,
You may be head over heels, but if you don't like what he has to offer, try not to land facedown. Joan Rivers has a line that she loves
anal sex because it frees her up to read a book or check her BlackBerry, but I don't think that's going to work for you. Your boyfriend
is kind of a bum for allowing your relationship to progress so far without letting you know about his fixation. Surely he's aware that it's
the kind of thing that could make someone want to turn tail and run. There he is, getting that look in his eye, and there you are thinking,
It's time to pick up another tube of Preparation H. I've gotten crosswise with the fetish community before, because I disagree with their
assertion that if you love someone with a fetish, you should accommodate it. I wonder why they don't think it's equally true that if you
love someone who has no interest in your fetish, that person should be accommodated—especially if the fetish makes it difficult to sit at
your desk the following day. I know that for the gay community, anal sex is not a "fetish" but a standard part of the repertoire, and that
it's also a common variation for many heterosexuals. But your boyfriend is now saying that this is his regular entrée and not just an
occasional amuse bouche. You've tried to stick it out for his sake, but in the end you just don't enjoy it. I don't see that you have much
choice except to leave him behind.
—Prudie

Colonel Flagg
Jan 13th, 2011, 09:25 PM
Bill, is that you? :eek

EDIT: nvm, I forgot there's no mention of an airhorn. :dunce

Pentegarn
Jan 13th, 2011, 11:50 PM
I had that happen, only in reverse, she was into getting anal while I prefer the other 2 menu options

Still I 'bit the bullet' because I didn't hate anal, just preferred the other 2 menu options :lol