Weekly Movie Review: G.I.JOE: The Rise Of Cobra

[MockBot]

Automatically generated comment thread for Weekly Movie Review: G.I.JOE: The Rise Of Cobra (http://www.i-mockery.com/weeklies/weekly.php?type=movies&id=95).

[Purple Man]

I switched my brain off. It was good. Ms Nichols is hawt and Eccleston is the Destro of my dreams. But had problems with brainwashing aspects. Also missed the individual uniforms. Oh well, it was as good a treatment as an nostalgic toy commercial could get I suppose.

[puppetgeneral39]

The blazing unstoppable idiocy of the film is unquestionable. Even my die hard Transformers\Gi Joe\Anything 80's friends agree. And they LOVED Transformers 2. Farting robots and all.

We agreed it was, for sure, fun as hell all things considered.

The Baroness\Duke crap pissed me right off though. New story or not it was useless. The starting romance was fine but how it ended and it's trip there was just a headache.

[Nick]

I would like to go see this. I should do that soon.

[peh_]

I might see this now based on your review...

[Pentegarn]

Haven't gone yet, but it sounds like as long as I cjeck my brain at the door it will be worth a look. That's good news.

And I liked Zartan's bizarrely unexplained echo :P

[All Hail Duke]

didn't really care for it outside of a few things

[captain516]

I enjoyed it very much.

[Mockery]

I just can't pay money to go see a movie that features a Kid Rock song in the trailer (and, as Dr. Boogie pointed out, the always annoying Marlon Wayans). I'll see it for free when it eventually comes out on cable. My only interest in the movie is seeing Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes duke it out (Ray Park is always fun to watch), and I'm glad they didn't fuck with the look of their costumes much like they did with some of the other characters.

[FistfulOAwesome]

I switched my brain off. It was good.

You really shouldn't say that on this site: http://www.i-mockery.com/visionary/turn-your-brain-off.php

Anyway, I'll check out the movie this Friday. At the very least it's shorter than Transformers/2, so it's got them beat there. Plus, you don't argue with Ninja fights.

[All Hail Duke]

saw Transformers ROTF earlier,GI Joe was less stupid and didn't drag but they're both pretty bad

have zero hope for the Thundercats movie being any good at all

[Purple Man]

"You really shouldn't say that on this site: http://www.i-mockery.com/visionary/turn-your-brain-off.php"

LUlz - I forgot about that.

[robo_rob]

For the most part I was happy with this movie. Sure some of the changes in origins and characters relationships I could have done without, however for the most part I really enjoyed myself.

[Doctor_Who]

I'll go see it this weekend. I just know I'm going to be upset by the Baroness' lack of an accent (why else would I have been in love with her when I was five?), but having CHRISTOPHER AWESOME ECCLESTON as Destro will probably make up for it.

[Copper]

I've been having my misgivings about going to see this, mostly due to trailers I've seen featuring Marlon Waynes. The trailer I saw featuring Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes *did* make me want to go see it, hence my being torn. I suppose I'll catch it once it hits the dollar theater around here or if I can catch a matinee.

Although I say "Boo! Hiss!" to them mucking up the Scarlett/Snake-Eyes pairing but I'd rather have it not be there than seem forced.

[Marthaeus Autolykos]

When I first learned of this film I thought, "WHAT? NO SHIPWRECK? NO SAILOR OUTFIT? NO MOTHERFUCKING PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER? FUCK THAT MOVIE, RIGHT IN ITS STUPID FACE!"

Hollywood needs to lay off all this raping of my childhood for a quick buck. What's next, Care Bears rendered in CGI with cybernetic limbs and laser beam eyes that make things explode in fiery conflagration?

[Protoclown]

What's next, Care Bears rendered in CGI with cybernetic limbs and laser beam eyes that make things explode in fiery conflagration?

That would be kind of awesome, actually. :eek

[Doctor_Who]

That's the only way I would ever watch a Care Bears movie. Get on the horn with Michael Bay now. It's high time he started making up for Transformers.

[Kilgore Cod]

I just came back from seeing it and I really enjoyed it, which really surprised me. It was a thoroughly ridiculous action movie and it never pretended to be anything else. Stephen Sommers knew what we wanted (lots and lots of action) and delivered just that. Cobra's plot is flat out ridiculous and poorly thought out, but so was every single of their plots from the old cartoon, so in that sense I'd say that they nailed it.

Probably the only thing I had a problem with was Cobra Commander. He was awesome in the cartoon cause they never bothered to tell us anything about his origin (and when they finally did, it sucked a 10 foot dick). This movie should had kept a larger air of mystery about him... and the origin they went with doesn't make a whole lot of sense anyway. And his mask at the end...fucking stupid!

[captain516]

Not giving Shipwreck a parrot is considered rape

[HowardC]

I haven't seen it, and like pickleman I don't intend to see it until it comes out for free. The problem I have with it and pretty much every other movie remake is that they changed ANYTHING. Why do they change anything at all? Is it too much to ask to make it IDENTICAL to the cartoon, the comic book or a combination of both? I mean the original obviously made a butt-load of money so why fix something that isn't broken?

The best adaption movie of all time is Mortal Kombat and there is a reason for that. They changed virtually NOTHING about the franchise. Characters looked identical, fighting was identical, plot was identical. And it did really well considering it's non-existant budget. So I'm sorry, but I refuse to compromise even an inch. I want the Joes in their ridiculous outfits, I want trouble bubbles, I want metal face shield, cobra-la, spat wearing cobra commander, and I want a plot that would fit right in with the already established gijoe universe.

And most importantly I want a WAYNES FREE experience. Putting him in there is the equivelent of putting Anthony Anderson in transformers... completely unnecessary and ultimately distracting from the feel of the movie.

Transformers is suffering from this syndrome as well. Take the original Bay movie, replace the cube with the matrix of leadership, replace a few hundred years with a few million years, bring back the Arc and decepticon ship, use the original g1 designs (and voices/personality) rename sam and michalia to spike and carlee and change NOTHING about the plot and you've essentially got the pilot episode to transformers. So why not just make the pilot episdoe of transformers?

This has gotten me pissed off again.... I'm going to leave now and kick random objects/people for a few hours to calm down.

I just wanted you all to know.

Well now you know and knowing is half the battle.

[captain516]

:lol Thanks Howard, I needed a good laugh.

[Kilgore Cod]

"Is it too much to ask to make it IDENTICAL to the cartoon, the comic book or a combination of both?"

Yes.

[Protoclown]

If you made it a combination of both the cartoon and the comic, it would be identical to neither.

[Alcibiades]

C'mon, if they have to live action something, they should be doing Mighty Max. Thankfully the villain would already be cast (Tim Curry, greatest villain voice ever), but I have no idea who you could actually cast as Max...

I'd almost be tempted to say Jason Statham as Norman... whoever plays Snape would be a good voice for Vergil...

[Just Ami]

I'm too afraid to go see it. It's bad enough that so many of my favorite things are getting re-booted, and "re-imagined" to the point where I just want to poke my eyes out with a curling iron, but now... after so long of dreaming, we finally get a G. I. Joe.... and it looks like THAT? I can't even tell who is supposed to be who because they all look generic S & M posers. D: What is Duke wearing that helment for? Why does Storm Shadow carrying a gun?? What the hell happend to Cobra Commander?? Why does the Baroness NOT have a hawt euro accent?? No.... after the train wreck Star Trek movie, I just have a "Just say NO!" motto to stupid movie decisions.

Alcibiades- the actor who plays Snape is Hans Gruber, duh. :o


oh, or Alan Rickman I guess....

[Y-Hat]

Why would you want a sequel, exactly? I'm sure that was a semi-common sentiment among those that enjoyed Transformers, and its sequel was one of the most offensive things to hit the screen in some time.

[Zhukov]

Did anyone else notice that the last part of the movie was basically Star Wars, or is it just me?

[Hellzo]

I liked it other than the brainwashing of the baroness that just ruined the character.

[Travis touchdown]

i will steal this off the net as i refuse to pay for something that looks this bad.

[Angryhydralisk]

I heard a rumor somewhere the movie wasn't even screened.

[Protoclown]

It wasn't. I wasn't even allowed to watch it when I was there watching it. :eek

[Dr. Boogie]

They let me see it, but only on the condition that I not pass judgment on any part of it.


Not even the part with the Wayans brother.

[Zhukov]

Am I the only one?! Come on!

They had a titanic battle underneath Hoth between A wing shaped submarines that were trying to stop the death star/underwater base from shooting it's big laser. Dude even says as they are heading towards the enemy "Get into attack position!" = "Lock S Foils into attack position". !!! There is also plenty of good guy submarines that get shot and crash into the giant underwater base while screaming.

Then, when Duke and Baroness are escaping they get attacked by enemy subs, so Baroness hops into the rotating laser gun built in the back and shoots them down. Duke says "Great shot!" = "Great shot kid that was one in a million". Also, when the place explodes their ship manages to shoot out from the explosion at the very last minute a la Millenium Falcon after it destroys the Death Star II.

When Storm Shadow was fighting Snake Eyes he just HAS to pop his two swords together to create a DOUBLE SWORD like Darth freaking Maul. SERIOUSLY!

Cobra Commander even has a 'gaze at my true face' moment like Darth Vader.

Spoilers in case I give away important Star Wars plot lines.

[DrewP]

That one scene was ironic as the actor who played Snake-eyes was Darth Maul...

But me and my friend said it best: That movie was much more fun than it ever ought to have been. It was a surprise.

Now to just wait for Inglorious Bastards.

[darkvare]

also when when storm shadow gets defeated he falls onto an electricity filled shaft
am i the only one who felt snake eyes looked and acted like a retard when he wasn't in action?

[Zhukov]

You are correct.

[Captain Seamus]

I want Hasbro to make a figure of Snake Eyes wearing that hoodie he had in the Pit.

The one thing that really got me was that Cobra Commander didn't drag out his S's. That's like half of his characterization! Aside from that, the movie was pretty good.

[RedCometXIII]

It was a actually way better than I thought it'd be. I went in with absolutely no expectations but left satisfied.

I prefer the Transformers movies though...