Lies

[Kitsa]

When I was a little kid, my mom took me and the neighbor girl (4 years older) to a haunted house at the mall. The haunted house was in the movie theater.

Going to haunted houses with my mom always sucked because she demanded to be allowed to carry a flashlight. They always gave in, so we went through and she made sure nothing would be allowed to scare us. :\

Anyway, partway through the haunted house we lost track of the neighbor girl. She joined up with us as we were coming out. She said she'd dropped through a trap door onto a mattress and had gone through a different set of passageways. I'm fairly sure that was a lie...would a haunted house risk the lawsuits of randomly dropping people through trapdoors?

Why would you tell a lie like that? Did she drop back so she didn't have to endure my mom's scare-less haunted house?

Did anyone ever tell you a stupid lie that was obviously bullshit, but you had no idea why they told it?

[Aaarg]

Sounds like she was just trying to avoid the flashlight-mom.

I had a friend who I figured to be a pathological liar. One day he said something about having a movie that wasn't even released yet, and a lot of things he'd previously said clicked.

[Colonel Flagg]

I've known individuals like this. Pathological liars. What's frustrating is when you work with them, and they have their management (and sometimes yours too) convinced that they know what they're talking about, when in fact you have proof that it's all bullshit. Yet you're the one who gets the shaft because you're not "being positive".

Yes, I am positive - that this asshole is lying. His lips are moving.

[Dimnos]

Yeah I would guess she just didnt want to hang with your mom and her flashlight so she fell behind. Then fabricated a story to explain how it was beyond her control. Honestly I dont blame her. :\

Aaarg. Not sure about your friend but could it have been a bootleg copy of the movie? I have had quite a few bootlegs of movies while they were still in theaters.

[Aaarg]

Aaarg. Not sure about your friend but could it have been a bootleg copy of the movie? I have had quite a few bootlegs of movies while they were still in theaters.

I doubt it. This was a straight-to-video release that was coming out in 1999 or so.

[Dimnos]

Then why did he want it anyway? :lol

[Kitsa]

I've known a lot of pathological liars. Usually it's just a simple exaggeration of something that really happened to them, but a couple of times it's been something completely bizarre.

I had a piano teacher in 4th grade who told my parents that I was going through the stuff in her house before my lesson, while she was with the kid before me. I don't know where the hell she got that, all I ever did was come in the back door and down the stairs and wait in the hallway like I was supposed to. I think one time I used the basement bathroom she told us we could use.

But she told my parents that I was going up through her bedrooms and stuff, opening and closing drawers. She told them that she could hear my footsteps and hear the drawers opening and closing.

If that was the case, why didn't she leave her lesson and come bust me? Oh, right, because I was sitting in the damn hallway like she told me to the whole time >:

[Fathom Zero]

I knew a guy like that. Then one day he said he was going to become a priest to perform exorcisms and hunt vampires. Didn't talk to him much after that. No reason to.

[captain516]

Fathom, I think he was joking with you.
My sister lost her Nintendo DS once and told everybody she could that I lost it. She claims it happened when she was getting it out from the trunk of our car. Which wasn't even possible, considering I was in the car the whole time.

[Fathom Zero]

He wasn't.

[RaNkeri]

"I was at the micro kart track one day, and the guys of Ferrari were testing their new engine. They allowed me to try it"

"My parents have an old beatles album worth millions. -You want to see it? Uh.... I think they're borrowing it at the moment"

"I've reached the speed of 80 km/h with my bicycle... in uphill"

"You better watch out, I've been taught ninjutsu"

EDIT: "Since my dad is a police officer I naturally have a right to try out all the equipment. Man, those SWAT Uzis are sweet"

Said by my old classmate

[Kitsa]

I used to babysit a kid who lied and lied and lied.

His dad had a collection of rare guitars in glass cases. Never failed, as soon as the guy left the kid said, "He lets me play with these all the time." Right.

As of 2 years ago, he was on the most-wanted list in Indiana. I looked for him again recently and couldn't find him, but my brother (who knew him in school) says he's still wanted.

[Tadao]

My buddy doesn't really lie, but he is too stoned to remember things properly. So when he tells stories, they turn into complete lies and slander, but he believes it to have happened that way.

[Dr. Boogie]

I've got one similar to captain516's:

One day, my sister took our portable DVD player when she went to go see her boyfriend. A couple weeks later, my mom asked where it went, and my sister started telling everyone that I lost it when I took it to watch movies at work one day. She stuck with story for months.

I think it was about four or five months later, the DVD player shows up back in our house again, in the same paper bag it was in when my sister borrowed it. We asked her about it, but she refused to even discuss the issue.

[darkvare]

i had this friend who lied about owning stuff and i always confronted him but he never gave up until i was at his house and sais i didn't had it to be honest seriously wtf he even made a story about playing doom 3 with his brother on xbox wich only had online multiplayer

[Fathom Zero]

I remember that Doom 3 could system link!

[LordSappington]

My sister's adopted son tried to convince me he invented the sport Ghosting. Even though my friends and I have been playing it for years, and we're sure as hell not the first.

[Kitsa]

When I was in Junior High, there was a group of girls busted for drinking in the locker room. I guess they had some sort of alcohol in those hairspray pump-bottles and they were spraying it into their mouths.

So this one girl told on them, then when they got in trouble she went to them and told them I was the one who'd ratted them out.

Here's the kicker- I'm disabled and have never had a gym class in my entire life. They always sent me to the library or to do office work when the other kids were in gym. At that point in my life, I don't think I'd ever even been inside a locker room- might as well have been Mars. Not only did I have no idea that anyone was drinking in the locker room (and probably wouldn't have given a damn even if I had known), but I'd never even set foot inside one. But these girls weren't bright, and so they totally bought this girl's story.

I had to be kept home from school because girls were shoving me in the hallway and threatening to beat me up and/or push me down the steps, both of which could very well have killed me. If anyone had bothered to listen to me, I could have told them I didn't tell on them, but oh well. Eventually it boiled over, and I was never popular anyway so who cares.

I don't remember how I found out that this particular girl made up the lie, but it wasn't at all out of character for her, and I'll probably hold a grudge against her for the rest of my life. The last interaction I ever had with her was in high school, when she excitedly told me that she had found someone to dorm with at the business college (there was no dorm, the stupid business college was in a strip mall, she was a total idiot).

I hate just about everyone I went to school with.

[Tadao]

Find her facebook and I'll take care of her. ;)

[The Leader]

Do you have a facebook, Taddles?

[LordSappington]

Willy makes two. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's payback. :toughguy

[Tadao]

Do you have a facebook, Taddles?

I have created a facebook under a false name that I have used to find a few very old friends while dodging the ones I hate.

[LordSappington]

Unless I have to fly out there. In which case, whoa fuck that.

[captain516]

cheez, remind to never piss you guys off.

[Tadao]

I would never do anything bad to you, or is that a lie?

[LordSappington]

The world may never know.
Oh, and there's some kid in my neighborhood, he's 16 or something, who insists that he's pretty much the new Tony Hawk. Makes me lol every time. He's one of those kids who's still trying to learn how to do an ollie, after four years of 'skating', and insists he's a skater.

[Kitsa]

When I worked in the piano store, there was an aging concert pianist who gave lessons on Monday nights. He was really snooty and wanted to be treated like a celebrity. When Christmas came around one year, he gave me a card with his "autograph" signature inside and told me, "You keep that...when I die it'll be worth $20,000."

I think that's more under the category of "delusional" than "liar", really.

Anyway, I've watched enough Antiques Roadshow to know that a Christmas card from George Washington, complete with Martha's enclosed recipe for apple crumble, probably wouldn't fetch $20,000. I still have the card somewhere, though.

[LordSappington]

There are these annoying whorish freshman girls in my neighborhood who have a knack for cornering you into long, retarded conversations if you run into them. Last night, they tried to get me into doing ecstasy (who the hell takes ecstasy while sitting around in a park?), so I came up with some bullshitted story about how I just crashed my bike and had a concussion, and needed to get home to go to the ER. I didn't even need to ACT; dumbasses believed I had one, even though I wasn't bleeding, limping, or showing any signs of a concussion, or ANY injury.
Moral of the story: Bullshitting dumb people is fun.

[robo_rob]

My older brother is a compulsive liar to the most ridiculous degree. From stories of celebrities/Playboy Bunnies/FBI Agents that he has dated (whom he also met at strip clubs) to random rich people giving him stuff and taking him on trips.

Oh, and he knows everyone in town and how to get everywhere (yet he always gets lost going to my place).

I think the funniest time was when he graduated high school, our Aunt and cousin were late to the ceremony and saw him the next day to congratulate him. He told them there was a big applause and everyone stood up clapping when his name was called and he got his degree (like, the entire stands and school and maybe even the pope). Sure I got beat up for calling him out on it (only mom and dad gave a crap), but it was worth it.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I habitually lie to my close friends but only for a few moments at a time. Mostly if I think of a good joke that sounds better as a story or to get a quick rise out of them. Or if something is so outrageous I would think they would figure it out in seconds.

When I was younger I had my friend convinced for months though that Buff Bagwell was elected president of the internet.

[Kitsa]

My bf does something that I guess is technically lying. It's like a reflex. If we're watching a commercial about osteoporosis drugs, he says, "I have osteoporosis." We both know how ridiculous it sounds and no one takes it seriously when he does it.

I thought it was isolated to him, but one of my doctors did it the other day so maybe it's just a guy thing.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

yep...GUYS ARE AWESOME...ALL THE TIME.

Truer words were never spoken.

I also borderline sometimes. This guy wanted to hang out and I didn't feel like dealing with him so I told him "My cousin is getting home from prison so I have to see him." He's actually a correctional officer so he technically is getting home from prison.

[Fathom Zero]

...under a false name

Todd Grayson

OR OR OR

Carston Penniger

[Fathom Zero]

Rick Square-Jaw

[Tadao]

A cutsey little girl name :(

[Fathom Zero]

Morgan

[Fathom Zero]

Le Fag

[Kitsa]

a cutesy little girl name that's been used before?

[Tadao]

;)

[Kitsa]

Yeah, I figured that was you.

[Tadao]

Yukiko didn't message you.

[Kitsa]

that's one of the reasons facebook sucks, you can see friends' interactions if you've participated in them.

[Tadao]

:eek

[The Leader]

See, now I'm going to be really self-conscious.

[LordSappington]

What's even worse is when it randomly decides to update you on a whole string of wall-to-wall conversations between two friends, so your whole wall is one conversation. Makes me feel like a creeper.

[Kitsa]

Good thing I don't give much of a shit, eh?

But seriously, there are people on one of my facebook accts who stalk me fairly effectively that way :(

[Pentegarn]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1213171/Men-lie-times-day-twice-women-study-finds.html

[Fathom Zero]

That's the Daily Mail. The Daily Mail.

It's like Sun Magazine.

[Dimnos]

iDIT10TZNro&feature=related

[b_squared]

I use the nothing is wrong, everything is fine lie all the time. Useful to avoid fighting but eventually just builds up.

[Kitsa]

When I was in first grade, our reading table broke and the teacher had the janitor haul it away, then she joked that we couldn't read that day.

Except I took her seriously and flipped the fuck out because in my little-kid head, reading was the only reason I put up with school in the first place.

So I waited for her to be distracted, and I sneaked out of class and acted like she'd sent me on an errand. I went to the office and told the secretary my teacher made a mistake and we need the table back, please. Then I sneaked back into class, and she didn't even notice I was gone (we had one of those "open schools" with no classroom walls).

Soon the janitor came back with the table and told her that he didn't understand why she wanted it back when he hadn't even had a chance to fix it yet. It took her a while to put it all together (probably the secretary told her I'd shown up), but she eventually did. That was the only time I ever got in trouble for lying in school. I think I didn't get my usual orange popsicle at recess or something.

Even my childish lies were dorky :(

Edited to add: here's me (the one looking bored), the teacher and the reading table in question.

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy271/kitsa_for_imockery2/meinfirstgrade.jpg

[Tadao]

My inner pigtail puller is about to explode!

[Kitsa]

You'd probably have killed me trying that :(

At the time my long hair was functional, to cover neck scars.

[Pentegarn]

That's the Daily Mail. The Daily Mail.

It's like Sun Magazine.

Well 20th Century Fox did the survey, so it's all good

[Chojin]

what disability do you even have, kitsa? it sounds like you're playing life on nightmare mode

[Tadao]

She has anything can kill you disease.

It's like she and I are in the movie unbreakable.

[Kitsa]

I like your use of the word "even".

I was born with spinal cord cancer. It was misdiagnosed for a long time and I was paralyzed at 3. They restructured my spine around the bulging spinal cord to try and free up room, then they gave me radiation for the cancer.

The radiation shrunk the cancer to the lump that it's remained for the past 30 years, but it kicked my ass elsewhere. It destroyed the re-made vertebrae in my neck, which broke and, because the bone is chalky and radiation-damaged, can't be shored up with screws and bolts the way a normal person's might be able to.
I have a lot of other radiation damage, including some muscle that's cooked and stringy, and I'm usually on MS drugs to keep from having neverending charlie-horse type spasms.

The damaged bone never grew, so I have a neck the size of a toddler's. It's tiny and skinny and looks a little weird, moreso the older I get. From time to time they hack bone out of my hip and tuck it into gaps here and there to try and keep me going for a couple more years.

I wish all that was a lie :(

[Tadao]

SEE! I grow bone and she can't. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

[Kitsa]

a compromise of our two conditions would be perfect :(

Oh, and since this is the lie thread, I should make mention of the supervisor I once had who accused me of making up the whole thing. When I revisit the incident in my mind, I throttled her...but really I just sat there and cried like a fucking pansy. There are assholes who always think I look "normal" when I'm not in a neck brace at the time.

[Fathom Zero]

Yeah, well I stubbed my toe today. I may have even broken it.

You guys are used to having a shitty time, I'm not. My life's usually pretty fucking fantastic.

[Kitsa]

It's not so bad having a shitty life. When something good happens to us, we think we've won the damn lottery.

Toe-stubs hurt :(

[Fathom Zero]

I actually stub my toes as much as my mother does and her little toes are so broken so often that they're like mush and aren't really in just two pieces attached at a joint anymore.

And I'm losing my hearing.

And I'll have arthritis. And alcoholism, if I let myself. And my bullshit little syndrome which is actually more serious than I care to acknowledge.

[Tadao]

I hired a guy who I didn't know was a habitual lier (sp?) a few years ago. He didn't start in until he was comfortable in his job, then the crazy gossip lies started getting around. The thing is, he was good at it. Totally animated, good looking, charming, etc. Last I heard I visited him and he cured me of my coke problems and I became born again. By that time he was already a manager at a new location we opened. But my crew and half of his crew were yukking it up over that one. Everyone knew I was still coked out and making dead pope jokes. I could go on and on about this guy alone, but I actually forgot all about him till just now cause I could care less about these people.

For the last 15+ years I have been on a quest to be as truthful as I can. I still lie to get out of things as a defensive reflex, but it really bugs me when it happens. As a whole I'm a pretty dam honest guy. Which I should kill myself for the sake of you guys cause being honest doesn't mean you are worth a dam.

[Tadao]

It's not so bad having a shitty life. When something good happens to us, we think we've won the damn lottery.

Toe-stubs hurt :(

Aint that the truth, but then we look over our shoulder cause it's gonna get bad right afterwards :lol

[Fathom Zero]

I lie with stories I tell, because everyone does and that's why people tell stories.

In just life, though, I usually own up to everything if shit hits the fan. It really does feel better to me, knowing that I have nothing to prove and my conscience is clean.

And you're amusing, if nothing else, Tadao. Not that that's a reason for you not to kill yourself. I'd have killed myself years ago if that was the only reason I had.

[Kitsa]

I got so pissed at people thinking that I was always lying about stuff (and I got it in school constantly, from the health thing to travel stuff and everything in between), and people going to my mother and asking her if I was lying when I invited them over (as in going right up to her first thing and saying, "Mrs. Kitsa, did Kitsa really _____?"), that I pretty made it my policy to be as honest as possible and to hell with anyone who thought otherwise.

I've also had to deal with compulsive liars very close to me and inaccuracy in general tends to piss me off, so I go the other way when I can. I don't even like fictional books.

I'm sure I do lie sometimes, probably without even thinking about it. Probably usually to spare feelings because I hate conflict, but who knows.

[Tadao]

I try to exaggerate while letting everyone know what is a lie and what is true. Only people who have been around me for a while don't get instantly ill.

[Chojin]

I sometimes lie to teachers to cover for myself after I do something retarded in college, but that's about it. Honesty killed my last relationship, so I may have to have a policy review in the near future.

[Tadao]

Oh man Chojin, when it comes to relationships, you can't have a policy.

[Chojin]

Oh man Chojin, when it comes to relationships, you can't have a policy.

If the sole goal is to remain in a relationship for its own sake, then sure. People outgrow one another - sometimes literally.

[Tadao]

My success rate is awesome. This is the lie thread though. ;_;

[Zomboid]

Who is this "ex" that you've been referring to? That one that posted here?

[MLE]

Yeah, that'd be me.

[Schimid]

i lie to cover my ass in situations where my ass doesn't necessarily need to be covered, so i assume that the people i speak to wonder why i sometimes make excuses that aren't needed.

anyway, the answer is, i am a coward. i can say that, but i couldn't as i was lying.

[Tadao]

Yeah, that'd be me.

That's a close one! I thought he was talking about me. ;_;

[executioneer]

i'm living a lie

[Colonel Flagg]

I tell the truth nearly all the time, as I'm historically a terrible liar. As a result, I have a tendency to stick my foot in it. A lot. :(

[LordSappington]

I tend to use the 'I'm okay; everything's fine' lie a lot. I'm too reclusive. :(

[RaNkeri]

That's a close one! I thought he was talking about me. ;_;

LIES!

[ZeldaQueen]

Remember that girl I told you about? The one who I suspected was moving in on my bf? Yeah, she totally fit that. Over the course of the four or so years I've known her, she's told me or someone in my family:

1.) When she lived in Russia, she was forced to take ballet despite not wanting to (first thing she said, most believable)

2.) She was cast as Gavroche in the Russian production of Les Miserables, only because they apparently forgot to cast the part and she happened to be there visiting a distant relative who was the orchestra conductor. While cast, she was apparently forced to listen to records of dying people to get a better dying scene.

3.) She woke up at four in the morning to make breakfast for herself, mother, and grandmother, walked the dogs, fixed her grandmother's medication, helped her mother translate her medical documents (her mother is a doctor), went to school, and did all of her homework, which leads us to her claim of

4.) That she took every possible available AP and Honors course and found them all incredibly easy. She also seemed totally convinced that it was easy - even common - for people to get 100% on the SATs and that everyone at her lunch table thought so. When I told her I didn't get 100%, she asked if I missed one question.

5.) She used to be a famous model and sent the money back home to her village in Russia. I say "famous" because she told some story about how a friend told her that she had a good face that should be "used" while said friend was flipping through a magazine she modeled for (without the friend recognizing her).

6.) She used to be a famous child star in Russia, so famous that - when smuggling family jewelry out of the country on the trip to America - she got by when the guards recognized her from their child's favorite show.

7.) She was accepted to both Yale and Harvard, but chose to attend Pitt. She was granted a Pitt scholarship which she said paid for all of the classes, got her free room and board, and she then considered asking for the school to provide her with a wardrobe.

8.) She continually insisted that it was out of character for students in books to make fun of their teachers and refused to believe that people had sex for any reason other than reproduction.

9.) She knew an incredibly gorgeous guy in college who she claimed was infatuated with her. I think the guy was real, but I don't know much more about it than that.

10.) After she learned that I loved acting and was trying to get my writing published, she insisted that she had lots of connections to talent scouts and publishing agents who she could hook me up with.

11.) Her dad was the boss of a company so whenever she visited, everyone offered her candy and was nice to her.

I think that's most of it. It got to the point where, every time she opened her mouth, I got the urge to smack my head on a wall. Technically no one could prove the stuff she said wasn't real (although one would think a Google search would bring up some of those famous modeling and acting things) but it was crazy.

[Kitsa]

I wrote a big long thing right now and it probably came off as a bit pissy, but have no fear because someone messaged me on Facebook at the same time and for some reason that completely fucking wiped out everything I was doing in this whole other tab. Fucking facebook.

So I'll try to condense.

- In my experience, teenage Les Mis fangirls are generally some of the giddiest, most exaggeration-prone and generally insane (not in a cutesy good way) people I have ever had to deal with. Everyone's the expert, everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who had something to do with one of the tours, and worst of all everyone's got a damn Eponine number they're ready and willing to pull out at any time. Reported interactions start sounding like guesses at Clue. Phillip Quast at a taco stand in Denver! Michael Ball inflating his tires outside JC Penney!

- In my experience with people who actually work, professionally, in musical theatre, day in and day out, all the bragging stops at the playbill blurbs. People who really do the work are too busy with all the rehearsals, brush-ups, cast meetings, all the extra promo crap like radio shows, dancing in parades, talking to school groups and stuff like that to go around making sure everyone knows how affiliated they are with the show. Kids have it even worse, because they have tutors and dance lessons and long sessions with vocal coaches. The longer the run, the grimmer and more businesslike they get. No one thinks about how romantic Enjolras is. They don't even think about what they're singing. They think about what crap they have to get through immediately after what they're doing and where they're eating afterward. They think about what groceries they're going to shop for or what they need to yell at their kids for when they get home. They'd roll their eyes at anyone with that much buy-in because after the initial excitement of being hired you don't find it in the cast.

There. Now I've got that out of my system.

[LordSappington]

Remember that girl I told you about? The one who I suspected was moving in on my bf? Yeah, she totally fit that. Over the course of the four or so years I've known her, she's told me or someone in my family:
INSERT A LOT OF STUFF HERE


There was a kid in my Metal Fabrication class who was almost as bad of a compulsive liar as this chick; he insisted that he:
1. Already knew how to weld perfectly, yet never actually welded anything in the class.
2. Learned to make guns from his dad, who was apparently some sort of legendary gunsmith, by the way he said it. Think like the way every fantasy author ever describes how irritatingly perfect elves make their swords, only this guy made guns.
3. Was a senior master in Kung Fu, and would punch and kick the wall to emphasize his point. He eventually broke his fist on the wall, and even the teacher was laughing so hard that he didn't even bother calling the nurse for him.
4. He also insisted that the government made him register his limbs as lethal weapons. I can't tell you how many times I've heard kids say this in my Tae Kwon Do tournaments, but he was the most serious of them all about it.

There's probably some connection between having a shitty childhood, and becoming a compulsive liar as of such.

[ZeldaQueen]

Probably. When my dad saw that girl last, she was in the University of Pitt's medical program but insisted that she never attended classes because they were too boring or something, but he also noted that she looked really tired and frazzled. It just gets weird though, I mean who do they think they have to impress?

@ Kitsa - I got to be a bit of a fangirl after my high school did it, though not to that degree. I did memorize most of the score, but then I was in the chorus so there kind of wasn't a choice there. :\

[LordSappington]

I think that maybe they feel that they have to hide their crappy past, so they start to make up stuff so that people will think, 'Hey, that person's a pretty cool guy!' or something. From there, they might start to get called out on their lies, so they make up bigger ones, maybe to try and impress more people, and win their respect.
Who knows?

[Kitsa]

I knew a girl in fourth grade who told everyone she was a purple horse. She galloped around the playground and even ate grass, but we all saw right through it.

[DougClayton4231]

LOLOLOL. I always tell my wife that she's going to get me pregnant one of these days. If only that made sense.....

[Dimnos]

Remember that girl I told you about? The one who I suspected was moving in on my bf? Yeah, she totally fit that. Over the course of the four or so years I've known her, she's told me or someone in my family.

<Bunch of Stuff>


So.... When she was doing all this. When did she have time to hang out with little ole' you? If one of my friends even tried to lie this much I think I would have to punch them in the face.

[Wiffles]

When my shift manager asks me all the time about my absenteeism, I always make excuses like I took my dog to the vet ( i dont even have one) or went to pick someone at the airport rather than say Im tired and feeling lazy. I kinda see it as fair, since Im casually employed. Meaning I dont get paid for sick days and holidays. Not that I want to be permanent in such a job anyway >_>

[MLE]

I knew a girl in fourth grade who told everyone she was a purple horse. She galloped around the playground and even ate grass, but we all saw right through it.

pffffttthahahahhahahahahahahah

[Kitsa]

One of my old bosses (we were supposed to be co-managers but she muscled her way in) lied her ass off at work. I was simultaneously fascinated by her genius and terrified that she'd frame me for something she did.

It was a piano store, which meant that it wasn't wildly busy and just about dead during the days. All she really had to do was order stock (she couldn't read music, she asked the reps what was popular), forward the credit card receipts to the owner, and submit timecards every 2 weeks. The rest of the time she mainly just hung out in the store and did whatever the hell she wanted, because no one wants to buy a piano in the middle of the day. I had the afternoons and evenings, the busy time with lessons and people who had their partner with them to piano-shop.

So during the days, she basically did nothing. Then doing nothing got boring, and she was in charge of the store's cash, so she started taking cash out of the register to finance snacks from the bakery a few doors down, food from the Chinese place, etc. Then she got a membership to the video store next door under the piano store's name and watched movies all day. She told the owner she was getting cartoons for kids to watch while they were waiting for lessons.

A few months of that, and then she got brave enough to close the store entirely and go on shopping trips with money from the register. Our phone had two lines...she'd put one on forward to the second, and then she'd put the second on hold. I'm not sure exactly how it worked but it made it seem like both lines were busy. Then she'd put a "Be right back" sign on the door, close up, take some cash from the register and go to the mall. Sometimes she'd be getting back just as I arrived.

I was a timid 18-19 year old at the time, and I caught on to what she was doing pretty quickly but didn't know what to do about it. The woman's cousin was the owner's personal secretary, so she got a heads-up whenever the owner was headed our way...never got busted. When I was leaving, on very bad terms with her, I tried to tell the owner what she was doing. He asked me what the hell was wrong with me.

Not long after I moved to a much better (as in, not $5 an hour to sell pianos and babysit kids waiting for music lessons) job, the store closed. I always wonder if she ran it into the ground. I'll never know for sure, but I bet she did. I feel bad until I remember the owner glaring at me and hissing, "What the hell is wrong with you?", or the hundred-odd times I was dicked out of commission on a technicality, and then I become pretty happy about it.

[ZeldaQueen]

So.... When she was doing all this. When did she have time to hang out with little ole' you? If one of my friends even tried to lie this much I think I would have to punch them in the face.
I'd try to catch her with that, asking her friendly-like "So, how do you balance all of that stuff?" or things like that. Her answer was usually that she found it so incredibly easy that she finished up in jig time. Yes, I did eventually feel the urge to punch her.

I think even worse than the "I'm a total prodigy" routine was how she kept feigning ignorance at American culture (despite the fact that she'd lived here for years). For example, she seemed incredibly shocked when I told her that it was my mother who cooked dinner for the family. When she saw my mom next, she asked her straightaway "Is it true that in an American family, the wife does all of the cooking?" According to my brother she also thought that a "three-way" was a study session with three people.

Kitsa, that must have sucked. :( That woman deserved to be smacked upside the head.