The We Bred Thread

[Kitsa]

Because some of us have kids or are about to and love them, fuck you very much.

[Dimnos]

So what do we do here? Exploit our children for laughs?

[Kitsa]

I guess so.

We manage to drag discussions about baby shit into all the other threads, might as well centralize it :)

My kid was a holy terror at the Air Force museum the other day, which was odd because she's always behaved herself there before. Lots of diaper changes, lots of emergency bottles, very embarrassing. Dunno what got into her but I was sure people were looking and making their little judgments.

edit: I guess we should begin with what we have. Two years ago, I had identical twin girls. They were premature, and they didn't survive. My mom had premature fraternal twins who didn't survive, and my great aunt had premature twins who didn't survive, so apparently my family doesn't do twins well.

In January I had another daughter, very strong, cooked more than long enough (I had been in labor for 2 weeks when I had her) and doing fine.

[Dimnos]

I got two myself. One boy who is almost 9 and the little girl who just hit 6 months the other day.

[kahljorn]

IM SORRY YOU GUYS

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

My girlfriend asked her dad for a goat two christmases ago(just as a joke.) When she told me about it I always made fun of her for asking for it.

We were trying to figure out what zodiac sign little ghost is going to be and couldn't do it off the top of our heads. I called her a little while ago and told her I got her a goat. She was skeptical at first then I told her I realized the kid were going to be a capricorn.

[Colonel Flagg]

4 kids, one biological, three adopted.

I was about to provide TMI, but no. No, I won't. :(

Cheers.

[Evil Robot]

A freind of mine was driving through some city in Conneticuit when his girlfreind who was from China spotted the "Childrens Museum". She said she was disgusted that people would put children on display in a museum like that.

[Sam]

I thought this was the The Wheat Bread Thread when I first saw it.

[kahljorn]

i thought it was the WE BREAD threAD :(

[k0k0]

I'm not gonna have kids. There are too many people in the world and too many kids without families. If I did get to the point in my life where I needed to take care of something other than my dogs, I'd adopt. Hopefully they'd let me choose the color and look too. I think I'd want a white one...maybe a ginger.

[Chojin]

good idea, the adopted kid can bring you beers while you play wow in your parents' basement.

[Kitsa]

Adoption is admirable, if they'll let you. Did you know many organizations won't adopt to anyone with a cancer history? Apparently, former cancer patients are the only people who stand any risk of dying, for any reason.

[Fathom Zero]

Lovely. I never considered adopting a kid, but who knows. Maybe someday. Then again, maybe I should consider myself responsible enough to take care of any animal before having a kid.

And a protip - when you buy a kid, try and buy american. No reason to get one of them Ruskies or Nigerians.

[Colonel Flagg]

Did you know many organizations won't adopt to anyone with a cancer history?

I find this reprehensible. Many children that are available for adoption have either terminal (HIV+) or other life-threatening conditions and/or disabilities. Who best to raise such a child than one who has stared death in the face and not blinked?

FAH beaurocrats in DHS. >:

And, on a side note, there are also unwritten "guidelines" on adoptions across racial lines. This has gotten better in recent years, but it still exists. And it sucks big hairy monkey ass.

[Shrubfest]

I've been concidering how feasible being a surrogate womb would be. It would be an interesting experiment.

Also, I'd quite like to be a foster mother, but I doubt I'd be able to cope with the constant flow in-flow out of kids.

But who am I kidding? I'm going to be a spinster. A really bitter feminist one.

[Dimnos]

You could teach sex ed to the kids as Sam sticks it to you. Think of the good you could do for the community. For the kids.

[Colonel Flagg]

Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life immediately came to mind. I'd post the YouTube clip if it weren't blocked (damned firewall).

[Colonel Flagg]

I'm going to be a spinster. A really bitter feminist one.

Dare to dream.

[Tadao]

My girlfriend asked her dad for a goat two christmases ago(just as a joke.) When she told me about it I always made fun of her for asking for it.

We were trying to figure out what zodiac sign little ghost is going to be and couldn't do it off the top of our heads. I called her a little while ago and told her I got her a goat. She was skeptical at first then I told her I realized the kid were going to be a capricorn.

Aren't you gonna have to pick up your kid from the jailhouse hospital in a few months?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I don't think so actually.

[Pentegarn]

So psycho is what, not preggo? Turn's out it was not yours? Miscarried?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

As far as I know through my "sources" is that she "lost" it.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Take that J.J. Abrams.

[Fathom Zero]

:lol

[Pentegarn]

At least your ending is actual closure :lol

[stevetothepast]

I thought this was the The Wheat Bread Thread when I first saw it.

:lol

[Kitsa]

women who "lose" fake pregnancies are an affront to those with actual fertility problems.

[Colonel Flagg]

As far as I know through my "sources" is that she "lost" it.

She should check the dryer. I'm always losing socks and shit in there.

[kahljorn]

At first when he told me that she lost the baby i was like, "WTF HOW DO YOU LOSE A BABY" but then i realized it could be like a nice way of saying she MISCARRIED but now i realize she did just lose it :(

[Sam]

You could teach sex ed to the kids as Sam sticks it to you. Think of the good you could do for the community. For the kids.

WHAT A GOOD IDEA.

[Pentegarn]

At first when he told me that she lost the baby i was like, "WTF HOW DO YOU LOSE A BABY" but then i realized it could be like a nice way of saying she MISCARRIED but now i realize she did just lose it :(

C'mon you remember this chick Khal, she most certainly could have lost a baby in the way you first thought :lol

[Skulhedface]

I have a kid. And one on the way, officially now. Meaning some doc told us, not just a cheapo pregnancy test from Wal-Mart. Just when I got used to sleeping at night again...

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

At least you can have one raise the other Skulhed. I think it works like that right?

also: Congratulations Skully

[Dimnos]

You never know Skully. Have you seen the advances in kids these days? My new one sleeps all through the night. She goes to sleep around 9:45pm and is out at least till 7:30am. Man this modern age we live in is awesome. :)

[Kitsa]

mine also sleeps, from around 10p to 6a. You can make it stretch longer if you get Sesame Street going on the on-demand channel, she'll watch that quietly for another hour.

Make sure you have Preschool on Demand before the kid is born.

[Dimnos]

My mom got us the "Your baby can read". I dont know if it really works yet, but she sure is glued to the screen when its on.

[Kitsa]

well, it's worth a try. :lol

My kid's been hooked on Sesame Street since she was born. I figure we could do worse.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

They need to have a Sesame Street Fighter up and running in a few years.

I was thinking about this last night, I almost want my child to call me pops. Are there any guidelines on this?

[Dimnos]

Just refer to yourself as that and thats what she will know you as.

[Colonel Flagg]

Really? Pops?

Maybe the kid'll call mom "Sugar" and then the family could be "Unhealthy Breakfast Cereal from General Mills".

Seriously, I think you have about 2 years before you have to make a decision here. And, strictly speaking, the decision won't really be yours to make.

[Kitsa]

The old lady who lives across the street from my parents is continually pissed that my mother is not referred to as "grandma". She says that "grandma" is the only real way to refer to a grandmother. :rolleyes Yeah, okay.

Then again, she also told me that if it were possible, she would have traded me her own son for my daughter. I was a bit horrified by that thought.

[Colonel Flagg]

The old lady who lives across the street from my parents is continually pissed that my mother is not referred to as "grandma".

How awful that you didn't take "old lady's" feelings into account. :(

[Colonel Flagg]

You should ask for her advice on child nutrition, socialization and education, just to "smooth things over" - I'm sure she has many fine suggestions.

[Kitsa]

old lady has many opinions, all of which she's happy to share.

We're never supposed to allow the child to stand because she could get bowlegs.

[Dimnos]

Speaking of old ladies with opinions... When my wife was pregnant her grandmother said not to eat chocolate. Why? Who the fuck knows. She couldnt even tell us why. Just that its bad for the baby. We really didnt think much of it and my wife did have some chocolate while pregnant. Not a lot but some. Anyway a few months after the baby was born the same woman suggested we dip the babies pacifier in brandy to help with teething. What? Really? Brandy is ok but god forbid she eat some chocolate?!

[Colonel Flagg]

^^^ What a wealth of good advice. :rolleyes

And it's well-documented that children that stand also have a tendency to fall down.

[Kitsa]

I know that my great-grandmother put whisky in a bottle every once in a while to get my grandmother to sleep...I have a feeling that was just done back then (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090303055420AABeK1z).

Yesterday I was swimming with my kid and she accidentally dunked herself. I fished her to the surface immediately, but she was so mad she yelled BYE BYE at the water and didn't want anything to do with the pool for the rest of the day.

[Chojin]

http://www.cobaltlaw.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/grandma-sycamores-home-maid-bread-3.jpg

[k0k0]

Wrong thread you cockadoodle...this is the wheat bread thread.

[kahljorn]

I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF BAKERS :(

i can't believe that lady wanted to give her baby half a shot of whiskey :lol

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I know in the good old days parents use to dip their thumb in brandy or whiskey and then let the baby suck on their thumb until they went to sleep/stopped crying/be a man.

[k0k0]

Whatever happened to throwing your baby into the garbage disposal and making another one that doesn't cry as much? Parents these days are too afraid to call a do-over.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Johny Law is all over that.

[The Leader]

Fucking fascists.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Damn Italians

[kahljorn]

you can eat spaghetti with bread

[executioneer]

the wee breads thread

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Happy fathers day

[Kitsa]

Happy Father's Day....

[Tadao]

HAPPY SUCKER DAY!

[Kitsa]

I need to show you a picture of our parking space at the zoo yesterday, tadao. Shit was first row in front of the gate.

[Colonel Flagg]

HAPPY SUCKER DAY!

I'm wit you.

Since when does the 7-year old girl control the remote? :explode

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

DAMMIT. I HAVE THE DRUMMER FROM WHOLE WHEAT BREAD GIVING ME AN AIRHORN SHOUTOUT AND THE VIDEO WON'T COPY TO MY PC FROM MY PHONE.

[Wiffles]

Does having robotic offspring count?

[darkvare]

no, unless it came out of your reproductive organs

[Colonel Flagg]

Now that would be something to see.

Oh, wait ....

SE2VCwYDjx0

Thanks for bringing this up, Wiffy. :)

[Dimnos]

http://www.dump.com/wp-content/uploads/DO-NOT-PASTE-THIS-URL-ON-ANY-FORUM-BLOG-OR-WEBSITE--LINK-WILL-CEASE-TO-BE-FUNCTIONAL-SHORTLY--PLEASE-LINK-ONLY-TO-URLS-CONTAINED-IN-THE-ADDRESS-BAR--CODE-48918279417/meanest.jpg

:lol

[elx]

so 10k was having a baby but then they lost the baby but then they found it again? what? :(

[The Leader]

It was made up by his ex to fuck with him and maybe steal more money.

[elx]

someone should tell him that cause he's picking out onesies :s

[Dimnos]

He IS having a real baby with a presumably non-crazy girl.

[elx]

ohh that's much better! congratulations 10k! :)

[Pentegarn]

Yes, may both the baby and the woman he created it with turn out to be not crazy

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Thank you :)

[Pentegarn]

I believe in heartfelt well wishes

[Tadao]

Are you gonna sober up 10k? :(

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I've been drinking more conservatively and switched over to Miller High Life 6 packs.

I told my roommate I was going to quit drinking again. He laughed and brought me a mirror and was like "Do you remember who you are?" :tear

[Pentegarn]

I've been drinking more conservatively and switched over to Miller High Life 6 packs.

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[10,000 Volt Ghost]

We're pretty certain its a girl :)

[Tadao]

nekid baby pix pls

[Kitsa]

cool, daughters are great :D

[Colonel Flagg]

A lot of maintenence, though. Be prepared.

[Wiffles]

Its not that bad if you nip it in the bud. If their old enough to say Gucci or Chanel, tell them to make you a sammich ^^

[Shadowdancer21b]

Daughters have the added benefit of not having to keep them out of your porn.

[kahljorn]

YEA AND THEN WHEN THEY TURN 12 YOU CAN START SHITTING YOURSELF EVERYDAY ABOUT WHAT GUY IS TRYING TO FUCK YOUR DAUGHTER

"OOOH GOODODDD SHES GONNA HAVE SEX"

:lol actually you probably wouldn't be so bad about that, but that's like most guys i know with daughters :(

[The Doctor]

Yea i have a three year old boy and when the time comes Ill be cheering him on. :rock

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Daughters have the added negative benefit of having to keep them out of your porn.

:(

[Dimnos]

:lol

[Kitsa]

Similac formula recall, just so's you know. Beetle eggs!

http://www.wsfa.com/Global/story.asp?S=13200696

[Colonel Flagg]

Extra protein! :x

[Kitsa]

The lot my mom keeps for visits was recalled, but she can't find any definitive answer from similac what to do about that.

I use Enfamil, which (to the best of my knowledge), contains safe background levels of vermin.

[The Doctor]

Yea thats what we used as well, Enfamil A+ formula. It was also the one recommended by our little guys doctor. It has been almost 2 years since he has had formula but I know thats what friends of mine still use.

[Kitsa]

She seems to like the taste of enfamil better. And it all smells nasty but enfamil smells more vanilla milk-shake-y, and I have a sharp sense of smell I consider fairly reliable.

We use the Premium Lipil ones. I'm hoping to move up to the toddler one soon because it's $5 cheaper...supposed to start that one at 10 months (turning 8 months in 3 days).

Edit: We were unable to print the refund form because their website keeps crapping out, but managed to get a screencap of the thing that says our formula was part of the recall. We took it back to meijer and got a giftcard, which we promptly exchanged for Enfamil. Most of the powder similac had already been pulled from the shelves.

[Dimnos]

The lot my mom keeps for visits was recalled, but she can't find any definitive answer from similac what to do about that.


If you go to their website there is an electronic form you can fill out to get it replaced. You can also call the store where you bought it, they might take it back.

[Kitsa]

We took it back, had no problem.

In other formula news, Old Navy had the absolute gall to put out a onesie that mentioned the foul substance and everyone knows feeding your child formula is a form of abuse, right? So a bunch of breastfeeders are going apeshit about boycotting Old Navy (http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/109737/relax_breastfeeders_its_just_a).

[The Doctor]

Hardcore breast feeding advocates are nuts, my sister in law is one (also a hippy minimalist vegan) and cannot shut up about it, also she is still breast feeding and her son turns 4 next March. She decided to whip it out (she likes to for the reactions) at the table at my rehearsal dinner and she was sitting across from my best man all he could say was, Id love some thanks. She was not impressed and jumps into your diatribe.

[Kitsa]

If breastfeeding is something that works out for you, great. The majority of problems I've had with hardcore breastfeeders is their absolute belief that if you're not doing it, it's because you're selfish, lazy or want to destroy your child. They also decide that it's totally their business.

Within 24 hours of having my daughter, I was visited by no fewer than SEVEN "lactation consultants". The baby didn't get any rest, I didn't get any rest, and my physician finally had to tell them to leave me alone and give the baby some formula. Everyone was spouting a lot of "truths" that weren't true in my case. My kid ended up in the 80th percentile growthwise so I don't think she's hurting.

[The Doctor]

Agreed, my little guy (now 2 1/2) would not breast feed and he was also up in the 80-90 percentile. It was also great for me too because It was easier to plan a dad and son day without having to worry about planning with a breast pump. I found the pro-feeders in the hospital are a tad pushy and almost condescending towards you for your choices.

[Dimnos]

ITS THE HORMONES IN THE FORMULA MAKING YOUR BABIES GROW ABNORMALLY LARGE!!!!1111!!! :( >: :tear.

[kahljorn]

minimalist vegan) and cannot shut up about it

i hope i never have to meet somebody who breastfeeds/ is serious about children and stuff ever :(

ITS THE HORMONES IN THE FORMULA MAKING YOUR BABIES GROW ABNORMALLY LARGE!!!!1111!!! :( >: :tear

THAT AND THE FLUORIDE
:O

[MLE]

OH GOD DON'T TALK ABOUT FLOURIDE WHEN GEGGY MIGHT BE AROUND

[kahljorn]

THE FLUORIDE MADE ME DO IT

[MLE]

OH CHRIST THIS MUST BE A CONSPIRACY