Stupid Injuries

[Tanuki]

Ever done something to injure yourself that was, in retrospect, really dumb? Well, here you go. I'll start with a tale from 2007.

Back then, our neighbors had an outdoor cat (whom we dubbed Leon--we never asked his actual name...) who was very amiable. Sometimes during bad weather we would let him stay inside the house, but we'd restrict him to the basement, so our other two cats, Jasmine and Minnie, wouldn't harrass him. Well, Minnie restricted herself to the upstairs rooms, but Jasmine wandered around the house, so she was more of a problem.

This one particular evening, the weather wasn't particularly bad, but the cat was clawing at the screen so we let him in. We let him go into the basement, but after a moment I heard hissing. I rushed downstairs to find Jasmine staring down Leon. Within an instant, the cats were instantly in a fight, Leon trying to get away. Rather stupidly and in a panic, I grabbed Jasmine.

Bad move.

Next thing I know, Jasmine's clawing and biting the hell out of my arm. There's blood everywhere. Jasmine then runs off, and I'm left sitting there in shock. Mom bandages up my arm and I go to bed.

The next morning, I'm in the shower and decide to take off the bandage. I can't pull it off, and next thing I know I can't breathe. I stagger out of the shower and puke into the sink. Mom comes in and says, "What's the matter?"

Next thing I know I'm laying on the bathroom floor. Mom said I was out for a good 30 seconds. I spent the rest of the day in bed, with a massive purple welt on my chin--it's a miracle it didn't split open. I still have a scar on my chin, though. I also have teeth marks on my arm.

As for who won the battle, it's your call--Leon was struck by a car later that year, while Jasmine lived two more years but died of cancer. Minnie is 27 years old and still kickin'.



TL;DR tried to pick up a cat during a catfight, wound up puking and bruised.

[Fathom Zero]

Right distal fibia and tibia shattered.

Rainy trampoline + 200 lb friend.

[Tanuki]

Right distal fibia and tibia shattered.

Rainy trampoline + 200 lb friend.
Were you sitting down when said friend made impact?

[Colonel Flagg]

I'm such a klutz, I don't know where to begin. I've burned myself with acid, set myself on fire, spilled hot tea on my forehead (really!), and most recently, fell flat on a wood pallet really effing up my wrist.

Sometimes I think they should just wrap me up in yellow tape. :(

[Tanuki]

I'm such a klutz, I don't know where to begin. I've burned myself with acid, set myself on fire, spilled hot tea on my forehead (really!), and most recently, fell flat on a wood pallet really effing up my wrist.

Sometimes I think they should just wrap me up in yellow tape. :(
I have to hear the hot tea story now.

[Kitsa]

ColFlagg: Hot tea happens. When I was pregnant I filled a cup with scalding water, turned, and promptly ran into a doorframe. I still have vivid red scars from where it splashed all over me.

[Evil Robot]

I once got alcohol poisoning and a sprained ankle and heat stroke after riding a motorcycle while drinking for six hours. I eventually passed out when stopped and spent the next few hours under the bike with the footpeg digging into me. Oh yeah, I got badly sunburned.

It was worth it.

[darkvare]

i harmed my elbow triying to reach a magazine while i was on the pooper i was in pain for a whole week :P

[Colonel Flagg]

I have to hear the hot tea story now.

Not much to tell. I had a headache (very bad) and took some "vitamin T" - in addition, I pourred myself a cup of near boiling water from the coffeemaker, then inserted said teabag, in the hopes of getting the combination of caffeine and tannins along with Acetominophen to kill the tension. Heat generally feels good when applied to pain, so I applied my mug (uncovered) to the source of my pain-unfortunately while I was substantially less than vertical. 1st degree scald in the center of my forehead. I looked like I clumsily put a giant caste-mark on myself in the hope of becoming an Indian woman. (Obligatory KITH reference.) A great source of amusement for all my coworkers.

[Colonel Flagg]

ColFlagg: Hot tea happens. When I was pregnant I filled a cup with scalding water, turned, and promptly ran into a doorframe. I still have vivid red scars from where it splashed all over me.

Apparently we have something in common. :\

[executioneer]

i KNEW there was a reason i never drank tea

[Chojin]

hurt my back 3 times squatting
strained my trap like a million times, did it again today doing shrugs
fell down a huge hill when i was a kid, no injuries though

[Zhukov]

i harmed my elbow triying to reach a magazine while i was on the pooper i was in pain for a whole week :P
LOL.

I was attempting to jump from the roof of a building to the adjacent building roof, I walked backwards to get a run up and fell of the other side. Sprained my neck.

Riding a skateboard down a steep hill, lost control from the sheer speed and ended up twisting my knee in such a way that I can no longer bend that knee as far as I can bend the other one. Should have perhaps gone to the doctor :\

Walked myself unconsious into a roller door at work.

[Tanuki]

I volunteer at a humane society. I threw out my back picking up a medium-sized dog who liked being held. The drive home was agony.

[Kitsa]

I threw out my back a couple of weeks ago and that was horrendous. I hate that.

[Colonel Flagg]

Back injuries suck. :(

[executioneer]

one time when i was like 11 i went to get a little kid's ball out of a patch of himalayan blackberries, not knowing the bramble patch was on about a 45 degree slope. I slid down about 10 feet before i got snagged well enough to stop, it hurt like fucking hell and they had to cut me out i think. later i threw up. hooray!

[Chojin]

hahaha already my shoulder feels better

thanks, carb load

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I tried running along my friends car while he drove faster to jump into the passenger seat. I latched my hands onto the open door and then he brought the mph's up to 40. I woke up on the ground with a streak of missing hair on my head.

[Colonel Flagg]

I hate it when that happens.

[Tadao]

Ok, here's a cool story. It involves thin swimming trunks and a side-hack.
http://anthonydomingo.com/hack/david_tony_side_hack.jpg

So, it was a hot summer day and we just finished swimming when my older brothers friend showed up with his side-hack. I was about 12 years old and it was my turn to ride in the hack. Well my brothers friend found hit amusing to swerve the hack wheel close to the curb making it so that if i hits the curb I will go flying out. I decided to make a leap for the grass on the sidewalk but caught my foot in the hacks wheel.

I got dragged on my bare back for about 3 feet of hot roughed up street. Also someone broke a 7up bottle when I happened to get dragged. 32 stitches and 5 scares. I still have one really noticeable scar where a huge 1 inch triangle of glass was driven into my back.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

That sounds incredibly painful but the side-hack sounds awesome. I don't think they had those by the time I was birthed.

[Fathom Zero]

Were you sitting down when said friend made impact?

I came down before he did. He made sure I didn't come back up. :\

[Kitsa]

I'm not ever supposed to ride a bike, but one time my grandmother gave me one and I lost control going down a hill and reportedly skidded like 10 feet on my face. My nose looked like raw hamburger with bits of gravel in it. I was knocked out cold and apparently a car almost ran over me before they saw me and stopped and called for an ambulance.

Given what else is wrong with me, I have no idea how I survived that but the skin on my nose came back, freckles and all.

[Guitar Woman]

I was climbing on a rock at the beach in the middle of the night, and it was dark as shit because the moon wasn't out.

I wanted to get down after a while, and I thought the ground was about 5 vertical feet closer to me than it actually was. Cue jumping, and an unhappy pelvis.

I couldn't walk for about ten minutes. :lol

[MLE]

I've cut myself with a spoon, burned myself using chilled bottled water, cut myself on tuna fish, cut myself on a slurpee cup, and have never been accidentally cut by a knife.

Chojin can probably fill you in on more stupid injuries of mine, since they seem more commonplace to me by now. Like constantly getting cut by pieces of chainmail supplies, or getting cut by an unopened can of beans (that had no sharp edges).

[Guitar Woman]

God damn, are you made of rice paper?

[MLE]

Just very odd happenstance. Or Choj would say balsa wood.

[Esuohlim]

I seared my thumb on the metal handle of a Chinese takeout box that I put in the microwave. The scar was there for quite a few years afterward. It's gone now. :|

[Colonel Flagg]

I'd forgotten about this one.

My second year of grad school I found myself at a July 4th fireworks event with some friends, a bottle of Vodka and lemonade. (In the days before Mike's) When I finally arrived back at my apartment, I thought it would be a good idea (in my drunken semiconscous state) to do some hamstring stretches. Two things - it's a bad idea to stretch out when drunk, and your sensation to pain diminishes significantly above a BA content of 0.15.

I had a bruise on the back of my leg from my ass down to my knee for about a month.

burned myself using chilled bottled water

I need more on this, as it seems to defy the laws of physics.

[Kitsa]

I was trying to figure that one out myself.

One time when I was in high school I was rushing down a slanted boardwalk in the rain, which by all counts is a really bad idea. My feet flew out from under me and I landed on my thigh. I had a giant bruise from my thigh to my hip and walked with a limp for a while.

That happened about ten feet from a spot where I was mowing the yard for my parents and happened upon a nest of yellowjackets, who flew up my pantlegs and stung/bit the almighty hell out of me. I still have big divots on my legs where they bit chunks out of me. The burning wasn't as bad as the hellacious itching.

Another time, when we lived in a house that had well water that was particularly iron-ridden and gross, my mother cleaned the house in preparation for my having a friend over. My mom was going through this phase where she cleaned all hard-water stains with lemon oil (must be hereditary...her dad used to armor-all the seats of go-karts and the kids would go flying off them on sharp turns). Anyway, I didn't know she'd done the dark-brown shower stall and didn't think anything of it being so shiny...place always reeked of lemon anyway. Again, my feet flew out from under me and I somehow sprained my ankle so badly my leg was black from the knee down and I had to wear a cast the entire last month of eighth grade.

In retrospect, I'm glad it was me that got injured and not the girl sleeping over...that would have been a lawsuit for sure.

[RaNkeri]

I was able to stab myself with a knife that you shouldn't be able to stab yourself with when I was trying to separate two slices of frozen gluten-free toast.



Should've pissed on them instead

[Kitsa]

man, you and your piss

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I'm not ever supposed to ride a bike, but one time my grandmother gave me one and I lost control going down a hill and reportedly skidded like 10 feet on my face. My nose looked like raw hamburger with bits of gravel in it. I was knocked out cold and apparently a car almost ran over me before they saw me and stopped and called for an ambulance.

Given what else is wrong with me, I have no idea how I survived that but the skin on my nose came back, freckles and all.

Freckles are tough like that.

[MLE]

I was driving somewhere and had just gotten a cold bottle of water from 7-11. Apparently, the sun was at exactly the right angle, and the bottle, that I was holding between my legs, was at the right angle and distance from my leg. The sun shone through the bottle like a magnifying glass, and I ended up getting burned just bad enough that there was a red mark for several days.

[Colonel Flagg]

Ah ... the old "focus is where the sun's rays meet" trick.

[RaNkeri]

Cat scratched my d*ck when I was taking a piss through my ex-neighbours mail slot.



Should've used frozen instead

[Pentegarn]

What I now want to know is....

What brought you to the point where you thought, "the appropriate thing to do now is piss in my neighbors house through the mail slot."?

[RaNkeri]

I was just marking my territory to let other males know that she belonged to me :(

[Pentegarn]

:lol

[Colonel Flagg]

What I now want to know is....

What brought you to the point where you thought, "the appropriate thing to do now is piss in my neighbors house through the mail slot."?

Dude did you miss the frozen piss story? It's the same thing, just warmer.

[Perndog]

I tried to light my sock on a fire at a party. It wasn't working, and I was moving the lighter all over trying to find a spot where it would catch. I ended up turning the lighter all the way upside down with the flame on and burning the tip of my thumb pretty well. Turned into a big blister.

[R2-Shane2]

I think this is maybe my second post ever on this board, but might as well get this story out of the way.
My dad had been trying to exercise more after his heart attack, so him, me, my brother and sister were out riding bikes. We passed some girls and me and my sister were talking to them then I started yelling that we were better at bikes then them, I turn around and talk to them as they pass us. Not paying attention, I run into my sister in front of me, fall of the seat and rack myself on the bike. It really hurts so I get off and try to walk it off. I checked and my scrotum was cut and bleeding sort of badly. I had a pretty bad cut on my scrotum, I was bleeding pretty badly though it wasn't that deep. I went home and washed my balls with peroxide and rubbing alcohol scared to death of an infection, and spend the next several weeks terrified of an infection or losing a testicle.

[MrAdventure]

one time i cut my dick into a labia so i could jack off to some real pussy guess what now im pregnet

[Tanuki]

Oh! I forgot my stupidest injury yet. (Actually, it may at least compete with the cat one.)

I was just waking up, and my phone alarm was going off. My dresser is right next to my bed. I went to reach over to get my phone and slammed my eye into the corner of the dresser, giving myself a black eye.

[Zhukov]

Nice work R2-Scrote2.

In an exam I dropped my pen, bent over to pick it up and hit my face on the desk, it didn't hurt too bad but I said "ow" out of habbit. People laughed.

[Chojin]

one time i cut my dick into a labia so i could jack off to some real pussy guess what now im pregnet

http://www.i-mockery.com/chojin/watcat3.jpg

[Fathom Zero]

:lol

Oh yeah, and I'm a burn victim!

[kahljorn]

burning the tip of my thumb pretty well. Turned into a big blister.

ONE Time When I WAS SMOKING A BUNCH OF METH ON MY BIRTHDAY I COULDNt FIND WHAT WAS LEFT OF tHE PUDDLE AND ENDED UP BURNINg mY FINger BY THE TIME I FOUND It

[Tanuki]

one time i cut my dick into a labia so i could jack off to some real pussy guess what now im pregnet
http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/5712/wtfkk.png

[LordSappington]

When I was eight, my bike came to a sudden stop; I hit my face on a handlebar and got a laceration an inch from my left eye.
In metal fabrication class a kid lit my arm on fire with a torch.
Also in that class, I was focused on splicing some wires, dropped the soldering iron on my arm, and didn't notice for ten seconds.
Then, a couple years ago, I was riding a ripstick down this huge hill, and hit a rock at 30 MPH. I remember having just enough time to think 'Shiiiiiit' before I tumbled twenty feet. I still don't know why I didn't even sprain anything.

[MrAdventure]

hi im mraventure

[StuntDouble]

I'm surprised I made it through childhood without any major brain damage (debatable) and only a couple of minor broken bones. Seems like most of my injuries are self inflicted though:

-Riding my bike with some friends, I decided to take a shortcut through a grassy field. I was really cruising when I found a hole with my front wheel. After a brief impression of Superman, gravity made me its bitch again, and my bike and I landed in a rather impressive heap. Thankfully I just had some scrapes and bruises from that one.

-I was helping my theater class take apart a set, when I came upon a rather stubborn 2x4 brace above my head. I gave it a good yank and it smacked me on the bridge of my nose. When I woke up, I was still standing up and holding my nose. I thought I was fine, and then the blood started gushing from my nostrils. I was able to get the bleeding to stop, though my nose still remains a little crooked today.

-I decided to use one of my sharpest knives to separate a couple of tuna steaks. While I held them in my hand. Knife split the steaks, and nearly split my pinky. My hand still goes numb if I hit that finger wrong.

-I was standing in the back of a truck at work while we pulled into our parking lot. The person driving swerved kind of sharp, and instead of going right with the truck, I went straight. I flew over the side of the truck, and landed palms and elbows first in a shell parking lot. That's probably the first time I thought I was going to die.

-Most recently, I was carving a keychain trinket for my girlfriend and I slipped with the knife I was using. I sliced lengthwise into my thumb, cutting almost to the first joint. I also shaved off a bit of my thumbnail in the process. 7 stitches later, and my thumb is doing great, even though one side is a bit misshapen.

I'm sure there are many more, but those are the most memorable ones for me.

Chris

[Zhukov]

-Most recently, I was carving a keychain trinket for my girlfriend [with a knife]...


It's not often you see romance like this around these forums.

[Kitsa]

Although if the sentence had been "Most recently, I was carving my girlfriend [with a knife]..." around here, I wouldn't have been at all surprised.

[Tadao]

This place is great for sociologist.