Has the tank run dry?

[Hangie]

Yeah so I guess I've never posted on this forum since I'm a highschool neckbeard without much reason to either seek advice or give advice. Since the last period of time when I posted here on I-mockery I've gotten more involved in 'loveline' appropriate activities.

So I came here with a question concerning a sort of 'friends with benefits' I have. Since around mid-february a friend of mine who I've had a crush on for about a year has been using me as a sort of 'toy', since she doesn't find me attractive but still wants someone to touch her and all that good stuff. I have no problem with the insulting implications of this since I have no self-esteem whatsoever and she still let's me use her as well. However lately she's begun to warm up to a guy (who is a friend of mine) and he seems to be warming to her aswell. I honestly don't know if they'll start getting it on or anything since this kids a Chinese nerd who plays guildwars all day.

Anyhow so what I wanted to ask about is, am I going to stop getting play from her if she starts actually liking a guy? Would it be a dick move to try to sabotage my friend?

[Tadao]

We have to see what she looks like before we can place a value on her. With out a value, who cares, find another whore.

[Hangie]

That's the thing though, I won't be able to find another whore. I'm broke and a dumbass.

Anyhow in terms of appearance she has a good body, although she has somewhat wide shoulders. She'd be described as a butterface by most because of her jewmongous nose but I find her pretty. Probably shouldn't post a picture, she doesn't have a FB and all picture I have of her are somewhat private.

[Tadao]

Sounds like you are invested in her then. Let's see her value. Plenty of guys here can help you to keep her, but no one knows how much is too much or what is too little with out seeing her. Know what I mean? If you're gonna play the game, you gotta play it right.

[Hangie]

Eh, I'll try to scrounge something up by tomorrow for you guys. Don't know if I can get any SFW full body shots though :\

[Tadao]

OH MAN, EMAIL ME THE GOOD STUFF DOOD! Also, you can crop pictures.

[Grislygus]

The only real logical solution is to kill your rival and kidnap your friend; locking her in your basement, and slip love notes and juicy fruit packets under the door for the next several years.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Wait fuck that email me too. I'll give you some pro advice. I was just rereading some old threads and I completely forgot about this russian chick.

[Tadao]

>:

[Hangie]

Since I have no photobucket I'll just email you guys the images, but who is this Russian chick? I have had bad experiences with Russian chicks.

This just in: I know neither of your emails

[Fathom Zero]

lolololol

I guess the best part about a fwb situation is that you both can break it off pretty easily. If you find it too hard to, then you're not really a "friend", in that context. In which case you should break it off anyway so as not to have any irrational expectations.

At any rate, the quicker you move on from something that's just bullshit to something that matters, the better. Because it seems like you want the something that matters, ideally.

[Tadao]

my profile says tadaooadat@yahoo.com

10k NocturnalIvy22@aol.com

why not just make a photobucket account. It's free and all the cool p[people do it.

[Esuohlim]

imgur.com and post them in this thread, you puss

[Hangie]

http://i771.photobucket.com/albums/xx356/Helgado/Faceshot.jpg
Heres her before she cut her hair

http://i771.photobucket.com/albums/xx356/Helgado/JHC_Dress.jpg
Seriously the only picture of her body that's decent

Do these pics help?

[Esuohlim]

She's hot as hell brah, <3 the jews

I didn't read the rest of this thread but you should post more pics

[Fathom Zero]

She draws on herself too much.

[Esuohlim]

I thought those were tattoos, but I guess if the second picture is newer then yeah that's a good indicator of The Crazy

[Fathom Zero]

If they are tattoos, then they are baaad.

[Grislygus]

Now that tadao has his wank material, let's return to the main issue







"MY NO STRINGS ATTACHED FUCKBUDDY'S GERTTING HERSUFF A BOYFRERND AH LAWD WHO COULD HAVE FORSEEN THIS"

[Hangie]

Not tattoos, just sharpie. You remember I'm in highschool, yes?

Also she sort of got shot down by my Chinese bud since he was like 'what I thought we were just friends' when she stated her wetness for his eggroll. Knowing her though she'll probably just continue pursuing him and write yaoi stories about him and his friends until he gets freaked out and tells her to fuck off.

[Grislygus]

Wait, you're in high school

So does that mean that this

Since around mid-february a friend of mine who I've had a crush on for about a year has been using me as a sort of 'toy', since she doesn't find me attractive but still wants someone to touch her and all that good stuff.

can be translated as "hasn't actually gotten laid, yet, technically, but we, like, make out and stuff and I really want to"

[Hangie]

Farthest I've gotten are blowjobs. She has this thing that makes her crazy sensitive to touch, (http://www.incrediblehorizons.com/sensory-integration.htm) so most of the time us 'hooking up' is just me feeling her up. But we do occasionally go past that.

[MLE]

this reminds me of the time that OAO was saying that he was rubbing up on a girl in the pool and although he didn't know it at the time she "got really close."

[Grislygus]

Okay, you're in high school, so you haven't learned this yet. Cute and accessible, but a little anti-social "geeky" girls? with random fucking things wrong with them? Who tell you that they "have trouble opening up to people"? And have excess baggage to boot?


Waste of time. Getting laid is easy, you pussbot. GO TO PARTIES or something, Jesus

[Pentegarn]

U3j-I2BoQ_I

[Pentegarn]

I thought those were tattoos, but I guess if the second picture is newer then yeah that's a good indicator of The Crazy

They could have been henna tatoos

[Hangie]

with random fucking things wrong with them? Who tell you that they "have trouble opening up to people"? And have excess baggage to boot?

Woah woah woah. I didn't say any of that man. Plus thats the thing that if I'm not in a 'relationship' (highschool relationships :lol), I generally don't have to deal with her problems as much.

Getting laid is easy, you pussbot. GO TO PARTIES or something, Jesus

I'm on one of the lowest tiers of the social ladder, what parties would I go to?

[Pentegarn]

Pot parties

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Pot parties

The great equalizer. That's where the social ladder turns into the social chutes and ladders.

[Tadao]

Don't listen to them. When you get older and look at these pictures of big soft titties, you'll wonder why you didn't make more of an effort to get your dick between them.

All bitches are crazy at your age. Might as well work on the one that already has accepted your cock in her mouth. She is also blessed with good looks. Buy her a ring.

[Tadao]

Now that tadao has his wank material, let's return to the main issue

Also, who was it who had the pic of underage ELX saved to his HD before she could delete it?

:rolleyes

[Tadao]

Also, where are the dirty pics.

;)

[Esuohlim]

Hella liquidstatik thread up in this bitch

[Grislygus]

Also, who was it who had the pic of underage ELX saved to his HD before she could delete it?

:rolleyes

Bitch, I was doing my civic duty. Everyone knew it would be gone in a day, posting pictures online is retarded unless you're willing to catch shit


Plus, I love any excuse to bust out coldcache

[Grislygus]

Woah woah woah. I didn't say any of that man. Plus thats the thing that if I'm not in a 'relationship' (highschool relationships :lol), I generally don't have to deal with her problems as much.

See, if you ACTUALLY had this healthy and robust mentality, this thread wouldn't exist.



AND DAMNIT TADAO HE'S NOT GETTING HIS DICK BETWEEN THE TITS

STOP ENCOURAGING WASTED TIME, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE BJs ARE FREQUENT

[Tadao]

She's probably looking for a guy who is willing to put his dick in her. Hangie is too shy to do it so she is hoping that either his friend will or Hangie will get jealous enough to man up.

[Colonel Flagg]

:bestthread

[Hangie]

I'm not sure which of you two to trust. This is just like Myst and it's going to turn out I should've listened to neither of you.

Although Tadao's getting me pumped up, it sure would be swell to tittyfuck her. Perhaps I should have gone to the insufferable jackassery that is our local anime club today to have gotten her to go hang out with me.

...Who's liquidstatik

[Grislygus]

He's a card carrying ephebophile. You're considering going to a high school ANIME CLUB just in hopes of getting in with ONE GIRL, you emotional sponge, get over this shit already and move on. I can safely tell you this, because you wisely won't listen to internet people. Unfortunately, you'll then screw up IRL and we will keep being amused.

Unless you listen to Tadao, then shit's going to turn overtly hilarious.

[Grislygus]

Of course, he's confident that she's actually willing to screw you if you try REALLY, REALLY hard, whereas I can diagnose from a distance that the ship has sailed, sucker

[Hangie]

Even it did end in me humiliating myself I feel like it would be worth it for a CHANCE at pussy, plus good stories to tell here. I suppose I'll try to post here if anything happens.

[executioneer]

hangie i think you should just chop it off and get it over with #didn'treadthisthread

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

If shes an anime chick you need to put your tongue in her ass...then your dick. That's how you get women to go crazy over you.

[Tadao]

She likes to give head and get her pussy rubbed. This is what most people call foreplay, that means you are supposed to fuck her. She's just waiting for it. If you aren't going to, she will find someone who will, which is what she is doing.

[Pentegarn]

^^^

This

[Colonel Flagg]

That's how you get women to go crazy over you.

Plus, don't forget to airhorn her just as you finish. Chicks dig that.

[Colonel Flagg]

[This] shit's going to turned overtly hilarious.

fixed

[MarioRPG]

She likes to give head and get her pussy rubbed. This is what most people call foreplay, that means you are supposed to fuck her. She's just waiting for it. If you aren't going to, she will find someone who will, which is what she is doing.

Yeah, I'm actually going to have to agree with Tadao on this one. Next hook up be assertive, go down on her like it's your last meal and then break out a condom.
e: because as you said, what have you got to lose?

[Esuohlim]

ERIC CONVEYS AN EMOTION: HAS THE TANK RUN DRY?

http://www.emotioneric.com/roadrage.jpg

[Hangie]

Well then, I guess I should go buy some condoms. I'm such a pussy I'm probably going to be embarrassed getting them.

Anyhow I don't even know when we might hook up since I'm going to be gone from Thurs. to next weekend because of a school China trip., and we usually hook up on weekends if her parents are out. Do I wait until I'm back from China or do I try to hook up tommorow?

[Tadao]

You better buy the condoms now and test drive them to make sure they fit. Better get them with lube cause her pussy is probably really tight.

[Fathom Zero]

Tight and boring.

[Hangie]

Woah what, condoms come in different sizes what. HEALTH CLASS HAS FAILED ME. Thankfully she's fucked before so if I do (and this is a big hypothetical here) ever fuck her there won't be blood everywhere.

[MarioRPG]

Thankfully she's fucked before

I know I should have realized this before, but this means you are good to go. Yeah, condoms come in different sizes (think of magnums lololol). you'll prob be fine with any of them, just pick whichever's on sale.
cool tip: the first condoms I bought were 20cents cheaper than the others AND it came with a 4th condom instead of just 3. :coolguy

[Grislygus]

I declare the official edict that this thread has gone from funny to embarrassing.

[The Leader]

Thankfully she's fucked before so if I do ever fuck her there won't be blood everywhere.
:lol

[Zhukov]

Is anyone else disgraced by the liberal use of the verb 'fuck' by under 16s these days?

[King Hadas]

Condoms are for the weak minded, if you're serious about sex then you had better learn how to achieve orgasm without ejaculating.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Tomorrow.

[Hangie]

Zhukov I'm not under 16 :\

Also Grislygus, why do you have so much hate?

[Esuohlim]

Is anyone else disgraced by the liberal use of the verb 'fuck' by under 16s these days?

ERIC CONVEYS AN EMOTION: DISGRACED BY THE LIBERAL USE OF THE VERB 'FUCK' BY UNDER 16s THESE DAYS

http://www.emotioneric.com/annoyed.jpg

[Grislygus]

Zhukov I'm not under 16 :\

IRRIRRIRRELEVANT

Also Grislygus, why do you have so much hate?

HEART TOO SMIZES TWO SMALL

[Zhukov]

:lol

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

You ritually need to plow her before you leave dog. Inform her you need to grind it otherwise when you go to china you're gonna double their population by next year.

[Zhukov]

Oh, you're over 16? That's ok then. I'll agree with 10k then, 'cause it sounds like you need to really plunge the clunge in good time.

[Hangie]

Well fuck, it appears something happened that caused Mr.Asian to change his mind...However apparently not fully? They're now (Facebook official hurrrr) 'going out' but nothings really happened between them yet. Seems like I should go get laid somewhere else while they're 'together' and then try to get her when she eventually gets bored of him.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

You need to bone the yellow out of her now or go bone someone else. She wouldn't be cheating on him if you bang her ass either. Thats how the law works.

[Tadao]

Time to post nudes of her on the internet.

[Hangie]

Nope

[Esuohlim]

Do it or you're banned for a berjillion years I have the power

[Hangie]

Oh fuck you do

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

At least ass nudes

[Esuohlim]

I wanna see some rude titties

[Sam]

THE RUDEST

[Pentegarn]

Titties that don't say excuese me after slapping you in the face are the worst

[executioneer]

THE RUDEST
f*ck that i'm going to stay on the moon you guys

[Colonel Flagg]

Hangie should not post in this thread again, unless it's to tell us all that he got some.

[Tadao]

May as well lock it then.

[Colonel Flagg]

:lol

[Pentegarn]

May as well lock it then.

I thought of saying this as well, then I had some milk instead. Thanks for covering for me Tad :lol

[AChimp]

I approve of this entire thread.

I say you totally sabotage your nerd friend. Fuck that guy. And his tiny penis.

[Hangie]

I am now more of an asshole than I have everbeen, I made out with her infront of le asian while we were all hanging out. Even though they're now officially 'going out'. He didn't do anything about it since he's really submissive and doesn't really stand up for himself.

I feel less like an asshole though since I think I taught him a lesson about how he needs to control his woman.

I also told her, 'Hey, we should fuck'. And she said that sounded interesting and she'd think about it. I'm probably not going to get any but this is still outrageous fun.

[Tadao]

Yeah, both you and Babs changed into a man overnight. :rolleyes

[Grislygus]

DEAR PENTHOUSE:
I am now more of an asshole than I have everbeen, I made out with her infront of le asian while we were all hanging out. Even though they're now officially 'going out'. He didn't do anything about it since he's really submissive and doesn't really stand up for himself.

I feel less like an asshole though since I think I taught him a lesson about how he needs to control his woman.

I also told her, 'Hey, we should fuck'. And she said that sounded interesting and she'd think about it. I'm probably not going to get any but this is still outrageous fun.

Wait, I made all that up and I still didn't get any? Damn it. Help me Penthouse,

Lonely In Massachusetts


Fixed

[King Hadas]

I feel less like an asshole though since I think I taught him a lesson about how he needs to control his woman. It sounds like she's the one in control.

[Grislygus]

DEAR PENTHOUSE:
I am now more of an asshole than I have everbeen, I made out with her infront of le asian while we were all hanging out. Even though they're now officially 'going out'. He didn't do anything about it since he's really submissive and doesn't really stand up for himself.

Next thing I know, his two super hot asian sisters walk in. You know how there's like, never any REALLY hot asian chicks? Like, yeah, they're hot, but not like awesome blonde slut with big tits hot? You know? These asian sisters WERE. THAT. HOT. And they were twins. So anyway, they got so turned on by me and this girl making out that they started making out with each other.

I feel less like an asshole though since I think I taught him a lesson about how he needs to control his woman.

I also told her, 'Hey, we should fuck'. And she said that sounded interesting and she'd think about it. And I was all like, babe, ain't no THINKIN' involved. Then I talked her into anal.

GG Penthouse,

Super Awesome in Massachusetts


Foxed.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I am now more of an asshole than I have everbeen, I made out with her infront of le asian while we were all hanging out. Even though they're now officially 'going out'. He didn't do anything about it since he's really submissive and doesn't really stand up for himself.

I feel less like an asshole though since I think I taught him a lesson about how he needs to control his woman.

I also told her, 'Hey, we should fuck'. And she said that sounded interesting and she'd think about it. I'm probably not going to get any but this is still outrageous fun.

Good job. I thought at first you said you made out with her in front of a lesbian. Which also would have been awesome.


now you need to bone her and her lesbian friend in front of that guy and be all like "sorry dog. These fuckholes are all mine"

[Grislygus]

DEAR PENTHOUSE:
I am now more of an asshole than I have everbeen, I made out with her infront of le asian while we were all hanging out. Even though they're now officially 'going out'. He didn't do anything about it since he's really submissive and doesn't really stand up for himself.

Next thing I know, his two super hot asian sisters walk in. You know how there's like, never any REALLY hot asian chicks? Like, yeah, they're hot, but not like awesome blonde slut with big tits hot? You know? These asian sisters WERE. THAT. HOT. And they were twins. So anyway, they got so turned on by me and this girl making out that they started making out with each other.

Well wouldn't you know it, @#$! got all kinds of crazy. Before I can even blink, the girl is climbing onto my face and the asian twins are pulling my pants off! Then his and his sister's father walked into the room, saw what we were doing, and stabbed me twenty times with a pocket knife.

Shit sucks, Penthouse

Dead in Massachusetts


Fucked.

[Grislygus]

I believe that I'm the only responsible adult here.

[Hangie]

It sounds like she's the one in control.

Yea probably, and gus you have made my day 4 times over.

[King Hadas]

Dear Penthouse

I am now more of an asshole than I have everbeen, I made out with her infront of le asian while we were all hanging out. Even though they're now officially 'going out'. He didn't do anything about it since he's really submissive and doesn't really stand up for himself.

Because he doesn't really stand up for himself I thought it would be outrageous fun if I said to him, 'Hey, we should fuck'. So I did and he said that sounded interesting and he'd think about it, all jokingly. I was joking too, at first, but since he's really submissive and 95% of male rapes go unreported anyways, you bet your ass I went for it.

I feel less like an asshole though since I think I taught him a lesson about how he needs to control his woman.

Not sure if this is appropriate for Penthouse actually.

Did something terrible in Massachusetts.

Filched

[Pentegarn]

Aaaaaand this should go in thread backups forever with that last series of Gus posts

[kahljorn]

THERE WAS NO FILCHING KING HADAS I FEEL MORE MISSLED THAN THAT ASIAN KID

[Grislygus]

KHAL YOU'RE THINKING OF "FELCHING", FILCHING IS NICKING SOMETHING

[Grislygus]

THOUGH THERE COULD HAVE BEEN FELCHING IN THAT VERSION, FOR ALL WE KNOW

[kahljorn]

OH MY MISTAKE. HOW EMBARRASSING

[King Hadas]

This is the first I've ever heard of felching. It's cool that all the new words pioneering the English language are for weird sex acts.

[kahljorn]

the sad thing is i dont think its new I heard it like fifteen years ago or something ;/

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Felching is from way back. Not used very often outside respectable society type circles.

[kahljorn]

Monocles, quellazaires and felching all go in hand in penis

[Grislygus]

and John Waters

[Pentegarn]

Dear Penthouse,

I am now more of an asshole than I have everbeen, I made out with her infront of le asian while we were all hanging out. Even though they're now officially 'going out'. He didn't do anything about it since he's really submissive and doesn't really stand up for himself.

Then we all played Sexual William Tell and I shot them with my pants arrow.

I feel less like an asshole though since I think I taught him how to craft own sex arrows though.

Crafting in Massachusetts


fletched

[Grislygus]

Wasted opportunity [I]bra[/B]

http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n157/grislygus/fletch.jpg

[Pentegarn]

I thought of that, but wanted to go further down the nerd hole into the realm of ren faires :P

[MarioRPG]

This thread has become all kinds of awesome.

[Colonel Flagg]

Remember I said I thought Hangie shouldn't post here again until he got some? And then Tad said the thread should be locked?

I take it back. I take it ALL back. :bestthread

[Colonel Flagg]

And I was totally thinking "felched" until y'all beat me to the punch. :(

[Hangie]

Incase anyone is still interested, just last week I brought THE GAL back to my house after school with the intention of following your instructions. I got her to the point where she was naked and I was fingering her while nervously and awkwardly trying to get my jeans off. When I had them around my ankles I heard my downstairs door opening. It was my mom getting home. I freaked the fuck out and managed to get my pants on and told THE GAL to get her clothes on and ran downstairs to intercept my mom from seeing anything I would not want her to see. I informed her THE GAL was over and mi madre flipped out a tiny bit and asked why we were upstairs. The best reason I could come up with (god help me) was I claimed I was showing her my WoW action figures. I got a huge lecture later when my dad got home about how I can't bring girls upstairs and to tell them before I bring someone over when they aren't there.

I have a halfday this wednesday, would it be a fruitful time to try to get laid?

[Tadao]

You should try getting some balls before you try getting laid.

[Hangie]

That'd be cool but then I'd actually be something resembling a man

[Grislygus]

Half-day? How fucking old are you, fifteen?

[Pentegarn]

Happy Half Day!

[Colonel Flagg]

Show of hands -- who here thinks Hangie will get laid on his half-day?

I thought so.

[MarioRPG]

Decent attempt brah, next time have a less forever-a-virgin sounding excuse
e: but seriously! You kind of almost had it!

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Go for it on wednesday. The worst thing that could happen is if your parents come home for a nooner too.

[Pentegarn]

Show of hands -- who here thinks Hangie will get laid on his half-day?

I thought so.

Maybe he will have his own 'show of hands' and get self laid that way :lol

[Pentegarn]

Go for it on wednesday. The worst thing that could happen is if your parents come home for a nooner too.

If he is an opportunist, he'd bust out the camcorder and make the weirdest goddamned porno ever

OK not the weirdest, but maybe the most uncomfortable one

[MarioRPG]

OK not the weirdest, but maybe the most uncomfortable one

Not if he makes his WoW figures face the other way.

[kahljorn]

TAKE HER TO THE WOODS THATS THE HAPPENIN PLACE TO GIVE PEOPLE WOOD

[Tadao]

I thought you said your dad listens to old school underground punk. Your dad probably listens to Green Day now. What a poser. If your dad was punk he'd hit you with a vodka bottle for being such a pussy.

[Womti]

tadao stop being fifteen years old and go suck a pussy

[Grislygus]

Whoops, tactical error. Everyone knows the joke is that he's 45 years old and needs to suck a new pussy.



Because his girlfriend's a codependent enabler. Whatever. Long story short, Spags was sad on that one

[Tadao]

it's just womti making womti jokes

[Pentegarn]

MLE says it isn't womti

But it fails like womti does so....

[Grislygus]

duh

[Grislygus]

I don't even know why you all bought into my womti guess in the first place

[Pentegarn]

I think the saying goes if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

[Tadao]

I guessed it was womti as soon as I saw it. The thing is, you can't tell if it's wompti cause he is homeless. He has an ever changing I.P.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Walks like a duck and quacks like a dick.

[Pentegarn]

Walks like a duck and quacks likesnacks on a dick.

fixed

[Colonel Flagg]

Maybe he will have his own 'show of hands' and get self laid that way :lol

Hangie, you need to be the master of your domain.

[Colonel Flagg]

WalksTalks like a duick and quacks likesnacks on a dick.

fixed

What you said.

[Pentegarn]

Colonel, you're allllll right! :lol