I remembered why I came here.

[Pram Maven]

I remembered why I came here.

It was to help a friend in need. I joined the fray to bail him out.

And you tore me apart. Your faces twisted into grim visages and you feasted on my hapless flesh while I tried to shield Lygurgus from you.

How much humanity in yourselves are you all ignoring by being your callous selves from one end of the year to the other on this site?

Maybe I should show you the part of yourself you've been missing:

r5OGvpdTEqg

Empathy.

There, now you can feel as emotionally abused and manipulated by me as I've been by you. Think about your families and the people you love. Think of who you miss and who you let slip between your fingers. Think of the ones whose lives and families you threaten just to laugh at as they cower in fear.

Then, maybe, you'll feel like me. Only, I don't get to see them again. I drove them away with unhealthily held anger I never purged from being wounded in my childhood. No one stepped in to help. When I should have been learning to love people as they are, I was being taught that I should fight back, that I should fight dirty, and that it's my fault I'm picked on. ("We can't fight your battles, Don") THANKS, FAMILY! THANKS SO MUCH FOR LOVING AND PROTECTING ME. When you push someone away enough, one day they'll stop beckoning. They did.

I didn't kill my friends. One killed herself while she was angry with me for saying she needed to be a better role model for her kid. All she wanted to do was drink. I didn't even see her do it- she shut me out and did it, and then I found out about it, as Tadao says, "a day late and a dollar short". In one case, it was a whole three months after it happened that I knew. How would you like to know that someone you were dating died after a big fight you had with them... 20 days before, in an attempt to extend the olive branch, you wished her a Merry Christmas on IM?...and you only found out 3 months after her body was cold that you had been typing words that would never be read? How would that make you feel? Like you weren't a good enough friend that she kept it from you in the most final and unpreventable way there is? BINGO! "Hmmm, think I'll carbon monoxide myself casually and let my boyfriend know sometime in late Spring".

What about your other friend, who, 5 years earlier and without warning, finished his shift, and then went home and shot himself in the head after listening to your music which he said he wasn't in the frame of mind to listen to, but which you insisted he listen to anyway? His brother called the next day. "Your manager can't come in to work this morning, Don. He's not going to make it. He...He passed." And then you listened to the answering machine message, which served as his final words to you, ever: "just do the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask". NO. All anyone can ask is that you STAY ALIVE FOR FIVE SECONDS while someone is trying to talk sense into you.

And then you watched the strain your boss's death put on the relationship with your girlfriend to the point that she couldn't take your inability to process grief, so she dumped you?! Then, and only then, are you actually alone in the world.

I can't stay here, because I have too big of a heart to weather the abuse. I couldn't even handle removing a trap from a tiny mouse's face two months ago. I didn't realize it was going to come down right in the middle of the little guy's forehead and spray blood. I watched its death rattle, trapped between the wall and a bin. Picked it up by the tail, not realizing the trap was heavier than his little body was. He squirmed; I shuddered, set him outside on the patio, hoped he would make it. I don't like to kill things. I'm not a murderer, or a stalker, or a criminal. I'm a human being and I enjoy the company of others. I'm a social animal and I feel pain when I see it in someone's eyes. And I want to help them...If you can't do that, then you should be ashamed to call yourself a person. You're a thing with instincts. I hide my sensitivity behind meanness, but that doesn't mean it's not still there. It's always been. I am the shape of utter agony at times. I had to quit singing because of my tongue ulcers, so I couldn't even vent. I had no outlet for anger. That's when I found comedy. If I couldn't laugh, I'd cry like that video probably made you do.

I can't be funny right now because I'm grieving everything I've lost in the past five years. A lot of stuff. I've weathered several deaths in my family, been shut out of my industry because people thought my sense of humor was rude, worked my ass off for three years on a project that turned out not to mean a whole lot, been through several break-ups because I was an emotional yo-yo, and- during all of this- been treated like absolute shit by the general public nearly every day for many hours, despite not having the coping skills to deal directly with people I don't know. Then, when I got OFF work, I continued to be treated like garbage by strangers on the internet. Despite how hard I worked on the music and tried to get it into online stores- "THANKS, DON! I'LL JUST DOWNLOAD IT!" - and how many hours I sat, and sweated under 100 degree lights in the Summer, in a room without ventilation, trying to imbue inanimate clay figures with a life force I didn't even have, myself.

So think what you will, about this "Don Carlson", and how much fun it is to pick on him, and belittle him, and ruin his music and animation. But don't forget- you don't actually know him, and at the end of the day he has feelings and the most basic of rights to lead his life as he sees fit- and that's not for YOU to decide. It's my life. Get the hell out, or contribute something to it. You'll be surprised at how much you'll get back when you do.

I am broken hearted and a little bent out of shape, but I am loyal to my friends. That's what brought me here in the first place. You'd see that if you knew me. I'm always inconveniencing myself to make someone else's life more comfortable. All I ask is that if you want me gone, know me first. Then decide. You never know who you might meet if you just give them time to blossom.

I leave you now, with a bunch of fat old women bowling.

]SDsxkQk6DWw

Because that's what you came here for and expect of me- mocking peoples' happiness, no matter how simple and beautiful it is.

By the way, I have four cats. I love them dearly. Not a day goes by that I don't cuddle with the fat black and white one and scritch behind his ears. Cats are the best, they just spray everything. I'd love to have them as kittens again. No pain, no old age settling into their bones... Just young and free like I wish I was. I'd give anything to come home to someone who loves me. Instead, I come home to my cats. Soon, I won't even be able to do that. If home is where your heart is, I left mine in a dingy basement in Ohio. I left because she cheated on me. Should have stayed and forigven her. Then maybe I'd feel whole enough to crack funny jokes about things and stuff.

[Grislygus]

First post! I win, guys!

[Grislygus]

Did anybody bring weed

[Groovygus]

Yeah

[gimpygus]

Mine's medicinal!

[Groovygus]

So, uh.


Do we have to share with this guy

[Grislygus]

No.

[Groovygus]

Cool. Only have enough for a couple bowls. Anyway, how you been

[Grislygus]

Fine. You listen to that new Jackie Greene EP?

[Groovygus]

Yeah, I like it. Not big on that Blitzen Trapper shit you sent me, though.

[gimpygus]

I like Justin Bieber! His upbeat personality and incredible career gives me hope that I can at least live long enough to reach his age!

[Groovygus]

...

[Groovygus]

Cool story, bro

[Grislygus]

Yeah.


So, uh.


How's that leukemia going?

[gimpygus]

Well, you know how God likes to test us. It's pretty horrible, and the doctors said that that the chemotherapy didn't work, and that I have to do it again... I'm just grateful that Jesus loves me enough to let me not be dead already

[gimpygus]

Sometimes I wish I was dead, but Mom says that's just Satan being a big fat jerk

[Groovygus]

Yeah, he'll do that. You... got any of that medicinal shit, like, on you right now? Or what, how does that work

[Grislygus]

It's pretty crap, you don't want any. We don't need all that much, this is fine

[gimpygus]

I just got an email from Chojin! He's welcoming me to the forums, guys.

I like it when they let me leave the hospital

[Groovygus]

Aw, jesus christ man. Come on

[Grislygus]

Dude shut the fuck up How you doing on that pudding cup, Gimpy? Want another one?

[gimpygus]

I...


Can I really have another one? Really? All to myself, for real?!

[Grislygus]

Yep

[Groovygus]

We got like, a whole box. You're good

[gimpygus]

I want the vanilla this time!

[Grislygus]

Whatever you want, champ

[Groovygus]

Seriously, Gus? This is pretty goddamn weak right here

[Grislygus]

This isn't my fault, I don't even know how the fuck he got here. Did you text Grumpy

[Groovygus]

He's on his way. When's the little cripple supposed to die, anyway

[Grislygus]

Who the hell knows, nobody even wants t

[gimpygus]

If I live past twenty years old, I'm gonna be an airline pilot!

[Grislygus]

-ohey hey hey hey! Look who it is! Again. How you doing big guy?

[gimpygus]

I ate the whoooooole second cup! All by myself! Do they serve pudding cups on airplanes?

[Grislygus]

Sure. Hey! Where you going?

[Groovygus]

Later bro

[Pentegarn]

The Gus family reunion makes me smile

I am glad you took Pram's advice and thought of your family Gus, we love them all each and every one

[Grislygus]

Don't fucking ditch me with the

[Groovygus]

Who the fuck is that?! Have you been standing there the whole time?! What in the goddamn shit

[Pentegarn]

Nope, just got here :)

[Grislygus]

Dudedudedude chill, chill. He's cool, don't worry about it where the fuck are you going?

[Groovygus]

I'm leaving, asshole. Thread is hotboxed, mission accomplished. Have fun with the half-baked retard cripple boy

[gimpygus]

If I don't live past twenty, I'll get to be an airline pilot for Jesus

[Pentegarn]

gimpygus is an inspiration to us all

[Grumpygus]

Alright, where is he.



Where have you been, you little shithead. You have another session in a half hour, and now I get to muscle through traffic at 2:30 to get there. I did not get custody of you from my whore bible freak sister to allow you to CONTINUE NOT GETTING TREATMENT

[gimpygus]

Mom said that angels would save me, if I prayed hard enough

[Grumpygus]

Bullshit. I don't know about you, but I don't see any faggot white robe wearing money raining cash down on my head for hospital bills. Fuck you, fuck your delusions, and fuck God. We're getting help from Science.

[Grislygus]

Hey, dad.

[Grumpygus]

Hello, Failure.

Goodbye, Failure.

[gimpygus]

Ow! You're grabbing my shoulder too hard and really hurting me, but I've been conditioned to accept that as a sign of love. GOODBYE, GUS

[Otto]

Grumpygus is like my dad, bushy eyebrows and all.

[Grislygus]

SCREW YOU, DAD







So, anyway. Pretty stupid thread.

[Otto]

Gus, you need your own one man show.

[Pentegarn]

Gus, you need your own one man show.

This

[Grislygus]

I am a one man show. So did anyone actually read the first post


I mean, I keep trying, God help me I keep trying, but you can't read a single thing he posts without picking apart each and every single sentence.

[Grislygus]

Actually, let's read it together and make fun of it without ever actually addressing him in this thread, ever

[Pentegarn]

So much like I did, you stopped at the "think of your family" sentence I take it?

[Grislygus]

Actually I stopped at the YOU TORE ME APART

[Grislygus]

Plz-bhcHryc

[Grislygus]

Oh my God, this is fantastic. I shouldn't have bombed it :( I'm sorry, I thought he was just repeating the same shit he always does. Can the mods delete the character bullshit? I had no clue this was that funny

[Pentegarn]

Now time to pick this apart piece by piece, it won't be kind, but this isn't i-kindness.com either, but buck up trooper! I promise there will be some useful advice and life lessons in the pick apart.

I remembered why I came here.

It was to help a friend in need. I joined the fray to bail him out.

And you tore me apart. Your faces twisted into grim visages and you feasted on my hapless flesh while I tried to shield Lygurgus from you.

How much humanity in yourselves are you all ignoring by being your callous selves from one end of the year to the other on this site?

So you admit to being a white-knighting bitch, then react in confusion when your ass gets handed to you for doing so?

Maybe I should show you the part of yourself you've been missing:

r5OGvpdTEqg

Empathy.

Oh we have empathy, for people who deserve empathy. Not for whiny bitches though

There, now you can feel as emotionally abused and manipulated by me as I've been by you. Think about your families and the people you love. Think of who you miss and who you let slip between your fingers. Think of the ones whose lives and families you threaten just to laugh at as they cower in fear.

Then, maybe, you'll feel like me. Only, I don't get to see them again. I drove them away with unhealthily held anger I never purged from being wounded in my childhood. No one stepped in to help. When I should have been learning to love people as they are, I was being taught that I should fight back, that I should fight dirty, and that it's my fault I'm picked on. ("We can't fight your battles, Don") THANKS, FAMILY! THANKS SO MUCH FOR LOVING AND PROTECTING ME. When you push someone away enough, one day they'll stop beckoning. They did.

So what the fuck are you complaining about then? If you drove your family away there's nobody there for us to 'threaten' is there? God your stupidity should be bottled and sold at the carnival

I didn't kill my friends. One killed herself while she was angry with me for saying she needed to be a better role model for her kid. All she wanted to do was drink. I didn't even see her do it- she shut me out and did it, and then I found out about it, as Tadao says, "a day late and a dollar short". In one case, it was a whole three months after it happened that I knew. How would you like to know that someone you were dating died after a big fight you had with them... 20 days before, in an attempt to extend the olive branch, you wished her a Merry Christmas on IM?...and you only found out 3 months after her body was cold that you had been typing words that would never be read? How would that make you feel? Like you weren't a good enough friend that she kept it from you in the most final and unpreventable way there is? BINGO! "Hmmm, think I'll carbon monoxide myself casually and let my boyfriend know sometime in late Spring".


What about your other friend, who, 5 years earlier and without warning, finished his shift, and then went home and shot himself in the head after listening to your music which he said he wasn't in the frame of mind to listen to, but which you insisted he listen to anyway? His brother called the next day. "Your manager can't come in to work this morning, Don. He's not going to make it. He...He passed." And then you listened to the answering machine message, which served as his final words to you, ever: "just do the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask". NO. All anyone can ask is that you STAY ALIVE FOR FIVE SECONDS while someone is trying to talk sense into you.

And then you watched the strain your boss's death put on the relationship with your girlfriend to the point that she couldn't take your inability to process grief, so she dumped you?! Then, and only then, are you actually alone in the world.

Why are you bringing this here? This is the sort of shit you should be telling a therapist, not a bunch of guys and gals who tell cock jokes all day

I can't stay here, because I have too big of a heart to weather the abuse. I couldn't even handle removing a trap from a tiny mouse's face two months ago. I didn't realize it was going to come down right in the middle of the little guy's forehead and spray blood. I watched its death rattle, trapped between the wall and a bin. Picked it up by the tail, not realizing the trap was heavier than his little body was. He squirmed; I shuddered, set him outside on the patio, hoped he would make it. I don't like to kill things. I'm not a murderer, or a stalker, or a criminal. I'm a human being and I enjoy the company of others. I'm a social animal and I feel pain when I see it in someone's eyes. And I want to help them...If you can't do that, then you should be ashamed to call yourself a person. You're a thing with instincts. I hide my sensitivity behind meanness, but that doesn't mean it's not still there. It's always been. I am the shape of utter agony at times. I had to quit singing because of my tongue ulcers, so I couldn't even vent. I had no outlet for anger. That's when I found comedy. If I couldn't laugh, I'd cry like that video probably made you do.

A lot here to break down but...

1) then go the fuck away

2) the mouse died quickly, that's what snap traps do

3) If you enjoy the company of others, go out and find that company in the real world and quit trying to fill that gap in on a forum where people use farting and vomiting emoticons for comedic effect.

4) you mistake us not feeling sorry for you with us not feeling empathy, we feel empathy just fine, just read through the poli forum, there's all sorts of strong feelings about all sorts of things, we just don't feel any empathy towards you because you piss too many people off

I can't be funny right now because I'm grieving everything I've lost in the past five years. A lot of stuff. I've weathered several deaths in my family, been shut out of my industry because people thought my sense of humor was rude, worked my ass off for three years on a project that turned out not to mean a whole lot, been through several break-ups because I was an emotional yo-yo, and- during all of this- been treated like absolute shit by the general public nearly every day for many hours, despite not having the coping skills to deal directly with people I don't know. Then, when I got OFF work, I continued to be treated like garbage by strangers on the internet. Despite how hard I worked on the music and tried to get it into online stores- "THANKS, DON! I'LL JUST DOWNLOAD IT!" - and how many hours I sat, and sweated under 100 degree lights in the Summer, in a room without ventilation, trying to imbue inanimate clay figures with a life force I didn't even have, myself.

No, you can't be funny because you are not funny. And if you have all these issues to resolve, you should be doing that, not saddling our forum with your emotional waste and baggage. You are pissed, (and I have said this before, but like every other piece of practical advice that countless others have said to you here, you obviously ignored it) because you expect respect and confidence to come from us, but how can we be sold on doing so when you clearly have no self respect or self confidence?

So think what you will, about this "Don Carlson", and how much fun it is to pick on him, and belittle him, and ruin his music and animation. But don't forget- you don't actually know him, and at the end of the day he has feelings and the most basic of rights to lead his life as he sees fit- and that's not for YOU to decide. It's my life. Get the hell out, or contribute something to it. You'll be surprised at how much you'll get back when you do.

See this whiny bitchery is why everyone detests you so. You bring this all on yourself, it's like the old vaudeville joke:

Patient: "Doc, it hurts when I do this"
Doc: "Then don't do that"

You complain that we invaded your life, ruined your music, and somehow stripped you of your rights, all from the comforts of our own homes. Pretty impressive feat I must say. But here's the problem with that little thought, we only have the power over you that you grant us. If you let our posts effect you that much, it is because you chose to let them do so. It takes 2 for an abusive relationship to exist, and you would do well to remember that.

I am broken hearted and a little bent out of shape, but I am loyal to my friends. That's what brought me here in the first place. You'd see that if you knew me. I'm always inconveniencing myself to make someone else's life more comfortable. All I ask is that if you want me gone, know me first. Then decide. You never know who you might meet if you just give them time to blossom.

And we have gotten to know you, we now know you are needy, whiny, codependent, sniveling little malcontent. Who in their right mind would want to delve further down that rabbit hole?

I leave you now, with a bunch of fat old women bowling.

]SDsxkQk6DWw

Because that's what you came here for and expect of me- mocking peoples' happiness, no matter how simple and beautiful it is.

By the way, I have four cats. I love them dearly. Not a day goes by that I don't cuddle with the fat black and white one and scritch behind his ears. Cats are the best, they just spray everything. I'd love to have them as kittens again. No pain, no old age settling into their bones... Just young and free like I wish I was. I'd give anything to come home to someone who loves me. Instead, I come home to my cats. Soon, I won't even be able to do that. If home is where your heart is, I left mine in a dingy basement in Ohio. I left because she cheated on me. Should have stayed and forigven her. Then maybe I'd feel whole enough to crack funny jokes about things and stuff.

And then you close on a "I should have not made the only decision in my life where I had a scintilla of self respect" statement....

Look, I don't know what you are looking for, but you will not find it here Don. This forum is clearly not for you, instead of saying, "this is how it is, I should just roll with it" you decided to try to change us. There are plenty of feel good forums filled with mods who will shield you from the harsh realities of life, I suggest you find what you are seeking there.

[Grislygus]

THANKS, PENT. AND NOW HERE'S GRISLYGUS, WITH THE PLAY-BY-PLAY




God, he's so frustrated that he's dealing with living human beings that will challenge his assumptions and don't agree with his fucktarded conclusions. I think I'm just going to do bulletpoints for making fun of the first half, this is just too much

-He thinks that lycogurgus or whatever was actually his friend.

-He thought that we would bother clicking on his youtube links

-He thought that we would be "emotionally abused and manipulated" by them. He seriously thinks this. He thinks we'd feel... bad... about making fun of someone... on the internet.

This seems to be a big theme, isn't it? He believes that the internet is important. AS SOON AS HE ARRIVED, lest we forget, we ALL told him that it was all bullshit. Then Tadao scared him, and we all... INCLUDING ME... tried to calm him down! He just kept weeping and pissing and squealing, and ignored ALL of us telling him that it was just getting a hard time... then he SUDDENLY REALIZES it's "all a game". Five billion years later. I know there are those who can't stand Pram Maven and hate that we keep indulging him, but I continue to attest that he IS that funny.





Now suddenly he brings up personal issues! SERIOUSLY! Okay buddy, hang on. EVERYONE catches shit from other kids in childhood. Everyone! if you don't get over it and realize that you getting picked on usually WAS your fault, then you remain a manchild. No one wants you in their lives because you're an unpleasant loser.

Then, instead of growing up and improving yourself, he retreats into a hobby and romanticizes his DECISION to be anti-social by

1. Saying that HE drove other people away, instead of coming to terms with the fact that everyone else dropped him like a hot potato.

2. He blames this "anger" on people not coddling him, and actually expecting him to learn to depend on himself. Literally. However, this is seen through ROMANTIC GOGGLE-O VISION. Of course, I admit this is cockeyed optimism on the part of the adults in his life. Then again, keeping him alive would probably count as cockeyed optimism.


And now, he suddenly erupts forward with the factoid that he DID NOT KILL HIS FRIENDS. Suicide excuse blah blah suicide excuse. These people go through their lives looking for any reason at all to be miserable and NOT HAVE TO BE JUDGED by other people, whenever anybody they know dies or commits suicide, they clutch it to themselves like a greasy prized item. Then they have the balls to expect sympathy! Think of everybody in your life that went through brutal shit, including yourself. Now think on how they GOT OVER IT as best they could. Now keep making fun of these self-pitying losers. They fucking love bad things happening around them.

Now, his ONE... let me repeat that, ONE girlfriend dumped him. It's not because he's a loser, it's because he has an "inability to process grief". WHY DON'T YOU FEEL SORRY FOR HIM?



Now, NOW, he "can't stay here, because [he has] too big of a heart to weather the abuse." Isn't that what we've been recommending for ages? Now he talks about how a mouse in a trap cut him to his very soul. I seriously love this man.

That's when I found comedy. If I couldn't laugh, I'd cry like that video probably made you do.

Let's all look at that for a moment. DO YOU SEE? THIS IS WHY WE'VE BEEN FEEDING HIM. IT'S ALL BEEN LIKE THIS, NOT A SECOND HAS BEEN BORING!


The rest is the usual horseshit, but he may actually be leaving this time, guys :lol

[Pentegarn]

Oh my God, this is fantastic. I shouldn't have bombed it :( I'm sorry, I thought he was just repeating the same shit he always does. Can the mods delete the character bullshit? I had no clue this was that funny

No no, it was exactly what I called it, your bombardment brought some needed laughs :lol

[Pentegarn]

Also Gus when he is funny it is more of the sort of funny that he never intended. He was hoping this would be our come to Jesus moment, instead it is our, "come see this dark comedy disguised as a tragedy" moment. Never does he intend to be funny when he posts these emotional outbursts, which as you imply is precisely why they are funny

[Grislygus]

My favorite part was when he ran out of TERRIBLE LIFE street cred and had to resort to- *gasp!* DEALING WITH CUSTOMERS IN A RETAIL POSITION! SWEET JESUS, NO

[Pentegarn]

I totally missed the retail part

Or maybe I saw it and said, 'fuck it it isn't even worth mentioning" and then promptly forgot I saw it. Either/or :lol

EDIT look like what I did was lump it in an "issues" statement

Seriously the dude does need to see a P-sychiatrist

_Sp6A_kowTg

[kahljorn]

i also stopped reading at the, "YOU TORE ME APART" part :lol

ill have to read through this later

but i read everything the gus family said and i think that GRUMPYGUS NEEDS TO SMOKE A BOWL

i like how he posted it in the loveline forum :lol prolly cause he has a furry crush on lycurgus

[kahljorn]

I REMEMBER WHY I CAME HERE.. IT WAS FOR LOVE OF MY FELLOW CREATURES.

[Pentegarn]

This is for Pram

gmV13eB0fa0

[The Leader]

I came here to have an outlet for my self-loathing.

[Esuohlim]

I REMEMBERED WHY I CAME HERE. I JACKED OFF HERE. WHAT DID I THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN >:

[Pentegarn]

Gotta jack off somewhere

[ThrashO]

You guys leave pram maven alone. At least he's doing what he loves which is being relentlessly made fun of by people who would piss on the back of his head right after they saw him trip over his dead mother.

Pram your like a chick with huge tits running around topless in a bar screaming at all the drunk guys to stop looking at you.

[Otto]

and ThrasO is like an autistic machild spilling shit out of his anus all over the daycare's floor while the adults keep screaming at him to stop shitting everywhere and violently masturbating.

[ThrashO]

Shut up you fat piece of shit lol

lol

[Otto]

WHAT'S THAT?!?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE WHIR OF YOUR SEMEN STAINED HUGBOX!!!

[ThrashO]

if you knew how good shit felt you wouldn't stop violently masturbating either.

[Otto]

DUDE, TURN TOWN YOUR HUGBOX I CANT HEAR YOU!

[ThrashO]

Oh, like I have aspergers right? What did someone post an article about it and then like a parasitic un-funny diarrhea smear you go around spewing other peoples jokes?

whatever fats.

[ThrashO]

your head looks like a fopa with eyes drawn on it.

[Otto]

No, it's more like an Edison lightbulb. Sorry. Thanks for playing, though.

[Otto]

As a consolation prize, please feel free to grab a toy from the treasure box, but please be aware your parents can't hold me legally responsible when you inevitably try to shove the plastic helicopter up your ass.

[ThrashO]

where the toys

[Colonel Flagg]

For the record, I still can't drag up the resolve to continue reading for comprehension past the "THANKS FAMILY ..." line. What a douchebag.

Thank you Gus, for making this thread worth something. :lol

[Pentegarn]

Like a big chocolate bunny you need to consume it in small bites Colonel :wordsofwisdom

[Chojin]

If I couldn't laugh, I'd cry like that video probably made you do.

sorry bro but us i-mock vets are already subjected to a rigorous youtube desensitizing process like when blanka watches all those hitler videos in the street fighter movie.

It's my life. Get the hell out, or contribute something to it.

uh we were here first faggot

here, i have some clips for you to watch instead.

http://www.i-mockery.com/chojin/flamingwindowdeath.gif

did that make you cry too, child? did you squirt some?

http://www.i-mockery.com/chojin/stuntmandeath.gif

oh god i just can't contain myself, boo hoo hoo hooooo boooooo hoo hoo

http://www.i-mockery.com/chojin/carhitdeath.gif

hooooooooo booo hoo hoo hoo hoo hooooooooooooo

people and things die all the time, get over it. except for your dead friends of course; you were probably responsible for that. i imagine their souls are finally at peace now that you've honored their memory by trivializing their deaths as part of your internet pity party, their final moments juxtaposed with harrowing tales of customer service. oh shit bro, did you have to do chores at some point too? oh god oh man

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

It looks like the net caught the bike at least.

[ThrashO]

Chojin i know im a noob and I suck but i've never laughed so hard before :bestthread

[Pentegarn]

What really irks me is this is how every angsty teenager sounded when I was a teenager. Instead of maturing into a cynical adult like everyone else though, he decided to stay wallowing in his angst for another 15 years

[Colonel Flagg]

I can relate - he sounds like me at age 19-20.

I got better. :)

[The Leader]

Fuck you, old man.

[Pram Maven]

This thread was scream-out-loud funny. Thanks, Gus. I don't mind being ridiculed by you.

Okay, so what do you all want me to do? You've alienated me from my music fans and isolated me from my animation network. If you wanted me to leave, you would have ignored me in the first place- I don't bother with people who don't talk to me.

When you work this hard to destroy someone by posting thousands of backlinks in your signatures to influence the Google ranking for their very name,

http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/9796/imocksource.png

how can you expect them to leave? For as long as i-mockery is linked to me by name, I can't leave. I'm trapped here.

[Colonel Flagg]

[post deleted on account of no one is listening]

[Pentegarn]

If you had posted that without an edit reason it would have been hilarious, it was still amusing though

[kahljorn]

Pram Maven, just like you have worked so hard on your internet animation career, we've worked very hard on our internet asshole careers. I guess our careers are a little bit more successful, but why can't you just be happy for us?

[Pentegarn]

This thread was scream-out-loud funny. Thanks, Gus. I don't mind being ridiculed by you.

Okay, so what do you all want me to do? You've alienated me from my music fans and isolated me from my animation network. If you wanted me to leave, you would have ignored me in the first place- I don't bother with people who don't talk to me.

When you work this hard to destroy someone by posting thousands of backlinks in your signatures to influence the Google ranking for their very name,

http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/9796/imocksource.png

how can you expect them to leave? For as long as i-mockery is linked to me by name, I can't leave. I'm trapped here.

You know what, I think this post proves something about you Pram, you enjoy the attention. You :loveL:loveO:loveV:loveE:love it. If you didn't you wouldn't make statements like "how can you expect them to leave? For as long as i-mockery is linked to me by name, I can't leave. I'm trapped here." You aren't trapped here, you could change your internet name, pretend the Don Carlson mentioned here was someone else, and move on with your life. But you won't, you come here and you love the attention we lavish on you. You are an addict and you come to get your fix whenever you get the shakes.

Not that you will bother comprehending this post, it is far too full of practical advice.

[Chojin]

For as long as i-mockery is linked to me by name, I can't leave. I'm trapped here.

just like the soul of your dead girlfriend, entombed forever within your shitty stories

the day that tadao defeats you in combat, it'll end just like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWNfK6pnivY#t=9m56s

then at least they will know peace.

[Kitsa]

wow, tadao looking good there.

[executioneer]

man none of the threads even show up in like the first six-seven pages in a google search for "don carlson", i don't know why it's even an issue

[kahljorn]

cause he also scored very high on histrionic personality disorder

[Colonel Flagg]

If you had posted that without an edit reason it would have been hilarious, it was still amusing though

I know, but I figured HE WOULDN'T GET IT. So I spoiled the joke for everyone.

I KNOW NOT CHUCKLEWORTHY. :tear:tear:tear:tear:tear:tear

[Pentegarn]

You have to give back your Zugs :(

[Chojin]

http://www.i-mockery.com/chojin/chuckleworthy.jpg

[Esuohlim]

:lol

holy fuckin zeeks, man

[Chojin]

i'm thinking about making a smaller version for an emoticon

would that be chuckleworthy

[Zhukov]

Hey Pram I didn't read your original post, but I'd like to know if you had a dead father or mother or something like that.

I mean, this place is pretty bleak sometimes, but nobody would step over the line and insult you about your dead father (or something similar).

[executioneer]

:lol

[The Leader]

i'm thinking about making a smaller version for an emoticon

would that be chuckleworthy
I would like that very much so thank you.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Hey Pram I didn't read your original post, but I'd like to know if you had a dead father or mother or something like that.

I mean, this place is pretty bleak sometimes, but nobody would step over the line and insult you about your dead father (or something similar).



Chojin, where is that picture of that happening?

[ThrashO]

I remembered why I came here.

It was to help a friend in need. I joined the fray to bail him out.

And you tore me apart. Your faces twisted into grim visages and you feasted on my hapless flesh while I tried to shield Lygurgus from you.

How much humanity in yourselves are you all ignoring by being your callous selves from one end of the year to the other on this site?

Maybe I should show you the part of yourself you've been missing:

r5OGvpdTEqg

Empathy.

There, now you can feel as emotionally abused and manipulated by me as I've been by you. Think about your families and the people you love. Think of who you miss and who you let slip between your fingers. Think of the ones whose lives and families you threaten just to laugh at as they cower in fear.

Then, maybe, you'll feel like me. Only, I don't get to see them again. I drove them away with unhealthily held anger I never purged from being wounded in my childhood. No one stepped in to help. When I should have been learning to love people as they are, I was being taught that I should fight back, that I should fight dirty, and that it's my fault I'm picked on. ("We can't fight your battles, Don") THANKS, FAMILY! THANKS SO MUCH FOR LOVING AND PROTECTING ME. When you push someone away enough, one day they'll stop beckoning. They did.

I didn't kill my friends. One killed herself while she was angry with me for saying she needed to be a better role model for her kid. All she wanted to do was drink. I didn't even see her do it- she shut me out and did it, and then I found out about it, as Tadao says, "a day late and a dollar short". In one case, it was a whole three months after it happened that I knew. How would you like to know that someone you were dating died after a big fight you had with them... 20 days before, in an attempt to extend the olive branch, you wished her a Merry Christmas on IM?...and you only found out 3 months after her body was cold that you had been typing words that would never be read? How would that make you feel? Like you weren't a good enough friend that she kept it from you in the most final and unpreventable way there is? BINGO! "Hmmm, think I'll carbon monoxide myself casually and let my boyfriend know sometime in late Spring".

What about your other friend, who, 5 years earlier and without warning, finished his shift, and then went home and shot himself in the head after listening to your music which he said he wasn't in the frame of mind to listen to, but which you insisted he listen to anyway? His brother called the next day. "Your manager can't come in to work this morning, Don. He's not going to make it. He...He passed." And then you listened to the answering machine message, which served as his final words to you, ever: "just do the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask". NO. All anyone can ask is that you STAY ALIVE FOR FIVE SECONDS while someone is trying to talk sense into you.

And then you watched the strain your boss's death put on the relationship with your girlfriend to the point that she couldn't take your inability to process grief, so she dumped you?! Then, and only then, are you actually alone in the world.

I can't stay here, because I have too big of a heart to weather the abuse. I couldn't even handle removing a trap from a tiny mouse's face two months ago. I didn't realize it was going to come down right in the middle of the little guy's forehead and spray blood. I watched its death rattle, trapped between the wall and a bin. Picked it up by the tail, not realizing the trap was heavier than his little body was. He squirmed; I shuddered, set him outside on the patio, hoped he would make it. I don't like to kill things. I'm not a murderer, or a stalker, or a criminal. I'm a human being and I enjoy the company of others. I'm a social animal and I feel pain when I see it in someone's eyes. And I want to help them...If you can't do that, then you should be ashamed to call yourself a person. You're a thing with instincts. I hide my sensitivity behind meanness, but that doesn't mean it's not still there. It's always been. I am the shape of utter agony at times. I had to quit singing because of my tongue ulcers, so I couldn't even vent. I had no outlet for anger. That's when I found comedy. If I couldn't laugh, I'd cry like that video probably made you do.

I can't be funny right now because I'm grieving everything I've lost in the past five years. A lot of stuff. I've weathered several deaths in my family, been shut out of my industry because people thought my sense of humor was rude, worked my ass off for three years on a project that turned out not to mean a whole lot, been through several break-ups because I was an emotional yo-yo, and- during all of this- been treated like absolute shit by the general public nearly every day for many hours, despite not having the coping skills to deal directly with people I don't know. Then, when I got OFF work, I continued to be treated like garbage by strangers on the internet. Despite how hard I worked on the music and tried to get it into online stores- "THANKS, DON! I'LL JUST DOWNLOAD IT!" - and how many hours I sat, and sweated under 100 degree lights in the Summer, in a room without ventilation, trying to imbue inanimate clay figures with a life force I didn't even have, myself.

So think what you will, about this "Don Carlson", and how much fun it is to pick on him, and belittle him, and ruin his music and animation. But don't forget- you don't actually know him, and at the end of the day he has feelings and the most basic of rights to lead his life as he sees fit- and that's not for YOU to decide. It's my life. Get the hell out, or contribute something to it. You'll be surprised at how much you'll get back when you do.

I am broken hearted and a little bent out of shape, but I am loyal to my friends. That's what brought me here in the first place. You'd see that if you knew me. I'm always inconveniencing myself to make someone else's life more comfortable. All I ask is that if you want me gone, know me first. Then decide. You never know who you might meet if you just give them time to blossom.

I leave you now, with a bunch of fat old women bowling.

]SDsxkQk6DWw

Because that's what you came here for and expect of me- mocking peoples' happiness, no matter how simple and beautiful it is.

By the way, I have four cats. I love them dearly. Not a day goes by that I don't cuddle with the fat black and white one and scritch behind his ears. Cats are the best, they just spray everything. I'd love to have them as kittens again. No pain, no old age settling into their bones... Just young and free like I wish I was. I'd give anything to come home to someone who loves me. Instead, I come home to my cats. Soon, I won't even be able to do that. If home is where your heart is, I left mine in a dingy basement in Ohio. I left because she cheated on me. Should have stayed and forigven her. Then maybe I'd feel whole enough to crack funny jokes about things and stuff.

lol

[MLE]

I would like to take the time to remind our viewers that Pram Maven is the one that came back to us and insisted on harassing us about removing site content.

[MLE]

PS- Lol that he posted this in loveline.

[Colonel Flagg]

It'll stay on the first page forever. :lol

[Chojin]

Chojin, where is that picture of that happening?

wat

[ThrashO]

I can just picture Alec Baldwin, kneeling down by the side of his dead lover, the music getting more and more intense, then, he slowly looks up and says to himself...

"I remembered why I came here."

After a wipe of the sweat from his brow, he goes to a computer and makes his last stand at I-Mockery.com

[Tadao]

:notfunny

[Colonel Flagg]

:lol

[Pentegarn]

It'll stay on the first page forever. :lol

I suspect that was his original intent

[Colonel Flagg]

I don't buy it. That would be ironic, and he's already shown he's not that smart.

[kahljorn]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN COLONEL FLAG. HE PUTS A LOT OF TIME AND THOUGHT INTO HIS JOKES SO THAT THEY DONT SPRAY MAYONAISSE

[Colonel Flagg]

That was giggelicious. :zug

[Pentegarn]

I think we need a :zug emoticon

[ThrashO]

:blowme:loo:fartI think we have 3