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Topic Review (Newest First)
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| Oct 16th, 2007 01:42 PM | ||
| Cosmo Electrolux |
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| Oct 16th, 2007 01:08 PM | ||
| mburbank | i like chocolate and bunny rabbits | |
| Oct 13th, 2007 08:17 PM | ||
| Vila |
I am neither awesome nor unique, Max. Though I do have a sence of humor that is darker than the skidmarks in a homeless mans underwear. I like Southern Comfort, Horror Flicks, Twisted Sarcasm, and home made medieval weaponry. If I ever find my self in San Fran I'm leaving Our Emperor a couple bottles of Arrogant Bastard Ale. womti... your just a prozac kinda kid arnt you? I wish you a scrotum rash that makes everything taste like mustard. |
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| Oct 13th, 2007 02:56 PM | ||
| Womti |
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| Oct 12th, 2007 11:38 PM | ||
| Terra |
Cliffnotes? 
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| Oct 12th, 2007 10:26 AM | ||
| Cosmo Electrolux |
Joshua A. Norton who, on September 17th of 1859, crowned Himself Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. Just before then, He vanished for a number of days -- perhaps into the wilderness where maybe He was tempted by the Devil, probably to organize His life and get His affairs in order. Certainly they looked like that's what they needed. For on the day before His disappearance Norton, heretofore little more than a successful businessman, cornered the rice market -- only to be foiled by the unscheduled arrival of a whole shipload of rice from the Orient. A lesser man would have been thrown out of step by that event which for Him became a step to the throne. When the US Congress failed to obey His Majesty's Royal Order to assemble in the San Francisco Opera House, Norton fired every last member of that rebellious organization. Thus, the people of San Francisco knew better than to incur His Imperial wrath. His Royal Decrees were printed free of charge in the newspapers, the currency He printed was accepted in the saloons, local shopkeepers paid the modest taxes He occasionally demanded and on at least one occasion a tailor furnished Him with a new set of Royal finery. Although a madman, Norton wrote letters to Abraham Lincoln and Queen Victoria which they took seriously. One night a gang of vigilantes gathered for a pogrom against San Francisco's Chinatown. All that stood in their way was the solitary figure of Norton. A sane man would not have been there in the first place. A rational man would have tried to reason with them. A moralist would have scolded them. A man as daft as Norton usually seemed would have loudly ordered them to cease and desist in the name of His Royal Imperial authority. All such tacks would probably have been futile, and Norton resorted to none of them. He simply bowed His head in silent prayer. The vigilantes dispersed. Discordians believe everybody should live like Norton. So write your legislative representatives demanding harsh laws with teeth in them requiring all people of all faiths -- especially Christians and especially on Sunday -- to live as Joshua A. Norton did. About five years ago I had a dream in which someone was yelling ``SIGNS IN THE SKY!'' When I looked up I saw balloons and blimps carrying aloft big neon letters that said: ``NORTON DIED! WANT NO DEAD!'' But when Emperor Norton died, tens of thousands of San Franciscans flocked to His full Masonic funeral. Pilgrimages to His grave in Woodlawn Cemetery in Colma are still common. |
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| Oct 12th, 2007 09:54 AM | ||
| mburbank | AND unique. | |
| Oct 12th, 2007 09:53 AM | ||
| mburbank |
See, I totally knew she'd post the info. Bet she first heard about him reading Sandman. Not that Emperor Norton and Sandman aren't cool, but why not just put in your signature "I'm awesome and unique". You wanna write about the emperor Norton? Do so. You wanna make a status statement about how cool and eccentric you are? Put "I'm awesome and unique". In your signature. It'll come up every time you post and you'll put off getting carpal tunnel. Bill Bixby had a short lived show called "The Magician" that was kind of awesome. |
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| Oct 12th, 2007 02:32 AM | ||
| DeadKennedys |
Quote:
This thread is the internet equivalent of the inside/you-had-to-be-there/drunk-experience joke. "I was go drunk, and I did this shit, but you had to be there... of course, I can't expect you to understand, cause you don't know my friends and you weren't there." Or how little kids on the internet say "SO MY FRIEND MATT DID THIS, I MEAN WUTS UP WITH THAT" To which many silently reply with "That's wonderful... cunt." |
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| Oct 12th, 2007 12:58 AM | ||
| JediScum |
(I'll get crap for this) The "bestest" San-Franciscan I've never met, born or imported, is not Hetfield, Patton, or this Emperor Norton.... it is Bill Bixby! |
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| Oct 12th, 2007 12:43 AM | ||
| Fathom Zero | Mike Patton and James Hetfield Mike Patton and James Hetfield Mike Paatton and Jameson Hetfeld | |
| Oct 12th, 2007 12:35 AM | ||
| JediScum |
Emperor Norton?!? That wanna be San Franciscan-piece-of shit-emperor. He's been suceeded, though, he is still "Protector of Mexico". Bill Bixby replaced him in the emperor gig. Then Bixby got cancer and died. It was offered to Jello Biafra but he declined for probably personal reasons. Tried to give to the spirit of Alferd Packer but he's dead, cannibalistic, is hugely celebrated in Colorado and will steal your girlfriend off your lap if you don't watch him. I've heard the role of "Emperor" has been offered to many.... all have declined for some reason or another. 1) The guy who invented NyQuil. Nobody knows who he/she is. 2) Wolfgang Puck. Hospitalized with a severe burn and so doped on Vicodin he couldn't understand the question. 3) Mike Patton. Unavailable. 4) James Hetfield. Unavailable. 5) This guy i talked to for a couple minutes in Mississippi one time... he seemed into it but refused when it wasn't Antartica. Hell, i don't know.... what's so cool about Emperor Norton anyway? |
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| Oct 12th, 2007 12:06 AM | ||
| Vila |
Quote:
September 1859 |
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| Oct 11th, 2007 11:33 PM | ||
| DeadKennedys | C'mon guys, I know you know about Philippus Theophrastus Aureolus Bombastus von Hohenheim! Alright, I'll fill you in? You remember the big laser, Paracelcus' Sword, you used to SPOILER kill Nemesis at the end of Resident Evil 3? Quit bitching, you knew he was going to die. Yeah, he invented that. | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 11:27 PM | ||
| Terra | May I fag this poster up a tad (more)? | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 10:56 PM | ||
| Dr. Boogie |
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There are a great many things I have looked up on Wikipedia during an average day at work, but I will never, ever look up the person you keep mentioning. |
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| Oct 11th, 2007 10:19 PM | ||
| Vila | Ya'll are traitors to your Emperor! | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 03:14 PM | ||
| Chojin | I feel you, Vila! WHY must we be forced to post with IMBECILES who don't even understand HARTMAN'S LAW OF PRESCRIPTIVIST RETALIATION?!?!?! | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 02:48 PM | ||
| J. Tithonus Pednaud | I second Max. Your pretentiousness is annoying. | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 02:26 PM | ||
| mburbank | Some of us know who he is. Some of us don't. Who does and who doesn't tells you nothing at all about what we are like. Stop being coy. | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 02:23 PM | ||
| Vila | Oh come on. You'd think a site like I-Mockary would be celebrating a crazy guy who made himself king. | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 01:45 PM | ||
| Undead |
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| Oct 11th, 2007 11:28 AM | ||
| mburbank | Because esoteric name dropping is considered a faux pas here | |
| Oct 11th, 2007 11:09 AM | ||
| Cosmo Electrolux |
Quote:
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| Oct 11th, 2007 11:04 AM | ||
| JediScum | I guess no one ever said "NORTON!!! Get over here Norton! Bang! Zoom!" | |
| This thread has more than 25 replies. Click here to review the whole thread. | ||
