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Apr 20th, 2012 03:57 AM
Pentegarn ^^^

Someone subscribed to this thread and hates the cock tease of a 'reply to the :"what happened to me" thread email'
Apr 19th, 2012 04:39 PM
MarioRPG All a y'all shut up and wait for the story
Apr 17th, 2012 07:37 PM
Pentegarn Finish reading Harry Potter, you have plenty of time.

There's some Diablo like wait time between chapters in this saga
Apr 16th, 2012 10:50 PM
ThrashO i just stopped reading harry potter to get ready for this shit.
Apr 14th, 2012 12:15 AM
Dr. Boogie You're lucky your stories are so horrifyingly engrossing, George.
Apr 13th, 2012 02:00 PM
Colonel Flagg
Quote:
Originally Posted by george View Post
i want to clear something up.
Apr 13th, 2012 01:20 AM
Pentegarn See you next year!
Apr 11th, 2012 04:26 PM
george i want to clear something up.

every time i come back to imockery some sort of crazy shit goes down. then i lose my natural stopping point. i will think, "jorge, this is where this should end. it can't go on forever." and so i will pick up writing to get to that point. then some other shit happens. always when i think i am just about to be happy, and get some sort of cathartic effect out of writing this it all happens again.


so i am always reluctant to get started again because i dont like letting people down and i do love these forums. i think they are a million times better than reddit i just always return when i think i can be consistent and i am pretty wrong every time. so here i go again.

just to be clear, i am sorry for being a dick tease with this story. if anything the fits and starts should make completely clear the sort of life i have (am) lived (living) it all goes on.
Jul 16th, 2011 07:44 AM
Pentegarn That was vivid
Jul 16th, 2011 07:41 AM
ThrashO This makes listening to David Attenborough talking about the planets exploding and melting into space sound like a hobo farting into an empty coffee can through a hardee's drive through speaker.
Jul 16th, 2011 06:42 AM
Shrubfest Hot damn George, this is like Forrest Gump retold by David Lynch.
Jul 16th, 2011 01:49 AM
george i have never been in trouble for anything i have done wrong. i am one of those people that justice just seems to overlook. or i just have good luck with cops.

once i got pulled over by a cop. i knew i was in troublle and that the car was going to get impounded. i had made the registration stickers using photo shop and a little experience from my sign shop days. my registration card was counterfeit as well. and as the cop walked up to my car i spotted a half ounce of weed in the door handle. Nancy had bought it ealier (i guess) and forgot about it.

trying not to panic, i slowly take the weed out of the doorhandle and then deposit it in a McDonalds drink cup that had been living life in my cupholder as an ash tray. the lid was barely on, i slipped the weed in and snapped the top on. when the cop got to my window i took a big sip from the straw.

the whole thing took about two hours because they really wanted to know where the stickers came from. they were very impressed with my forgery. i gave the only answer anyone should give a cop "i don't know." eventually the cop gave us a ride home. turns out he had been staioned on a base with me in the Marines. he shook my hand when he dropped us off.

i just shook my head and clutched my cup of cigarette water and weed and wondered at the miracle of it all as he drove off.

so on the night of the Christmas party, as i stood in front of a cop, and tried not to stare at the walls melting as five tabs started to peak i began to wonder if i had used all my cop luck up in that one incident. i was pretty sure i was going to have to attempt to knock this motherfucker out.

i had planned to be safely in my hotel room listening to music and tripping balls and in general having a great time. instead i had to go find Adam. Adam was not supposed to be given any paper, he had never done any drugs and i had made it clear that i did not want him to start when i was around. so when our hippie pal Monkey Boy gave him a freebie out of a small messenger bag filled with more sheets of paper that i had ever seen it was done with a great deal of promises of people babysitting Adam.

the babysitters failed at their task almost immediately, and about twenty minutes after Adam took paper the phone rang. it was Adam. he was in the lobby, and yelling into the hotel phone about how he was tripping balls and starting to freak out.

somone had to go get him, and somehow i got elected. a guy named mike agreed to come with me. we got to the lobby. the kid was gone. a few minutes of cell phone calls between people out of their gourds established that Adam had made it back to the room.

Mike and i got off the elevator on the third floor there was like ten dudes fighting. mike and i eased our way around the fight. this was just too much, i was so happy to be back at the room. george was almost out of contact for awhile. just as i was about to turn the corner and go down the short hallway to my room, a voice that could only belong to a cop shouted, "where do you think you're going?"

one of the cops working hotel security (the christmas party the year before there had been massive damage and disturbance at this hotel, and there was A LOT of security this year) had spotted us as they arrived to break up the big fight. he wanted to fuck with us a little. we went around the corner and tried to get in the room. he came around the corner just as we were knocking to be let in.

"Just going to our room," i said as he caught up to us, "is there a problem?" i asked it with what I thought just the right amount of I AM A VERY SERIOUS ADULT, DONT FUCK WITH ME. I knocked again. and no one answered.

"Really?" officer friendly asked with a little bit of sarcastic interest in his voice. "how come no ones answering?"

as if on cue the door flew open, Monkey Boy looked out. then slammed the door and locked the bolt lock thing that is on hotel doors. the cop and i stared at each other. we were both very suprised. a few moments passed, and the sound of breaking glass seemed to come from far away.

there was a life sentence in prison waiting for me and everyone in that room if the cop came in. i was tripping hard. mike was tripping hard. the cop stared alternately at me and the door. i was not letting him go in that room no matter what.

the cop stood there looking scary and very thoughtful. finally he shook his head. "Go into your room, and if i see you again i am arresting you and everyone in the room. disappear."

and we did.

Monkey Boy had jumped right out of a third story window. Adam went home and told his Mom everything. She told DSpring's Mom. Adam and DSprings got sent off to a mental hospital (very overprotective parents, i dont blame them for being worried or mad, but a mental hospital?) DSprings is still having issues with all the Meds they put him on there. the rest of that night about a million mother fuckers came to our room to try and buy paper cause Adam had told everyone at the party we were tripping. everyone knew.

we got an instant bad reputation. wich was fine. the party was over for now. i bought a cat and named him Mr. Orange. I sat alone in my apartment at night and talked to the cat.
Jul 16th, 2011 12:38 AM
george the first participant in the party was my friend DSprings. he gave me a ride home after work because my shitty car would not start. he agreed to hang out and have a beer. we walked in the door and Nancy was masterbating in front of her computer, and some Iranian guy was watching over skype. it ruined skype for me, but just the same DSprings and I fell out laughing.

and every night DSprings came over after work and we hung out drinking all night. then i would go to work. this went on for a week or two and we picked up a third drinking buddy, and then a fourth. and before you could say boo it turned into people from pretty much any restaurant in the local area turning up. WaltB, my landlord did not mind because there was a lot of hot young ass coming to these parties.

there was one night where i jumped a trampoline with a girl after sharing half a paper with her. her tits flew out while we were jumping and were amazing to watch in an altered state. one night a girl gave my dog a whole bottle of sour apple pucker and he stumbled off into the night. he returned with a female beagle that he later attempted to hump.

it was really good fun, it i wasn't with the kids or at work i was at a really great party. and Nancy hated it. so, when a guy she had been fucking got sent overseas to Japan and needed a renter she jumped on the chance to move out I was glad to have her gone. i let the kids move in with her and paid child support and everything was pretty cool.

now you would think the party would end here, but it did not. instead it intensified. with no bitch around to complain and give dirty looks, even more women came over. and then we had a Christmas party for Outback at a hotel.

there was a group of us. we all took six pieces of paper. and there was a lot of trouble......
Jul 16th, 2011 12:36 AM
Pentegarn Sounds like the best remedy to Nancy is to set her on fire till she burns to ash, put the ash in the soil of a plant, feed that plant to a gopher, then set the gopher on fire
Jul 15th, 2011 09:09 PM
ThrashO
Quote:
Originally Posted by george View Post
i changed the agenda of the meeting and told them to fuck off.
Jul 15th, 2011 09:09 PM
george now that is in part how i came to live with Nancy again.

Jason was the most awkward human being i have ever met. he was deaf in one ear, bald at twenty something and had seizures. Tuesday had a daily fake seizure at 10:20 am. the first time i met Jason i was meeting Nancy to give her the kids for Easter, and she was taking them to Jason's family house to celebrate the holiday. we met in front of a Bob Evans that would come to be house of humiliation for Jason. just as Nancy and Jason (see his picture below, we nicknamed him Mister Magnet) approached, Tuesday launched into a seizure. I laughed right in Jason's stupid face.



Now that day, i was all alone. i actually spent the day sitting in my car listening to Johnny Cash and smoking cigarettes. i also put the sheemie curse on him.

i had been cursed once as a child. my mother had left us in the care of this creepy old gypsy lady that she knew from work. Auris fancied herself a gypsy witch and scared the living hell out of me and my brother. we went outside to avoid having to be around Auris in her smelly house. Auris had a rather large German Sheppard. it promptly attacked my little brother, knocking him to the ground and latching onto his hand. There was a small pile of Alternators on the porch, i grabbed one and smashed the dog over the head with it. several times. Auris was pretty mad that i killed her dog in such a graphic matter. she said that i was being put in her curse book.

i did not think much of it until years later when i was hanging out with a Marine buddy of mine named Soto and his wife Deeana. We were pretty drunk, and Deeana came up to me and said she was a witch and that i had been cursed. Jason confirmed that she was a powerful witch. Deeana insisted on having a ceremony to break the curse.

Soto and Deeana left the room. a few minutes later they came back and Deeana was naked. we sat in a triangle with Deeana facing me. Ever sat across from an attractive naked girl sitting cross legged? it was great fun. the whole ceremony i stared at Deeana's pussy and tits. I don't think the whole removal ceremony worked, but i did have something to jerk off about for days. and i became a firm believer in the power of that gypsy bitches curse. for the record Auris died in 2009, my Mom went to her funeral.

i took all my rage and hate and focused it on Jason, on his family, and everything he cared about. i honestly and sincerely begged the whole universe to fuck with this guy. and it worked like a fucking charm

the next morning his brother was smoking PCP while driving to work and rammed the back of a private ambulance. the oxygen tanks were not properly secured in the ambulance and exploded from the impact (my curse was so powerful it had collateral damage) and killed two people. his brother is still in jail and will be for a long time to come.

he got thrown out of his band because one night when they were doing a show he looked out in the crowd and saw Nancy making out with another dude. he started crying and refused to keep playing. and all of his share of the money for a trailer to haul their band shit burned in a fire that he was responsible for. he wrecked his brand new car in a DUI.

Nancy took to beating him up on a regular basis. in a memorable event that was related to me by my sister in law and June Nancy flipped a table over at the Bob Evans i mentioned earlier and attacked Jason. the police had to come get her off him. June was pretty disgusted that Jason had cried.

Jason was the cause of the fire at their trailer. in the hours after it burned down i was an arson suspect. i had come there a few days prior in the middle of the night. i made them listen to the Johnny Cash song "When the man comes around" like ten times, and made them hide something for me.

i was pumping gas. i saw a shaving bag on top of the pump. i was vaugely curious about what was in it. i thought it might be a bomb or something. i opened the bag. it was filled with drugs and money. $500 in cash, about three ounces of weed, and two hundred ecstacy pills (daisy's). i kept the weed and money, but i was scared to drive around with all those pills. the only person i knew in the world to give them to was Nancy.

after making them listen to Johnny Cash and hiding my bag of drugs, i was feeling pretty nice towards them. i offered to install the washer and dryer Jason's parents had gotten them. i believe they were a little scared of me, and told me that Jason was looking forward to installing them.

when the fire investigator cleared my good name by declaring the fire a result of an improperly installed dryer i felt pretty cool about losing all the pills.

Nancy and Jason had to live in his parents basement for a awhile. they eventually rented a basement apartment from a guy named Walt brown. on their first night there they had the kids over. Jason was tasked with cooking a Digornio pizza (the kind with cardboard on the bottom). He forgot to take the cardboard off and it caught fire in the oven. Nancy put it out, and then slammed the melted and burned pizza messy side down over his head.

he ran out into the night crying and never came back. my curse was comlete.

and so about a week before my snake got stolen for crack Nancy needed a roommate. it did not seem like a great idea, but i did not figure it would be too awful. it was more awful than ever. if i was there alone with her she would try to seduce me and then go apeshit crazy on me. so for my own personal safety i made sure we were never alone.

and i started a never ending party.
Jul 15th, 2011 07:42 PM
creeposaurus miniseries on Hallmark channel please
Jul 15th, 2011 07:11 PM
george DSprings, an endless party and how it ended.....

I decided to move back to Maryland. I could not afford a place to live with the kids (almost got a mortgage throuh Countrywide, but I was too shitty even for them--thank god) so I worked out a deal with my Mother In Law that I would pay rent to her for the kids, and got an apartment with in my old friend Ronnies house.

Now this was pretty much a place to keep my shit, it was not home. I considered it a bedroom in a different house. It was out of the way enough that i never saw Nancy, and i got to spend a lot more time with the kids. without a 200 mile daily drive, and just paying June and my rent I was doing pretty good. i had a good mix of social life, family life, and Ronnie ran a recording studio out of his house so i also had a lot of good music.

otherwise Ronnies place was a complete shithole. When my parents delivered the last of my stuff to me my mother cried because she felt scared for me. i felt bad, but the chemo and radiation therapy had worked a miracle--five years after being told she was going to die she was just fine. the cancer may kill her one day, but for now it is in stasis with no sign of growing any time soon. she was always worried about me, and i could see her point this time.

i had several housemates.

first there was Ronnie, he had really bad arthritis because his mother had broken all his bones with a hammer when he was a baby. the medicine they gave him to treat his arthritis caused severe circulatory problems and his legs had begun to rot, and smell. Ronnie was bedridden, and screamed at the top of his lungs every morning when he shit.

Chuck was the fattest, most disgusting person i ever met. he got fired from his job at Wendy's for being too fat, smelly, and stupid. he was now Ronnies nurse, and whipping boy. he also liked to tell me my business, and leave his snot everywhere on his face.

and then there was Joe. Joe had at one time been the best musician in our area. his band had been signed to a big deal by Geffen Records and was poised to become famous. and for some reason pretty much all the guys in the band started smoking crack and living up to the reputation of Southern Maryland rednecks. he installed carpets and went on crack binges, but could play the guitar better than anyone i ever saw.

otherwise there was always some local band, their buddies, and slutty rock band coke head groupie chicks lounging around. it was fun sometimes, but mostly annoying. i have written most of my life story for the last little while very publicly (or at least to you assholes), but in real life i stay pretty much isolated and i like it.

in my travels with Brian and Ivy i ran into an old friend named Lizzy. Lizzy had dated a friend of mine in highschool. he got her pregnant when she was 14, and then killed himself because of some drug dealing issues. Lizzy had a really funny way of talking and i liked hanging out with her. She came to hang out with me one night and she stayed for a few months. not as my guest though her and Joe hooked up, and would hide in his room and smoke crack and fuck.

i had a little garter snake. i liked getting high and putting a little fishbowl in the middle of the snakes tank and watching the snake kill goldfish. it was the only thing i really had. and one night i came home and my snake was gone, along with anything of mine that could have some sort of value. i was very upset.

in the room next to mine Joe and Lizzy were fucking. when they finished Lizzy came to my room and very sincerely apologized for stealing my shit and trading it for crack. then Ronnie and Chuck wanted to have a house meeting with me to dicuss how I needed to take on some of the burden of caring for Ronnie and household chores. i changed the agenda of the meeting and told them to fuck off. then my car broke down.

i had 99 problems, and a bitch would become one. this continues.....
Jul 15th, 2011 07:07 PM
george DSprings, an endless party and how it ended.....

I decided to move back to Maryland. I could not afford a place to live with the kids (almost got a mortgage throuh Countrywide, but I was too shitty even for them--thank god) so I worked out a deal with my Mother In Law that I would pay rent to her for the kids, and got an apartment with in my old friend Ronnies house.

Now this was pretty much a place to keep my shit, it was not home. I considered it a bedroom in a different house. It was out of the way enough that i never saw Nancy, and i got to spend a lot more time with the kids. without a 200 mile daily drive, and just paying June and my rent I was doing pretty good. i had a good mix of social life, family life, and Ronnie ran a recording studio out of his house so i also had a lot of good music.

otherwise Ronnies place was a complete shithole. When my parents delivered the last of my stuff to me my mother cried because she felt scared for me. i felt bad, but the chemo and radiation therapy had worked a miracle--five years after being told she was going to die she was just fine. the cancer may kill her one day, but for now it is in stasis with no sign of growing any time soon. she was always worried about me, and i could see her point this time.

i had several housemates.

first there was Ronnie, he had really bad arthritis because his mother had broken all his bones with a hammer when he was a baby. the medicine they gave him to treat his arthritis caused severe circulatory problems and his legs had begun to rot, and smell. Ronnie was bedridden, and screamed at the top of his lungs every morning when he shit.

Chuck was the fattest, most disgusting person i ever met. he got fired from his job at Wendy's for being too fat, smelly, and stupid. he was now Ronnies nurse, and whipping boy. he also liked to tell me my business, and leave his snot everywhere on his face.

and then there was Joe. Joe had at one time been the best musician in our area. his band had been signed to a big deal by Geffen Records and was poised to become famous. and for some reason pretty much all the guys in the band started smoking crack and living up to the reputation of Southern Maryland rednecks. he installed carpets and went on crack binges, but could play the guitar better than anyone i ever saw.

otherwise there was always some local band, their buddies, and slutty rock band coke head groupie chicks lounging around. it was fun sometimes, but mostly annoying. i have written most of my life story for the last little while very publicly (or at least to you assholes), but in real life i stay pretty much isolated and i like it.

in my travels with Brian and Ivy i ran into an old friend named Lizzy. Lizzy had dated a friend of mine in highschool. he got her pregnant when she was 14, and then killed himself because of some drug dealing issues. Lizzy had a really funny way of talking and i liked hanging out with her. She came to hang out with me one night and she stayed for a few months. not as my guest though her and Joe hooked up, and would hide in his room and smoke crack and fuck.

i had a little garter snake. i liked getting high and putting a little fishbowl in the middle of the snakes tank and watching the snake kill goldfish. it was the only thing i really had. and one night i came home and my snake was gone, along with anything of mine that could have some sort of value. i was very upset.

in the room next to mine Joe and Lizzy were fucking. when they finished Lizzy came to my room and very sincerely apologized for stealing my shit and trading it for crack. then Ronnie and Chuck wanted to have a house meeting with me to dicuss how I needed to take on some of the burden of caring for Ronnie and household chores. i changed the agenda of the meeting and told them to fuck off. then my car broke down.

i had 99 problems, and a bitch would become one.
Jul 14th, 2011 06:29 PM
bubbles Thanks for the clairification. well I hand painted and designed the shirt so if you want to see more check me out on facebook. Name: Amy Kress and George is Jorge Teddy Grahms Villalobos.
Jul 14th, 2011 05:50 PM
Pentegarn MEANS

SHIRT

WANT

OWN

We used to just draw our feelings on walls though
Jul 14th, 2011 03:02 PM
bubbles what does that mean? WANT.
Jul 14th, 2011 02:50 PM
captain516 WANT.
Jul 14th, 2011 02:48 PM
bubbles

Works every time
Jul 14th, 2011 06:02 AM
Fathom Zero George is the kind of person I take my hat off for.
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