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Jul 30th, 2008 09:53 PM
kahljorn Oh I guess my bible verse wasn't cool enough for your ugly fucking bible-ingesting vaginas.
Jun 23rd, 2008 09:20 PM
kahljorn so I don't know if you guys read the one I posted but it went like this:

Moses was doing what god wanted and had befriended aaron and what-whores and was buddies with god and was walking to egypt to do his tasks when suddenly he comes to kill moses to kill his friend/accomplice and so his wife cuts off someone's foreskin and throws it at his feet and says YOU ARE A BRIDEGROOM OF BLOOD and so god leaves.

Foreskins protect you from god and apparantly you marry foreskins?
Jun 7th, 2008 04:27 PM
Kybo Ren
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sethomas View Post
Yes, you did say "bible verses", and therein lies the evidence that you are stupid.

Jerome did not write The Gospel of Thomas. Also, the bible was not written by Joseph Ratzinger. Also, you are stupid.

"bible verses" not bible verses
jerome DIDN'T? here I thought God came down and wrote everything with a burning pencil
Also, John Ratzenberger rules- props to Major Derlin
Also, "the book of Norm" gives real insight on not coveting wives
Also, everyone's stupid by someones standard- lucky I'm in America where the bar is real low
USAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSA
Jun 7th, 2008 03:32 PM
Fathom Zero It was written by John Ratzenberger
Jun 7th, 2008 05:04 AM
Sethomas Yes, you did say "bible verses", and therein lies the evidence that you are stupid.

Jerome did not write The Gospel of Thomas. Also, the bible was not written by Joseph Ratzinger. Also, you are stupid.
Jun 7th, 2008 04:43 AM
Kybo Ren i said "bible verses"
what no love for the Jerome? Ned Flanders likes it
and what about Thomas?
"To pretend they do not exist because we do not see them is like pretending that we never sleep because we have never caught ourselves asleep."

I just can't abide by learning only what the church says we should learn. the pope's a jerk- I liked him better as a jr nazi then the spiritual leader of millions who damns all non-catholics to hell. way to spread the love
Jun 7th, 2008 04:27 AM
Sethomas ...except that's not actually from the bible.

Where's that expression from?
-Chapter 35.
Chapter 35 of...?
-The Bible, jackass!!
Jun 7th, 2008 02:26 AM
Kybo Ren Finaly found one of my favorite "bible verses" of all time:
From chapter 35:
"And Jesus was eight years old, and he left Jericho and went toward the Jordan. And there was beside the road, near the bank of the Jordan, a cave in which a liones was feeding her cubs; no one could take the road with safety. Now Jesus, coming from Jericho and having learned that a lioness had given birth in that cave, entered it within sight of everyone. But as soon as the lions saw him, they ran to meet him and worshiped him. And Jesus sat down in the cave, and the cubs ran this way and that around his feet, caressing him and playing with him. The old lions, however, remained at a distance with their heads bowed; they worshiped him and slowly wagged their tails before him. Then the people, standing far from the cave and not seeing Jesus, said, 'If he or his parents had not committed great sins, he would not have offered himself to the lions.' And while the people were having these thoughts and feeling overwhelmed with sadness, suddenly, in the presence of all, Jesus came out of the cave, with the lions preceding him and the cubs playing at his feet. His parents stood far off, because of the lions, and did not dare to join them. Then Jesus said to the people, 'How much better than you are wild beasts, which recognize their Master and glorify him, while you, men, created in the image and knowledge of God, do not know him. Beasts recognize me and become meek; men see me and do not recognize me.' "
From Chapter 36:
"After this, Jesus crossed the Jordan with the lions in the sight of all, and the water of the Jordan parted to the left and to the right. Then he said to the lions in such a way as to be heard by all, 'Go in peace and do not harm to anyone; but let no one harm you until you have returned to the place from which you came.' And the lions saluted him, not with their voices, but with the attitude of their bodies, and went back into the cave. And Jesus returned to his mother."

translated from the Latin version of Saint Jerome


8 year old Jesus talking down to humans, kicking it with lions whom he encourages to defend themselves (if necessary) and doing the old water parting trick (sans staff, eat it Moses), missing years Jesus rocks! also schooling the scholars is swell as well.
May 31st, 2008 09:31 AM
executioneer and then adam goes off and you think he's left and eve goes to fill up her canteen and then a crocodile jumps out of the water and bites on to it! and then adam comes out of nowhere and wrestles it and stabs it to death

that was the best
May 31st, 2008 07:52 AM
MetalMilitia The bit were adam is like "DON'T MOVE" and eve is all like "WHAT U R DOIN" then adam cuts a snake in half that is just about to bite eve in the head.
May 31st, 2008 04:32 AM
executioneer "trick or treat, i'm a serial killer"
May 31st, 2008 01:15 AM
Sethomas He needed them for a costume.
May 27th, 2008 09:11 PM
Colonel Flagg
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Hoopla View Post
I forget where it is but the one where David steals a bunch of philistine foreskins.
1 Samuel 18:25-27
May 27th, 2008 05:07 PM
Trash One day I was skipping through the bible, and there was a part in the beginning of the new testament where god was all like "I FUCKING LOVE YOU" to jesus, and the next bit was like: "and then he sent him (jesus) to the desert to be bullied by the devil."

God how I laughed.
May 27th, 2008 01:36 PM
Grislygus That's nice. Moving on.

All Time Favorite: The Holy Spirit has female connotations in the original texts, piss the hell out of a preacher today by bringing it up.
May 27th, 2008 01:28 PM
pac-man God is make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
May 27th, 2008 12:16 AM
Mr.Hoopla I forget where it is but the one where David steals a bunch of philistine foreskins. I wonder if that created some sort of foreskin fairy for them?
May 16th, 2008 10:25 PM
executioneer no
May 10th, 2008 03:32 AM
executioneer man those are the unhappiest doin' it people i've ever seen
May 10th, 2008 02:59 AM
Sethomas Illustration of the Old Testament from a 13th century bible (NSFW!!)

Spoilers!
May 4th, 2008 11:44 PM
Kybo Ren
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tadao View Post
You miss understand Kybo Homo. I was raised JW and am drunk ate the same time.


I didn't misunderstand- and I'm only gay for you.

seriously, kybo homo? you can do better, even drunk
May 4th, 2008 01:02 AM
kahljorn Exodus 4:25 that's all I have to say.

also if you're a jew you're not supposed to cook kids in their mother's milk!

or wash milk and meat dishes together!
May 3rd, 2008 06:41 PM
Tadao You miss understand Kybo Homo. I was raised JW and am drunk ate the same time.
Shrub : eye miss pel wen eye im sobber two
May 3rd, 2008 06:27 PM
Kybo Ren Eccl. 7:26
" And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her."

And don't forget: never question religous authority until you're dead.
May 3rd, 2008 06:22 PM
Shrubfest Not having read any of the bible yet, don't think i've got any worries.

Tadao, it's pretty obvious you're drunk, due to the mis-spelling. Well done! :D
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