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Topic Review (Newest First)
Apr 7th, 2008 09:49 PM
Misdemonar Thank you for taking the time to read my draft, and the review, it means alot to me :o
Apr 7th, 2008 09:36 PM
Asila I only got through half of one of Tribes draft, but it was due to time and not a lack of interest. I really like your use of descriptions, and they're really vivid but not overwrought or overdone--like, for instance, the way I write--but you do use a loooooot of commas. They stop the eye somewhat, they're so prolific.
Apr 7th, 2008 03:16 AM
liquidstatik if i liked reading i swear i'd help you out man
Apr 6th, 2008 08:12 PM
Misdemonar alirhgt, so I wrote an outline for a two part story

http://redland.deviantart.com/

Apr 5th, 2008 03:36 PM
Misdemonar I meant HIT THEM HARD.
Apr 5th, 2008 04:06 AM
Sethomas Okay, my first reaction was to say something referencing the fact that the design of keyboards is centered around the idea that individual keys need to be "hit" for them to work in pretty much any conventional/intended use. Like, say, I could play on that idea with the suggestion that you have telekinetic powers that are useless on the M and B keys and the space bar because they, as you mention, are broken.

The problem is this would be very inconsistent with my character as you all know, since Sethomas would distinguish between the generalized act of "hitting" keys and the verb "depress" which would be more precise in this context.
Apr 4th, 2008 03:35 AM
Misdemonar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pub Lover View Post
I found it clumsy, occasionally jarring but mostly muddled.

Is your keyboard broken or are you attempting some motif with the recurring lack of 'M's?

You have the start of something that could go somewhere, but you have to be sure you have a place to go. Your descriptions are interesting, and I have a sense of a place and it's people, but it needs more.

I suck at reviews. :x
yeah my m and b and space bar are broken, and I have to hit them for it to work.
Apr 4th, 2008 03:26 AM
Pub Lover
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misdemonar View Post
think mashing up 1st person and narration would be a good idea?
I found it clumsy, occasionally jarring but mostly muddled.

Is your keyboard broken or are you attempting some motif with the recurring lack of 'M's?

You have the start of something that could go somewhere, but you have to be sure you have a place to go. Your descriptions are interesting, and I have a sense of a place and it's people, but it needs more.

I suck at reviews. :x
Apr 4th, 2008 01:24 AM
Misdemonar he will someone review my writing for me?
Apr 4th, 2008 12:13 AM
Misdemonar WELL THAT'S BECAUSE YOU FAILED HIGHSCHOOL HUH? YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. HAHAHAHA I AM SUPERIOR VICTOR.
Apr 4th, 2008 12:11 AM
Guitar Woman I have no idea what you're even asking
Apr 4th, 2008 12:04 AM
Misdemonar strange creatures growing up in a strange land.
Apr 3rd, 2008 11:47 PM
Asila Depends on the context, can you give an example?
Apr 3rd, 2008 11:20 PM
Misdemonar
hey

think mashing up 1st person and narration would be a good idea?

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