and you're not going to stop those guys because BEAKS HURT.

You're telling me...I used to have a mean old cockatiel and one time he got me right in that spot between my thumb and index finger. I swear he chewed. Even with my blood all over his beak, he wouldn't let go.

Looks like I gotta have sinus surgery since I have some kind of blockage up there, which is good and also sucks. I also have a deviated septum so they're gonna put tubes up my nose and make me deal with that for a week or so. Fun stuff. So if I'm not back after next Tuesday, you dudes be cool, cuz I'm dead, and probably haunting kitsa. Because I think she'd be the one to talk about me haunting her on here. Plus, no offense, but I think she'd be the most interesting to watch day to day.

Well, that sucks. Any surgery sucks, I mean.

I'm sure you'll be back.

In the meantime, I'll be showering with my clothes on.

k0k0,
You'll be haunting her because you have a thing for curvy redheads.

Good luck with the surgery, hopefully they can fix it.

Wait are you saying the surgery will fix his thing for curvy redheads?

I don't think anything can fix my thing for curvy redheads. That shit is ingrained is nature's fault. Or at least my first girlfriend's.

This is making me only slightly less uncomfortable than the gathering where I heard, "Man, if you wasn't my cousin..."

Don't worry man, I'm not gonna be the kind of ghost who shows himself to your family. I'll just be the kind of ghost who hangs out and watches shit go down. And also I'll probably be rattling things and changing the channels of your tv to things I would rather watch. You can't be a ghost without rattling shit.

No the surgery will cure the nasal whistle heard while doing a curvy redhead.

Haunt Kitsa's neighbors. That should be entertaining as hell.

I just told one of my best friends that my final wish if I do die in surgery is that he names his first child Kevin Jr, regardless of it's sex. He refused. What an asshole. You can't deny the last wishes of a good compadre. So I made sure my roommate pesters him until he does it.

If you're haunting my neighbors, could you please see if they're stealing our cable?

My bowel disease is out of remission, so I'll also be leaving. Sorry, guys. Health takes priority over screwing around on a humor site.

I have a bleeding ulcer and can take pictures of my stools if you like. It's mostly diarrhea, though.

I think the majority opinion is that they've been looking at it for a while.

I didn't say it, but I think that's what the prevailing sentiment is.

So a shitty poster is stopped by shit

Ironic

PICKLE!

What is a virgin in a redneck family?

A girl that can run faster than all her brothers.

This adderall I bough a week ago fucking sucks. I took it at 3:30, it wore off around 8:30

What the fuck >:

Next, on 1000 Ways To Die...

now i'm tired and i have no interest in going over my biology notes :(

Don't worry, you'll be back. :(

I wish I could say I'd only heard it once.

What's that saying about going to a family reunion to pick up women?

ATTENTION ADDERALL USERS (i know one of you dorks has a prescription for this shit)

How do I convince a Doctor that I need this stuff? I think I legitimately have good reason, whenever I'm on the stuff I get way more shit done and I'm much less distracted