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WELL FUCK IF I'M GOING TO GET ANYTHING DONE TODAY >:
AGAIN >: |
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SO I RUINED ANOTHER PAGE BRAK >:
W/E |
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Okay, I'm back
what's goin on |
I AM IN A RUT THAT I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO HOIST MYSELF OUT OF
I HAVE TO GIVE A PRESENTATION ON STUFF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT IN 11 DAYS AND IT'S FRANKLY SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME IT'S BECOMING A HABIT TO DO POORLY ON TESTS I'M SPENDING UP TO FOUR DAYS PREPARING FOR I AM GOING THROUGH THE HUGEST FUCKING CRUSH OF MY LIFE AND I'VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO HER A LOT OF THINGS ARE THE MATTER :( |
That sucks :(
What's the presentation on |
YOU'RE THE SON OF THE BIGGEST NAZI SUPPORTER IN BRITAIN AND YOU DECIDE TO DRESS UP A COUPLE OF HOOKERS AS NAZI OFFICERS, HAVE SEX WITH THEM, WHILE PICTURES ARE TAKEN AND WHEN SAID PICTURES ARE LEAKED YOU EXPECT THE ISSUE TO BLOW OVER?
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Also, the test thing is test anxiety, I've never had it but apparently they're training tutors and shit to help students who struggle with it
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But I've panicked less since I finally did find some scholarly sources that I can understand. The whole talking in front of 40 people about something I may or may not give completely wrong information about is already creating a lump in my stomach :( |
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Ah, well, fuck
If it had to do with history, english, or any form of mythology I'd hook you up but you're on your own with science |
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Do you have to give this presentation to people who already know a lot about the subject, or just some other students? 'Cause if the audience doesn't know more about the subject than you did when you first started researching it, then you can just throw huge amounts of information at them and they won't know if it's right or not.
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PAGE 1457 SERIOUS HOMO DISCUSSION :(
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Well yeah since I'm in an engineering class containing only students who are majoring in engineering so yeah I'd say so >:
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My friend's dealing with that anxiety stuff right now in Cal State Fullerton, I'm coaching him on studying the shit out of it weeks beforehand and the day before and on the test just doing something totally relaxing
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Fuck.
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He's not doing that great though, he can't actually relax unless he mentally decides "Fuck it" on those two days
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It's very difficult to force yourself into a "fuck it" mentality. I'd know, because theoretically, I know I'm getting through into next year no matter what my grades are the rest of the year, but I still can't force myself not to care. It sucks.
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Now, what's the presentation gonna be about, how long is it, etc
In my experience, the key to essay tests and involved presentations is finding a springboard straight into and through the material |
What's been going on lately is that I've got the material down pat, then in the test taking situation it pretty much disappears from my brain until 20 minutes after the test and I'm like "well fuck >:"
I have been stressed out these last few months though. I need summer >: |
If you can find an activity that truly relaxes you and lets you phase out for a few hours, you'll be set
I really don't know what non-art people do to relax that much, though :( |
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Since any sources I can find deal with very specific situations (doping zirconium oxide-based ceria with gallium blah blah blah) I'm just going to go over five or six very specific examples instead of doing a broad overview since sintering behavior all depends on the materials you're working with anyway.[/boring] Now that I think about it I pretty much have a handle on the material, it's just stage fright I'm worried about. I haven't given a presentation since high school and that was on books that have been banned from libraries >: |
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I used to write a lot but I haven't had the desire to do such a thing in quite a while. And Pub Lover might say that that's a good thing :rolleyes |
Do you know any of the other students that well
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Are you kidding. We're engineering majors. We don't talk to other people :lol
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Well, the best advice I can give you is to practice giving the presentation many, many, many times in as casual a way as possible, helps you get a gameplan going and focusing on talking about it casually lets you become comfortable talking about it, and that's really the whole issue
As far as relaxing goes, I'd recommend bunch of coloring books. I know how goddamn retarded that sounds, but just spending an hour listening to music that makes you feel good while doing art is one of the easiest things to do that can relax you. You personally won't care about the art, what you need is something mindless, fun, and completely inconsequential, so I'd recommend coloring books Just don't let your dorm mates see you |
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Well, the actual best way to relax is to recline on Persian velvet cushions while separate teams of exotic women simultaneously feed you tropical fruit, fan you with peacock feathers, and creatively stimulate your noble organ.
At least, per my opinion that's the best way to relax. |
THis is after the whole vomitorium thing, right
I'm pretty sure that would un-relax you a little bit |
I know this sounds bad but if I have to give a presentation amongst peers I start off with the polar bear joke.
"How much does a polar bear way? Enough to break the ice." Then just go right into your presentation. |
I DON'T GET IT
GREAT I AM MORE NERVOUS |
I am an expert on presentations and speeches!
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Well, the only other polar bear joke I can think of is the one where you put a black dot in the middle of a piece of paper and ask if anyone knows what it is.
When the flood of stupid remarks is through, you reply "a polar bear blinking in the middle of a blizzard". I think that would be a far better polar bear joke to share at the beginning of an engineering class lecture. |
A polar bear is enough to break the ice, which hopefully a few people will laugh, thereby breaking the ice and raising the interaction level of the room. Opposed to just giving them a bunch of information right away.
That or see if you can go over your speech with your professor beforehand. |
I know a polar bear joke and it ends with animal abuse and potty double-talk. :(
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What's the difference between a polar bear and an onion?
Pretty much anyone will cry when they mince and onion, but if you cry while mincing a live polar bear it means you're a faggot. |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiMR9Nwe-NY
A POLAR BEAR IS NOT ENOUGH TO BREAK THE ICE SO I DON'T BELIEVE THAT IS AN ACCURATE METHOD OF MEASURING A POLAR BEAR'S WEIGHT YOU SEE |
How do you keep a polar bear from charging?
Make it pay in cash. I will use that one |
Yeah, in fact a large portion of the polar bear's natural biome includes ice masses in the artic circle that aren't even supported by the North American or Asiatic continental land masses.
I think his science is rather flawed. |
what time is it when a polar bear sits on ur fence
TIME TO BUY A NEW FENCE |
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I think I'll scrap my initial presentation idea and just go with polar bear jokes as they seem to be closer to if not within my comfort zone. :( |
how do you stop a polar bar that's spinning on a clothesline
you can't :< |
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS AN ATHEIST WITH A POLAR BEAR?
A BLIND BEAR BECAUSE... |
Polar bear walks into a bar and asks for a___________________________________________ drink. Bartender says sure but why the big pause. Polar looks down and say I don't know, I've always had them.
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KNOCK KNOCK
WHOS THERE POLAR BEAR POLAR BEAR WH*AUUGH* (gets mauled) |
THE JOKE I COULDN'T REMEMBER IS SOMETHING LIKE: HOW DO YOU TRAP A POLAR BEAR?
YOU JUST CUT A BIG HOLE IN THE ICE AND DUMP SOME PEAS BY IT THEN GO HIDE. WHEN THE POLAR BEAR COMES OVER TO TAKE A PEA, YOU KICK HIM IN THE ICE-HOLE. Or something to that effect. :rolleyes |
hahaha
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Nobody's brought up the best scrutiny of the original polar bear joke idea.
Let's say he uses that joke at the beginning of his lecture and moves on as normal. Using demographic information we have at hand, namely that it's an engineering-related class setting, we can assume both that a large portion of the students have laptops and that, beyond the well-merited argument that most Asperger kids don't really have Asperger's, this IS an engineering-related class we're talking about. From this we can conclude that there is a large chance bordering on statistical certainty that a student with Asperger's Syndrom will be in attendance with a laptop. The natural conclusion is that, provided his classroom has wireless as most major American campuses provide in lecture halls, within a few seconds of the joke being told his lecture will have been interrupted by someone providing a zoological answer to the standard weight range of polar bears after having accessed the related Wikipedia article. |
oh, about the polar bear breaking the ice. Find a video of a polar bear breaking ice looking for seals. I'm at work and don't have access to youtube. A polar bear will smell the air to find an underground seal, then stomp the ice to where the seal is, then....well eat the seal.
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Wow. Guys, that was scary.
A few months ago my former internet provider sold their hold on this region to Comcast. Comcast continued to provide me with the internet service I've grown to love, but every time I've tried to pay them they've refused to take my money. I guess I figured it was out of a generosity welling from the depths of their kind hearts. I'd keep trying to pay them, but no! They would not take the bank draft data I had provided them and actually use it. Eventually I began to notice statements that would include reminders of how much I SHOULD be paying them, replete with indications of the late fees that WOULD be incurred to this point, but since this was always on the same page as which stated that they had my financial information on file along with my preference for automatic withdrawal, I knew they were just teasing me. I'd even call them just to say hello out of appreciation for their goodwill in giving me internet service, and I'd express my desire to reward them accordingly, but they always managed to employ what those in the humanities call "Socratic Irony". They craftily expressed a point, presumably that they love me, by feigning a lack of knowledge or understanding. Well, today they shut off my internet and by extreme measures I was able to get it back on without paying their minion another $40 to drive the two blocks from their office to my house. I'm really not that good at the whole spiteful retort thing, but the image I have in mind that should be expressed in some pithy way is this: they should perform felatio on a hog, but do it in an amateur way such that the swine's coiled phallus ends up ejaculating into their trachea. The image of them (because a nebulous corporation such as Comcast can be personified as a small number of responsible individuals in my mind) drowning to death in pork semen isn't particularly apt, and not really all that good as these things go, but it suits me fine. |
I hate companies where the callcenter and field techs are nowhere near the same page. They usually only have one thing in common.
(call center ( you getting screwed ) Field Support) Bad VENN diagram but you get the idea. |
Wait, I do?
Yeah, I was in fact careful to let the field service guy know that I wasn't mad at HIM because some idiots with three times his salary in another state can't properly code a database. |
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I fell down a flight of stairs today and now I can't bend my knee. :( That's probably... not good, right?
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Maybe it's your body's way of telling you to avoid stairs.
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Maybe it's my body's way of telling me to avoid shoes with no tread on the bottom. Or... being so pleased with myself that I've a jaunty step.
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Well, my point was that it's hard to climb stairs without bending the knees. It's possible, but most people would avoid it because of how society would judge you.
You're right in that it makes putting on shoes more difficult, but since the presence of tread on them is irrelevant and the wearing of shoes has a positive general effect on well-being, it seems unlikely that this is the message your body is trying to send. |
Ha, mixing up subjects within the same clause is funny.
"most people would avoid [awkward climbing of stairs] because of how society would judge you" It implies something like "I would walk all crazy-like up these stairs, but people can be so cruel to Asila and Asila doesn't need that." |
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Sometimes, I also talk to people via instant messaging.
Seth: I haven't seen The Ring, but I get the general idea: people see weird video and get a warning that they will die soon, prophesy comes true Seth: the thing is, that movie was released just early enough Seth: that they didn't have to have a character put it on YouTube and thus turn it into a Doomsday scenario movie Eh. Seth: it's weird having social networks now Important Person: hah Important Person: why? Important Person: because people are ridiculous like they were in middle school? Seth: because even if you're not in touch through them, you see that people from your ancient past still exist Seth: for the most part Important Person: yeaaah Important Person: that is weird Seth: and when you realize that someone from your ancient past ISN'T visible like that Seth: you just assume they stopped existing Important Person: hah Important Person: yeah Seth: things were so much simpler in the middle ages. you knew how your fellow serfs were doing because none of you were allowed to leave the fiefdom, and at some point you'd attend their funerals and they, yours. Important Person: haha Important Person: so true Seth: it's not like someone would disappear and you'd have to ask, "where'd Isodore go?" and have someone tell you "oh, the Tartars got him" Seth: 'cuz really, if the Tartars come to get someone, they'd probably get you too (My interlocutor is presented in pseudonym to protect her* from the kinds of people who frequent this message board.) *I know what you're wondering. Yes, we have made out, but she lives far, far away now so this shouldn't detain any of you ladies from pursuing me. |
Are all your conversations like this?:lol
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The front page of icanhascheezburger is good today!
:lol :chatter :lol :tear :lol |
I hate internet cats
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My guess is you can't follow the highly cerebral narrative contained within each image.:posh
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Internet cats are cool if the text isn't emo-internet-alized. Is the text on the photos that much funnier when written by a retard?
No. |
Okay. Go up and look at those pictures. Take the white macro text and pretend that it's written in normal, orthographic spelling and follows normal punctuation and capitalization standards.
When I did that, it was funny to me because I have the frame of context that held it against the established lolcats norms. That is, I derive humor from seeing normal text where my mind has been conditioned to see facetious attacks on the English language. Now, WITHOUT that a priori, it wouldn't be funny at all. We know this because within the history of photography, there is a long chapter that spans over a century involving pictures of cats being captioned by a wide spread of personality types including grandmothers, volunteer Girl Scout leaders, and marketing strategists for companies in the motivational poster industry. I will be quick to note that the only historically significant instance when this was ever funny involves a lithographic illustration for a children's song popular in the 1890s*. Even in this case, the humor derives from an anachronistic association with the precise verbiage employed and not comic mastery. The English language had to evolve for at least fifty years to sufficiently associate the word "pussy" with the female pudendum and thus provide sufficient unintended irony. *I love little Pussy, her coat is so warm, And if I don't hurt her she'll do me no harm. I'll sit by the fire and give her some food, And Pussy will love me, because I am good. |
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The cat that lives in my condo (it's not mine, it belongs to my flatmate's girlfriend and I tolerate this because the of the odd chance I might have a female visitor who will sex me because I have a cat in my abode) is always leaving evidence that he accomplished some amazing feat of manual dexterity. We can only assume, then, that he was born with an evolutionary mutation for opposing thumbs. If he ever breeds, the only conclusion is that humanity is pretty well fucked.
I always figured I'd be somehow involved with the opening chapters of the eschaton, but this is really not what I had in mind. |
my cat kills birds and brings them to me, then i pet him and call him a killer :o
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I love the cereal box one ;>
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does anyone else think it feels good when you hold in your shits?
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so I'm considering a career in criminal justice!
crime scene investigation, to be more specific. I've pretty much got WHAT IT TAKES, and can't think of anything better to do |
I can't hold in my shits, i have coeliac disease.
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that suks terrva :<
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YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH |
YOU SET EM UP, I'LL KNOCK EM DOWN
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You'd better get practising standing up while taking off sunglasses and making a clever quip which somehow relates to the immediate situation.
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pandajuice is such a suckup, guys ;<
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HOW'D HE GET HIS EDIT BUTTON BACK >:
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THAT IS TO SAY, GW LIKES HOLDING IN SHITS TOO
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A LOT
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I BET HE'D RATHER HAVE 'EM GOIN IN AND OUT THOUGH
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AT SUPER HIGH SPEEEDS :x
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When I was diagnosed with celiac disease I was also diagnosed with anemia and osteoporosis, all this because the disease had fucked up my small intestine :/ |
Has anyone made a macro of W.C. Fields with the text, "SERIOUS HOBO PROBLEMS...? :-("?
Or perhaps something similar with one of the antiquated images of our prodigal daughter Renee buried deep in the PYPH thread (Pub, some help?)? Discuss. |
I'm proud to be disease free 8]
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:lol
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LADIES LADIES LADIES, PUB IS IN THE HOUSE! :D
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People who come to this thread who are new or are just visiting won't understand that liquid's emoticon expressing laughter was directed not at the image I created, but that I implied myself to be psychologically capable of writing in "terse summary" and furthermore actually posting it.
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