Cinemasochism: Dolemite
 

Anyone who hasn't watched this seen this masterpiece of moviemaking is missing out. Some people tried to reclaim blaxploitation by parodying it. They failed. Rudy Ray Moore instead made blaxploitation his bitch by overextending every single aspect until it screamed his name and called him Daddy. Behold: Dolemite!


Warning: Movie poster may contain better choreography than the film it represents.

I watched it, which took several cocktails and two friends who actually cried "uncle" and bailed two-thirds of the way through - you can read the results here. A sample to get you started:

Rudy Ray Moore wants you to know he's successful with women, and he thinks “insinuation” is something white people do because they’re impotent. If he wishes to imply a lady likes him, the only reason you don't see shaft is because the cameraman can't get the lens into the molecule-thin gap between his crotch and the refurbished prostitute/actress impersonating a face-shaped vacuum cleaner.

That looks unbelievably terrible, and I can see why it took multiple cocktails to get through it.

Why exactly does he need an all girl army of Kung Fu killers?

When you're done with that you need to watch Disco Godfather. The last 10 minutes alone are worth the entirety of the movie. Human Tornado was pretty good too.

MS: He needs an all girl army of kung fu killers to take care of business that people don't have any business getting their business involved with.

Soul Vengeance is a good one, too.

A dude strangles another guy with his dick.

DAMN RIGHT

Damn it, I came here so that my suffering wasn't in vain and what do I get? MORE SUFFERING. I will watch those movies and rue you guys so hard.

The Human Tornado is strange - after Dolemite it looks like the height of cinema, but part of your brain knows it's merely the second worst thing ever to happen to your consciousness.

Dolomite is used to raise the pH of acid soils and prevent calcium and magnesium deficiency.

In conclusion, this film, Dolemite, is similar to Dolomite in that it improves soils base compounds, nitrogen in this case.

Because it is manure.

i love that art they use in this kind of old movies for some reason

Rest in peace Rudy Ray Moore, you kung fu hero.

There was supposed to be a new Dolemite movie coming out too but it looked really bad....like sadbad.

:lol

The only thing that makes Dolemite bad is a lack of budget. Add a few million to this and some karate trainers, and you will have the best movie EVER.

Your ironic sense of humor is more distasteful than funny in this respect.

Being an African American, I can honestly say that Dolemite is a classic in exploitation films. It is wonderful on so many levels.

PACMAN!