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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 04:10 PM

Shit Fuck. >:

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 04:10 PM


Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

Willie, I guarantee I will never post an accurate account of me having sex in one of your threads.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 04:14 PM

I need the door open for lies though.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 04:14 PM

I post so many of the lies.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 04:19 PM


Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 05:46 PM

THEY CAN'T HELP IT AND I CAN'T BLAME 'EM SINCE I GOT FAMOUS, BUT BITCH, I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

GETTIN' IT IN, LETTIN' THESE BILLS FALL ALL OVER YOUR SKIN

I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

BOY I WILL TELL YOU STORIES YOU WISH YOU NEVER HEARD

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 08:40 PM

One of my ex-girlfriends talked to God and God talked back, apparently this also extended to while we were screwing

This means that while I was having sex with a girl she thought she was having a private one-on-once conversation withGod

That's the kind of shit that precedes you being surprise STABBED TO DEATH, and I learned this while I was breaking up with her

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 08:42 PM

One of my exes turned out to have a weird, weird, weird obsession with "Asian ball-joint dolls" and liked to pretend that I was "one of her dolls" while we had sex


Once again, a creepy factoid that I learned afterwards

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 08:45 PM

Another girl I slept with at a party seemed normal until she somehow got my number and started calling me repeatedly and telling me that I was a victim of identity theft because there was someone who looked exactly like me except his hair had "blonde tips"

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 08:49 PM

And those are only the stories that I'm going to tell you. I am a cosmic weirdness magnet, and pretty much the only sane person I ever had a "committed relationship" wit someone working as a nude model, which is a weird story in and of itself

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 09:03 PM

lololololololol :artstudents

elx Jun 29th, 2011 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

forgive me! :(

elx Jun 29th, 2011 10:15 PM

I went and met people from the internet tonight. it was fun. too bad you internet people are so far away that none of you even know what duck sauce is. :(

elx Jun 29th, 2011 10:16 PM

except maybe colonelflagg <3

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 10:44 PM

I thought I had some Plum Sauce in the pantry but it is Mango Chutney. :(

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 10:50 PM

There's nothing wrong with mango chutney, man.

Otto Jun 29th, 2011 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

Considering that in accordance with German cultural norms, in order to have sex with a woman I would have to first puncture the right-hand side of her with my mating spike and inject her with my seed while saluting the heavens with a Sieg Heil at the same time, both of which are frowned upon in contemporary American society, you have no need to worry about me ever talking about it in any of your threads much less actually doing it in a close-minded nation such as this one.

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 728968)
I went and met people from the internet tonight. it was fun. too bad you internet people are so far away that none of you even know what duck sauce is. :(

Barbra streisand


OOHWHEEOO-OOH-OOH-OOOOHOOOOOH

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 11:10 PM



or their first single

Kitsa Jun 29th, 2011 11:16 PM

I spent the day in the ER. Pretty much all that came out of it was that my gallbladder got a clean bill of health and I figured out I never want a "GI Cocktail" again.

This was pretty much my view all day.


Otto Jun 29th, 2011 11:24 PM

Ugh, I hate going to the ER. A few years ago I got attacked by a stray dog and had to go there and ended up waiting three hours before someone would see me. I was tempted to put some alka-seltzer tablets in my mouth and run around the waiting room screaming THANKS A LOT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM!

Shyandquietguy Jun 29th, 2011 11:25 PM

Sounds like me and neglecting my dental hygiene. Infected tooth + really bad allergies = cannot breathe through nasal passages.

Except yours sounds alot worse. Glad you're okay, Kitsa.

Kitsa Jun 29th, 2011 11:45 PM

Thanks. Well, it's not my gallbladder, anyway.

I used to see GI cocktails given all the time and never really thought about it. Basically, it's maalox plus some sort of lidocaine syrup, and you drink it. First of all, it tastes fucking horrible. There's a little mint to it, but not much to go on. The entire time you're trying to force it down, your body is saying "noooo, no, I don't think so". But you get it down and then you realize there is absolutely zero sensation in your tongue and throat. Just nothing there.

That sounds a lot more fun than it is. In reality, your mouth is filling up with spit and you think you're swallowing but can't be sure because you can't feel it. So until it wears off (took me about 45 minutes), it feels like either being choked or suffocated to death. Man, I hated that.


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