This thread needs more Boston Legal!

Is 'job at the lumberyard' code for gay sex or something

Really? :tear

I'd only smell them if they enjoy being smelled.
The sensual act of smelling must be enjoyed by both parties in order to create a relaxed and good-spirited atmosphere.
If a GF does not like the intense rush of being smelled, then I will have to do so privately where the said GF is not bothered by my sudden intake of GF fumes.
I calculate and predict a GF's reaction with a 95% confidence interval.
If the GF is not delighted within the first 1.387 seconds (also known as an instant) upon my creation and initiation of the smell experience, I will terminate it within the next .54 second, and have a relaxed yet firm expression on my face in order to coax a less extreme negative reaction out of the GF.

I was going to post a dozen times right here, but I feel responsible for the CosmoToad. Bloody newbs thinking my behavior is acceptable. :(

Just like Riggo44 ruined Seven Force's Asian Lover joke. :(

Bloody Newbs. >:

But I really want to hear what you have to say!

In regards to you, Mister Pace, all I have to say is :pipepuff

You break my heart sometimes :(

If we were all Chimps, I would say the rest of us spend our time flinging poop or grooming each other, while you sit to one side wearing a bow tie, reading some dread tome, & smoking your pipe. Every so often one of us will hit you with some stray shit, & you'd put down your book, look at the offender squarely & say "My dear chap, is all this really necessary?" then hold their attention for a second or so before puffing on your pipe & returning to your book.

lol

Vivisection is no laughing matter. >:

I find it very funny. What else are animals good for?

Ask Lycurgus1985.

pets. and food.

Pets? Fuck pets! If I wanted some ungrateful bastard eating my food, & pissing on my carpet I'd have kids.

As for food... :vegan

there's nothing better than a good steak. and pork loin is to DIE for. as for others, such as sausage, bacon, chicken breast, wings.... I could never live without meat/poultry. I'm sorry.

I guess it's back to the drawing board for ol' pub!

Oh. This explains it.

http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?p=382755#382755

Holy shit! :eek

Really, what is so alluring about a place where everyone hates you that makes you want to come back over and over?

I'm talking about womti haha no hard feelings man

why are so many germans on this forum? :(

Why am so many Germans, you mean.

why "am"?

i AM

but they ARE

so there are so many germans on this forum and i want to be the only one because germans are stupid

Americans are worse! :canadianapparently

hehehehehe

HAY GUYS :(

i'm goin to the volksawgen dealership today.

we can pretend it's in honor of all the fine germanic folk in this thread.

and since i'm a texan now, the first words outta my mouth should be "HOWDY, DO Y'ALL STILL SELL THAT FAR-FLAG-NOUGAT CAR?"

Man, I hope John Woo doesn't fuck up on the Metroid movie.

Guys can i be german too i'm like a sixteenth cause my great grampa was half german? I think :( maybe he was ALL german idk

ok but you have to use lots of italics, especially when you're cussing stupid peole out

you also have to cuss out a lot of stupid people for being so stupid >:

oh and you also have to edit your posts a lot like I do

Oh man how am i gonna do that i'm posting on a phone :(

HEY WILLIE REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WE WERE TALKING VIA CELL PHONE TEXT MESSAGES AND YOU SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE HOUSE YOU WERE GOING TO RENT IT WAS BY A LAKE DID YOU RENT IT?

Yeah moved there and my roommate turned into a c*nt big suprise :rolleyes ps if i send you another picture would you host it and post it in pyph for me :(

yessir

oh shit i bought a golf! :eek

That's a coincidence, I find her attractively pretty.

How did the rest of the day go for you?

I went to sleep right after I spoke to you. I feel worse now than I did then.

That sucks. :(

HEYHEY! :lol2

I'M BORED

How about you follow CosmoToad around calling him stupid in imaginative ways?

I think he got the message.

Now why would you do that? >:

I do not think he did. He is obviously oblivious to chastisement. >:

She's attempting a running gag. It would be better if she made it a story rather than ripping off Rongi who was referencing Sam. :(

I just wanted you guys to see my MSpaint masterpiece :(

Also I'm gonna do a story once I come up with some ideas :(

I hope it's a bedtime story because I'm fucking tired of you!

The bathroom at work is an odd place. One minute you’re working with someone the next your hear them in a stall farting out shit with their pants around their ankles. You look for shoes and wonder, “Who is that person with the obvious gastrointestinal problems?” One day I walked into the bathroom and heard someone in a stall rustling a newspaper and shamelessly blasting away with heavy breathing and everything. I knock on the stall door and ask if he’s ok. He seems startled and tells me he’s fine. I put a hand under the stall door and ask him to slap me five on some excellent doody making. He kind of kicks my hand away and asks who I am. I pound on the door demanding to be let in. I tell him I want to see his work and I want to see him in action. He tells me that I’m not funny and tells me go away. I tell him he is an excellent doody maker. I ask him if his doody is stooly. He now seems angered and demands to know who I am. I go over to the urinal and grab a cake and lob it over into his stall. He screams an Ag and seems upset. He tells me fuck you.

I kick the door in and see Peter (a Vice President!) all in his most vulnerable. He stares back at me and asks me what the hell I’m doing. I tell him I want to be involved with his doody. He wants to know why I’m doing this. I tell him he has no respect for doody. I tell him that everyday a doody gives you pleasure and he’s an inconsiderate fuck. I club him with a fist over his head and knock him off the toilet. He tries to get up and run but his pants around his ankles are presenting a problem. I grab him by his head and dunk his head face first into the toilet. I tell him to look at the doody. He bubbles a scream back at me so I shove his face further into the toilet mushing his face into the doody - then yank him up gasping. His face has some doody stuck to it and I pull him up by his tie and stumble him across the bathroom to the smack his face into the mirror. Look at yourself doody face! look at you! Respect the doody! I tell him! RESPECT!

I pull his head back and then smash it into the mirror. The shards of glass cut up his face and brown and blood are running down his cheeks. He seems very surprised and stunned. What a turn of events! One second making doody the next you got toilet water all over your face and doody and you’re bleeding and you’re having a problem! I throw him back into the stall and hold his face over the toilet. I yell at him to look at the doody! He tells me to let him up. I tell him to look at it. He screams back OK OK I’m looking. I ask him what he sees and he tells me he doesn’t see shit. I grab a hunk of his doody and shove it in his face. I ask him again what he sees and he tells me he sees SHIT OK I SEE MY SHIT! That’s right. I tell him YOUR DOODY! And is it beautiful? I ask him. He tells me that it is beautiful. I ask him if its brown he tells me yes yes it’s brown its brown! That’s right fucker that’s your doody and it’s brown. AND BEAUTIFUL show it some goddamn respect! I respect you doody he tells it. Damn right I say. Now clean yourself up I tell him you look terrible and you’re embarrassing the doody. Doody is modest I tell him. That’s what makes it so beautiful. I am so excited all this activity makes me want to doody. Some may say I am doodyfixated or perhaps a bit overly involved with the brown brown - well if you ever hear anyone speaking such blasphemy you point ‘em out and I’ll make sure they learn proper.

I didn't read all that.

I didn't read ANY of it.

My joke was funnier because mine is based on real events.

You're better off than I. For reading it was done by me, and slight sickness was felt. Not nice was the story of Brian's Doody Duty.

PS. When I say Duty it doesn't sound like Doody as Duty has a T. Also I do not say Doody.

Seven Force's doody story reminded me of Chuck Palhniuk. :(

Ich muss durch den monsuuuuun hinter die weeeelt
bis ans ende der zeiiiiit bis kein regen mehr fäääälllt.

Onan is that you? :lol

HEY GUYS PLAY BIONIC COMMANDO WHILE LISTENING TO JUNGLE BOOGIE IT'S GREAT

Hey guys what we need on this board is someone who makes a german reference in every single post

Sir, I believe you have failed to notice that we are a community made up of characters with only a single joke each. If you were to deprive... Oh fuck this! >:

Thats a startlingly accurate summary of I-mockey :O

It was also a startlingly bad start to an awfully bad attempt at a joke, which I thankfully gave up on at it's midpoint. :(

:lol

A much better joke is that. :(

...or 'me' if you will. ;<

Haha post that picture of you again with half a beard

I must be in a good mood or high or something, because I don't think I look like a sack of shit in that picture. :(

Oh, & apparently that wasn't the pic I posted last year, go figure.

In fact I was right about using the above pic. I must of been really in need of approval that day. :lolfrown

Why do you only have one half of a beard?

I haven't shaved for a couple of months as I'm waiting for a new digiatal camera, but I assure you it's almost equal on both sides at the moment. :(

Everytime the board goes down I kinda panic & IM people I haven't spoken to for months just to ask if it's down for them too.

...because I fear that I'm banned again. :(

A harrowing experience for all concerned.

Yeah, my half-beard is awful! :x

You too?

PUB THINKS HE IS TOO GOOD TO TALK TO ME ON AIM >:

The bollocks I do! I rarely use AIM because it got depressing having a huge buddylist with no one that talks to me. No one has messaged me today. :(

FINE, Seven force just IMmed me, but he is really just a porn bot.

F99Cloud (10:35:24): WANT PORN?! I GOT PORNZX! MEGA-PONRNXZ!!! :O
Lemmysomemoney (10:35:42): No.
F99Cloud (10:35:44): SURE YOU SO! PRONZXS!!!

Which is kinda disturbing as he's so young. :(

I hear tell you like 'em young.

That apple is still a brilliant avatar.

That's the thing, I don't. :(

I'm sure you could learn to.

Well, if I make it to fifty, then I'm sure late twenties will seem young without my point of preferance having changed. >:

I hope I don't make it to fifty. :(

We need to have an I-Mockery death pool. It couldn't feasibly be annual, but it'd be fun to see whose blaze of glory happens first.

You'll outlive me for sure.

LISTER: Anesthesis stasis pods!

He fiddles with a near-by control panel. One of the pods slides out from the wall and begins to open.

LISTER: I must have triggered something.
KRYTEN: Doctor? Doctor Lanstrom?

The open pod pours forth smoke, but they they can't see anything inside yet.

LANSTROM: (_Very_ heavy German accent) And whom might you be?
LISTER: Hi. We were just passing. We heard the beacon.
LANSTROM: Schopenhauer was right, wouldn't you say? Life without pain has no meaning. Gentlemen I wish to give your lives meaning.

LANSTROM sits up in the stasis pod. A howl emanates from her. Her eyes glow a fluorescent red colour and electrical bolts emerge from them aimed at LISTER, KRYTEN, and CAT.

LISTER: Why can't we ever meet anyone nice?
CAT: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?

Oh god why did I fall for that?

Yeah. :rolleyes

hi

hi

hi

Stephen Hawking is back. I can't find a fitting emoticon for this event.

A thumbs up would be appropriate.

I should've waited until Pub gave the go-ahead. :(

Jesus Christ I was wondering where you were last night! :eek

HAY SEVEN FORCE

I wanna go to anime conventions for the same reason I liked going to the zoo when I was little.

Seriously WTF, I'm not the Mod of this thread, I just pretend to be. :(

It creeps me out whenever you say shit like that. >:

Hay Matt Harty!