Much like Seth, I expect you to memorise every single post in here.

To restate something that I may have only said in IM:

I only have MSN on my laptop, & I'm not installing the others for only two days a week.

That's funny because I haven't.

Is your MSN in your profile the appropriate one because godDAMNIT ALL I'm just drunk enough to be determined tonight.

you could get Pidgin.

You could die, you little fag. >:

I have all 3 of Pub in Pidgin, and I don't even talk to him/

Hey girl, open your legs
and I put my deeeck into your tunnel
my beech

(I can't judge the Italian all that well, but I think it passes for orthographic. The French and Spanish, though, are somewhat further from the point of being sensical than the English is, when it comes to the question of how nonsensical the polyglot verses are.)

This guy is somehow connected to an Italian punk band I listen to. They're fantastically good and I'm not afraid to say that, but back in 2004 I only had one mp3 by them and through Googling their band name they came to an offhand reference to that song on my website. The fact that, per what my reading in Italian at that time could infer, "a public university student of Chicago" was listening to their music was a reason for them to link from their webpage to my blog. Let me tell you, it was a fun bit of detective work for a few hours figuring out my web stats for that one random page was getting a freakish amount of traffic from a freakishly small area in northern Italy.

(If I've ever had any connections to the mafia, it was not in Italy but via a company located in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I really, really want to talk about that episode for insight as to WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON, but I have no idea whatsoever how safe it is from a legal standpoint in terms of covenants I signed. If you're wondering how much I'm shitting you when I say that, the level of shitting you is surprisingly low.)

I sent the band an email about it and I was like, "umm, 'sup?" After years of emailing them every once in a while to ask if they had yet figured out a way for me to buy their cds, they'd reply with personal replies and such that answer "no" in broken English. It was pretty cool!

Right now I'm reasonably confident that I'm the only American, and possibly the only person on Earth who isn't fluent in Italian, who owns their entire discography.

In only a slight subject change, Seth--have you ever heard of Le Tango De Qui by Olivia Ruiz? I ask because I'm pretty sure the song's about being insane and I'd love some confirmation on that.

No. Since it's in French I'll justify my assumption that she grew up near French culture despite a Spanish name, id est, in Spain. In most parts of Spain, her name would be pronounced "oh-LIB-ee-ah roo-EEETH".

I was trying to come up with a stupid reason why that matters.

I'll consult our friend and ally Google.

Google's best expert on the subject is you. In that post.

Sorry! Do you have the lyrics?

I do, hold on:

Je m'présente je m'appelle Clara
Je suis clown triste à l'opéra
Mon univers cet Hôpital
Je suis désordonnée mentale
J'ai un trapèze et des amis
Et sans filet, sans interdits
Tous ensemble on brûle la piste
Quel beau métier la vie d'artiste

Enchanté moi je suis Lucy
Je collectionne les insomnies
Droit au coeur j'ai des coups de soleil
Que j'attrape pendant mon sommeil
Les yeux fermés je déambule
L'homme en blanc me dit somnambule
Mais lui n'a jamais rien compris
Que les rêves aussi ont un pays

Je suis qui bon me plait
Je vais là où je vais
Devinez donc qui je suis
Qui me précède et où je vis
Je suis qui bon me semble
Et qui se ressemble s'assemble
Plus on est de fous plus on rit
Allez rejoins la compagnie
Viens danser le tango du qui

Mon visage vous dit quelque chose
Non je n'vois pas je m'appelle Rose
J'existe à l'encre sympathique
Heureuse en tout, mais amnésique
On creuse a fond dans ma mémoire
Pour reboucher ces trous bizarres
Moi j'aime assez ces tourbillons
C'et comment déjà votre nom ???

Je suis qui bon me plait
Je vais là où je vais
Devinez donc qui je suis
Qui me précède et où je vis
Je suis qui bon me semble
Et qui se ressemble s'assemble
Plus on est de fous plus on rit
Allez rejoins la compagnie
Viens danser le tango du qui

Entrez, entrez c'est moi Lison
Moitié femme et moitié
Mon siamois ne va pas tarder
Je m'en vais vous l'présenter
Il est presque poisson volant
Ne me ressemble pas vraiment
On nous parle de schizophrénie
Mais a deux c'est tellement mieux la vie

Je suis qui bon me plait
Je vais là où je vais
Devinez donc qui je suis
Qui me précède et où je vis
Je suis qui bon me semble
Et qui se ressemble s'assemble
Plus on est de fous plus on rit
Allez rejoins la compagnie
Viens danser le tango du qui

Je ne m'présente pas, je ne m'appelle plus
Raison de ma raison ils ont eu
Je n'ai plus de nom, plus d'histoire
Mon cabaret ferme ce soir
Abasourdie sous les néons
Les saltimbanques ont mis les bouts
Ils se sont fait une raison
juste avant de devenir fous


They're not perfect but it's best translation I can find without doing it myself

Translation?

It wasn't originally in French?

Anyways. I scanned down four sentences and found:
"Je suis désordonnée mentale"

"I'm mentally disordered"

I'd love to spend time with this and give you all my EXPERTISE, but the quest for literary analysis and such in a second language when I've not had much sleep (largely you guys' fault) is kind of hard right now. Yes, I do have a beer in my fridge to solve that, but it's a very good expensive one that I'm saving.

It appears that she's either exploring different manifestations of mental illness, or else she's singing as one person who assumes many different crazy personalities. Recurring pattern of introducing herself with a different name, going through a routine associated with that name, blah blah. The latter idea that all these are the same person seems unlikely right now, though. Maybe it'll seem likelier later.

I appreciate that you looked, at the very least--I had suspected this translation but having it from you makes me feel a little better.
And at some point I might hint around just sending you the MP3 and you may get a better sense of what's being said.

having it from you makes me feel a little better

Preserved for posterity. Also, I am approximately eleven years old.

It's okay, apparently I'm 12.

And I highly doubt that.

WHO'S UP FOR SOME MATH?!

Oh and ditto for GW, be glad they didn't divorce sooner. Mine did when I was about four.

Drugs and alcohol were involved!

And now when someone tells you that they did your mom, know that it was the catalyst for her broken marriage.

I'll be spending the weekend in Louisiana attending a huge craw fish boil. I've never had craw fish as i'm from the frigid north so i'm expecting massive rebel flags waving proudly as well as monster trucks roaring in the background as greasy rednecks devour craw fish.

:lol

I wrecked another home.

:)

But not on message boards :(

Kind of Peturbed over that.

way to kill the chat thread 10,000 dolt ghost

You basically summed up the first 18 years of my life.

Just drink some beer and have fun.

I know it was kicking before what the hell

sup guys :D

i ran out of cigarettes so i'm smoking my grandma's winston ultra light 100s, and i think i'm about to barf :x

Be careful guys, Gadzooks reads the chat thread and doesn't want to be bored. Cause like he matters and stuff.

I smoked my last one last night and forgot to get anymore. I'd rather be about to barf than twitchy.

i know, right ;_;

Asila, you should have added in true I-Mockery parenting form: "To be honest, I only started smoking to cope with the weird cravings that come with pregnancy."

"Clever!" I wasn't talking about anymore in here currently. Your insults are incredibly boring, though!

Milhouse, what was the site where you can guess all the countries or states (among other things)? I managed to get most of the continents but when I went to bed I forgot to bookmark it.

I am now chagrined that I didn't think of this first. In my defense, putting together furniture somehow takes most of my mental energies.

Cause you like matter and stuff.

Okay, dude. See yah later.

I also sometimes have conversations online with people from my hometown.

CuteGirl: is it bed time yet?
Seth: NO
Seth: it is time for you to drive to bloomington and make out with me.
CuteGirl: why cant YOU drive to noblesville and make out with me???
Seth: because then i won't be able to impress you with the size of my book collection
CuteGirl: thats not exactly the best reason
Seth: then you obviously haven't seen my bookcase in person

I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but I can't tell what it is.

Hey Seth, have you tried the Bathroom Reader's books? They're full of some pretty interesting facts. Look it up at your bookstore next time you're there. There are a whole bunch of them.

I've used that pickup line in the past :(

Actually, yes. That was largely responsible for Seth's Law of Philology as I mentioned earlier, with the fact that they'll explain the best stories for word origins with a beautiful disregard for accuracy.

Actually, I think one of their books stated that the Hundred Year War was started over someone insulting someone else's beard, which, as the post I'm writing for the Philosophy board should indicate, I find a rather charming synopsis of three centuries of Franco-English tension.

Thank you, Uncle John, for removing any possible requirement for thought in Father's Day giving that even fathers can appreciate.

lol @ applying penultimate post to antepenultimate post.

lol @ using words that only exist in textbooks for Attic Greek grammar.

I like my current girlfriend, we only have 1 thing in common, we have the same disease. We don't even talk about it, instead we are both talking to each other about different interesting things in our lives that the other has never experienced, nor do they want to.

Would that disease happen to be syphilis?

It hurts me to say the obvious retort, but sometimes the pain helps.

lol@ using dictionary.com every day now.

haha, i'm glad i'm not the only one :(

It was http://www.sporcle.com

I'm mad at myself for only being able to guess like five Kevin Bacon movies but about 10 Julia Roberts movies :x

Psychosis :(

Guys, maybe I'll explain the addendum to my signature when I am delusional enough to pretend that you're interested. (Read: <4 days.)

Even though this particular form, namely the specific nature of adding the word "imprimi" for precision, has only one (actually rather controversial, apparently) literary occurrence, I knew I had better google it (minus "Seth") to see how many like-minded message board geeks thought it would be funny to add it to their signatures. Apparently, none!

There was, however, one search result that seemed to be sufficiently facetious in its random incorporation of the exact phrase, that I clicked it to make sure it wasn't a message board signature.

Well, let me just tell you, I now have a new favorite website when it comes to finding images that will astonish me by their elegy to the human vagina's capacity for dilation.

It saddens me a little when I realize that there's enough emotion involved on my part for me to miss someone. So :(

It also saddens me a little that there's a time-span involved because I'm frightfully curious.

I'm 0 for 2 guys, just a normal saturday night.

It's been mentioned that I come from a largely medical family, setting up an even more ironic backdrop for posting a youtube video of me removing my own sutures. It's interesting because my mother provides perspective as a dunce nurse who deals with pompous doctors, my father is a radiological technician who's been apportioned all kinds of random managerial tasks to give him insight into the bizarre and often infuriating workings of the American medical industry, and my sister is an actual doctor who has had training and practice in places as varied as Guyana, England, and Manhattan.

When my sister's graduation from medical school was approaching, my family sat in one of those moments that come rarely each year when we're all together. Speaking of medical ethics, my father summarized the spirit of Hippocrates by saying "in any instance, the worst thing you can do is nothing." Sometimes this means that you have to pretend to look like you're doing tests to ease the patient's mind when there's a period of time when awaiting actual relevant results. Sometimes this means you have to tell the patient that they'll die in half an hour, and so you pull out a book and read to them.

My flatmates noticed that it was cold in the condo today, so one of them changed the thermostat to the "heat" function. They forgot, however, to adjust the temperature setting to something above what would require the separate air conditioning function.

Quite admirably by the standards of my father's advice, and perhaps heroically, my furnace has been fanning air at the cold room temperature for the past several hours.

While the whole ritual of pranking tobacconists with a question of their product availability is a cultural treasure, it was revealed today at work that its effect is lost on those of the younger generation. As I am a member of this generation, yet seem to have the imbued notion that I am a member of the Victorian aristocracy, I am qualified to translate it into something more contemporary.

Girl at bar: Do you have a prince albert on your dick?
Guy at bar: Actually, yes.
Girl at bar: Awesome, you must be totally hung for him to be able to live there. Let's go back to my place and bring your friend Al.

I just came up with a great pithy statement on American politics that I can't bring myself to say in the appropriate forum.

America has brought itself to the point where we have run out of plowshares so we must find other things to beat into swords. Only when we try to beat our dicks into swords will the act's familiarity remind us what got us into this war.

I DON'T CARE IF IT DOESN'T MAKE ALL THAT MUCH SENSE, I LIKE IT.

now my dick hurts

I want to make violent love
to you by the moon above

IN A LAND CALLED AMERICA.
TEN YEARS AGO:

Imagine telling people who were just now getting used to the whole internet thing about this: as has probably happened throughout history, people in THE FUTURE are thinking about images during sex that they have in their head to motivate them into the act, perhaps in a dire statement of their opinion on their partner. As most people realized by 1998, many of these pictures would come from ONLINE.

Now, just try to explain that these pictures are actually of the person that the the CITIZEN OF THE FUTURE is having sex with, by which the incurred deception of attractiveness was responsible for the events leading up to the coital tryst.

Tell me, mind, what further evidence need I show you that you should boggle?

Last edited by Big Papa Goat : Apr 11th, 2008 at 05:35 AM. Reason: ******s

It's been hard to laugh that much in the philosophy board, at least since we've lost our dear submarine captain and gracefully enormous thigh muscles.

Seth removes his stitches.

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---

YouTube, we need to talk.

YouTube is just worried about you, Seth

Are those keyword matches or 'people that viewed your video also viewed these:'?

I wish I knew, lord how I wish I knew.

pretty sure it's the second :( that "principaldoogan" video that got posted on april fools only had the keywords "JIXBY DOOGAN PHILLIPS" and it still had only other april fools day related stuff as related matches for the longest time

Arrrrgh I wanna armadillo. All the 'dillos in my neck of the woods are either infested with leprosy or busses.

RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP


RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP

RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP

post your dead jew thread

Ban him

lmao

what the fuck does everyone think im banned for? :lol

asila idk if you know this or not but here at imockery we have a no fat chicks policy :x

I would have totally banged Anne Frank if I was stuck in the attic with her :x

Whether she liked it or not >:

hahahaha pic plz

thanks liquid I'll keep that in mind

ASILA I'M SORRY IW AS JK

who put my marshmallow peep in the microwave and put horse hair on it

nice going assholes

:lol

Tre Kronor, what the fuck?

MY FAVORITE JEW :eek

If you don't want to go to hell, then there's only one FAVORITE Jew for anyone.

sorry seth but jesus was black :rolleyes

he was jewish? i thought the jews killed him? (didnt read the bible much so correct me if im wrong)

I'm going to hell anyway :x

Dude, there is gonna be a whole room for us. :(

yeah, i know i'll be there :'(

A hell room, because I'll believe in hell again long enough to join that

god :rolleyes

You mean I-Mockery members?

Shit I hope not :(

i'd hate to be stuck in a room with you guys >:

Hell is for children.

It's hell for a reason. :x

If I-Mock was a room then the chatroom would be the closet :lol

AND SOME OF US AREN'T TOO KEEN ON STRAYING FROM THE CHATROOM IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN >:

Yes, Jesus was Jewish. He was, in fact, so good at being Jewish that all the other Jews had to kill him to keep them from looking bad.

The understanding that he was killed by a select group of politically-motivated Jewish élite under the auspices of Imperial Rome, and NOT by an elective motion of the entire religion/culture is not easily explained to those with short attention spans. If you want a sociological primer for millions of deaths stemming from Anti-Semitic prejudice from roughly the 4th Century to the present, that's about it.

Oh, and Mel Brooks' whole "Gentiles can laugh at self-deprecating Jewish humor because we file their taxes for them anyways" shtick doesn't really help, either.

Myself included :(