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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Guitar Woman Jan 24th, 2006 09:11 PM

This thread needs more Boston Legal!

executioneer Jan 25th, 2006 03:46 AM

Is 'job at the lumberyard' code for gay sex or something

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 03:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim
I SUGGEST YOU DIRTBAGS ALL GET GFs THEY ARE FUN TO SMELL >:

Really? :tear

Marc Summers Jan 25th, 2006 04:23 AM

I'd only smell them if they enjoy being smelled.
The sensual act of smelling must be enjoyed by both parties in order to create a relaxed and good-spirited atmosphere.
If a GF does not like the intense rush of being smelled, then I will have to do so privately where the said GF is not bothered by my sudden intake of GF fumes.
I calculate and predict a GF's reaction with a 95% confidence interval.
If the GF is not delighted within the first 1.387 seconds (also known as an instant) upon my creation and initiation of the smell experience, I will terminate it within the next .54 second, and have a relaxed yet firm expression on my face in order to coax a less extreme negative reaction out of the GF.

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 04:30 AM

I was going to post a dozen times right here, but I feel responsible for the CosmoToad. Bloody newbs thinking my behavior is acceptable. :(

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 04:41 AM

Just like Riggo44 ruined Seven Force's Asian Lover joke. :(

Bloody Newbs. >:

Sethomas Jan 25th, 2006 05:33 AM

But I really want to hear what you have to say!

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 06:07 AM

In regards to you, Mister Pace, all I have to say is :pipepuff

Sethomas Jan 25th, 2006 06:11 AM

You break my heart sometimes :(

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 06:26 AM

If we were all Chimps, I would say the rest of us spend our time flinging poop or grooming each other, while you sit to one side wearing a bow tie, reading some dread tome, & smoking your pipe. Every so often one of us will hit you with some stray shit, & you'd put down your book, look at the offender squarely & say "My dear chap, is all this really necessary?" then hold their attention for a second or so before puffing on your pipe & returning to your book.

Guitar Woman Jan 25th, 2006 12:03 PM


lol

Seven Force Jan 25th, 2006 01:03 PM

Vivisection is no laughing matter. >:

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 01:07 PM

I find it very funny. What else are animals good for?

Seven Force Jan 25th, 2006 01:08 PM

Ask Lycurgus1985.

CrazyGerman Jan 25th, 2006 01:08 PM

pets. and food.

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 01:11 PM

Pets? Fuck pets! If I wanted some ungrateful bastard eating my food, & pissing on my carpet I'd have kids.

As for food... :vegan

CrazyGerman Jan 25th, 2006 01:14 PM

there's nothing better than a good steak. and pork loin is to DIE for. as for others, such as sausage, bacon, chicken breast, wings.... I could never live without meat/poultry. I'm sorry.

Chojin Jan 25th, 2006 01:25 PM

I guess it's back to the drawing board for ol' pub!

Chojin Jan 25th, 2006 01:27 PM

Oh. This explains it.

http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?p=382755#382755

Seven Force Jan 25th, 2006 01:30 PM

Holy shit! :eek

Chojin Jan 25th, 2006 01:32 PM

Really, what is so alluring about a place where everyone hates you that makes you want to come back over and over?

I'm talking about womti haha no hard feelings man

Chojin Jan 25th, 2006 01:32 PM


lunlun Jan 25th, 2006 02:00 PM

why are so many germans on this forum? :(

Chojin Jan 25th, 2006 02:03 PM

Why am so many Germans, you mean.

lunlun Jan 25th, 2006 02:07 PM

why "am"?

i AM

but they ARE

so there are so many germans on this forum and i want to be the only one because germans are stupid

Pub Lover Jan 25th, 2006 02:12 PM

Americans are worse! :canadianapparently

lunlun Jan 25th, 2006 02:16 PM

hehehehehe

Guitar Woman Jan 25th, 2006 05:06 PM

HAY GUYS :(

ziggytrix Jan 25th, 2006 05:22 PM

i'm goin to the volksawgen dealership today.

we can pretend it's in honor of all the fine germanic folk in this thread.

and since i'm a texan now, the first words outta my mouth should be "HOWDY, DO Y'ALL STILL SELL THAT FAR-FLAG-NOUGAT CAR?"

Guitar Woman Jan 25th, 2006 05:40 PM

Man, I hope John Woo doesn't fuck up on the Metroid movie.

executioneer Jan 25th, 2006 10:10 PM

Guys can i be german too i'm like a sixteenth cause my great grampa was half german? I think :( maybe he was ALL german idk

Guitar Woman Jan 25th, 2006 10:16 PM

ok but you have to use lots of italics, especially when you're cussing stupid peole out

you also have to cuss out a lot of stupid people for being so stupid >:

Guitar Woman Jan 25th, 2006 10:17 PM

oh and you also have to edit your posts a lot like I do

executioneer Jan 25th, 2006 10:28 PM

Oh man how am i gonna do that i'm posting on a phone :(

Sam Jan 25th, 2006 10:43 PM

HEY WILLIE REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WE WERE TALKING VIA CELL PHONE TEXT MESSAGES AND YOU SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE HOUSE YOU WERE GOING TO RENT IT WAS BY A LAKE DID YOU RENT IT?

executioneer Jan 25th, 2006 10:54 PM

Yeah moved there and my roommate turned into a c*nt big suprise :rolleyes ps if i send you another picture would you host it and post it in pyph for me :(

Sam Jan 25th, 2006 10:57 PM

yessir

ziggytrix Jan 25th, 2006 11:06 PM

oh shit i bought a golf! :eek

Pub Lover Jan 26th, 2006 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seven Force
It's too bad GW is a lesbo because I find her pretty attractive.

That's a coincidence, I find her attractively pretty.

Seven Force Jan 26th, 2006 12:24 AM

How did the rest of the day go for you?

Pub Lover Jan 26th, 2006 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seven Force
How did the rest of the day go for you?

I went to sleep right after I spoke to you. I feel worse now than I did then.

Seven Force Jan 26th, 2006 12:47 AM

That sucks. :(

Pub Lover Jan 26th, 2006 01:05 AM

HEYHEY! :lol2

Seven Force Jan 26th, 2006 01:09 AM

I'M BORED

Pub Lover Jan 26th, 2006 01:13 AM

How about you follow CosmoToad around calling him stupid in imaginative ways?

Seven Force Jan 26th, 2006 01:20 AM

I think he got the message.

Guitar Woman Jan 26th, 2006 01:23 AM


Seven Force Jan 26th, 2006 01:24 AM

Now why would you do that? >:

Pub Lover Jan 26th, 2006 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seven Force
I think he got the message.

I do not think he did. He is obviously oblivious to chastisement. >:

Pub Lover Jan 26th, 2006 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seven Force
Now why would you do that? >:

She's attempting a running gag. It would be better if she made it a story rather than ripping off Rongi who was referencing Sam. :(

Guitar Woman Jan 26th, 2006 01:38 AM

I just wanted you guys to see my MSpaint masterpiece :(

Also I'm gonna do a story once I come up with some ideas :(

GADZOOKS Jan 26th, 2006 01:41 AM

I hope it's a bedtime story because I'm fucking tired of you!

Seven Force Jan 26th, 2006 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guitar Woman
I just wanted you guys to see my MSpaint masterpiece :(

Also I'm gonna do a story once I come up with some ideas :(

The bathroom at work is an odd place. One minute you’re working with someone the next your hear them in a stall farting out shit with their pants around their ankles. You look for shoes and wonder, “Who is that person with the obvious gastrointestinal problems?” One day I walked into the bathroom and heard someone in a stall rustling a newspaper and shamelessly blasting away with heavy breathing and everything. I knock on the stall door and ask if he’s ok. He seems startled and tells me he’s fine. I put a hand under the stall door and ask him to slap me five on some excellent doody making. He kind of kicks my hand away and asks who I am. I pound on the door demanding to be let in. I tell him I want to see his work and I want to see him in action. He tells me that I’m not funny and tells me go away. I tell him he is an excellent doody maker. I ask him if his doody is stooly. He now seems angered and demands to know who I am. I go over to the urinal and grab a cake and lob it over into his stall. He screams an Ag and seems upset. He tells me fuck you.

I kick the door in and see Peter (a Vice President!) all in his most vulnerable. He stares back at me and asks me what the hell I’m doing. I tell him I want to be involved with his doody. He wants to know why I’m doing this. I tell him he has no respect for doody. I tell him that everyday a doody gives you pleasure and he’s an inconsiderate fuck. I club him with a fist over his head and knock him off the toilet. He tries to get up and run but his pants around his ankles are presenting a problem. I grab him by his head and dunk his head face first into the toilet. I tell him to look at the doody. He bubbles a scream back at me so I shove his face further into the toilet mushing his face into the doody - then yank him up gasping. His face has some doody stuck to it and I pull him up by his tie and stumble him across the bathroom to the smack his face into the mirror. Look at yourself doody face! look at you! Respect the doody! I tell him! RESPECT!

I pull his head back and then smash it into the mirror. The shards of glass cut up his face and brown and blood are running down his cheeks. He seems very surprised and stunned. What a turn of events! One second making doody the next you got toilet water all over your face and doody and you’re bleeding and you’re having a problem! I throw him back into the stall and hold his face over the toilet. I yell at him to look at the doody! He tells me to let him up. I tell him to look at it. He screams back OK OK I’m looking. I ask him what he sees and he tells me he doesn’t see shit. I grab a hunk of his doody and shove it in his face. I ask him again what he sees and he tells me he sees SHIT OK I SEE MY SHIT! That’s right. I tell him YOUR DOODY! And is it beautiful? I ask him. He tells me that it is beautiful. I ask him if its brown he tells me yes yes it’s brown its brown! That’s right fucker that’s your doody and it’s brown. AND BEAUTIFUL show it some goddamn respect! I respect you doody he tells it. Damn right I say. Now clean yourself up I tell him you look terrible and you’re embarrassing the doody. Doody is modest I tell him. That’s what makes it so beautiful. I am so excited all this activity makes me want to doody. Some may say I am doodyfixated or perhaps a bit overly involved with the brown brown - well if you ever hear anyone speaking such blasphemy you point ‘em out and I’ll make sure they learn proper.

camacazio Jan 26th, 2006 01:48 AM

I didn't read all that.

camacazio Jan 26th, 2006 01:48 AM

I didn't read ANY of it.

GADZOOKS Jan 26th, 2006 01:52 AM

My joke was funnier because mine is based on real events.

Pub Lover Jan 26th, 2006 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by camacazio
I didn't read ANY of it.

You're better off than I. For reading it was done by me, and slight sickness was felt. Not nice was the story of Brian's Doody Duty.

PS. When I say Duty it doesn't sound like Doody as Duty has a T. Also I do not say Doody.

Sam Jan 26th, 2006 01:56 AM

Seven Force's doody story reminded me of Chuck Palhniuk. :(

lunlun Jan 26th, 2006 02:27 AM

Ich muss durch den monsuuuuun hinter die weeeelt
bis ans ende der zeiiiiit bis kein regen mehr fäääälllt.

Seven Force Jan 26th, 2006 02:29 AM

Onan is that you? :lol

camacazio Jan 26th, 2006 09:16 PM

HEY GUYS PLAY BIONIC COMMANDO WHILE LISTENING TO JUNGLE BOOGIE IT'S GREAT

Esuohlim Jan 27th, 2006 09:36 AM

Hey guys what we need on this board is someone who makes a german reference in every single post

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 10:10 AM

Sir, I believe you have failed to notice that we are a community made up of characters with only a single joke each. If you were to deprive... Oh fuck this! >:

MetalMilitia Jan 27th, 2006 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pub Lover
Sir, I believe you have failed to notice that we are a community made up of characters with only a single joke each.

Thats a startlingly accurate summary of I-mockey :O

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetalMilitia
Thats a startlingly accurate summary of I-mockey :O

It was also a startlingly bad start to an awfully bad attempt at a joke, which I thankfully gave up on at it's midpoint. :(

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chojin
yeah hands off buddy she's privately owned by a queer halfway across the world.

:lol

A much better joke is that. :(

...or 'me' if you will. ;<

Esuohlim Jan 27th, 2006 10:43 AM

Haha post that picture of you again with half a beard

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 12:10 PM


Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 12:37 PM

I must be in a good mood or high or something, because I don't think I look like a sack of shit in that picture. :(

Oh, & apparently that wasn't the pic I posted last year, go figure.

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 01:11 PM

In fact I was right about using the above pic. I must of been really in need of approval that day. :lolfrown

MetalMilitia Jan 27th, 2006 01:19 PM

Why do you only have one half of a beard?

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 01:22 PM


Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetalMilitia
Why do you only have one half of a beard?

Quote:

Originally Posted by On September the 20th of the year 2005 Pub Lover apparently
[blog]I've been pulling out the hairs on the rightside of my face for a few weeks now, it looks awful, & it stings a little, but it's... not fun or enjoyable, more preoccupying. Yeah, I'm just keeping myself preoccupied till I finally kick off. I also haven't cut my hair since that time I posted a picture of my new hair cut. My roots are really long. Oh & I'm not showering enough, or changing my clothes so I stink & have greasy hair. Ladies.[/blog]

I haven't shaved for a couple of months as I'm waiting for a new digiatal camera, but I assure you it's almost equal on both sides at the moment. :(

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 02:19 PM

Everytime the board goes down I kinda panic & IM people I haven't spoken to for months just to ask if it's down for them too.

...because I fear that I'm banned again. :(

MetalMilitia Jan 27th, 2006 02:27 PM

A harrowing experience for all concerned.

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 02:37 PM

Yeah, my half-beard is awful! :x

Seven Force Jan 27th, 2006 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pub Lover
...because I fear that I'm banned again. :(

You too?

Sam Jan 27th, 2006 04:10 PM

PUB THINKS HE IS TOO GOOD TO TALK TO ME ON AIM >:

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam
PUB THINKS HE IS TOO GOOD TO TALK TO ME ON AIM >:

The bollocks I do! I rarely use AIM because it got depressing having a huge buddylist with no one that talks to me. No one has messaged me today. :(

Pub Lover Jan 27th, 2006 04:31 PM

FINE, Seven force just IMmed me, but he is really just a porn bot.

F99Cloud (10:35:24): WANT PORN?! I GOT PORNZX! MEGA-PONRNXZ!!! :O
Lemmysomemoney (10:35:42): No.
F99Cloud (10:35:44): SURE YOU SO! PRONZXS!!!

Which is kinda disturbing as he's so young. :(

Seven Force Jan 27th, 2006 06:46 PM

I hear tell you like 'em young.

camacazio Jan 28th, 2006 01:46 AM

That apple is still a brilliant avatar.

Pub Lover Jan 28th, 2006 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seven Force
I hear tell you like 'em young.

That's the thing, I don't. :(

Sethomas Jan 28th, 2006 04:25 AM

I'm sure you could learn to.

Pub Lover Jan 28th, 2006 04:54 AM

Well, if I make it to fifty, then I'm sure late twenties will seem young without my point of preferance having changed. >:

I hope I don't make it to fifty. :(

Sethomas Jan 28th, 2006 07:01 AM

We need to have an I-Mockery death pool. It couldn't feasibly be annual, but it'd be fun to see whose blaze of glory happens first.

You'll outlive me for sure.

Pub Lover Jan 28th, 2006 08:42 AM

LISTER: Anesthesis stasis pods!

He fiddles with a near-by control panel. One of the pods slides out from the wall and begins to open.

LISTER: I must have triggered something.
KRYTEN: Doctor? Doctor Lanstrom?

The open pod pours forth smoke, but they they can't see anything inside yet.

LANSTROM: (_Very_ heavy German accent) And whom might you be?
LISTER: Hi. We were just passing. We heard the beacon.
LANSTROM: Schopenhauer was right, wouldn't you say? Life without pain has no meaning. Gentlemen I wish to give your lives meaning.

LANSTROM sits up in the stasis pod. A howl emanates from her. Her eyes glow a fluorescent red colour and electrical bolts emerge from them aimed at LISTER, KRYTEN, and CAT.

LISTER: Why can't we ever meet anyone nice?
CAT: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?

Seven Force Jan 28th, 2006 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GADZOOKS
Go suffocate in a vagina Guitar Woman and quit looking for excuses for the horny losers to talk to you.

Oh god why did I fall for that?

Pub Lover Jan 28th, 2006 09:54 AM

Yeah. :rolleyes

Matt Harty Jan 28th, 2006 04:50 PM

hi

Matt Harty Jan 28th, 2006 04:51 PM

hi

Matt Harty Jan 28th, 2006 04:52 PM

hi

camacazio Jan 28th, 2006 05:25 PM

Stephen Hawking is back. I can't find a fitting emoticon for this event.

camacazio Jan 28th, 2006 07:43 PM

A thumbs up would be appropriate.

xbxDaniel Jan 28th, 2006 08:40 PM



I should've waited until Pub gave the go-ahead. :(

Seven Force Jan 28th, 2006 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt Harty
hi

Jesus Christ I was wondering where you were last night! :eek

nothing4buddha Jan 28th, 2006 10:56 PM


HAY SEVEN FORCE

ziggytrix Jan 28th, 2006 11:03 PM

I wanna go to anime conventions for the same reason I liked going to the zoo when I was little.

Pub Lover Jan 28th, 2006 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xbxMCj
I should've waited until Pub gave the go-ahead. :(

Seriously WTF, I'm not the Mod of this thread, I just pretend to be. :(

It creeps me out whenever you say shit like that. >:

Pub Lover Jan 28th, 2006 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt Harty
hi

Hay Matt Harty!


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