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-   -   the what I have been doing thread (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21614)

cherry Jun 20th, 2006 12:11 PM

the what I have been doing thread
for those of you who don't know me- bow down now and kiss my shiny shoes. you saviour has arrived. now go and make me a cup of tea while I talk to the grown ups. earl grey. no milk. run along now.

right, now we are alone I can reveal my amazing secret.

after all the Mock Wars, flaming and general bitching I realised the error of my ways. I had been living my life as a lecherous slut. So I packed my bags and headed for Saint Mary's. When I got there they took my bag off me and confiscated my booze, fags and pickle hat for they have no place at a convent. Who would have thunk it? I thought the sisters would love the pickle hat.
But my first lesson was not many nuns have a sense of humour. So after several tests they let me in. It isn't easy and they don't like questions about why Moses ordered the slaughter of innocents or the churches role in the Holocaust, but Mother Superior has stopped beating me now and I have been distilling my own gin. so things are looking up.

celibacy is not as hard as you might think, and when I accidently slipped and fell on the gardener I found out that as long as I confess my sins to Father Michail he lets me off! what a genius system.

me and god are getting along great these days, but because of my wicked ways he only lets me have limited access to the internet, but he told me he is a big fan of this site. He is a regular poster apparently.

So that's whats going on in my world- or is it in my head?

In another fantasy I am a secondary school teacher in charge of the spiritual and moral development of 1300 teenagers. that can't be right can it?

maybe I am actually a fat housewife who wheezes when she has to take the pop corn out of the microwave.

ah, is that my tea. damn you, I said no milk.

Jixby Phillips Jun 20th, 2006 12:19 PM


I haven't read your post yet but I just wanted to reply before some jerkaholic replies all "who the fuck are you"

glowbelly Jun 20th, 2006 12:56 PM

you'd be the hottest nun in nunnery land (cherry, not jixby)

Dr. Boogie Jun 20th, 2006 01:27 PM

More like "Get thee to a fun-nery!" :lol

RaNkeri Jun 20th, 2006 01:58 PM

What the fuck is this?

glowbelly Jun 20th, 2006 02:47 PM

it's a topic on a message board. what you did was "respond." i suggest you stop now, before the kickboxing nun gets back and sees that you're the one that fucked up her tea.

Mockery Jun 20th, 2006 03:01 PM

Gemma will always be I-Mockery's favorite slut. :pac

How about some photos of the place you teach at 'n stuff or at least a photo of you beating a brat with a yard stick. You still living in Brighton with Boo or what? BTW, we *might* be coming to the UK sometime this fall, and if so, we'll definitely come visit you (and Dole) again. Just gimme your current contact info via PM so I can letcha know whenever we're headed out your way again.

sadie Jun 20th, 2006 09:35 PM

jesus. 1300 teenagers? how the hell do you grade all those freaking papers? i can't keep up with my 90-some. :P

executioneer Jun 20th, 2006 09:41 PM

are you still like lando cherry

Dole Jun 21st, 2006 04:34 AM

where is the school cherry? Is it brighton?

mburbank Jun 21st, 2006 09:54 AM

Well done. They actually had me teaching the Unitarian Sunday school this winter while we were without a Religous educator, and God at no point struck me dead, so I am not entirely surprised to find you are allowed to get away with it.

Are you all finsihed degreewise? Bravo, my dear. Teach 'em to ask the Lord questions and demand answers.

Emu Jun 21st, 2006 10:39 AM


Originally Posted by Jixby Phillips

I haven't read your post yet but I just wanted to reply before some jerkaholic replies all "who the fuck are you"

i knew who cherry was but i guess that was a faux pas on my part right

cherry Jun 21st, 2006 01:15 PM

the sensible answer
o.k o.k, I have me a proper job now. I teach philosophy, ethics and religious studies at a nice school in a town named Eastbourne. All the schools in Brighton are weird, so I commute.

I now have 3 higher education degrees and for some reason people think I am good at this teaching malarkey. I have only been at it for 2 years and it looks like I will promoted to Head of Department in September- so fingers crossed- the money would help clear some of my student debt. The kids seems to like me because I use comics in the classroom. Superheroes and ethics fit better than spandex!

Rog you would be so welcome to come and stay, we have a cosy little flat that is more hospitable than Boo's old house and Boo wont play heroclix with me anymore because he is a bad loser!

Boo is doing great with the old comics biz, visit www.2000adonline.com and look for Boo Cook to see what he has been up to. I think you would like his latest creation, Harry Kipling: Deceased, a very British zombie God hunter. Its toshing good fun.

anyway I am not going to bang on about me all day, what's new with you lot?
Is Proto still a virgin?
Has Max had that face lift?
Is Jixby still the sexiest boy magician the world has ever known?

oh, and on the Lando thing, I have come to embrace my Calrissian side. You know Lando made some mistakes, he had no choice, but he fixes it in the end and makes the right choice. funny how internet personality tests can be spookily spot on.

mburbank Jun 21st, 2006 02:04 PM

No facelift, but I am closer to being inked than before, although the wife slapped an absolute veto on my getting a Richard Nixon portrait. I was decided on Max from "Where the Wild Things Are" (The drawing where he's chasing a dog with a fork) when it corssed my mind that I should have young skinny Willima Shatner on one shoulder and fat old William Shatner on the other. So once again I am undecided. Plus, I lack a recomendation for a good artist. There's one joint in walking distance from mine home, but that seems a poor reason for picking ones tatooerist.

At this rate I'll have to leave it in my will that my corpse must be engraved prior to burial.

PS: I just wrote Boo fanmail. Because I am a dork. It's about his comics, though, not fan mail about being shacked up with you. I am ten years older than him. I don't have a tattooed, reformed slut, kickboxing, ethics teacher, but I have two daughters. That's got to count for something.

glowbelly Jun 21st, 2006 05:31 PM

in the past hour i have made dinner for a baby, cleaned up megablocks TWICE, folded the same pile of clothes THREE TIMES and changed two diapers.

so yeah. i'm busy being a mom.

lookie here:

sspadowsky Jun 21st, 2006 06:06 PM

I hardly think letting a toddler jump out of a tree from 30 feet up is a sound idea.

For chrissakes, woman, at least wait until he's 3, maybe 4.

mburbank Jun 22nd, 2006 09:37 AM

He is not jumping out of a tree, he is clearly levitating, and Glow is trying to PULL HIM DOWN!

stop trying to PULL HIM DOWN, glowbelly! Embrace his differences! Sure it's only natural you want to hide his powers from the government as they will surely want to exploit them but you cannot protect him from HIS DESTINY!

Neither of my kids can levitate. But my youngest can make anything break just by concentrating on it. And the oldest pouts real good.

Protoclown Jun 22nd, 2006 02:59 PM

Gemma!! It's so great to see you posting on here again!!

The answer to your question is no, but sometimes I kinda wish it was still yes.

cherry Jun 24th, 2006 04:00 AM

its no surprise that baby is so adorable- he did come out of a glowing belly. my ambition is to move to Westchester and set up my own school for 'gifted children'. keep him safe from the sentinels till then.

Max, your Shatner tattoo is a fabulous idea, but I think it would be better on your arse.

and Proto, well at least in one way you got your Cherry back!

Protoclown Jun 24th, 2006 10:10 AM

Damn right!!

McClain Jun 24th, 2006 10:13 AM

Cherry, I wish you were my ethics teacher. My future wouldn't be as grim.

mburbank Jun 24th, 2006 11:18 AM

Trust me on this, nothing is better on my ass. It's how god made me and I've come to accept it.

Benjamin_Franklin Jun 25th, 2006 11:08 AM

Two words. My and Space. :lol2

executioneer Jun 25th, 2006 12:17 PM

i don't know who you're talking to, jerkface, but you'd better shut it up if you know what's good for you

theapportioner Jun 26th, 2006 03:39 AM

Gemma! Nice to hear from you again. I've been wondering what you've been up to.

cherry Jun 26th, 2006 01:59 PM

my space! how dare he.
this is my fucking space.

seeing as how I have shared a bath with some of these people, have invited them to my country and into my home, have earned my newbie stripes many years ago I claim the right to catch up with my friends. and if you place nice, benny boy, maybe, just maybe, you to can add your name to the roll call of the honoured.

apologies to Rog, I realise that technically it is your space but I will not have my return to the board sullied by anonymous swine.

and Jeff, great to know you are still about. I figured you would have saved the world by now, would you hurry up otherwise I am going to have do it. and you are totally welcome to come and stay again. I very much enjoy spending tim with you science guys and your wacky ideas.

Mockery Jun 26th, 2006 02:15 PM


Originally Posted by cherry
apologies to Rog, I realise that technically it is your space but I will not have my return to the board sullied by anonymous swine.

Don't apologize to me, Gemma. I will never take responsibility for the veritable wasteland that is I-Mockery's message forums. I've been trying to break the forum software for a long time to put an end to this debacle once and for all, but it keeps coming back. I hate I-Mockery. >:

bsx Jun 26th, 2006 07:19 PM

I agree, this place should burn.

Wait a sec... What the fuck am I doing back here?? Regardless of what cerebral/rectal seepage brought me back, I just wanted to say: Hi, Gemma! Long time no see! Glad to hear you're doing well.

executioneer Jun 26th, 2006 07:31 PM

holy damn, who's gonna show up next? burdock? emma? wreck?


bsx Jun 26th, 2006 07:45 PM

Heh, 'glad I could get you excited, exe... RoG says I should remember you, and I really really feel bad that I don't. Maybe it's because I didn't want to have sex with you that I don't remember you. (should I also feel bad that for that very reason I remember Kahl, 10o, and Proto?)

executioneer Jun 26th, 2006 08:53 PM

i was not v. active at posting when you were around but i did lurk a bunch

glowbelly Jun 27th, 2006 09:27 AM

beesex :eek

sspadowsky Jun 27th, 2006 01:42 PM

Holy shit! It's a reunion! Hi Gemma (forgot to say that earlier)! Beesex! Glad you guys are alive and well.

Quick, let's start a discussion about how this board sucks and the old one was way better.

Mockery Jun 27th, 2006 01:48 PM

So are all of you i-mockery veterans grown up with grandchildren 'n shit? :o

Burdock Jun 27th, 2006 11:44 PM

Hi, Glow sent me a message telling me of this conversation. It's nice to hear what Gemma is up to. I'm amazed to see so many of you all on this tread.
As far as our family....I still thank God daily that I live back on the East Coast. Chateau Gambetta is now a reality and we have a little girl a few months older than Glow's kid. She is freakin' amazing.
That's about it.

Dole Jun 28th, 2006 07:57 AM

'Kin 'ell! Burdock! hello there! Congrats on the kiddie!

mburbank Jun 28th, 2006 09:47 AM

Hey, Burdock! Congrats on having a child! Isn't it great? And horrible? And then really, really great? And then you get madder than you ever thought was even possible and you know there's absolutely nothing you can do about except maybe yell at your spouse and then suddenly it's really great again?

Who knows how to get in touch with Yammy or Upright (last seen as !!!!) or Wreck?

I was a recent arrival when many of you left, and BOY DID THIS BOARD GO STRAIGHT TO H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS, AM I RIGHT!?

I'm certain I was the last good thing to happen here. Or the first really bad thing. EITHER WAY, I'M GOOD.

Chojin Jun 28th, 2006 12:00 PM

Yo, Burdock, where on the east coast do you live? I have an apartment now. With a bar!

Glad to see Cherry's around, although I am mortified to learn that the world's tiniest Spiderman has become a nun ;<

BSX is cool!

Now Helm and Soundtest should come back ;<

Oh, and I think we all would like Benji to provide us with a list of approved talking points on the pointless section of a pointless forum. I think a few more rules around here would get this sad lil ship back on the SHUT UP SHUT UP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP BANNED

Oh and if anyone's noticed i've been gone for a tiny bit. I've been moving into said new apartment and Cavalier didn't think we'd need a modem with that internet they installed. Though it's funny, I realized after being cut off that everything I want to do on the internet I can do in about 30-60 minutes, tops. Now I just fill all the wasted time with lifting things and playing games on the tv.

Carnivore Jun 28th, 2006 07:38 PM

I can't not say hey to these fine folks. Especially Erin. Been too long. Congrats on your daughter! Still remember how much you talked about wanting that back in Washington... however long ago that was. God, I feel old. So happy it's a reality now. BSX... I can't even go back that far in my mind. Holy crap :faint

cherry Jun 29th, 2006 03:16 PM

isn't it amazing how what was effectively a 'hate everything' board has spread so much squishy love and all around the world too. Hey we should win a Nobel Prize.

Erin, we have to get back in touch. I am fairy unreliable with email, but send me a pm with you email address. then you can send me your base of ops and I can send you goodies. I bet your little girl is amazing- she's come from some damn fine pool.

I realise this is not the place to get overly sentimental but look at all these good folks. sweetie pie carnivore, the smuuty little bee sex, strapping spadowsky my chi pet chojin and everyones fave tough guy Mcclain.

Dole I am not mentioning you because it seems weird talking to someone in my town over the borads! you know Dole its weird, I kinda feel like I knew you before the boards. cant expalin it, but its like you were a mate who happened to post.
ahh, rambling,
but feel the love bitches.

Dole Jun 30th, 2006 03:23 AM

I pre-date the internet, its true :posh

bsx Jul 15th, 2006 11:51 PM

Cherry: the smuuty little bee sex? I have never been little. I was 5'11" at birth. :P

Carniwhore: Don't you remember that night we shared in Rio? (honestly, I don't, but you always loved retelling that story...and it all seemed so plausible)

Choj: Hey buddy, what's going on?

Burdock: Hey! Congrats on the start of your family! We're still trying to figure out when will be the right time to bring forth our ubersuperior offspring. Maybe just before the great global depression so that they will have a half way decent challenge set before them as they rebuild the world in their own image? :conspiracy Drop me a line on AIM sometime. I'd love to catch up.

sspadowsky: Hello to you, good sir. How are things?

glowbelly: :eek yourself. Nice lookin' kid you have there!

Dole: I invented pants; beat that! :confused

kahljorn Jul 16th, 2006 03:50 AM

Hello beesex, nice seeing you again. I was just thinking about when the next time you'd show up would be, and voila.

bsx Apr 20th, 2020 10:34 AM

Hey there, don't mind me! I'm just digging up an old thread (as is my fuckin' birthright, check the charter, I scribbled it in the margin on page 3) and putting a few air freshners around its neck. You barely notice the smell, right?

Everyone staying sane-ish? We're keeping it together, but I find that i am not full introverted so I am starting to get a bit frustrated at not being around people for so long.

At least we're not in Miami, anymore. That city sucks a decapitated goat's balls. There is no shortage of those there. Fuck those psychotic santeria asshats. We're living just north of Atlanta now. We are finally settling down and putting out roots to poison the well and damage some foundations. Found an oversized logcabin out in the woods that we both love, so we're gearing up to buy it. Exciting, but there is just so much bullshit to be done before we can move in. What are inspection, appraisal, amoritization, and due dilligence periods about? Are we going to have to check the sub-basement? We can't get flashlights to work at all down there and It smells pretty bad, fuck that.

Wife is lecturing at one of the state schools. Less money than her gig in Miami, but it is doesn't stink of for-profit-education and we can afford to live well in this area regardless of her making a bit less. I've moved over to software dev full time (python and some perl) and regularly feeling well out of my depth, which is a good thing. I need challenges or I end up doiing horrible things just to amuse myself, but I would never go full santeria. I've had two jobs since January, but #2 is looking like a good long term gig. First gig was at a marketting firm ran by finely-aged fratboys. I saw that they were going to run their dev team into the ground, so I left after about six weeks, and so did the devs that were there before me. The leadership there was horrible to non-existant, so they've royally fucked themselves and deserve it. I am so glad I don''t have to fistbump another dipshit friend of the CEO and try to semi-professionally answer the question 'You killing it?' ever again. I am at financial analysis firm with a great dev team and leadership that leaves us alone for the most part. They check in semi-regularly to make sure they're getting what they want from us and we have what we need to give them what they want. Not a bad setup.

I have never been all that good at writing the end of papers, emails, or letters to satan.

Carnivore May 1st, 2020 02:55 AM

Don't know what possessed me to come back here as I sit at work in the middle of the night, running an urban emergency department during a pandemic... but here I am. So many memories....

zeldasbiggestfan May 1st, 2020 07:44 PM

I hold out hope that this forum will revive itself one day and everything will be normal again

Carnivore May 2nd, 2020 01:08 AM

When all the old regulars are old and demented, this place will be as it once was. Give it about 35 years.

Tadao May 2nd, 2020 02:45 PM

bsx May 5th, 2020 02:03 PM

Carni(val)vore! you're in charge now? Did everyone that should know better nope the fuck out of there when they saw the shitstorm coming?

Tadao, I'm not sure why, but I'm mildly aroused now. Thanks?

sspadowsky May 5th, 2020 02:42 PM

Howdy, strangers. Just checked in here on a whim. The hopes and dreams of my youth have long since been crushed, so I thought, "Why not drop by the old forum?"

I hope you all are equally bitter and disillusioned, since the apocalypse is upon us anyway.

Carnivore May 7th, 2020 04:44 AM

I'm a full on nihilist now. My only wish for my offspring is a beautiful death as this dystopian nightmare worsens. This actually makes me better at my job, believe it or not. RNs who get emotional burn out and lose sight of the bigger picture... that we're insignificant primates on a ball of rock floating through an endless void.

Tadao May 7th, 2020 12:32 PM

I didn't know there was a name for what I felt until Nihilism started becoming popular. I think my mom accidently turned me into one raising me as a Jehovah Witness.

They believe that there is no hell or punishment after you die. If you are bad and die, you simply don't get to exist when Jesus win the great war against the Terminators. So I was raised to believe that nothing fucking matters, you are gonna die and you will either be rewarded or sleep forever.

AChimp Jun 11th, 2020 10:15 PM

Definitely all primates.

captain516 Jun 13th, 2020 03:16 PM

Reading through the old posts in this thread feels eerily similar to facebook.

Chojin Jun 25th, 2020 08:34 PM

unlike you all, i still sometimes have dreams and aspirations. then i get bored and drink and play morrowind for two weeks.

zeldasbiggestfan Jul 5th, 2020 12:44 AM

I started making bread and I hate that I like it

Esuohlim Jul 5th, 2020 01:15 AM

I'm aging quite gracefully

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