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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Kitsa Apr 18th, 2009 04:01 PM

THE PIPE

Tadao Apr 18th, 2009 04:03 PM

OR A SECOND GRADE COMPREHENSION TEST

Misdemonar Apr 18th, 2009 04:27 PM

I DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL YOU FUCKING DICK

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 18th, 2009 04:32 PM

WHERE DID YOU GO, THE CIRCUS?

Misdemonar Apr 18th, 2009 04:46 PM

I WENT TO ROCK N ROLL HIGHSCHOOL

Tadao Apr 18th, 2009 04:52 PM

NO, YOU WENT TO COCK IN HOLE GAYSCHOOL

Misdemonar Apr 18th, 2009 05:02 PM

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK

Misdemonar Apr 18th, 2009 05:26 PM

I AM A GOD

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 18th, 2009 06:40 PM

YOU ARE A DOG

MetalMilitia Apr 18th, 2009 11:46 PM

Last night I went out for a friends birthday got completely wasted (tequila was involved) then tried to walk home - a distance of probably 10+ miles at 4am. During this trip some twat fitting my description robbed a news agent which I must've passed at some point because a sniffer dog tracked me for an hour before I was eventually found by a police car and interrogated (I say interrogated, they asked for ID and that's about all I remember). I think they realised that I was physically incapable of robbing anyone and left me to continue the walk/stagger home.

Funny thing is my description - which was supposedly the same as the robber's - was as follows: cammo shorts and and an amusing cat t-shirt from StuffOnMyCat.com.
I find it quite difficult to believe anyone else within many hundred miles would be wearing this combination of things being that it was a fucking cold morning.

I almost made it home but by about 7am I was so miserable I phoned my girlfriend and begged her to pick me up. It was either that of go to sleep on a bench by this point.

Asila Apr 19th, 2009 12:57 AM

What the fuck is going on in here?

Asila Apr 19th, 2009 12:58 AM

Do you like how I said that as if I hadn't just read the last 10 pages in mounting confusion?

DevilWearsPrada Apr 19th, 2009 01:24 AM

You didn't say shit >:

Asila Apr 19th, 2009 10:22 AM

<3

Tadao Apr 19th, 2009 10:29 AM

What's shakin baby?

Shrubfest Apr 19th, 2009 11:39 AM

Oh my god. What's with the 2 pages of crap about shoes?
Invasion!

Tadao Apr 19th, 2009 11:46 AM

Asila brought them from her other forums :(

Shrubfest Apr 19th, 2009 12:44 PM

Criky. She hangs with the wrong crowd, obviously!

Tadao Apr 19th, 2009 01:14 PM

She's one of those shoe fetish people.

Mockery Apr 19th, 2009 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shrubfest (Post 625325)
Oh my god. What's with the 2 pages of crap about shoes?
Invasion!

And with but one click o' the mouse, they were all deleted in an instant. :picklehat

Sam Apr 19th, 2009 04:07 PM

YOU KNOW THE LADIES WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE CHANCE TO BUY ALL THOSE SHOES. :rolleyes

MarioRPG Apr 19th, 2009 04:34 PM

So my power unit busted in my computer about 6 days ago. :(
I've been crying nightly.

Asila Apr 19th, 2009 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 625326)
Asila brought them from her other forums :(

Damn, that makes it sound like I have a posse.

Zhukov Apr 20th, 2009 12:15 AM

I can't believe you robbed a newsagent and didn't remember it. What did you get? Cash or chewing gum?

Womti Apr 20th, 2009 09:51 PM

GUYS WHERE THE HOLY MOTHER FUCKING HELL IS GUITAR WOMAN

Womti Apr 20th, 2009 09:55 PM

ALSO UH GUYS I THINK GABBY GAGA MAY HAVE BEEN LADY GAGA IN DISGUISE

Womti Apr 20th, 2009 09:55 PM

HOLEEEEEE SHIT PAGE BREAK

Womti Apr 20th, 2009 09:58 PM

ok i think i'll stop with all the caps lock now

Dixie Apr 20th, 2009 11:11 PM

Shut up, Guitar Woman.

Evil Robot Apr 21st, 2009 03:01 AM

PASSGAGES OF MALIBU

Aaarg Apr 21st, 2009 01:53 PM

there was a snake in my store at 3:30 this morning. i'm no herpetologist by any means but i would be willing to bet that it was a corn snake.

i totally wanted to keep it, but i was 30 minutes into an eight-hour shift and would have had to quickly find something to keep it in until going home.

Tadao Apr 21st, 2009 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaarg (Post 625484)
i'm no herpetologist by any means

I'm sure your ex could tell you.

Aaarg Apr 21st, 2009 03:05 PM

Oh I get it you're talking about herpes.

Tadao Apr 21st, 2009 03:45 PM

or trouser snakes, it was a double whammy.

Evil Robot Apr 21st, 2009 04:40 PM

A freind of mine is a herpetologist and the jokes NEVER get old.

Lenor Apr 21st, 2009 05:35 PM

I haven't drank in day's.. it's just wrong... seriously guys, Seriously!

I need some sleep ...

Kitsa Apr 21st, 2009 08:37 PM

Perhaps it was stupid of me to assume that when our state's only NHL team is in the Stanley Cup playoffs for the first time ever, one of the many cable sports channels we pay for would carry the game.

I mean, that's just being completely unreasonable, right? :rolleyes

It's not like they're not showing any hockey...just in lieu of what I'd really LIKE to see, they're showing the Flyers-Penguins game. I was looking forward to the Jackets game all day.

KITSA SMAAAASSSSHHHH.

>:

Tadao Apr 21st, 2009 08:46 PM

Wow that sucks, I wonder if you can find a live feed on your computer.

Kitsa Apr 21st, 2009 08:48 PM

just audio.

Colonel Flagg Apr 21st, 2009 08:57 PM

Judging how the first period played out, you might be better off not watching. :(

:sports

Kitsa Apr 21st, 2009 09:18 PM

Which is why I'm all the more pissed that they threw out a token "Well, we'll show game 5".

Like we'll fucking get to fucking game 5.

Colonel Flagg Apr 21st, 2009 09:29 PM

Fuck. Wings just scored. Again.

Kitsa Apr 21st, 2009 10:01 PM

:(

The Leader Apr 21st, 2009 10:05 PM

:)

liquidstatik Apr 21st, 2009 10:22 PM

the leader ur sig is too big please change it

Asila Apr 21st, 2009 10:38 PM

HAHA I WENT TO CHECK AN IP ADDRESS AND REALISED I COULDN'T DO IT ON THIS BOARD HAHA ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?

Tadao Apr 21st, 2009 10:42 PM

That's creepy

Pub Lover Apr 21st, 2009 11:05 PM

Danny, stop pretending to be a mod, or I'll have to ban you again! >:

liquidstatik Apr 21st, 2009 11:12 PM

Jarvis, I didn't know you still posted here. I'm gonna need you to cut it out, this place is for homos now.

Esuohlim Apr 21st, 2009 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 625543)
:(

:lol

Have you earned your red wings yet? :eek

Pub Lover Apr 21st, 2009 11:41 PM

:pagebrak
Quote:

Originally Posted by liquidstatik (Post 625555)
Jarvis, I didn't know you still posted here. I'm gonna need you to cut it out, this place is for homos now.

Only the grave will rob this board of my constant musings on the wonderful taste of penis.

liquidstatik Apr 22nd, 2009 04:10 AM

grave robbing what lol

Evil Robot Apr 23rd, 2009 12:25 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Graves

Tadao Apr 23rd, 2009 03:36 AM

Fuck I'm bored

Babs Apr 23rd, 2009 04:23 AM

Board, I'm fucked.

MetalMilitia Apr 23rd, 2009 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evil Robot (Post 625660)

I read his book - Goodbye to all that - the other day. It's quite good.

Lenor Apr 23rd, 2009 02:54 PM

Super... I just need a bottle of jack now to process how pub apparently likes to rob graves for penis's...

Tadao Apr 23rd, 2009 03:06 PM

Please remember to sleep face up.

Kitsa Apr 23rd, 2009 06:37 PM

Where is ZQ? I miss ZQ.

Pub Lover Apr 23rd, 2009 10:38 PM

Did you chase her off when you suggested that you wanted to piss on her flower garden?

Aaarg Apr 24th, 2009 12:22 AM

I love getting free shit. I now own a pack cover.

Dixie Apr 24th, 2009 12:33 AM

Tomorrow I shall have a great bouffant.
Complete with Dollar Tree hibiscus hair clips.
I wish I had some pants with pink flamingos on them.

Aaarg Apr 24th, 2009 01:05 AM

Anything is possible.

Tadao Apr 24th, 2009 01:11 AM

OMG CIG, That is soo Peg Bundy Hawt!

Dixie Apr 24th, 2009 02:03 AM

I'm totally going Peggy Bundy.
I practiced the bouffant earlier, it's gonna be great.

Kitsa Apr 24th, 2009 07:45 AM

I suggested that you-all were pissing on the flower garden. And you were/are.

Dixie Apr 24th, 2009 10:54 AM

http://www.spotcrime.com/
I've been looking up my friends addresses to see when and why the cops came to their houses.
I love that site.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 24th, 2009 11:11 AM

I like the icons for the different crimes. It looks like nearby we have a lot of Hamburglers, Fist pounds and jaywalking. Little further away there are a bunch of Target stores.

Aaarg Apr 24th, 2009 11:11 AM

Damn, it doesn't go back far enough for my sister's 4 assault charges in one night!

However, apparently somebody was arrested last month in the parking lot of my work for having a stolen card, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and sodomy!

Kitsa Apr 24th, 2009 11:29 AM

Bummer, Ohio is poorly represented :(

Dayon is shitpacked with crime, but they only have a ritzy-ish suburb (Kettering, or at least the Oakwood part of it).

WhiteRat Apr 25th, 2009 02:22 AM

My roommate bought a brand new boat and while we were enjoying the smooth waters of Choctawhatchee Bay we saw three dolphins breaching the water. I raised my beer in salute of these great dolphins.

executioneer Apr 25th, 2009 03:00 AM

goddamn that website is full of gold

first dang thing i clicked:
Quote:

A Garfield student had left school and was walking to the bus stop adjacent to Ezells when a female acquaintance got off the bus at ran over to her yelling "I am going to mash you out! I'm going to put you out the box!" The victim translated this to mean that a fight was brewing, which was confirmed when the assailant took a number of swings at the victim, but failed to land any punches and eventually acceded to a request to "stop the crazyness". The victim explained to the officer that she and the suspect had been on the outs since the victim questioned the virility of the father of the suspect's baby, implying that he may have future reproductive difficulties due to the fact that he had been "shot in the genital area".

Zhukov Apr 25th, 2009 08:45 AM

Damn, Hobart is not on their list.

Someone stole a VCR on Tuesday, that would have probably been on the map if we had one.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 25th, 2009 12:15 PM

I checked out Detroit and according to this site the crime isn't that bad. Then I checked out Cleveland, OH.

http://www.spotcrime.com/oh/cleveland

:lol

Sam Apr 25th, 2009 12:49 PM

I'm getting ready to go golfing with my friends because they told me there would be beer there. :(

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 25th, 2009 12:55 PM

That's really the only reason to go golfing. Have fun Get drunk

Sam Apr 25th, 2009 01:06 PM

It's only 9 now, so I should be able to get pretty shitty well before noon.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 25th, 2009 01:32 PM

Just take a drink every time someone swings. Depending on how many people are playing you should get a good buzz pretty soon.

Tadao Apr 25th, 2009 01:48 PM

Sams getting drunk and playing with his friends little balls.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 25th, 2009 01:55 PM

Happy Birthday Jeanette too.

Now I have a predicament. I was just invited to a b-day party for a friend of a friend. My good friend just told me he's going out for his birthday tonight and I'm also supposed to go hang out with this girl I met on monday.

I was kinda blitzed on monday though so I would have to re-meet her.

Tadao Apr 25th, 2009 02:08 PM

Whats the predicament?

Happy BDAY Janey!

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 25th, 2009 02:18 PM

One party is at 7pm, the other starts at 9pm which coincidentally is next door so I can easily do the Buffalo Shuffle between the two but this girl gets out at 10 and I don't want to be sloshed by then. Especially if she wants to go out somewhere.

Tadao Apr 25th, 2009 02:22 PM

Lol, tell her you have 2 birthday parties and have her meet you there. You are well in your rights to be drunk as fuck.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 25th, 2009 02:44 PM

Just talked to her, the bar she wants to meet at is 4 streets down from the first two places. I have 255 in my personal luck stat but usually it doesn't work that well ahead of time.

I just want to see how it's going to mess up. I'm taking bets.

The only thing that I remember about her is that she's a swinger that got out of a 6 year relationship and her ex boyfriend cheated on her. I was like "Really, but you had an open relationship?"

:lol Women.

Tadao Apr 25th, 2009 03:02 PM

You are gonna stick t in her butt tonight. That is my bet.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 25th, 2009 03:15 PM

That's the goal.

Jeanette X Apr 25th, 2009 03:35 PM

*blows noisemaker*

Thanks guys! Happy Birthday to me! :)

Dixie Apr 25th, 2009 04:03 PM

Happy Birthday to you birthday people
imgonnagogetfuckdupyo
CHOW

Kitsa Apr 25th, 2009 07:34 PM

happy birthday / getting fucked up/ sticking things in things.

Tadao Apr 26th, 2009 01:17 AM


Dixie Apr 26th, 2009 02:17 AM


Dixie Apr 26th, 2009 02:17 AM

DUDE!
I totally look like Bea Arthur in my zombie pic.
Side by side comparison!

Kitsa Apr 26th, 2009 04:34 AM

A few years ago someone with a Bea Arthur myspace account added me out of the blue. I had no idea who they really were or how I knew them, but whoever-it-was was nice and left comments for me from time to time. They stopped about a year ago, but they're still on my friends list.

I didn't know what else to do so I left one of those sympathy graphics in their comments.

Seven Force Apr 26th, 2009 07:17 PM

hahaha you're friends with an ol' bitch

Seven Force Apr 26th, 2009 07:18 PM

my friends list is DADS ONLY

Kitsa Apr 26th, 2009 10:16 PM

I went to a funeral today.

Now, I've seen some wacky tasteless funeral shit before, but this has to win some sort of award.

There was a woman who was slurping slowly on a Big Gulp as she peered into the coffin.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.


Tadao Apr 26th, 2009 10:24 PM

OH SHIT! That's why phones have cameras.

Kitsa Apr 26th, 2009 10:25 PM

Well, the widow was talking to me at the time, I just happened to glance over. If I'd said "hold on" and whipped out a phone/camera, I guess I would have been just as bad.

Pub Lover Apr 26th, 2009 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 626100)
I want the Japanese Jack Daniels! My wife hated my old Jack shirt and it wound up in the dumpster. :(

She just liked seeing you with your shirt off. :love

Tadao Apr 26th, 2009 10:28 PM

But the chances of a trifecta would have been in play and it would be a funeral worthy of the gods!


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