:pagebrak

Randy, you tunin' sonofabitch.

I wish my foreskin was emo so it would cut itself

YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE YOUR FORESKIN WAS EMO BECAUSE SOSA SAID SO?

How does someone decide at 21 that they want gender reassignment surgery after only starting think about possibly of being the wrong gender 11 months ago?

This seems exceedingly rash.

But cause it all stated to make sense, you can totally tell from the pictures that you hubby is a woman.

I'm a dad

While I was waiting in line for my meds, some guy, maybe 45 years old, was talking to the lady next to him about the spirit that was next to him. Which understandably weirded everyone out. Then, when his prescription card wasn't working, he took it back, and the gist of what he yelled was something like "This is all a crock of... you don't want to know what I know! Fucking Illuminazi bastards!" and stormed out. The next ten minutes were spent laughing, and making sure he wasn't coming back with a gun.

They won't be able to get gender reassignment surgery if they just started thinking about becoming a woman 11 months ago :O unless they go to thailand or some shit where they don't have rigid psychological standards. event hen they might have problems :O I guess he could always lie though and be unsatisfied with his hideous fauxina later. HIS FOX VAGINA

pretty much you have to want to be a woman before you're sexually active, otherwise its just seen as fetishism.

Congratulations!!!

I'm sorry for you!

Did you eat the placenta?

Congrats, also.

someone told me you're supposed to like save the after-birth and feed it to your child several months afterwards or some strange magic will befall him

I think the afterbirth is supposed to be beneficial to the mother and the baby gets the the benefits from the mothers milk. At least that's how it works in the animal kingdom.

yea ive heard it that way too :(

but it struck me as really odd that people would consider feeding an infant 6 month old placenta :(

I would think that it might totally overload a baby. Maybe that's how they make super heroes and villains.

In the animal kingdom, babies are eaten in addition to afterbirth. I think we need to set our bar some other way.

Thanks. Were saving the placenta. I didn't know about the feeding the placenta to her.

Turn it into a paste and then rub it on your cock and make her blow you. Just a suggestion.

Congrats on the baby thing and have fun in parenthood. Real Dads Don't Eat Placentas.

PLACENTA NACHOS

DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

Why are you guys still talking about placentas, am I really the only one blown away by that Youtube video FZ just posted?.

its like bart the general only dragon ball z instead of simpson

:pagebrak

Some of us have a hankering for placenta. :eek

Have fun being a dad and get sleep whenever you can. Congrats!

Congrats, you Dilf. :eek

:lol

THIS.

You need one.

Trust me.

Heya, guys! How's everybody doing over in this neck of the woods?

this isnt a neck, this is clearly the small of the back of the woods

God, that was FUCKED.

And good luck with the child 10k!

Congrats 10k. Its not really as hard as people make it out to be.

Your kid turn 1 yet Kitsa? Shouldnt she be sometime around now?

I'm thinking about getting a Personal Trainer certificate and starting a nutrition & fitness blog. Do you think this is a good idea? Would you want to read something like that?

This isn't for money or fame or anything. I just offer this kind of advice to everyone all the time, and I think getting my "writings" down in "print" would be therapeutic for me and hopefully curb my desire to do it IRL all the time. Also it would be easier to just give my coworkers a link.

You have my permission to be honest without getting banned. This time.

I wouldn't be into it. It's not really my thing. But I know a lot of people that are and there's a big audience for it. Go for it, man.

Can I make fun of the fatties?

won't you be in jail by the time it goes live

i can get wifi in jail

Seconded. Congratulations Bill, and welcome to "the dark side" of the force.

Clay already told us. We instructed him not to die. He better bloody listen. :eek

Don't you already have one and its caled IMOCKERY.COM/FORUM?

Damn right he better listen.

Anyhow, in my little corner of the Army, I just got a promotions.

I'd read it, I'm trying to get in better shape and only have a vague idea of what I'm doing so sure.

I'm always on the lookout for new workout and diet advice, so I'd be game.

Via PM

Just got this in this afternoon.

The part I find amusing is that Babs thinks he gave me a hard time. :lol

WHAT A DOPE.

Haha, that baby is all like "whoah, I'm in some sort of... swing."

Tadao, I am also sorry for giving you a hard time. I know I give you a hard time, and it's very easy for me to make you feel bad. You probably get upset very easily when I talk down to you and I'm reasonably sorry.

Tadao, if sexual favors are what it takes to make it up to you for giving you a hard time, I'm willing to do anything.

I've been going through Danny's home videos.:eek

Yep, she turns 1 on Wednesday. You're good!

Danny sent me a torrent once.

ONCE

No wonder you were raided by the rozzers. :eek

Aren't you like 16?

Who's dick am I going to suck to get a little respect here?

You're right. Dylan is a little old for the big T. :eek

Send me a picture of your dick & I'll respect you. :yum

;)

It's that simple? Just a dick pic?

Yep

Thanks guys. She's adorable as fuck



We had to use artificial insemination actually because my dong was too big to fit in my girlfriends giner.

:O

:eek

d'awwww babies are so mexican looking

Congratulations Bill! Not to many people are confident enough to show their babies off here at I-mockery.

congrats on the new addition bill

She's beautiful! It'll be a rough couple of weeks but then it's all (mostly) good.

I can't wait for her to be 18, Bill.

I used to work at a retail store. A few weeks ago, I found a $5 gift card on the floor and used it to buy a snack.

Today I got fired for it. Apparently that's "gross misconduct."
The meeting didn't even last a whole minute. Gave me an envelope of cash and escorted me off the premises. I worked there for 3 years :(

I was finally gonna move out of my parent's house really soon too. I don't have it in me to tell them yet, but my old man offered to pay for my car repairs tomorrow and gave me this "I love you, son" talk.

Cue anxiety attack. And tons of job applications. :\

For future reference. If you find money on the ground where you work, you have to turn it in to lost and found and wait like 90 days before you can claim it.

Congrats Bill. She has your forehead. :lol

:pagebrak

:lol

Wow, that sucks so badly. I take it you're not in a union.

:lol yea you might as well have stolen it from a customer

next time LAUNDER IT

Nah. They actually have a segment in the training video that specifically discourages against unions for like 10 minutes.

Put in 9 job applications last night. Was gonna do more today after dropping my car off at the mechanic, but it's below freezing :\ I can at least do a follow-up call to an old application from a week ago. Maybe check Craigslist or something.

Never got fired before, actually. I was gonna make a scene, but I remembered I'd probably need those jerks for when I list my job experience on applications. :explode

Well I hope not being in a union works out for you.

..

The thing is, they don't want you to start a union until you do, then they have to deal with you. If everybody in the entire store quit and formed a union, it'd work. But nobody's got the will to these days and all the existing unions are filled with crooked fucks.

Yea, I don't really think it was a viable option for some part time cashier like me.

Ah well. My old roommate said he could get me a job at some place googling things for people who need information. Pay's crazy good. He's been doing it for awhile and he was in the same boat as me. It's a 30 minute drive from my house, but it's work, and it's better work than what I've done for the past 5 years.

Can't you google from home? :eek

I think I need to be on the phone with clients. So they record it or something in their office, probably log what I look up so they make sure I'm not watching Buttsluts Go Nuts or whatever. It's close to double my last hourly rate, though, so I'll drive a little extra.

On an unrelated note, I was worried my dick my fall off today after walking in -2 degree weather for two hours. I don't think any part of me has ever been that cold before. All the condensation from my breath froze my facial hair too :( "Global warming" my ass >:

So, after going to several doctors who didn't seem to really give many shits (my regular doctor has been out on vacation), the general consensus is that I have some sort of problem with my inner ear, and as far as they're concerned, my weight loss is unrelated.
I might have inherited my mother's vertigo problems, but while hers were abrupt, left her too dizzy to move without falling, and lasted an hour or so, mine feels like I decided to spin around in circles for a little while, and has lasted almost two weeks now. The doctors say that it can last a few days, or a few weeks, or even a few months. Fuuuu-

Sounds like a bullshit job, Phoenix Gamma.

but that's just my opinion. Good luck!

My gal had a bad vertigo problem. An acupuncturist gave her some Chinese voodoo herbs to take and she got better. The Docs couldn't help her either.

My mom eventually had to have a nerve in her ear clipped to solve it. ope mine doesn't get that bad. :\

hmm. you could try running a search for, "Vertigo TCM"

or actually traditional chinese medicines hella complicated so maybe you should just find one in town :O lol

http://www.yinyanghouse.com/treatmen...ziness_vertigo

TELL ME YOUR SYMPTOMS AND HOW YOU FEEL AND ILL TRY TO DIAGNOSE YOU ACCORDING TO TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE :O

IS THIS A CHRONIC FEELING THAT IS CONSTANTLY THERE OR IS IT SOMETHING THAT COMES AND GOES? DOES YOUR HEAD FEEL STUFFY WHEN YOU GET VERTIGO? DOES YOUR HEAD FEEL STUFFY IN GENERAL? BESIDES LOSING WEIGHT WHAT OTHER PROBLEMS DO YOU HAVE? ANY PAIN IN ANY INTERNAL ORGANS? WHAT KIND OF DIET DO YOU HAVE?

OH WAIT YOU SAID A PROBLEM WITH THE INNER EAR. DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SUFFERING HEARING LOSS? DO YOU HEAR S OUNDS LIKE, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP WHEN YOU GET VERTIGO?

um can i get this job also

i have tinnitus ;_;

http://www.itmonline.org/arts/tinmen.htm

:(

THERES ALSO THIS THING CALLED MENIIERS DISeASE THATS LIKE A COMBINITION OF TINNITUS AND VERTIGO :O:O:O

MY PRELIMINARY DIAGNOSIS KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOUR PROBLEM IS PROLLY CAUSed by yOU BEING TOO WATERY! TRY TO EAT SOME SPICY OR ASTRINGENT FOODS (OCCASIONALLY, NOT TOO MUCH OR YOU COULD GET ANOTHER IMBALANCE. ACTUALLY THE BEST THING WOULD BE ASTRINGENT TYPE FOODS PROBABLY: thIngS THAT ABSORB WATER FROM YOUR BODY SUCH AS BEANS AND RAW FRUITS AND VEGETABLES; WHEN I GET HOME I CAN FIND OUT WHICH TCM THINGS tAKE WATER OUT OF THE BODY) AND NOT GREASY MOIST SUGARY FOODS. AND GET SOME REST! BASICALLY THINK OF IT LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE A COLD AND NEED TO GET ALL THE SNOT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
IN FACT PERHAPS YOUR WEIGHT LOSS COULD BE ATTRIBUTED TO THIS! YOUR BODY IS tRYING TO FLUSH FLUIDS OUT OF YOUR BODY, THUS CAUSING YOU TO LOSE WEIGHT! haha i dunno.

TRADITIONAL KAHLJORN MEDICINE

Surgery tomorrow for me, my intestines will be out on a table for approximately 1 hour. Nothing like the scare of ulcerative colitis/crohn's.

Oh I'd agree, but my ex-roommate's been with them for over a year. We went to the same school, had the same major, etc. and he's been able to sustain himself. And I'm sure it involves more than google :lol

You can here to spill your guts? :puke

I came here to drain my nuts :wank

Like working at Cha Cha.

fixed

According to Cha Cha, I-mockery has the saddest public suicide notes.

http://www.chacha.com/question/what-...e-ever-written

I mean I guess it's not really to far fetched to believe.