American Boyfriend
 

The other night I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday. One friend brought out her new hubby.
She's passed 40 and had given up on men, Given the men in our area, I don't blame her. So she pulled a bloke from New York on Myspace. We all thought he was a serial killer, but no. oh lordy, he's dead nice. We all fancied him and he got loads of attention that night, but only had eyes for his wife. Dammit, that guy has left New York to live in, get this, 'Brown Edge', Stoke-on-Trent to be with her.
Well, I thought, there's an idea. There was not one man worth flirting with that night, or any night, this is why I dance so much. So I'm going to hunt americans on Myspace. My criteria is sane (ish), 33-43, intelligent, hilarious, some hair and a damn good shag. Tolerance of a woman who likes a drink. And american of course, preferably from a sunny part or near Canada.

So could anyone direct me to anyone on MySpace who fits the bill?

Canadians can apply too.
I never met a Canadian I didn't like and would live there happily.
xx

:(

Am I meant to understand the meaning of one lone emoticon?

The english language is a broad, varied and interesting thing, please use it and let me know what you mean.

Let me just put it this way.
I was faithful to my wife for the 15 years we were married, alos for the 5 years previous that we dated. I'm 38. I have a wealth of knowledge and have made even the most cynical here laugh. I have lots of hair on my head, body is getting hairier :X I love to drink with women and I live in sunny Southern California.

Add to that, I am a peace punk, I love to travel and english accents are hot.

I have this thing though that might "might" make me a burden to anyone who cares about me.

I'm 37.

We don't get to this fine age without baggage.

Hahah I know. Nothing wrong with baggage. I clean my closet every now and then.

I have a condition in which my bones are fusing together. It can be slowed down with medicine but not stopped. One day in the future I may need a nurse maid. If someone cared about me they wouldn't leave me to live the rest of their life in health and happiness.

I tend to try not to fall in love. It's gay, but in my mind it makes sense.

Does this condition have a name?

Don't worry. There are robot arms and chairs to do the moving for you.

He mentioned it before in a thread about all sorts of medical maladies the posters had. Hope you're alright, TADDY.

EDITO: http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69699472

I feel like I'm butting in, so I'm just gonna step out.

Ankylosing Spondylitis.

It sounds fancy.

It's a public forum, thus butting in is impossible.

Well, I feel really tender moments being forged.

I'm too punk rock to do tender

Tender, like a body.

:rolleyes
You would get all gooey and tender if I bought you a pair of 20 eyes for Valentines day.

sounds like a mutation

A pair of 20 eyes?

Well, er, good luck with that whole intelligent American boyfriend thing

From what I understand, you people fucking love shitty cheeses and can't spell basic words while we love Big Macs and can't find Saudi Arabia on a map (with the countries labeled), so the differences between BRITISH MEN and AMERICAN MEN seem cosmetic at best







Speaking of UK men, though, what in the blue fuck is a chav? I have this mental picture of a cockney, eighteen-year old wigger meth freak that thinks bitch slapping random people on the street is an olympic sport

Never heard such a cheese accusation before.
I thought Americans only ate over processed food anyhow and wouldn't know proper cheese unless it came pre sliced and in a cellophane wrapper?
But that's by the by.

http://news.scotsman.com/latestnews/...lth.3834952.jp

Of course, my main source of information on the cheese "epidemic" is the borderline-obsessive dietitian bitch I occasionally see flipping by BBC America when Top Gear and Gordon Ramsey aren't on.

As for Americans and cheese, most of us would probably consider Kraft cheese slices a health food product and only use it on sandwiches. Cheeses that actually taste good are undoubtedly foreign, automatically French, and therefore must be avoided on principle, rather than out of a devotion to processed food and you still haven't answered the chav question, I'm genuinely curious as to what cultural subsect they belong to.

I prefer buckles and zips. All that lacing up takes forever. There's a punk rule around here that you can't answer the door without your boots on. So those with multiple lace holes leave their friends waiting at the door for ages.

That is so Anarchist!

Too bloody right!
Can't be seen in our socks.

Gus-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav