dude make me laugh for chrissakes plz this is awful :(

I came back at a good time for stories! Continue, prz.

Guys, george was right, this started off awful :( but it's getting better :| and soon it will be a real laugh :lol. Trust in george, he won't let you down! :)

love ya, georgie...and even though most of this isn't new to me, it's super cool to see it all written down in one place <3

oh btw, when she went for Thanksgiving she took the car and left me and the kids home for the weekend. she left the fucking car AT HER BOYFRIENDS HOUSE >:

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS 2005

So, it's a week before Christmas. The last few years have been pretty shitty and this year I have saved up :) Working part time at Wendys --you know the FIRE IN THE HOLE videos that are on youtube of people throwing drinks back in drive thru windows? well me and this kid Demitrius were stealing chicken nuggets one night and some dude pulled up to the window and when this retarded bitch (i fucking hated this chic) handed him his soda the guy yelled "FUCK YOU BITCH" and drilled her with the drink. i laughed so hard i puked chicken nuggets, seriously one of the funniest things i have ever seen--- and at the American Legion, and hiding money from Nancy I had managed to save up $2500.00 for christmas presents.

now some of you fuckers might not think that is a lot of money, but to me it is. Seriously, my family was old time poor when i was a kid. i once got a Merlin for christmas:



and that was fucking ALL. i truly hate Christmas because when youre poor it is the one time of year you get feel like shit for having nothing AND get to feel like shit for being a bitch about having nothing (OOOH FUCKING BOY, i get the ever fucking eternal love of jesus again this year!).

i pulled my money out of the mason jar in the backyard ;) and suprised Nancy with it. i was so fucking proud of myself. when i thought about her reaction i pretty much envisioned myself as a dog bringing home a rabbit. all bouncy and proud. i really wanted to impress her. i wanted her approval. like every abused person ever, i wanted my personal victimizer to see how wrong they were, come her senses, and love me.

and i offered to buy her jewlery. diamond earings. cause it had been a long time since she had gotten anything nice from me, and i felt bad about Erin, and I wanted to show up the asshole she had been running around with.

i wanted to be awsome.

and she said no thank you :(


gonna go smoke, more to come....

Continued:

now, if i have not made it clear at this point Nancy is the most selfish person i have ever met. i can only express it like this:

one day nancy was driving me to work. she would drop me off just outside the gate of the base i worked at and i would have about a two mile walk to the "plant" that i worked at. this was because we lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere and she "needed" the car to drive the kids to the bus stop (the fact that her mother--thank god--would usually make a ten mile drive to our house, pick up the kids, and take them to school, and then pick them up, was NEVER a topic that was brought up). it was just after hurricane Katrina, and i mentioned how bad i felt for the people in New Orleans and Biloxi (a city i had lived in for about a year).

her response was:
fuck those ******s, they are getting 1,000 dollar gift cards and free trailers just because they were too fucking ignorant and lazy to move somewhere else. They are a bunch of free loading bastards, and that they don't deserve a fucking thing.

my response was:
but they were the most desperately poor people in America, that they endured horrors that no American should ever have to endure, and they had no money, or place to go.

her response was:
i'm poor! where's my free house, where's my free check?

this was a woman riding in a brand new car taking her husband to his high paying job so that she could go home and sleep while her mother spent her day doing her job of being a mother for her. that should pretty much sum it all up.

so when i offered to buy her jewlrey and she said no, my heart sank. i knew this woman. if it meant the kids didnt get a goddamn single christmas present and she could get diamond earings (that she had harped about getting for months) she would have left the kids high and dry. something awful was coming my way.

i decided that i would try for honesty. i asked Nancy if there was something going on that i should know about. i told her that she could tell me, be honest, and that we would settle our differences after the holidays. i told her i would be sad but that i would rather have her be honest than break my heart. in one of the most touching gestures that i had ever seen out of her she got on her hands and knees and sucked my dick (jk, she got on her hands and knees and swore that there was nothing going on and that she loved me with all her heart and that she would be good and faithful forever and ever, blah, blah, blah)

this is gonna be tricky so stick with me:

my mom has her christmas party the week before christmas. i have a bunch of brothers and a sister and it had always been really hard to get us all together on a regular basis, so it had become an annual event for us all.

i had to work a day shift at the American Legion.

A friend of mine had rented a local nightclub to throw a christmas party. Every person that i was friends with was invited. People i have been friends with since childhood were going to be there. it was going to be a party to remember.

nancy had to work a night shift at the American Legion.

So we traded. she took my day shift. i took her night shift. i would go to my parents house, the relieve her at the Legion. Nancy was going to ride to the party with some friends (a few girls we both knew). i would come to the party later that night when i closed the Legion (around midnight).

easy peasy.

i ran late returning from my parents house. when i got to the Legion nancy was furious. there were only a few people at the bar, and one got up and left when i came in. we quickly changed over the bar. Nancy said she was ready to go, and departed. i thought it was a little strange her friends did not come in, because these were girls i was well aquainted with, and usually they went out of their way to say hi when they were around cause i did not go out very often. i did not think much of it.

before long it was me and a guy named John. I fucking hated John. John was a guy who had spent his life pissing away a small fortune his parents had left him. his favorite thing to do was fuck with people he thought were lower than him and that was pretty much everyone. he would not let up. he was insulting and rude, and just kept pushing my nerves. i bent down to get him his upteenth shot of Rumplemints from the cooler, and while my head was in the cooler he said " I could kill you right now. "

i popped up like a fucking jack-in-the-box. he sounded pretty serious. i thought that i was about to die, that this drunk POS asshole was going to kill me in the shitty old American Legion. He got a big laugh off my reaction. i told him to get the fuck out. he refused.

i calmly walked around the bar. got him in a headlock, drug him out the door, and locked it behind him. he stood outside screaming how he was going to have me fired, i was an asshole, blah, blah, blah.

i decided i did not give a shit if i was fired. i closed the bar. i decided to go to the party early. i had not been out in awhile. i was looking forward to seeing my friends.

when i came into the party it was packed. literally every person i knew was there. every fucking one of them.

have you ever had the feeling everyone was watching you?

that every person in a room was looking? that all conversation ceased when you came into the room. that even though the music was playing there was deadly silence underneath it, and when the song ended you would get that crazy ringing sound that is so awsome after listening to Tool at far too many decibles?

i walked the room and i felt like i was being stalked. i looked for Nancy and her friends and there was no sign of them. i wandered. i thought maybe they had gone outside to get high. i wandered. and looked out at the dance floor.

and there on the dance floor was my wife. she had her back to the dude who had left the American Legion they were making out. he had his hands on her tits (in the insane clarity of the moment i could clearly see he was pinching her nipples). she was grinding her ass back into him.

the whole place had been watching me. she knew i was going to be there eventually. she knew that everyone would be laughing at me behind my back when i got there. she had fooled me once again.

i walked up to her an her friend and said, " are you two having fun?"

they opened their eyes at the same time. he screamed like a little girl and ran away.

she looked at me for a second and pointed to my wristband and said, "you didnt have to pay to get in."

I would love to ass fist Nance.

You can't turn a ho into a housewife.

Oh man. please tell me you strangled her.

George. have you ever had a job at a foundry? They have huge ovens that get up to 4k degrees you know. Just saying. ;)

I was disappointed when you said you were just kidding about her sucking your dick. You deserved at least that much.

signature'd

I'm completely serious when I say this; living well is the best revenge. The only way that you can win again someone so repugnant is to leave them alone to destroy themselves and get away from them if they try and come after you.

She'll kill herself one day, whether it be a conscious bullet or a completely unforeseen consequence of her lifestyle like a football liver. Don't worry about it.

goddamnit BTC I was going to put that in a sig :(

i hate this woman so fuckin much. i hope she stops by here and throws a fit in this thread. that would be hilarious.

Like you'll ever be back around to see it. :rolleyes

quit your snifflin. i'm around when i feel like it.

[... still waiting for the other shoe ...]

Keep it going, george, this is great stuff!

BTW, Nancy = Pennywise the Clown from Stephen King's "It". Squirt battery acid at the bitch. ;)

OMG if nancy saw this thread she would have a fit.

we had an argument the other day about thanksgiving. please try and take one guess why it is a holiday that me and the kids exclude her from.

so, her current BF decided she could not go with him to his parents house for thanksgiving so she decided to latch onto our plans and go with us to MY SISTERS house for the holiday. when i told her that wasnt gonna happen she said she would just come anyway :(

and she said it was all my fault that she was all alone for thanksgiving, what a tard :(

Did Nancy used to post here??

yeah, under 'Nancy'. iirc i made her avatar

the account isn't here anymore, though, unless the name got changed

tell her to fuck off george.
you'll be thankful that you did.

I wouldn't bring her, she might try to have sex with someone in front of your sister.

Or pee all over everything.

Or both.

oh, she is not coming. she does this all thi time.

ha. pretty sure i am going to have some news on the love front that will truly piss her off!!! 38 year old bitch ex wife meet 23 year old artist sweetheart gf (??????) just maybe i will have the closure for this story.

i will try to do more of this monday night, i was up all night in happy town (1 shift drink became 10, and i amused my coworkers by getting old ladies to dance all dirty with me) and i worked all day today, and work all day tomorrow. but business is picking up at work and life just may be getting good for once and all. :)

DUDE UPDATE COME ON WHAT THE FUCK >:

I'm pretty sure getting closure on this is the only reason i've been checking these forums lately.

It's increased my lurking 1000-fold!

I hope there's a big update after Thanksgiving.

Yeah, there needs to be an update

Nice foreshadowing on what a bitch she was though when you mentioned she said she would divorce you if you took that commission to the Marines. A loving wife would have supported you (Like my mother did for my father when he served). While a bitch would have.... well you lived the story, so I don't need to tell you.

Thank you for your service by the way.

Jesus I hope this has an uber happy ending, you deserve one after all that

HAPPY TG GEORGE!

Also, best quote about divorce (one that dragged on for years, and it still hadn't been finalized yet) that I have ever heard...

"If I had killed her, I would have just finished serving my time by now"

Nancy found out about this and knifed him good.

I hope not

And not just because I want to hear the conclusion of his story

Season one is over. They're filming season two now.

I was promised a Thanksgiving special. :(

Agreed. This cliffhanger is worse to endure than the last writers strike

Ffffuuuuuuuu

I hope she didnt shoot him or anything. :(

i am all ok!!! i have been super busy is all. me and the kids spent the weekend doing all sorts of fun things, and it has been all doubles at work (including today) i am off tomorrow (thurs) and i promise i will finnish this whole thing then.

and since i decided that this is the very last time i am going to tell this story i guess life decided to bring all the sad things to an end. you'll see what i mean.

thank you for your patience.

I'm only waiting somewhat patiently until I hear the end of it ;<

There needs to be a trailer, like you have for the summer blockbusters

Aftermath: part 1

what do you do when you are upset? i am pretty sure most people would have slapped Nancy, chased that guy outside and kicked his ass. i just stood there. i just stood there and thought about the day i fell in love with Nancy.

i was working at Ames. Ames was a shittier version of KMart, and at this point in time no one had even heard of Wal-Mart in the north east. i loved my job. i had just moved back to MD from Mississippi, was having sex with the girl who worked in the she department (she was a Ms Maryland contestant) at least once a day while on the clock, and had reached legendary status in pissing my boss off. i would take a Talking Pee Wee Herman Doll:



then turn on the PA system for the store, pull the string, and blare Pee Wee through the whole place. The manager could never catch me doing it, and my co-workers hated him so much that no one would rat me out. The bane of my existence at Ames was getting shopping carts.

Now a days they have those little carts that they use to assist pushing the carts through the store. I hate those fucking things. In my day the carts were made of metal, all had bad wheels, and there was no happy ass cart corral to park the carts in. I would have to walk the whole parking lot to gather the carts, then push those heavy fucking things back into the store. to this day i will not put a cart into one of those cart corrals, fuck those lazy bastards and the assisted pushing of plastic shopping carts.

so, to pass the time i would sing songs while i gathered carts. i would sing metallica, i would sing aerosmith, i would sing skynyrd, GNR, and i would rap. Nancy and i went to church together as kids. one day we were working as voluteers at a church dinner and we snuck out to the parking lot and made out for most of the night--she was the first girl i ever made out with--and then promptly never saw her again until a very hot june day in 1998. i was rapping Public Enemies now classic "Don't Believe the Hype" and pushing ever fucking shopping carts. and a sweet voice behind me said "Hi"

I turned around and met my doom. Big brown eyes, long brown hair, and a beautiful smile. i was smitten. they say you know the moment you meet somone if you are ever going to be in love, and i would have said that it was bullshit until that moment. After that moment i knew i would have followed Nancy to hell if she asked (and she did), and done it smiling (and i did).

For the next seventeen years we went through the wars together. through good and bad, through everything i have told you so far (and a million that are just too personal) i always believed that our pathes would lead us back to being the two people who instantly fell in love because she liked the fact that i would sing in my awful voice and be unafraid of who heard, and because in my soul i believed that she heard the truth and understood.

I stood there and i thought as i had so many times about that girl i loved so much. i thought about the redemption that time would give to us both. all those days in our future when the fires had grown low and we had come to the end and watched the world burn together and the power of all that time had overcome the momentary hardships and pain and smoothed it all out into a story we could both be proud of.

i thought about all of that and went out to my car to get my gun.

ok, brb gotta pee.

Aftermath p.1 continued:

I didn't really have a gun. I wish I did. It would have made a better story, and at times i have told this to people for dramatic effect. here are some lies about myself that i have perpetuated in my lifetime that make me happy:

1. I have a tattoo on the inside of my wrist. i tell people it is the chinese symbol for monkey. i think i have only told like five people what it really means because explaining the real meaning would take too long and be too personal. the story of how i got this tattoo goes like this:

For Zoe's 14 birthday Nancy and I took Zoe to get her eyebrow pierced. The guy that was going to do the piercing was a family friend, had pierced both my and Nancy's eyebrows and ran a successfull tattoo shop until he died recently from the same type of blood infection that killed Bernie Mac.

So the guy swabbed Zoe's eyebrow, placed the clamp, and promptly pierced a vein. After a few seconds of hurried activity the guy turns to me and says "i'm so sorry, i did not check for a vein, i did both of yours, you should have told me you were not her father!"

calmly i replied, "i am her father."

He gave me the universal look that people give when they know that they have just gotten themselves into a conversation they don't want to have. he did not want to explain genetics to someone who was not going to listen, much less shatter the emotions of a young girl and her father(?). Instead he told us to go wait in the lobby to make sure that Zoe wasn't gonna be all fucked up from damage to that vein.

to distract ourselves from the great truth that we had just learned (although i have yet to find anything definitive confirming that vein placement has anything to do with genetics like eye color does) zoe and I started looking through tattoo books. she wanted to get one (and it was fine by me) but her mom would not let her. instead she picked one out for me: the chinese symbol for monkey.

i love that story.

2. I have met Justin Timberlake. Tuesday and I started this lie and tell it whenever we get the chance. this lie went so far that we faked JT's signature on a poster, and got a bday cake for T that said "love you T, from JT" anytime anyone tells us how they met someone famous, we double team them with our account of how we met JT:

We were bored one day and listening to 99.5, the local Pop music station. We called in to the station to request a song and just happened to win a contest, out of sheer luck. we got free tickets to his show and to meet JT backstage.

instead of being the dousche we expected him to be, JT turned out to be an awsome guy. Instead of just hanging out for a few minutes, we hung out together all afternoon. JT bought us pizza, and we all became great friends.

we will dogpile more and more onto this story until whoever we are lying to gets mad or decides to call us on it. it is great fun, and really great on those pompous people who like to name drop.

Since this the last time i will tell this story i will carry on with the truth. i went out to my car and started crying. i cried like a big fat bitch of a baby. i saw the future i hoped for go up in smoke. the life i suffered for, endured for, dreamed of, worked for, my whole vision of the purpose of my life, my reward for it was gone.

my shinning vision of the future had turned into a great void of nothing in the space of a day. to say i was hurt is not even right. she had killed me. the person i was right up until that moment was gone completely. sitting in the shitty parking lot, of a shitty nightclub in southern maryland i died and was wiped clean. nothing mattered.

then my cell phone rang. it was zoe. she wanted to know when i was going to come home. she wanted to make cookies, wanted me there because she and the other kids loved me and needed me.

so i went back into the club, and called the doorman over. they would not let me back in. they were afraid i was gonna start trouble. i told them that the bitch had my money, that she could go fuck the russian army for all i cared but that if she didn't give me my christmas money right fucking now i was going to go an epic level of apeshit on everyone in the place.

they drug her over, and she gave me my cash. i told her not to come home ever again. it was all over, and i never wanted to see her again.

i went home and made cookies with the kids. we had a good time.

i did not see Nancy again until Christmas Eve.

:eek

duuuuuuuuuuuuuude

I love this story. :)

Christmas

i spent the next week in a daze. this is to be expected, but when your job requires you to pour straight nitro glycerine into a mixer already filled with nitro cellulose and ether being out of your mind is a really bad thing. i would forget what i was doing, or why i was doing it. if not activly engaged in talking to another person my mind would wander off into the white static of nothing. one thought kept popping up:

you deserve this for sleeping with Erin. this is your punishment. this is your atonement. this is your chance to come clean and get the weight of the whole thing off your chest. i could trade evils with Nancy, we could be mad and then find common ground again.

sigh.

So when Nancy turned up on Christmas Eve i was feeling pretty happy. we talked for awhile. she apologized. i accepted. and instead of coming clean about Erin, i begged her to take me back. on my hands and knees i begged her. i dont think i really wanted her back. i think i just wanted to make the end on my terms instead of the tawdry scene that had occured.

she accepted. told me that she had dumped Jason after he ran away on her, realizing what a dousche he was. i was prett stoked about the whole thing. here was the answer to the whole thing, not a great one, but an answer.

we spent christmas eve together. we had fun christmas morning together. later that day Zoe came to me. she had nancy's cell phone in her hand. and she had been reading a string of txt messages Nancy had been trading with Jason. the last one came in just as Z was gonna send me a txt (zoe is good at getting txt while sending, we do it to each other all the time): I WLL B THR TO GET YOU AT 9:00.

there were a lot of texts. some about fucking, some about being in love, and a bunch about what an asshole i was for taking her seriously about getting back together. Zoe was crying as she watched me read the txt. i closed the phone, hugged zoe, and then went to find Nancy.

i handed her the phone and asked her what was up. why wouldnt she just be honest? why keep lying? WHY?????

she just looked at me. in a steady voice she said " I am in love with him, you have to understand that it is over between us, i just wanted to be with the kids for Christmas."

and out the door she went. i would not see her again for a week.

it was all over. any hope for our future was gone.

cheating for sex you can get over.

BUT SHE FUCKING LOVED SOMEONE ELSE. and for the second time in a week i sat and cried. then the girls came in my room, sat on the bed with me, put their arms around me and hugged me until i pulled myself together.

Aw mayun. :(

WHY?! WHY DID YOU LET HER BACK IN ON CHRISTMAS EVE? :tear

Why couldnt you just turn off all the lights (after she knocked on the door or whatever) and in a not so quiet voice tell the kids to be quiet and maybe she will just go away.

Holy shit, this just gets worse and worse.

I can't read this anymore P:((

I'm waiting for one of two things to happen here:

1) George fesses up to this being the biggest bullshit story he's come up with since meeting Justin Timberlake, and gloats over how he got us all real good, or.....

2) George sends us a photo of him in an orange jumpsuit, typing away on a laptop in a prison cell because he has chopped Nancy into pieces and fed her to the family's pet goat.

I will be satisfied with either conclusion.

P.S.- I love you George, you big, fruity hunk of weird.

i didn't know comic book villains existed in real life, too

i think it's hilarious how she'll lie in any scenario, even when there's no reason to do so and it could even hurt her position. She is totally dedicated to evil, and that's kinda admirable.

I can actually see this happening - people are effed up and they do some stupid, nasty despicable things to people just for the hell of it. I'm sorry it happened to George (if it did happen, now that the BS card has been thrown into play, thanks sspad!) but the fact that he's talking about it means he's in a better place now, which means the story does have a good ending.

I hope it ends with Nancy being eaten by sharks.

:lol

no spad, this is all the truth, or at least as much of it as i can tell without fear.

trust me, despite the fact that i felt like killing her, the pay off comes eventually. this is so much longer than i thought it would be. there is quite a bit more. trust me, everybody gets what they deserve :)

i will try to add more tomorrow, i want to be done with this, thinking of it all makes me sad, and amazingly life is pretty good right now.

but i wont spoil the story.

Focus on the good stuff now while you write it. Make that your balm. To borrow the cliché, 'That which does not kill us only makes us stronger'. I like to think that means when things are good we can look back at what is bad and endure the memories, because we were rewarded later.

reading about how your kids have never left your side is absolutely adorable

:bestthread and i mean that <<<

Kids are like that - open honest and caring. When the chips are down, and there's no where to go, a child will instinctively cling to that which makes them feel safe and secure. That says a lot about Georgie, now doesn't it. :)

I am telling you, this had better end with something like, and then I hit the lottery and banged Natalie Portman

Please tell me it's coming soon, George. If there's another bout of you crawling back to this heinous bitch, I will have to smack the shit out of you.

Unless I miss his hints meaning, I think the next installment will have at least one more instance of that, otherwise he would have been able to give us the payoff already :P

MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE

Didn't nancy post on these boards for a brief period of time way back?

Yeah, I thought I remembered that.

I think George verified it too earlier, I can't remember for sure though

What was her alias? :confused

Sounds like it may have been just Nancy

:\

Did George ever come back with another installment?

The thread's right here. You can find out with just a few clicks! :O

I'm lazy. So far it's the same posts from the last time I was here.

Yes, he renewed his vowes with Nancy on Thanksgiving.

Suddenly this thread is funny.

I think he stuffed the turkey. ;)

Turdicken.

this is rez, glow had me read this whole thing out loud tonight

holy fuck what the fuck oh my god this is aaaaaaaaa

:rolleyes

whatsamatter glow did Chojin come over and is raping you :eek

You Need To Stop

Sorry Nancy

No need to get cruel :P

:rolleyes

Some people need to grow up

This thread needs more George

well, i guess that's it for george for another 2 years

Have faith ....

Man, after we invest so much in this story if he left now it would be the ultimate let down

Best troll ever? :confused:

I would be more inclined to call him a contributing writer to The Sopranos :lol

Come back, george :<

I don't think he is for awhile.

I had almost forgotten this thread it has been so long. That and the DML/10K mess and SS have kept me occupied till he returns (whenever that is)

I just hope Nancy didn't get wise to this thread and do something tabloid-worthy. :(

What is it with i-mockery forum members with crazy significant others?

They're wild in the sack.

Truer words hath never been written. :posh

Speaking of which....does anyone else high five after they're done?

Like high five the lady you were just with?

No, but I am going to next time just for laughs (she'd laugh at that one if I did it I think)