My Life is Currently like a Bad Sitcom
 

I really don't believe it......

What has recently happened to me could be straight from 'One Foot in The Grave'.

My local City Council or RENEW are serving me with a Compulsory Purchase Order so they can knock down my house. Now that was bad. It's a scheme to improve housing in the UK, kicking people out of the houses they own and giving them a shitty price for it. Quite legal and for our own good though apparently because we live in working class homes we are too stupid to realise it. This has been going on for 9 months and I was getting my head around it. BTW there's nothing wrong with my house, it's in very good condition, but it's a terrace and some in the row behind me are a bit dodgy. So of course the whole block has to go and has absolutely nothing to do with the road the council wants to build to all the new crappy flats they've built recently.

So I eventually found a new home and last week I had my offer accepted and the mortgage company agreed the transfer. All was going well and I went on holiday for a week, thinking all my worries were over.

Yesterday the Estate Agent phoned me, a little nervous, this was a new one on her. RENEW have made a bit of a mistake.... they've accidentally entered my NEW home and gutted it!! Ripped out the carpets, the kitchen, bathroom and fireplace. Totally empty now.

Not sure how this happened but I've been told that 'someone' got the wrong street. So when the key they were given didn't open the lock, 'someone' drilled the lock and broke in and tore everything out. Then replaced the lock with a new one. Who knows who has the key now.

My housing Agent laughed hysterically, the Council Solicitor was aghast. I was gob smacked and couldn't stop laughing too, but it is quite serious.

So not only are they knocking down my current home, they've buggered up my new one. As the mortgage company haven't inspected the property yet, I may no longer get the mortgage because the property is no longer as described when the price agreed.

The new house being gutted is totally disconnected to my current house being demolished, but quite an amazing coincidence, being done to the same person by the same organisation. Bad luck like this is the stuff of comedy.

This could only happen to me.

So are they going to pay you for the fuckup, or are they going full-on socialist bureaucratic on your sorry ass?

I'm meeting some people about it tomorrow, but no one is quite sure what happens in this situation as no one involved has ever come across a situation like this before. It's quite unique.

Petition a group of hippies to stand outside your old house to keep em from demolishing it until they fix the new one. :lol

You should give The Sun a call, they love stories about the government's incompetence. I'm sure they could come up with a catchy headline too - "RENEWBS".

"I don't be-lieve it!"

Ever seen the Father Ted ep where he beats Father Ted up for shouting the catchphrase?

Anyhow, it seems like it's their fault and up to them to make things right.

I considered lying in front of the bulldozers myself, what with it being the end of the world today, it would quite apt. But as the terraces are on a hill, once the others are knocked down, mine will slide down the hill into a disused factory anyhow.

Yes it is, but previous dealing with them makes me think it won't. Loads of people in my area have been so badly ripped off by them. In fact the stress of Compulsory Purchase Orders has caused two heart attacks in elderly residents, killing one. Another elderly couple have to move out quick because the guy is dying of cancer and wants to settle his wife in a new home before he dies. Many people in my area cannot get a new mortgage because they are too old, so are being kicked out of houses they fully own to now have to rent for the rest of their lives. They've gutted many houses without turning off the water and flooding the neighbours. The area has turned into a huge crimefest because people are looting for lead/copper/fixtures etc and nothing is being done despite many complaints. The best help the local police to is read out a list of local crimes committed at residents meeting and telling us to paint any tools stored in sheds pink so that they are hard for thieves to sell in the pubs. I don't know where to get suitable pink paint for tools to gayify mine.

So I'm not depending on them to do the right thing. Stupid people don't know how to.

That is why you should get The Sun involved.

Wait for the bulldozers to come, lie down in front of one. Then go to the pub

rather, trick the foreman into trading places with you

would you read the fucking thread already, d to the p

They can't touch your house without a 27 stroke C.

drink 3 beers and then ask ford about your home

I was pretty appalled when I open this "newspaper" and there are naked ladies in it! It was in public and I was embarrassed. But it turns out it's normal, and that maybe describing it as a newspaper is a bit generous.

I'm sure they can help.

Get a business loan and buy a small apartment building and rent it out to the old people who can get a mortgage. Then get a government subsidy for taking in the impoverished. You will have government money and old people money then.

Old people money smells weird.

Man, where do you live? It sounds like it should be near me.
We keep getting stuff nicked, like our gate.

Deposit it in the bank and you dont have to smell it. It spends the same over a check card.

Take peanuts, you lose a lot of sodium in teleportation

place the junk mail in front of the hole, hang the towel on a hook, and press the red dispenser button.

Do you have an attorney? That would be my first step. Then I'd put my events to paper and market the story.

I used to work at a housing quango. you're right, the key could be with anyone. the road to recompense is long, arduous and fraught with bureaucracy.

go to the papers - they might be shits, and you might have to perfect your 'expression of anger/disgruntlement' for the photos, but councils act quickest when they're saving face.

I have been to the local paper and was interviewed. They made me stand on the doorstep and look woefully up the street for a photograph. They made me do other traditional local paper poses too, looking around the doorframe and one foot against the wall. The humiliation was immense.

I've contacted Citizen's Advice Bureau to see what can be done. May need a solicitor. Mortgage company wants various things in writing. It's one big ball ache. I picked the wrong time to give up drinking.

I hope you scan the article and show it to us.