Best Punchlines In Comedy
 

Man gets something put over head (possibly a bucket):

WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?? :lol

Man thinks he has caught a large fish:

is boot :lol

One of my best friends is the type of guy who will tell an extremely racist joke, prefacing and following it with the justification that he "heard it from a black guy". One of his jokes took about two minutes to tell and it was obvious where it was going. A Russian with a bottle of vodka, a Mexican with a bottle of tequila, and an American with a bottle of beer all take turns drinking while all of them were evidently armed. Russian takes a sip of vodka then shows off his culture's wealth in vodka assets by shooting the bottle, saying "We have so much vodka that we don't need to save the entire bottle". Mexican does the same for tequila. American drinks his entire beer, then shoots the Mexican using similar logic. The Russian asks him why, and he replies in turn that America has too many Mexicans that they all need not be saved.

I pointed out to him that the final step of explanation was mostly superfluous, that he should have stopped at "Then he shoots the Mexican". I added that, in fact, most of the jokes he tells could just be concluded with "Then he shoots the Mexican", so now he has the habit of telling a bad joke with no clear punchline and following it with "then he shoots the Mexican!"

QUICK WHAT'S THE NUMBER FOR 911 :lol

rectum, damn near killed em

That's what she said.

To get to the other side!
One can feed a small family!
Boy are my arms tired!

MONKEY CHEESE PIE =^_^= o.o;;;

My name's john

That's what she said.

He died


(after sitting through my 45 minute joke)

I don't know his name but his face rings a bell.

and it turns out, he's a burn victim! :lol

She was really a guy!

so the black guy said

That's my wife!

No, really!

:-O

Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.

then he says "I hope your damn boat sinks" and starts stabbing himself all over the place with the fork

Say Jasper what's after 75?

76

That's the spirit

27 and you still believe in leprechauns?

and I said, Get Your Own Monkey!
I'm from Jews for Jesus, why?
You're NOT a Republican?

Peter, I can see your house from here!

And the pirate goes, "Yarr, it's drivin me nuts!" :lol

Put it on my bill.