I-Mockery Forum

I-Mockery Forum (http://i-mockery.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Blabber (http://i-mockery.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=7)
-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Zhukov Jul 16th, 2012 12:52 PM

Speaking of coughing, I was bragging to this girl the other day about how I don't get sick EVER, for which she was suitably impressed, and now just before our next date I have a disgusting guttural cough going on.

How many sentences can you think of that will require me to fashionably end/begin with a clearing of the throat? I need some way to cough incognito.

Kitsa Jul 16th, 2012 03:15 PM

I don't know, but thinking "Wow, I haven't been sick in a long time" is a rookie mistake. Not that I subscribe to any particular philosophy that believes in the causality, but I swear every damn time I have that thought I always get sick right afterward.

Dimnos Jul 16th, 2012 09:27 PM

Your best bet is probably to drink something hot and try coughing it all up before.

Babs Jul 17th, 2012 07:27 PM

I just got over a pretty nasty illness that had occupied my body for 4 days. Best thing to do, run/jog or do something where you're being active for about 10 minutes where you're basically going to sweat it out.

Tadao Jul 17th, 2012 08:10 PM

My doctor always recommends that I over exert myself when I'm ill.

Babs Jul 17th, 2012 10:00 PM

Stop sweatin' me.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 17th, 2012 10:35 PM

jerking off like 8 times is the way to get healthy

Babs Jul 18th, 2012 01:21 AM

Is that how you had a baby?

Sam Jul 18th, 2012 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 760023)
SAM

:confused:

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 18th, 2012 05:18 AM

HOW I HAD TWO BABIES

Zhukov Jul 18th, 2012 01:15 PM

Thank you 10k for the only actual serious suggestion.

Aaarg Jul 18th, 2012 01:41 PM

this is where all the dicks touch each other

Babs Jul 18th, 2012 01:58 PM

The circle (jerk) of life.

Kitsa Jul 18th, 2012 03:43 PM

I had a serious suggestion.

Babs Jul 18th, 2012 04:09 PM

Well, what's going on? Are you coughing up green shit, is it just a sore throat, is it a dry cough, I have no idea what's going on. No need to take antibiotics if there's no sign of infection.

Tadao Jul 18th, 2012 05:02 PM

Marijuana can cure it. I don't know what it is but Dr. Peter Tosh said it's good for (blank).

Babs Jul 18th, 2012 08:55 PM

Primo bud. That real sticky herb.

Esuohlim Jul 18th, 2012 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam (Post 760257)
:confused:

dancingletterS.gif
dancingletterA.gif
dancingletterM.gif

Shrubfest Jul 19th, 2012 09:19 AM

So, I graduated yesterday. Had to get up on stage and shake the university chancellors hand whilst wearing hired robes.

Who's our university chancellor?

Patrick Stewart.

YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Pub Lover Jul 19th, 2012 09:41 AM

Shrub's Uni has a rule that prohibits asking him about Star Trek.

Shrub did not take the hint when I suggested there was no rule that barred licking his head.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 760213)
Where's the picture of Willie as a cop?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLE (Post 760214)
Ask pub.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shrubfest (Post 760292)
[00:22] Mrs. O: seems MLE believes you have a photo of willie as a cop.


Shrubfest Jul 19th, 2012 09:51 AM

A girl hugged him. It was majorly awkward. Then she couldn't find her seat when she got down.

And I couldn't lick his head, he had robes of ceremony on, which involved a hat. :( I was also too short.

Kitsa Jul 19th, 2012 10:23 AM

I watched Safe House again the other night. I think I'd be battling lines from the movie in my head the entire ceremony.

Very neat though.

Henry Winkler spoke at the Ithaca graduation :/

Tadao Jul 19th, 2012 01:29 PM

Hahahaha I watched Safe House last month. That was a horrible movie. :(

Tadao Jul 19th, 2012 01:31 PM


Guitar Woman Jul 19th, 2012 03:42 PM

Channeling Vincent Price

Fathom Zero Jul 19th, 2012 03:43 PM

ty plub

Babs Jul 20th, 2012 02:53 PM

Whatever happened to that pentegarn guy. All I remember was a really creepy picture of what seemed to be goofy being posted and he suddenly left.

Kitsa Jul 20th, 2012 03:28 PM


Babs Jul 20th, 2012 06:06 PM

He left because he thought we're all incompetent children?

Kitsa Jul 20th, 2012 09:47 PM

This place is so slow on weekends :(

Zhukov Jul 20th, 2012 10:08 PM

Everyone's pretending to be busy.

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 02:54 AM

Busy not getting shot

Aaarg Jul 21st, 2012 11:57 AM

hahaha mr wizard's my hero suddenly

some people came to the door to tell me about the bible.

"so, do you believe in evolution?"
"yes."
"what evidence do you see that makes you believe?"
"uh, there's lots of it. where should i begin?"
"well why do you think humans have stopped evolving?"
"we haven't."

come on now seriously you run a door-to-door conversion mission and your argument to people who believe in the theory of evolution is "why aren't we evolving now?"

you might as well ask "why we still got monkeys?"

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 01:02 PM

Humans have devolved.

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 01:04 PM


Aaarg Jul 21st, 2012 02:27 PM


Kitsa Jul 21st, 2012 03:34 PM

Evolved versions of humans put signs on their doors saying no religious solicitation.

I must have some look on my face that happens when people tell me they are ministers, because they stop and leave without my even needing to say a word. This is funny because I've been ordained (ULC) for around 9-10 years.

I used to give Mormon missionaries two 7-ups and told them to have a nice day before I closed the door. It was sort of like trick or treat.

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:29 PM

I GISed "dicks touch each other" and found this 3rd in.



:eek

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:30 PM


Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 604375)
All of California needs to be murdered and burned :x

Must have been drunk.:bow

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:35 PM


Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:36 PM


Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:37 PM


Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:40 PM


Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:41 PM

Can we make an emoticon dedicated to Kitsa.


Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 05:42 PM


Dimnos Jul 21st, 2012 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 760344)

You have been slow cooking those mother fuckers for like 2 years now. I think they are ready.

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 06:24 PM

Needs more 5 spice

Kitsa Jul 21st, 2012 07:17 PM

You kept a picture of my dog?

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 07:37 PM

You act surprised?

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 08:00 PM

Here's a fun memory. 3 years ago I was tweeking at work in Santa Cruz. Some unsuspecting hippy asked me what I was grooving to in my headphones and this is what they got an ear full of.



They were horrified but nodded their head in compliance. :(

Fathom Zero Jul 21st, 2012 08:03 PM

one banana two banana three banana four

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 08:13 PM

OMG I'm digging through youtube and found this.

It's best at 59 secs.


Fathom Zero Jul 21st, 2012 08:18 PM

lololololololololol

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 08:24 PM


:rock:rock:rock:rock:rock:rock:rock:rock:rock:rock :rock:rock:rock:rock:rock

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 08:25 PM

Turn you round and do it again ;)

Aaarg Jul 21st, 2012 09:48 PM

q. how come nobody told me that moscato is fucking delicious?

a. a group of three late-20s/early30s african american women did at the grocery store in 2007 or 8.

q. how come i didn't listen?

a. because other people in grocery stores have told me how much they like potted meat.


tadao cooking cats made me L.O.L.

might be the wine

Tadao Jul 21st, 2012 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaarg (Post 760366)
tadao cooking cats made me L.O.L.

might be the wine

http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showt...php?t=69702552

Aaarg Jul 21st, 2012 11:12 PM

i'm sure i've seen that at some point. you're a freak. you ok.

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 03:35 AM

i just spent two hours trying to troll people on cnn :(
people prolly wont even read my comments

what a waste of time

oh man it makes me laugh though

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 05:24 AM

guys i really decided that I want to pledge my support for returning us to traditional marriage values. all ofthem as biblically as possible and i need your help.
I need to write a really convincing speech and i need al of you to help me support my new organization and spread word of my organization which someday will hopefuly help NOM. For one i really want to congratulate this DAN KATHY fellow, CEO of Chic Fil A, for being totally awesome and saying what all of us really mean and I want all of you to channel this guys passion into my new organization. He's really the one that has inspired this movement.
So here's what i want to do:
Like I said we need to return to traditional marriage values. in the last hundred or so years they have seriously eroded with the family structure basically completely disintegrating into modern society.
The family structure is being attacked at its very roots. The structure of man and wife is under constant challenge and scrutiny in our great country. So long as the head of the family is under attack the instution of marriage and our society as a whole is in constant danger.
There are several components of modern marriage which we need to strongly challenge in order to begin to take back the tradition of marriage. Women are allowed to say whatever they want to their men, they have a say in finances, they cheat and get away with it, they are protected from being beaten, can vote, have jobs and think that they are as important as men. this has gone on for far too long.
It is unacceptable that an inferior species, created from only ONE mcrib, who unleashed sin and evil upon the world, should be considered equal to man and it has eroded our traditional family structure with the man as the head of the family. In the bible, if your woman betrayed you, you could kill her. Now, certainly, I wouldn't want to kill her or anything. We aren't savages. I think we should just have a reeducation camp where women can learn how to sew and take care of children, really we only need them around to fuck anyway so its ok.
Secondly children. Children should have no rights they are our property. In the bible if a son was unruly and did not obey, you could stone him to death. Now certainly, we can all agree that it isn't necessary to kill our children, instead we should just break their legs or shackle them.

plz help to support this message.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 22nd, 2012 05:56 AM

AMEN

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 22nd, 2012 05:57 AM

I'm glad we live in civilized times where we don't stone kids to death anymore without letting them win the lottery first.

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 07:23 AM

:lol

a lotto before every stone

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 07:31 AM

I POLISHED UP MY SPEECH A BIT DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY ADVICE? MAYBE I NEED AN ORGANIZATION NAME THATS AWESOME LIKE HUMANS OvERTURNING MARRIAGE OBSTRUCTIONS SYNDICATE:

Hello citizens of this great nation of America,
I come to you seeking support from all of you to help support a new organization which shares many of your most sacred values. This organization is a privately ran non-profit organization that will explicitly spread its message through the internet and word of mouth, is volunteer only and DOES NOT accept any sort of monetary contributions. The goal of my organization is similar to organizations such as NOM (National Organization for Marriage), and ultimately its aim is to support these organizations.
First, I really want to congratulate DAN KATHY, CEO of Chic Fil A, for being a pillar of our community and saying what many Americans hold to be their highest moral imperatives. I would like all of you to lend any support you can to Dan Kathy, NOM, senators and anybody else who helps to defend our most sacred values.
We strongly believe that "the biblical definition of the family unit" is the most sacred, the most cherished, and the most necessary component of our great nation. It is our countries connection to its religious roots and our morality derived from God which has led us to be such a great nation -- and we are wrong to forsake it.
In the last hundred or so years the most sacred values of our society have begun to erode with our cherished family structure beginning to unravel. Many traditional families over the years have become less cohesive; there are more divorces, more children born out of wed-lock, and more children with only one parent than there ever was before.
The family structure is being attacked at its very roots. The structure of man and wife is under constant challenge and scrutiny in our great country. So long as the head of the family is under attack the institution of marriage and our society as a whole is in constant danger.
There are several components of modern marriage which we need to strongly challenge and dedicate ourselves to addressing in order to begin to take back the tradition of marriage. To begin with, we need to be firm about the definition of marriage; a relationship between man and wife. This bond between man and wife is being challenged by our modern conventions. Women are allowed to say whatever they want to their men, they have a say in finances, they cheat and get away with it, they are protected from being beaten, can vote, have jobs and are allowed to think that they are as important as men. this has gone on for far too long.
It is unacceptable that an inferior species, created from only ONE mcrib, who unleashed sin and evil upon the world, should be considered equal to man and it has eroded our traditional family structure with the man as the head of the family. In the bible, if your wife betrayed you, you could kill her. Now, certainly, I wouldn't want to kill her or anything. We aren't savages. I think we should just have a reeducation camp where women can learn how to sew and take care of children, really we only need them around to f*** anyway so its ok.
Secondly children. Children should have no rights -- they are our property. In the bible if a son was unruly and did not obey, you could stone him to death. Now certainly, we can all agree that it isn't necessary to kill our children, instead we should just break their legs or shackle them.

PLEDGE YOUR SUPPORt TODAY

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 07:34 AM

also i think its time that we got serious about leviticus 19:19. anybody wearing polyster-cotton clothes is going to hell and we can't have them dragging down our society.

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 07:36 AM

i think i might need to make t-shirts that has leviticus 19:19 on it.

Quote:

“‘Keep my decrees.“‘Do not mate different kinds of animals.
“‘Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed.
“‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
:lol

its so perfect for a t-shirt

Aaarg Jul 22nd, 2012 07:38 AM

i would buy all the t-shirts

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 08:32 AM

DO YOU WANT 100% COTTON SIN FREE SHIRTS OR THE SINNER COTTON WITH ALDAGAON POLYSTerYGefbfvsgvl

Aaarg Jul 22nd, 2012 11:01 AM

i was some of that "blood cotton" from south afirca please.

Esuohlim Jul 22nd, 2012 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 760344)


Aaarg Jul 22nd, 2012 02:19 PM

oh my god what a hideous baby

the banana was pretty cute tho

kahljorn Jul 22nd, 2012 03:09 PM

isnt there a site where you can make custom t-shirts?

Kitsa Jul 22nd, 2012 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 760384)
i think i might need to make t-shirts that has leviticus 19:19 on it.

:lol

its so perfect for a t-shirt

The "zonkey" at the Creation Museum's petting zoo might be interested in one.

Kitsa Jul 22nd, 2012 09:51 PM

Ever leave a room to get away from people and they all follow you?

Aaarg Jul 22nd, 2012 10:07 PM

Awful, no.

Aaarg Jul 23rd, 2012 03:19 PM

At first I thought it was weird that the state privatizes its vehicle registration process, because I grew up in VA where the DMV is the DMV and you wait in line for an hour to ask a fucking question and find out you're missing two of the forms you need or whatever.

But after dealing with the license plate offices a few times, they're fucking great.

"Hi, I need to renew my registration, but my address is different and my license still has the old one."
"What's the new address?"
"blah blah blah."
"28 dollars. Here you go."

You don't even need to verify my identity at all?

pretty cool, now I won't get pulled over because this stolen car's registration is out of date. Fuck yeah!!!!!!

Kitsa Jul 23rd, 2012 03:41 PM

Mr Kitsa got into trouble with one of those privatized places (in a mall, of course), trying to renew plates. In the time it took them to "sync" it with the DMV at large, he got pulled over for expired plates.

Tadao Jul 23rd, 2012 05:50 PM


Zhukov Jul 23rd, 2012 11:34 PM

Yes, I have problems with leaving a room and then all the people I left it for follow me.


Happens all the god damn time, and I'm not even subtle about announcing that I want to get away.

kahljorn Jul 24th, 2012 12:08 AM

u got a lot of cats or something?

Esuohlim Jul 25th, 2012 12:19 AM

GEORGE JEFFERSON DIED

"YOU BIG DUMMY"

1891-2012

Kitsa Jul 25th, 2012 12:23 AM

I liked how Celebrity Death Beeper ended with, "Movin' on up".

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 25th, 2012 04:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 760445)
GEORGE JEFFERSON DIED

"YOU BIG DUMMY"

1891-2012

RIP MR RICHFIELD. IT WAS NICE WORKING FOR HIM.

Fathom Zero Jul 25th, 2012 04:31 AM



rip that's what's up

Rongi Jul 25th, 2012 01:53 PM

whats good with the dick touchin, y'all

Aaarg Jul 25th, 2012 02:02 PM

when the dick touches another dick

Fathom Zero Jul 25th, 2012 02:35 PM

lemme touch yer butt

Aaarg Jul 25th, 2012 07:55 PM

wrong thread jack-Ass!!!

Kitsa Jul 25th, 2012 10:45 PM

Dammit, where did all the hockey people go, I have Important Issues to discuss that only they will appreciate

ok, so not really hugely important

but the part about only them appreciating it stands

kahljorn Jul 26th, 2012 05:43 PM

man ive been applying at all kinds of places to get a few jobs and one of them was pizza hut.
they sent me an e-mail today from their agency that hires people asking me if i want to get a pizza (PIZZA HUT IS AN EQUAL Opportunity EMPLOYER)

>:

Tadao Jul 26th, 2012 08:13 PM


Aaarg Jul 26th, 2012 09:37 PM

equal opportunity cutie

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 26th, 2012 11:35 PM

You should work at the red panda agency. I would patronize your establishment.

Tadao Jul 26th, 2012 11:53 PM

I'd get busted for stealing from work. :eek

kahljorn Jul 26th, 2012 11:56 PM

don't you dare patronize red pandas >:

Kitsa Jul 27th, 2012 09:40 AM

ginger discriminating fuckers

Dimnos Jul 27th, 2012 11:05 AM

To be fair, they are soulless.

kahljorn Jul 27th, 2012 01:27 PM

so i just made a facebook account and even though I haven't put in anywhere i live, any jobs, any friends or any information about me besides my name (which i even used a shorten version of my name), birthdate, and phone number so I could be validated, facebook knows everywhere I've lived and makes recommendations of people I know.

Like in my, "People you might know" it had 10kghost -- I've never tried to contact him on there or anything. And people like 10k knew me as Stew too, not as my real name. Kind of wonder if they are violating privacy like google did.

Hangie Jul 27th, 2012 01:53 PM

It's not violating your privacy if you agreed to the TOS which probably had all sorts of weird shit in it. Plus don't they scan whatever email you sign up with or whatever?


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:26 AM.

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.