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-   -   Tales from the Longbox #22: "One More Day"! (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69698660)

MockBot Jan 8th, 2008 04:53 AM

Tales from the Longbox #22: "One More Day"!
Automatically generated comment thread for Tales from the Longbox #22: "One More Day"!.

Hugh Jerection Jan 8th, 2008 07:00 AM

is it ok to use this comment to say a big "suck my sweaty testes" to Joey "the nut-puncher" Quesada?
i had the misfortune to read one more day at the weekend. :-(

why did he feel the need to take a character who was FINALLY getting intersting again and completely fuck him up and make him unreadable?

methinks JQ may be on the take from DC.

what an asshole!

Pihlak101 Jan 8th, 2008 08:27 AM

Sounds like the new spiderman will just be one big cluster-fuck of ball kicking.

Mac Brookman Jan 8th, 2008 09:35 AM

So Pete is on his way to become the new Marvel "40 Year Old Virgin" then?

thecatillaccat Jan 8th, 2008 10:25 AM

Spider-Man is my favorite. He always was. I like him more than Batman even. I haven't been a huge collector of comics...but Spidey just always seemed the ultimate hero to me. Smart, witty, strong enough to take on 6 supervillains at once. I'm glad I don't collect. I'll stick with my 10 issues of coolness. Bad storytelling is one thing - Joey "Crotch Cricket" Quesada is on a power trip. Bah.

incognit000 Jan 8th, 2008 10:56 AM

This is so bad I got bored reading your summary. I mean, even with you cutting out 99% of the crap, and riffing on the book the whole way, I kept thinking "there's gotta be better things do to."

Why can't they let YOU write comics? You seem to know more about Spiderman than the people writing his current books. And you seem to know more about what does and does not suck.

BakaGaijin Jan 8th, 2008 11:14 AM

I caught a "Venture Bros" reference and a "Red Meat" reference in there... Proto, you need to join fat Peter and I on the bench (yes, that dude looks and acts likes me, goddamnit). I have a nice warm copy of "The Fountianhead" waiting for you.

PS - Four blowjob jokes pushes the FCC envelope. They only allow 3 per article. Be careful or they'll be on you like stink on "The Asylum" (http://www.theasylum.cc/).

Dr. Boogie Jan 8th, 2008 02:13 PM

I'm not much of a comic book fan myself, but I love reading these longbox pieces because when something totally ridiculous comes up, I know I'm not the only one wondering "what the hell?"

Sleazeappeal Jan 8th, 2008 02:25 PM

Does anyone else notice a more-than-passing resemblance between "Tubby" Parker and Mephistjoe Quesada himself?

Tetsu Deinonychus Jan 8th, 2008 02:35 PM

WOW, what a ridiculous way to undo 20 years of continuity.

This story couldn't be stupider if it had Elvis and Unicorns.

mburbank Jan 8th, 2008 02:51 PM

Proto, that was an excellent review. Not only did you spare me reading this, I got to find out what happened in an entirely enjoyable format. Two thing no superhero comic writers have been able to do: Marriage and kids. This leaves Superman the only married vigilante in tights, besides Mr and Mrs Fantastic and their amazing non aging offspring.

Mintrude Jan 8th, 2008 03:00 PM

Yay! more Longbox!

But seriously, What a ridiculous idea for a storyline.

El Blanco Jan 8th, 2008 03:25 PM

Why can't they just let people die? Deaths and other big events mean nothing now, because some magician will just wave his magic wand, or some alien will bend reality, or some ass monkey will go back in time, and set everything "right".

Aunt May, Colossus, Jean Grey, and plenty of others either had really great deaths or would make other characters better by staying the fuck dead.

RaNkeri Jan 8th, 2008 03:28 PM


The imagery in this panel shoots this up to the next level from angsty teen poem to douchebag college student's "deep" art film.
This nearly destroyed my laptop. :lol

kateness87 Jan 8th, 2008 03:43 PM

I don't even read comics, but I read "Tales from the longbox" regularly because you, good sir, are hilarious. :D

Still, good lord, even I can see this story arc's stupid. Poor Spidey, what did he do to deserve that?

aj2217 Jan 8th, 2008 03:45 PM

Tales from the Longbox ftw! <3333

Xystus Jan 8th, 2008 04:08 PM

I have been an i-mockery reader for quite a while, but finally decided to register to comment on this piece. This whole arc was just SO bad :( there are also rumors about mary jane gaining probability altering powers now and going by the name of "Jackpot".

Actually I was going to register to request a 'tales of the longbox' on this arc because it is just steaming every marvel reader out there and it is simply horrible, but alas, protclown delivers!

Undead Overlord Jan 8th, 2008 05:27 PM

I really like these summaries, they remind me what comic editors and staff can do to a great character. I may not read many comics, but I can tell when something is a total waste of paper and ink.

I really believe if editors want a new story line, they should branch off from an earlier point and make thier own saga. These sagas should be named after the writers. So if they are like the one above, we can look at the writer's name and see if it is going to be good or not. That way we can all avoid bad comics like these by boycotting bad comic writers.

Metal Misfit Jan 8th, 2008 05:30 PM

Great article. I didn't read this story myself (I dropped ASM once 'Back in Black' was over because the Mephisto Fix was rumored looooong before the issue came out), but it is truly silly and Joe's comments since the release of the story reek of "This is for my own personal enjoyment, okay? Who cares what the readers want and like?" Not to mention the infamous "It's magic, we don't have to explain it" line now.

I truly hope Brand New Day fails (sadly, I'm sure it'll initially have great sales thanks to shock and controversy) because maybe we can finally get The Q outta office. He's done some good things as EiC, but he's also done some very stupid things to overshadow all the positives he's brought (Sins Past--which was fully endorsed by Joe and it was he who actually made Norman the father, no more smoking, etc...).

And yeah, MJ's whispering to Mephisto is such an escape plan for when this blows up in their face (not that it hasn't already).

BoMToons Jan 8th, 2008 06:09 PM

Sheesh, I read Spiderman back in the day, and to see the terribly thrown together slant the comic has taken now doesn't make me want to pick it up again.

Tetsu Deinonychus Jan 8th, 2008 08:59 PM

Here's my impression of Joe Quesada:

"Hi, I'm Joe Quesada. There's a few things that always bothered me about the Marvel Universe.

It's always bothered me that Wolverine is a man instead of a two-headed woman that breathes fire, so I'll have to change that.

Also, I hate that Frank Castle is still the Punisher, lets kill him off and make Aunt May the new Punisher.
And, just for kicks, let's make Spider-man and Howard the Duck gay lovers!

Ha, ha, ha. This is fun!"

Sorry, had to post that.

Nick Jan 8th, 2008 09:47 PM

I had no idea this was going on, and after reading it I wish I never did.

Spruce Moose Jan 8th, 2008 10:11 PM

I'm a loose Spider-Man fan, hardly ever picked up a book, I'm mostly bred on the cartoon form the 90s...

And even I feel like I was just kicked in the nuts. I keep toying with getting into comics, I really do. I read parts of the storylines and such on the Internet every so often. I loved all the cartoon versions in the 90s. I loved the Sin City books after the movie spurred me into checking them out I even have nice little local comic book shops to get them from now. But all I see is a wasteland before me.

I'm not spending my money on this medium until people I trust prove to me it's worth it. I heard about this before I ever read the this article, and I tell ya: things like this are holding me back. Do you hear me Quesada? You are pushing new readers away. You are pushing new readers away. I have cash money you'll never get because of your batshit crazy vision. I bet I'm not the only one.

hobbsend Jan 8th, 2008 10:30 PM

Dear god in heaven, not again. What is it with Marvel? When did they decide to go from story lines that just effected one character, to things like "Dear god Emma Frost sneezed, the astral plane has slipped, and everyone is now a mutant frog!" World changing events were all fine and dandy when they'd come along once and a while, but every few months something new and earth shattering is insane. I'd love to see for something like a new race of aliens come to Earth, just to smack the Earth heros and villans, for effing up reality on such a consistant basis. You know somewhere along the line, someone has to be getting pretty tired of this crap (other then the readers). I liked the off shoot and one off comics, like the retelling of various legends using Marvel characters (Momotaro and the X-Men was particularly good).From the early 80's on I've been into comics, but god's above Marvel, your making it hard! I survived the 90's comic era! You should treat me better dang it!

Tetsu Deinonychus Jan 9th, 2008 12:04 AM

Spruce Moose:
You just need to differentiate between the comics worth reading and the ones that aren't. Every medium (comics, movies, etc.) has good and bad series, and not everyone's taste is the same.

Personally, I think "Sin City" was a pretty good start. I would like to recommend anything by Jhonen Vasquez. I also think (since you like Sin City) that the manga "Ice Blade" would be your cup of tea. Also, DC's Batman/Superman title has been pretty good lately.

rizzo Jan 9th, 2008 01:12 AM

Wait, it gets worse! Spoiler warning, I guess:

BurntToShreds Jan 9th, 2008 01:16 AM

I just found out that Quesada will be the "Special Guest of Honor" at Megacon.

I don't know how to link, so here's the URL:


That panel is going to be sheer chaos.

Spruce Moose Jan 9th, 2008 01:39 AM

Tetsu Deinonychus: Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind. I haven't given up on it completely, but I hear bad thing after bad thing these days about the various "major moves" the "major companies" make, this being a good example. But folks like you have given some recommendations that I may be compelled to seek out sooner or later, and with that previously mentioned cash money being scare on a college-boy budget, I appreciate hints in the right direction.

Rahvi Jan 9th, 2008 02:00 AM

Silly me, I thought IŽd never see anything see anything worse than that stupid clone thing (The reason I stopped reading spiderman), not to mention that I thought that amazing 400 was a great way for May to die and I hoped they would have the good sense to keep her dead.

Next thing you know Kraven will return as a crazed transsexual cyborg

Sarcastro Jan 9th, 2008 02:33 AM

Let us link arms and take a merry jaunt through the many wonderful things Joe Straczynski has added to the world of Spider-Man!

He had Peter grow up, develop as an adult with actual responsibilities, and make use of his super-smartness by becoming a science teacher. GONE.

He had MJ and Aunt May appear as real grown-ups, capable of insight and decisive action, rather than being tits on legs and a senile old woman for kidnapping by the villain of the week. GONE.

He gave Peter's powers much greater depth than Stan Lee's generic 'radiation did it!' origin would lead one to believe possible, delving into a supernatural world that Peter was unprepared to deal with and offered great possibilities to new adventures. GONE.

He added a few new powers to Peter's repertoire, none of which he had any particular opportunity to explore before the giant Civil War turd hit the faces of Marvel readers. Well worry not, true believers, because now those powers are GONE.

He had Peter and MJ reunite after a long separation in their marriage, and he had them do it in a very realistic manner. Each of them acted awkward and unsure around the other, old hurts plainly on their minds, trust not easily returning to their relationship. GONE.

He had Aunt May learn Peter's secret identity, and for the first time in her withered, ancient life, she didn't just spout off some stupid shit about 'that awful Spider-Man!' Like a thinking, rational person, she spent an issue talking with Peter, came to grips with new and shocking facts, and got on with her life with a new, honest relationship with Peter that wasn't nearly as one-dimensional as when she was too unobservant to notice the guy living in her house running out to fight crime every day. GONE.

But not all is lost, dear fans! Thanks to more of Quesada's invaluable editorial leadership, one sterling nugget has remained through these trying times!

Gwen Stacy still gave Norman Osborn a pity-fuck and popped out two of his kids.


Protoclown Jan 9th, 2008 02:34 AM

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!

BakaGaijin: I honestly don't remember consciously putting a "Venture Bros" reference in there. Where is it? I have no doubt that I did it, but it must have been entirely subconscious on my part. Definitely glad someone caught my "Red Meat" reference though. I couldn't resist.

Xystus: I vaguely remember hearing about that "Jackpot" thing myself, but I think I had convinced myself it must have been a horrible, eggnog induced nightmare. I guess that's not the case. :(

Metal Misfit: I fear you're right about the sales for "Brand New Day". Even though the response has been overwhelmingly negative, I think there are still going to be plenty of fanboys who can't tear themselves away from the character. Sure, they'll bitch about how much things suck, but they'll keep buying.

Spruce Moose: There's plenty of good shit out there, or I wouldn't be able to honestly say that I truly do love the comic industry, good and bad. Finding the quality stuff is the tricky part, and if you're just getting started, it can be a bit overwhelming to just sort of dive in feet first and hope you don't end up in a pile of crap. You need a comic geek guide to help you find your way. Keep your eyes peeled on my Comic reviews that will be popping up regularly in our new "Weeklies" section. I'll be highlighting some of my favorite books that I'd recommend to anyone, and sooner or later something in there is bound to catch your interest. (Check out Preacher, dammit!)

hobbsend: I've definitely got to agree on the "major events" front. I like following the major DC and Marvel events so I can know what's going on in each of those universes, but I'm starting to get burned out on this shit. It's starting to feel like the early 90s again, and that's not a good sign. I'm sort of interested in "Final Crisis" just because of Grant Morrison, but "Secret Invasion" can go fuck itself.

rizzo: Thanks for posting that link...I hadn't seen that yet. That bit about his secret identity was particularly insulting. "Magic!"

Rahvi: The fact that I've heard multiple people say that this is actually worse than the Clone Saga (and I don't even see how that's possible, but then, I never read it) speaks volumes about what an utter shitfest it is.

Jaimas Jan 9th, 2008 03:58 AM

Another awesome article, Protoclown. You never fail to impress.

I honestly thought that the Goddamned Batman was the single most insane thing I saw since Silver and Golden age comics (back when Jimmy Olsen used to randomly get superpowers, par example), trumping even the madness that was Dostoyevsky Comics. I can now officially state, with a mixture of trepidation and outright horror that even that level of insanity has been soundly trumped.

The truly disgusting part of it all, however, is that Queseda forced this up our collective asses after the sheer volume of win Straczynski chucked our way. Much like Batman Begins did for Batman, Straczynski managed to not only humanize the character of Spider-Man (difficult considering his superpowers). It wasn't always pleasant, but after the shit Spidey's been through, I'd say it was a step in the right direction.

Seriously, someone needs to burn Queseda at the stake. When's the last time we've done that? It's been too long.

Sarcastro Jan 9th, 2008 04:47 AM

Were I not lazy, I would have a mission in life now. That mission would be to get hired at Marvel. Once there, I would bide my time, working my way up the ladder. And the very day that Quesada got kicked out on his ass, I would lock myself in the printing rooms and print out the issue of Spider-Man that I'd have prepared for the occasion.

That issue would open in Hell, presenting Mephisto upon his throne of skulls ala Spawn, a bowl of pretzels on one arm of the throne as he munched away. The second panel would show Mephisto clutching his chest with an "Urk!", before he keels over in the third panel.

Page two would show Peter and Aunt May in their living room, with May knitting or doing something suitably old while Peter plays with a ball. Next page, first panel, a sniper pops up from behind a couch like toast from a toaster, shoots May square in the gut. Peter looks up, alarmed, has some internal dialogue about his spider-sense going berzerk before noticing that his aunt just got owned. Next panel has Peter leap to his feet, calling May's name, before the last panel switches the view to directly in front of Peter, so that the reader can see that the house has burst into flames behind him.

Page four opens with the spikes shooting out of Peter's forearms with the classical 'snikt!', immediately before Mary Jane falls into his arms, literally out of nowhere, holding a pair of wedding bands in her hand.

Page five alters the perspective again, this time to a profile shot of Peter so that the reader can see the window at his side, and through the window a television reporter with her camera crew. The reporter is introduced in mid-monologue, with, "...and wrapping up this week's special report on thirty-year-old men who pathetically live at their elderly relatives' home is the worst of the bunch, Peter ParOH MY GOD, IT'S SPIDER-MAN! PETER PARKER IS SPIDER-MAN!"

Page six flashes back to Harry Osborne, who in a desperate bid to kill Spider-Man for the hundredth time has gone back in time to punch Norman Osborne in the balls as hard as he can, rendering his father infertile just moments before his 'date' with Gwen Stacy. His mission complete, Harry gets to smile and say, "I finally got you, Spider-Man. Peter would be so happy for me..." before he's hit by a runaway 80s boy band tour van and dies.

Back in the present, page seven's top panel shows an alarmed Mary Jane, looking around at all of the carnage and asking, "Peter... are you all right?" Bottom left panel shows Peter, looking down at May's body which is now in flames. Bottom right panel shows Peter looking out the window at the news crew.

Page eight is a full page-panel of Peter, a sort of hesitant half-smile on his face as he answers, "You know what? I think I am."

Page nine, another full-page, Peter swinging off to the sunset with Mary Jane.

Page ten, top left, presents Mephisto's lifeless face. Top right, same picture, but with a hazy dialogue bubble by it, MJ's quote of "We're not done yet." from her deal with Mephisto. Bottom left, the scene of MJ whispering in Mephisto's ear from One More Day iss. 4. Bottom right, same scene, a close-up on her dialogue bubble to reveal her whisper as, "I'll throw in a bag of pretzels." Fin.

Jaimas Jan 9th, 2008 10:37 AM

*Standing Ovation*

You've earned it, Sarcastro. Take your bow.

Mullon Jan 9th, 2008 11:41 AM

Another brilliant article about another really sad thing.

BakaGaijin Jan 9th, 2008 02:21 PM

Proto, the reference to Venture Bros (which I guess was unintentional) was the ...ON THE ASTRAL PLANE!! quote. I thought you were alluding to Dr. Orpheus and how he'd always start talking softly and then when he'd speak of THE ASTRAL PLANE HIS VOICE WOULD RAISE!!! So does getting geeky references from things not even intended to be geeky references make me even more of a geek? Well, I have to get back to my Enterprise NCC-1701-C model now. Yes, NCC-1701-C... not even a ship featured in a series. No wonder I haven't been laid in over a year.

Girl Drink Drunk Jan 9th, 2008 02:34 PM

Proto, I got the final part of One More Day, and I'm totally with you here, and this'll be the second time that I've taken Amazing Spider-Man off my account at a comic shop (lol :( ). What a completely moronic decision on Joe Quesada's part (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STICK TO PENCILING). Any chance you are going to do a review on the "Messiah Complex" storyline, in the future?

Type40 Jan 9th, 2008 04:46 PM

This story makes me cry.
But it's alright to cry.
Crying lets the sad out.

GRUMPYNZ Jan 9th, 2008 05:05 PM

As a long time reader, first time poster, I'd just like to say Tales from the Longbox is one of my favourite features.

Man does One More Day seem so stupid! Great article though!

Negative Zero Jan 9th, 2008 05:07 PM


Your Tales from the Longbox reviews are awesome.
I love both comics and MST3K, so your reviews are spectacular. I like knowing which comics I'm missing, especially if they're bad. Keep up the great work.

I've never read Spiderman, but am familiar with him from working at a comic book store. What really sucks about Quesada is what he's done in general to Marvel's bigger franchises (M-Day for X-Men is particularly bad). I liked that he brought in high-profile writers and trimmed down unnecessary books at first (JMS for Spiderman, Grant Morrison and Chris Claremont in X-Men, etc), but after a while it's like he gets impatient with steady sales and decides to drop a bomb on us all.

The worst thing, though, is that clearly Marvel needs to capitalize on the popularity of the movies to build their fanbase. They didn't seem to mind the whole Back In Black storyline to coincide with Spiderman 3. If that's the case, why the hell would Quesada split up MJ and Peter, when in the movie they're on the verge of marriage? Any new reader of Spiderman will be annoyed (and hopefully, put off) by this storyline, and of course the hardcore fan will perform voodoo on Quesada.

As far as Aunt May is concerned, I totally agree. You don't want to mess with too much of Spiderman's core (like his costume or attitude), things that define the character's look and appeal. His relationships should evolve, and Aunt May, however beloved, needs to go. If Quesada wanted to rock the boat and do something interesting (and non-sucky), he should've killed her off.

Quesada's worst sin is the cheapness of it all. 20 years vs. 1 month just doesn't cut it. Instead of a realistic treatment of people separating or divorcing, we get a lazy Faust idea. Why not spend the time to make us believe something of this scale could happen? Who really feels glad that Aunt May is alive now? If they had reversed the roles of Aunt May and MJ in this story, it would've automatically become 10 times better.

I know stories like this get reversed all the time, and even though that can be a cheap thrill, it's not unusual. But we know that Quesada takes bad ideas and forces them to stick. Poor Spidey.

Protoclown Jan 9th, 2008 08:04 PM

Sarcastro: Dave, that was brilliant! Seems to me we have to get you a new job at Marvel...

BakaGaijin: Wow, the Venture Bros reference seems totally obvious now, and looking back on it, I absolutely heard him saying the caption just like Orpheus. But like I said, it was totally subconscious. Thanks to the Venture Bros, I absolutely cannot read Dr. Strange's dialog without hearing it in the Dr. Orpheus voice (so he's become like ten times cooler than he used to be, and I've always liked ol' Doc Strange). So yeah, I've gotten to the point where I just think Strange talks like that and I don't even link it back to Dr. Orpheus anymore.

Sniperwulf: I doubt I'll be doing anything on "Messiah Complex". I've actually been enjoying it, so I don't think it's worth ripping apart in a Longbox column, but Max has a Weekly review of it coming up very soon. I disagree with his review, so I'm sure I'll post my thoughts in that comment thread when it pops up.

Negative Zero: I totally dig what you're saying about this alienating new readers rather than drawing them in. Sometimes I get the impression that Joe Quesada and Dan Didio over at DC are having a running contest to see who can implement the most horrible ideas. So far I think Joe is winning, but given Dan's record he could easily turn things around in his favor.

And in other news, today at my comic shop all the copies of the first "Brand New Day" issue were damaged by Diamond Distributors so there weren't any on the shelf. I had to laugh.

However, there WERE variant covers behind the counter that had $20 price tags, and one guy actually bought one in my presence. I so wanted to slap it out of his hand.

Octiron Jan 9th, 2008 08:34 PM

I haven't read a Spider-Man comic in years, but have kept myself informed of some of the major events, such as the unmasking and May getting shot, but I had no idea what "One More Day" actually was, nor did I care that much. A friend addressed some issues he had with the arc, and how ridiculous it seemed, especially Mephisto demanding their marriage instead of, oh I don't know, their immortal souls?

Then, I read the column and chuckled because I always thought said friend was overreacting and it could not be that horrible. I realized that by making it into I-Mockery, he had been right all along. I mentioned you guys to him and he was glad he wasn't the only one that thought "One More Day" was utter shit.

Oh, I also read it a bit later and re-reconfirmed it: it really is shit. I always felt a little bit of remorse for abandoning Spidey, but after this, all was washed away on Quesada's wave of mutilation.

And hi, first poster, but long-time fan of this place.

dj boobs Jan 9th, 2008 11:28 PM

I think I'll just stick to the movies. Those have never steered me wro... uh. Never mind.

Zbu Manowar Jan 10th, 2008 12:32 AM

Good review, Protoclown.

Me? I haven't picked up a comic in about seven years and thanks to bad writing like this, I'm glad I haven't wasted my money. If Quesada really has a raging boner about fucking with the Marvel Universe, why doesn't he simply bring back What If and make each 'reality' several issues long? That way he can fuck with the characters as much as he wants and if they take off, he can make a spinoff series. Why not? That way, he can play all he wants and we can still have our serious character.

Plus, What Ifs can take shitty writing since it's just an imaginary story.

executioneer Jan 10th, 2008 06:52 AM


Originally Posted by Octiron (Post 521957)

octiron what is your favorite discworld book

Fluke Jan 10th, 2008 01:18 PM


Dr. Boogie Jan 10th, 2008 02:47 PM

Personally, I'd like to see Spiderman devolve into a Norman Bates-like character. First, he sacrifices the love of his live to save his Aunt May, but soon, her life is in danger once again, and he has to routinely kidnap young women and sacrifice them to Mephisto.

And then, at the thrilling conclusion, he gets into a huge fight with Captain America (who is really just the Punisher in a Captain America Costume).

Octiron Jan 10th, 2008 03:08 PM


Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 522348)
octiron what is your favorite discworld book

Can't pick just one, I'm afraid, but any involving Death or the Watch is always near the top of my list.

mburbank Jan 10th, 2008 03:10 PM

SPOILER WARNING! Six issues from now Tony Stark busts in on Peter doing Aunt May on the cieling. He upchucks inside his mask and chokes on his own vomit.

Oh, and then it turns out Aunt May is a Skrull.

Xystus Jan 10th, 2008 03:34 PM

I'm not gonna lie. Amazing Spider-man #546, aka "Brand New Day", is the worst comic I have EVER read in my life. I am completely serious.
(don't worry i am not paying for it but i don't want to sound like an ass)


The jackpot thing is real.

(don't worry i am not paying for it but i don't want to sound like an ass)

Copper Jan 11th, 2008 02:48 AM

Well, it's nice to know that this isn't the only website I've found that thinks One More Day sucks...I was checking out the author comments of a webcomic I read and the remarks were "Uhm. Nothing much to add, I guess... oh, One More Day sucked. Yeah. That totally sucked.
That's news, right?"
Given that I'd just read this article the night before, I had to laugh (and share.) Makes me glad I don't read Spider-Man anymore...

bobbyknightmare Jan 11th, 2008 04:35 PM

It's just typical of Marvel's never-say-die and never-think-things-through spirit!

Mystik Tomato Jan 12th, 2008 10:06 AM

Great article!

I really agree on the idea that it's pushing more people away from Spider-Man, 'cause as awesome as some of the storylines have been, theres been too many stinkers to really get me into him, and One More Day, just confirms he's been screwed around with too much to be a great character.

Also, does anyone else think that what JQ is doing for Spidey is akin to what Joel Schumacher did for Batman?

Protoclown Jan 12th, 2008 12:17 PM

Wow, the Joel Schumacher thing is a good comparison. I hadn't even thought of that before!

And Max, I can only hope your take on things is how they really turn out, but it's occurred to me they could possibly use the whole "Skrull" thing to get out of this mess if they want to. Of course, they could have just said that either Peter or MJ had been a Skrull for a long time, possibly even as far back as the wedding (and thus it never really happened), but then that would mean that one of the two of them had been fucking a Skrull, so I guess Marvel didn't want to go there.

Kilgore Cod Jan 12th, 2008 10:30 PM

Hi, long time reader, first time poster, blah.

I don't read comics alot and silly storylines like this are the reason why. Quesada's editorial decisions really reminds me of the numskulls that often run wrestling promotions. Parallels between Quesada and Vince Russo are easy to make.

Mort is my favorite Discworld book.

Yaanu Jan 13th, 2008 04:52 PM

I read up a bit on this comic, and apparently that little blurb Mary Jane whispers into Mephisto's ear can be magnified, and Mary Jane says that she gets to remember everything.

Hopefully, this is the exit plan we all deserve.

Dr. Boogie Jan 13th, 2008 05:14 PM

With all that they've done to Spiderman, I'm willing to bet that at some point in the near future, Quesada is going to entertain the idea of bringing back Uncle Ben.

Kilgore Cod Jan 13th, 2008 09:14 PM

That would negate the need for Spider-Man to be responsible and thus the transformation from responsible married man to irresponsible single bachelor would be complete! Just think of the possible story lines, like Peter not using a condom and having to pay child support!

Protoclown Jan 13th, 2008 10:18 PM

Hey Yaanu, where'd you read that about the MJ word balloon? I'd love to see the source on that.

Mike P Jan 14th, 2008 01:01 AM

At one point, GOD HIMSELF told Peter that it was Aunt May's time to die. Hell, even Aunt May told Peter it was time to let go.

Codiekitty Jan 14th, 2008 01:08 AM

On the subject of Civil War aftermath, does Protoclown plan to do an article on World War Hulk?

Goronian Jan 14th, 2008 02:24 AM

Long time reader, yadda-yadda.

I'm living in Russia and because of that I don't read many comics... I read 'em when I can get my hands on downloadable ones but that's just not the same. But still I surf around wikipedia when I have nothing to do and I'm aware a bit about the current events in both universes.

But this little number? Either Quesada wants spidey to be a self-absorbed nancy-emo boy or he never EVER had a girlfriend for longer than a month.

And, really, choosing Aunt May over MJ? Seriously?

Favourite Discworld book - Small Gods.

cheeseyfudge Jan 14th, 2008 01:40 PM

This has got the be the 2nd worst story line that marvel has ever churned out. I'll let you all guess what the first one is.

Entreri21 Jan 15th, 2008 12:55 AM

Fuck you, Quesada!! You and your Civil War, House of M, World War Hulk BULLSHIT.

Just get Chris Claremont and Jim Lee back on X-Men (Uncanny or otherwise) and everything will be ok.....

Oh, and get Joe Kelly and Ed McGuinness back on Deadpool.....

Yaanu Jan 16th, 2008 11:31 PM

Also http://www.insignis.net/images/whisper.png

Protoclown Jan 17th, 2008 01:36 AM

Hrmm...hard to make out, but the last word does look like it could be "everything". Thanks for linking that, Yaanu.

Pandajuice Jan 18th, 2008 06:44 PM

Hey Protoclown! I just wanted to say (and have wanted to say for a long time) that I love your longbox articles. I'm not even a comic book fan (I'm vaguely aware of the Marvel and DC universes and the characters therein, but don't follow them or read comics) and I enjoy the articles a lot. You write them well in that someone as ignorant about the medium can understand and laugh along with your pain.
Please keep doing them, and pick up the Clone saga and Brand new day so we can see how bad they are through your pained eyes. Take one for the team!

executioneer Jan 18th, 2008 09:06 PM

if you separate the whisper.png into red/green/blue channels the red channel definitely says "everything"

mburbank Jan 19th, 2008 02:38 PM

Proto; In one of tgh stupider FF story lines, the Human torch was doing a skrull for a long time, and I think may have even married her. Of course, since he didn't know she was a skrull at the time, the m arriage wouldn't be a real marriage. But get this, when he was involved with her, he thought she was blind sculptress ALICIA MASTERS! So he's doing a skrull, but what he thinks he's doing is his best friends gal! I'll have to go look that up.

Teal Jan 19th, 2008 09:37 PM

I don't know if anyone here's seen "the Incredibles"...but there's a scene where the daughter says to the son: "The bad guys might be trying to destroy mom and dad...or worse..their marriage She was then promptly told that she was being stupid. Apparently Quesada disagreed.

JakeOfAllTrades Feb 1st, 2008 09:25 AM

I for one wouldn't like to see Quesada hired by DC to work with Batman or Superman. But what really irks me is that although we know and love these comic book heroes like Captain America and Spidey, there comes a time in a hero's life where he or she must go down from their mighty throne, and be remembered in their death like the heroes of old (Beowulf is an example, read the Poem, I'm not referring to the movie). Trouble is, the corporate Necromancers that lurk in the editorial desks think that they can sacrifice quality to keep a character like Aunt May alive. Maybe Superman should have stayed dead, but then we wouldn't have had Superman: Birthright or Red Son.

Really good comics, like The Sandman are now finished in their story arcs, but they finished when they were supposed to. Morpheus didn't end up in crappy plotlines like Quesada cooked up. He died with honour.

I know a lot of Manga can be just as bad as American comics, but there are some really good Mangas like Yotsuba&! and Apollo's Song (this last one is a really sad, but really powerful Manga by the same guy who created Astro Boy. And it's only one volume, forsaking the commercialness of the Astro Boy franchise he had in the 50s and 60s).

Maybe it is time we see our heroes die for good. If the old ones never die, though the elderly need to be respected while they live, there comes a time, like Aunt May, when they have to/should go because their time is up, new heroes cannot rise up and challenge new evildoers.

Harry Potter 7 was special as an event because it meant no more Harry Potter. People cared because it was the last time they would ever see a new Potter, after that, they would have to let go and reflect on a hero that changed their lives. I'm taking a "printed word booky-book" approach to this, which is usually non-applicable to comics, but comics should be as good as the best that the most talented authors in the book world can offer, not this commercial "One More Day!" trash that as I called it before, is just Corporate Necromancy.

Protoclown Feb 1st, 2008 07:37 PM

Oooh, "Corporate Necromancy". I like that!

Ozzie Feb 28th, 2008 10:18 PM

In the final issue of Cable and Deadpool, even Deadpool makes light of Spider-Man having made a deal with Mephisto.

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